10 Guys You Should NEVER Date

In Dating, For the Ladies, Relationships by Debra Fileta45 Comments

Just say no to bad dates. Or for that matter, bad relationships. Imagine how simple your love-life could be if you just agreed to that rule of thumb?

But sometimes it’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Sometimes, we miss the warning signs. Or worse yet, ignore them.

No matter who you, how desperate you feel, how long you’ve been single or how badly you’re looking for a date, please do yourself a favor and avoid these 10 guys like the plague:

Mr. Not That Into You

I don’t know what it is about this guy, but let me warn you- he’s addicting. There’s just something about the “unknown” (does he like me, or not?) that keeps you guessing and coming back for more. You can recognize him in that he knows how to talk the talk, but his actions never seem to follow-suit. But the biggest problem with this kind of guy is that he’s using you for as long as you’ll stick around. So do yourself a favor and don’t stick around.

Mr. On Again & Off Again

This guy will do anything to get you to stay on his roller-coaster ride of up and down emotions. One moment you’re “the one” and the next moment he’s confused, confined, and non-committal. What you need to know about this guy is that this isn’t a “phase”, it’s a glimpse of the rest of your life. Talk about some serious nausea. Time to get off the rollercoaster- or better yet- never get on.

Mr. Out of Sight Out of Mind

This guy is sweet, charming, flirtatious, and basically everything you imagined him to be, while you’re around. But when you’re not around? Well, he’ll be that same sweet, charming, and flirtatious guy with the next girl. For him, it’s not about commitment, it’s about the moment. That’s definitely not a guy you can trust. Ever.

Mr. Keepin’ My Options Open

Oh yeah, he says he’s interested. He might even tell you he’s in love. But then why can’t he let go of his past? Why do you find yourself worried about who else he’s interacting with, and how he’s interacting with them? With the right guy there are no options- there are only relationships. And healthy relationships can only develop and progress when the focus is on one person at a time.

Mr. Let’s Get Physical, Physical

The thing that makes me crazy about Mr. Physical is that he’s SO OBVIOUS…yet so charming. He makes you think that he’s really into you- when all the while his primary focus is on what he can get from you. But even with his obvious advances and fixation on the physical, you’ll find yourself making excuses, giving more and more of yourself until it’s too late. Recognize him quick, and once you do, make a quick break. Don’t get stuck in the physical, because healthy relationships are built on so much more than this.

Mr. Sorta Spiritual

This is the nice guy most girls would fall for. He let’s you choose everything because he wants whatever makes you happy…even when it comes to your spiritual life. He may go to church on Sundays, have good morals, and even say the right things. But deep down, he’s only sort-of spiritual. His life has hints of Jesus (or so you tell yourself), instead of being DEFINED by Jesus. Don’t just settle for a God-fearing man, look for a Jesus-loving man.

Mr. I Don’t Wanna Grow Up

This guy will make you feel more like his mom than his girl. He’ll have you taking care of him before you even know what hit you. And you’ll like it, because it will make you feel important. But what you don’t realize is that a relationship with this guy is sure to be one-sided. So until he’s ready to put down the video games, pay his own bills, and do his own laundry…it’s time to move on to bigger…and “more mature” things- no matter how hot he is. You deserve a partner- not someone who needs a parent. 

Mr. All About Me

He may or may not be the kind of guy who’s obsessed with his looks- but one thing is for sure, he’s obsessed with himself. He has all the answers and wants to date a girl who will just nod her head and smile. He doesn’t care what you want, or even who you are, because he makes all the choices and his preferences always trump yours. Stay far away from this guy, and look for a man who is marked by humility and selflessness…because only that kind of man can love you like you deserve to be loved.

Mr. Track-Record

You know all about his history. In fact, this guy has quite a reputation with the ladies. So why on earth did you convince yourself that things would be different with you? This guy will leave you with a broken-heart- just like he left the string of girls before you. Come to terms with the reality that you can’t change him with your love…or with anything else for that matter. Instead, find someone who you can love for who they are– not for what you hope them to be.

Mr. White Lies

A relationship built without honesty, is really no relationship at all. I don’t care if he’s lying about his age, his past, his family, or the color of his car….a lie, is a lie, is a lie. But most importantly, early on in a relationship it’s a big red flag. This guy is marked by a pattern of dishonesty and little white lies. Lies about things that might not even matter. But what matters is the habits that are being formed, and the facade that’s being maintained. A man who has nothing to hide becomes a safe place in which a woman can hide her heart. Look for that kind of a man

Subscribe to my blog to check out the flip-side: 10 Girls You Should NEVER Date, in the next post!

