Stop Caring What People Think About You

In Advice and Encouragement, Relationships, Single by Debra Fileta

I met a young woman who was in search of significance.

Everyday she would live her life longing for acceptance from the people around her.  If she got it, she was determined to keep it, and would wake up the next morning and try to emulate everything she did the day before in hopes that she would get it once again.

We’re all desperate for significance…longing to look in the mirror and see something meaningful looking back.

One thing that I come face to face with every day as a professional counselor is this concept of value.  I am overwhelmed by the amount of people who I meet who are struggling with the basic concept that they are worth something.  Grown men and women, living their lives longing for someone to notice them, to touch them, to acknowledge them- in hopes that this will somehow make them feel that they are truly worth it.

We’re all longing to be noticed. And oftentimes, this longing seems to drive everything we do.

And some days…we are noticed.  Some days are good.  Some days we brush up against people who treasure us, who love and cherish us.  They tell us good things, and whisper their praises in our ears.  It’s easy to feel valuable on days like that, isn’t it?  I know I leave those interactions feeling filled…temporarily. And in this lies the problem with allowing our value to be built on the things that people say and do.

…Because other days are not so good.  Other days are filled with ridicule, criticism, and sarcasm.  Other days we walk in a room and feel ignored, neglected, judged or misunderstood. Other days our desire to be liked by all and loved by some feels like a passing dream.  Because sometimes, the things people say about us, are things we can’t stand to hear.

When we allow our value and worth to be determined by those around us, we find ourselves living on an emotional roller coaster.  We have no control over how our day will unfold, because our value is left in the hands of another.

We somehow allow ourselves to believe the lie that our worth comes from the person standing in front of us, rather than believing that our value comes from the Person living inside of us.

But no person, no praise, no relationship status, no spouse, no marriage, no job, no success, no career, and no achievement can EVER give us the kind of significance we’re longing for. Because significance can never exist from the outside in.

For those of us who want it, there is a value that cannot be taken away.  A value that has nothing to do with who we are or what we do.  A value that lies only in the eyes of our Creator, a God who looks down on us, the work of his hands, and says four beautiful words “YOU ARE VERY GOOD”.

The truth about value is that each of us has been knit together” by a loving God.  A God who was so purposeful in creating us.  A God who loved us so much that He made us in His own image…because just like a loving parent, He wanted to see His face in ours.   A God who calls us by name and writes our stories before we are even a thought.

A God who gives us value because of who He is rather than who we are…a value that always stays the same** (Tweet it!). 

But sometimes, there’s a struggle to accept this significance from His hands.  Sometimes, we’re unable to receive this value because we are stuck on the “bad days”.  The days when the voices around us lied…the days we were ignored, abused, and hurt. The days when we made the same mistakes, again and again.

The days when their voice was so loud and His voice seemed so small.

Today, may God give us the strength to tune in to His voice as the source and tune out all else.  May He help us reprogram our minds to see ourselves for who we really are.  May He give us the grace to heal from the wounds of our past and allow us to live in the purpose of our present.  May He give us the courage to look in the mirror and accept ourselves for who we really are: God’s workmanship, wonderfully made.

And if God made it, it must be good.

**For more on understanding your true value and identity in Christ, check out chapter 1-4 of True Love Dates. 

Psalm 139:13-16 The Message (MSG)

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.

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DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage, True Love Dates, Love In Every SeasonAre You Really OK? ,Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog,, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on FacebookInstagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today!