Have you ever wondered what guys are looking for in a wife?
Or maybe you’re a man, and you’ve dated a few women, but never felt like someone was “marriage material”.
In looking at my own relationship with my wife, and the relationships of those around me that have been successful, I’ve noticed that here are a few traits that make a woman “marriage material”. Of course this list is not the end-all-be-all, but for me, these were important factors in choosing the woman I wanted to get to know, and ultimately marry.
Compassion: Nothing melts a man’s heart more than a woman who exudes love and compassion for others. The first weekend I met my wife Deb, the one thing that stuck out to me was how big her heart was. (I also thought she was unbelievably gorgeous, which is always a plus…). But what truly meant the most to me was hearing about her mission work to orphanages in the Middle East, and her ongoing work in the States with at-risk inner city youth. She wasn’t just talking the talk, she was living it out.
The reason compassion is so attractive to a man, is because true compassion stems directly from the heart of Christ. When God’s love fills a person, that love begins to overflow into all areas of their life and impact those around them. That’s something that stood out to me in my wife-to-be, because it wasn’t a love that was being given in order to receive, it was a supernatural love that was being given freely because of what Jesus had done in her life. That, in and of itself, spoke volumes to the kind of wife she would one day be.
Direction: We’re all traveling through the journey of life, and it’s our hope that one day someone will be journeying by our side. But the thing is, the person who ends up next to you has a huge impact on the direction your life will take. A key quality to being marriage material is a woman who has direction.
Direction doesn’t necessarily mean that she is going to be a neurosurgeon or big-shot attorney, and isn’t synonymous with how much money she is going to make or how successful she will be. Direction is when a person realizes their God-given talent and purpose in life and begins to run in that direction with all their heart. When I met Deb, she was in graduate school for counseling. To be honest, I knew almost nothing about the field. But as she talked about it, I could see the excitement and passion in her eyes. Now, 15 years later, I have so much respect and appreciation for what she does because I see the huge impact she makes one life at a time.
The important thing to note about direction is that it goes above and beyond your career. It’s about understanding what God has gifted you to do, and then doing it well: whether that be your career, your ministry, or your relationships. Even today, I see Deb living out God’s direction in her life in her job as a therapist, in her ministry at TrueLoveDates.com, the counselors network and even with our children as she seeks to be the mom God has called her to be.
Find someone who is consistently following God, and you can be sure that your marriage will always be moving in the right direction.
Confidence: There is nothing more attractive than a woman who is secure in who she is and knows her value. I think one of the biggest problems today facing women is an identity crisis perpetuated by our media, our movies, and the entire entertainment industry. But the most beautiful thing a woman can be is wrapped up in the understanding of her intrinsic value, a God-given value that can’t be taken away. There is something undeniably attractive about that, because let’s be honest, it’s rare. All these photo-shopped images of women that we see all around us are actually so far removed from the very things that a godly man finds attractive. It’s my hope that more and more women would realize that they are beautiful simply because they are made in God’s image: mind, body, and spirit- and then begin to live out that beauty.
Side note to the men: Don’t fall into the lies of pornography, or thinking that a woman is beautiful simply because she falls under the standards of society. That beauty is truly only skin deep, and won’t survive a life-time of ups and downs in marriage and raising children.
The first time I actually met Deb, I thought she was one of the most beautiful women I had ever met and was undeniably attracted to her. But though her external beauty caught my eye, it’s not what kept me. What kept me was her internal beauty and identity in Christ – that’s what won my heart. “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised….”
To all of you men looking for a woman who is marriage material, or for the women who are trying to become it – remember this: becoming marriage material is so much more than simply trying to get married. Ultimately, it’s about becoming all that God has called you to be. Achieving these traits don’t guarantee you a spouse, but they do guarantee that you’re becoming mature, healthy, and more like Christ along the way. And that, my friends, is an incredible place to be.
John has been married to Debra for fifteen years, and experiencing “true love” has been the greatest blessing of his life. His day job is in the medical world, but he loves working behind the scenes at TrueLoveDates.com, helping his wife spread the message that healthy people make healthy relationships. You can read more about their story in Debra’s book, True Love Dates: Your Indispensible Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. Connect with them on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!
To read more about our story, and everything you need to know about both becoming and finding someone who is marriage material, check out Deb’s book: True Love Dates!
Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Our Christian Counselors will guide you to do the work of getting healthy from the inside out — and help you get to a better place all around. Online sessions are for individuals and couples at every relationship status.
Visit DebraFileta.com/counseling, to book your online session and get started on your healing journey today!!