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. Her newest relationship book is set to be released in the Summer of 2018! You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and all over the web! She’s the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, reaching over 4 million people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!

MORE:

1. Are you ready for Love? Take my FREE Quiz right now to find out! 

2. Want to learn how to date in a healthy way that will help you find and keep love? Check out True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life! Plus, read the Top 25 Dating Questions of All-Time answered in Section 4!!

3. The #1 Mistake singles reported making last year was not taking a risk to start a relationship! Why do Christians tend to be so passive when it comes to relationships? Check out the the top dating lessons I’ve learned in my career as a Relationship Counselor, and totally change your love-life in 21 Days! Learn more: 21-Day Program to Jump Start Your Love-Life!

Comments

  1. Wow. Thank you so much for posting this! This post definitely opened my eyes to some red flags that I didn’t see before, can’t wait to share this with my sister as well! I am going to school to become a Family Marriage Therapist, thank you for being such a role model and an encouragement to me!

  2. To say I am a little confused would be an understatement. In your book you say to get to know someone before you begin to date them. I see nothing wrong with having a women over for dinner to begin that process…..and maybe my thinking is flawed….but I don’t believe you necessarily need to be limited to getting to know one person until you find that one that you want to date.
    And if my memory serves me correctly you have stated as much in your book. You suggest getting to know someone before you date them. So what does it matter if that is one person or 5. I loved your book and it radially changed the way I view dating and what I want to do. But having invested lots and lots of time in “relationships” and then ending up with nothing has caused me to rethink the way I view dating. So I am taking my time and getting to know the ladies before I commit to an exclusive dating relationship. Relationships take time and I am perfectly willing to be patient until I meet that one person, but until I do, I am going to enjoy learning about others and their lives and what makes them unique, and developing friendships that I hope will last a long time regardless of whether I end up dating them.

    1. Author

      Hey Billy! Good question. Let me start by saying there is a big difference between getting to know someone, and being in a dating relationship with more than one person at a time. The above post is referring to the “dating” stage…for women who find themselves in a relationship with a man who is not fully invested in them. No good for anyone! I do think you are right in saying that it’s important to get to know a person first…and that’s why I’m all about the friendship stage in True Love Dates. Glad you loved the book, I appreciate the awesome feedback!!

    1. Author

      Thanks, Erin! I appreciate you sharing your story! Looking forward to hearing what the next chapter holds for you, too….no more “barfy” guys, lol.

  3. wow – I didn’t think it was possible to be all these in one man. Last guy I fell for was all of these – knew how to charm, went to church every weekend volunteering at several services every weekend, in men’s frat, made me his world when we were together. Which was nearly every day. Until all of a sudden – the switch. He was telling me he was in love and the next day, literally, there was nothing. And for months I was nothing. I kept holding on thinking it was his busy life with a new business endeavor…then God allowed a moment where he double booked his Sunday night. Me with the promise of a conversation for clarity on what had happened and the new girl – he forgot he invited me to come talk. He talked to her with the same charm he talked to me – same words, same lines. And God allowed me to be in the right place at the right time to hear it all. Literally 10 feet away and he didn’t even notice me sitting there!!! As women we trust so easily. It’s a very scary process to trust yourself enough to make good decisions. Sometimes just trusting in the truth – like the truth above that these types of ‘moves’ won’t ever change in a guy and to run from them ALL! – is the only way. Faith.

    1. Author

      Wow, thanks so much for sharing your story! I think this is such an eye-opener for so many people, to hear what you went through in real-life. Thank God for those moments of truth, and the wisdom to ask for better in your life. And thanks for being honest and sharing your heart with us!

  4. Debra thank you so much for this piece of wisdom! I read it at the perfect time. Now I really know what I gotta do.

    1. Author

      Yes! Such good news, Mel! Look forward to hearing how these good choices play out in your future!

  5. Absolutely love this list. I of course have fallen for a few of these guys. This list is a good reminder and a wake up call at the same time. As always, thank you Debra for sharing your insight. God bless you!

  6. Debra- can you make a list of types girls us guys should be avoiding like the plague? I’ve been with Ms. Track-Record before and couldn’t see that I was next on her long list of terminal 3-month relationships, especially after she told me about these other guys whose hearts she had broken. Somehow I thought I could break the cycle, but it really ended up costing me a year of being able to trust women. Thankfully, God provided a patient little angel to help pull me out of my shell again.

  7. I was reading this in my room and I read something that I really liked on the “Mr.Sorta-Spiritual” section and just yelled amen, and clapped my hands – really enjoyed this article!

    1. Author

      TOTALLY! I’m working on that one right now….girls can fit this mold for sure.

  8. Let me get this straight… You’re basically telling the web that you’re going to be single the rest of your life or going to turn gay? This pretty much labels every guy out there… -,-

    1. Author

      Hey Tyson, just had to reply to this one real quick….what I’m trying to do here is remind women not to settle….and that goes for men too. I don’t think this labels every guy out there, in fact, I know it doesn’t. I married an amazing one, and know of plenty of others who are working toward becoming the best they can be. Marriage isn’t about finding someone perfect, it’s about finding someone who knows their weaknesses, and working to become better each and every day. It’ s a process. Thanks for your thoughts!

  9. Huh. Mr. Sorta Spiritual got me. I haven’t dated him, but I have been interested in him. It’s funny how a reminder like this can make one see how she might have been subtly fooling herself.

  10. My daughter who’s 19 (and still living at home) is trying to facilitate a relationship with a smoker,drinker, curser, non christian with a porn addiction to boot! It isn’t normal and she is settling. Any advice or ways I can her help would be appreciated. We are of a catholic background but she has ditched all of that. She says she’s going to be leaving soon and I’m terrified for her future.

  11. So now that we know who we shouldn’t date is it safe to say that a future post perhaps titled, “ten types of guys that you should be dating but aren’t”? I think it would be a cool follow up on giving a list of guys that we normally push to the side or just choose not to date for silly reasons and you could shed some light on why they would made good dateables! Just wanted to suggest it as a reader

  12. Hi Debra,
    Your book has special lessons to share with all people from all nations, especially Christians, who should know the present life and the future.
    I am now 32 and I am single, and above all, I did not date so far and I am just happy that this Great post is about guys. By the way, I am not sure if I am on the list but the luckiest person is the one who will surely have me in her heart and life. Really:)
    As I mentioned, you are doing Great work !!!!!!! Because you said that you are working on the list for the girls, we should not date, I have few suggestions or comments. 1) do not date a comparison girl(who compare with other girls, stars, and forget who she is) 2) A beautiful but unwise girl 3) who Complaint about everything accusing her boyfriend or fiance not to give her time all the time(I have seen some cases) 4) Miss Jealous is also a danger for the present and future. Hope men got your comments and post like me.
    To your blessings,
    Charmant

  13. Mmmm. Thats quite interesting Debra…am loving it. buh maybe shading more light & contemplating on ’10 Guys You Should Ever Date’ would really helpout as well. Looking 4ward to hearing from you. Otherwise, it really seems hard even for woman to trust. I like your line of thinking. God bless.

  14. Am obliged to receive that message Debra. That’s interesting & educative.
    One other thing is that; am appealing to you, if you can stress out ’10 Guys You Should Ever Date. I presume this would help out as well. I personally for under almost all the categories buh the question may be how best can you help such men. God bless you Debra

  15. Wow! This information sheds some light on what areas I need to work on in my life. Thanks! 🙂

    1. Author

      What an incredibly humble and insightful response to this post, Michael. Thank you for that! It’s refreshing.

  16. Hi Deb,
    Ok, so I’ve been thinking about this list for the last 24 hours. And I keep coming back to the Mr. Not That Into You. Addicting, yes. My question is this: what’s he using me for? And I realize there are probably lots of answers to this question. But can you shed some light on this?
    Thanks,
    Erin
    PS I am not dating Mr. Anyone right now. Just wondering in general, but I’ve dated Mr. Not That Into You a lot.

  17. This is great stuff for self-reflection. What would you recommend for a guy who seems to have leaning to the types 1-3? What could be the cause there?

    1. Author

      Such a great response to this article, Matthew…thanks for your insight. I think you’re wise in recognizing some of these traits, because I think it’s normal to struggle with them on some level at different times in life. I was definitely the “on again off again” girl myself in one specific relationship – and partly was because I didn’t really know what I wanted in the relationship I was in, because I didn’t know who I was at the time. So sometimes, these traits are a reflection that there’s something going on beneath the surface that needs to be worked through. Could be a lack of self-knowledge, could be fear, could be commitment issues, could be that you’re with the wrong person….it’s important to do some self-reflecting. I recommend reading True Love Dates, specifically Chapter 1-4, if you haven’t already, it will give you a lot more to think through with some deeper questions to work through. Also, there’s an FAQ in the back about how to know if you struggle with commitment issues. Thanks for the great question.

  18. I think it might be helpful to add to this list men who try to control or change who you essentially are–this can be done under the guise of spiritual leadership.

  19. That’s up building… Please continue highlighting us on those issues like such. I must admit am overwhelmed & ought to change for the better. Thumbs ups. Its great stuff indeed!!!

  20. I told one of my friends about this article and how after reading it I saw the “light.” I had been talking to someone who fit into many of these categories. I’m glad I realized how lucky I was that God had saved me from a lot of heartache by all the games guys can play (thank God for unanswered prayers, huh?) Ready for Him to bring me a guy that fits into most of the SHOULD date categories. God bless you and your ministry, Deb!

    1. Author

      So encouraged by your story, Brandi!!! Thank you for sharing and for allowing God to speak into your life.

  21. There are two types of guys I can relate to at the moment on this post and that’s Mr. On Again & Off Again and Mr. I Don’t Wanna Grow Up. First off the type of guy I am is the guy that would put his woman first at all times but because I relate to those types of guys, dating isn’t the right thing for me at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I can be very committed but sometimes I get confused about something and I can be a bit confined with something. I’m very emotional like the “get upset easily emotional” and recently I’ve been told that’s not an attractive quality to have in a guy. Another thing is that I still live with my dad and there’s a plethora of video games to play, that’s something that may be a turn off for a girl. I live with my dad because he needs help with finances and I help him out as best as I can but until I can live independently, dating will have to be on my waiting list for my bucket list. Thanks Debra for writing this!

  22. What???? This is common sense……I mean, come on. No disrespect to any of you. But if you have to read a book to figure out how to date, yea, you may want to stay out of the dating pool. Everything listed here is common sense stuff. Dating is hard enough and things like this just make people feel insecure and unable to carry on relationships with other people.

    Good luck to all of you.

  23. Amazing may God bless your as much as you deserve for help their daughters with this advices !!!

  24. Amazing may God bless your as much as you deserve for help their daughters with this advices !!! – See more at:

  25. I dated a guy on and off for over a year then dated another guy for a couple months. Now single for a few months. But still feel attached and having trouble getting over the on again off again guy even though it was my choice not to date him and I know he’s clearly not the right guy. Do you have any advice or articles for getting over someone that you might still love but know that he’s the wrong guy?

  26. Great post Debra. The one big issue I see, and have experienced often is that “nobody is perfect.” Part of the reason why I see so many single people, and why I have never been married myself at 41 is because people too often look for this purely “perfect” person in every way. And as soon as they see a flaw, no matter how small, they ditch the person immediately, moving on to look for another “perfect” person. I would really love to see more written in general about Balance. Balance is very important, and it’s something many people are horrible at. Because we as flawed humans can be so imbalanced in our ideology, thinking, and decision making, we make mistakes. Some know what to do, but not what not do, and some know what not to do, but don’t know what to do. I’ve learned that “perfect love” does exist. We have Perfect love in Jesus, and in God. We’re Gods children so it’s in us, we just don’t always tap into, and/or don’t know how to use it, and/or have no desire to use it. Honestly, most everyone I know that has been together for decades had some serious and major problems in their marriage. I heard a sermon on the radio from a pastor discussing how we must all bear crosses to, and go through stuff, despite being saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost. I’ve known many a Christian who had this major misconception that once you got saved your life would be perfect, and free of stress, strife, issues, and hardships. That’s not how it is. Too often because people aren’t prepared for the stress, strife, and hardships they tend to stray from God, and think that he’s forgotten them. In Isaiah Chaptr 6 verse 7 it states – “He touched my lips with the burning coal and said, “This has touched your lips, and now your guilt is gone, and your sins are forgiven.” The pastor talked about how sometimes we have to go through some pain and hardships in life.

  27. 6 More kinds of guys you shouldn’t date

    Overly Sensitive
    Control Freak
    Mr. I’m Always Right
    Mama’s Boy
    The Unemployed
    The Married Man

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