Love Is…Kind

In Advice and Encouragement, Marriage, Relationships by Debra Fileta

Hey friends! I am just thrilled to dig into post #2 of the #LoveIs…series, here at! I’ve invited some of my favorite authors, pastors, and leaders to speak into this subject as we tackle the traits of love outlined in 1 Corinthians 13, and I know you’ll be blessed by what they have to say.  Today’s post is by New York Times best selling authors and world-renown psychologists: Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. They have been all over the world teaching about love and relationships, and I’m honored to have their perspective as part of the #LoveIs series today! May God challenge and change us as we learn to grow in love.- Debra

“You didn’t need to do that.”

“I know — I wanted to,” Les replied.

All morning I was working like mad to complete a report that was due after lunch.  It was an unusually hot, muggy, Seattle morning in August and I was parked at the kitchen table in front of my laptop computer when Les quietly slipped in and set up a fan to cool the room.

“I don’t know if it will make any difference,” Les said while trying to place the fan in just the right place, “but I thought it was worth a try.”

I don’t know if the fan did anything to alleviate the oppressive heat that morning, but I do recall feeling suddenly soothed by my husband’s kindness.  Why?  Because he didn’t have to go to the trouble of scrounging around our basement, still wearing his pre-shower bath robe, to find our old fan in an attempt to make me feel better.  I didn’t ask him to do it.  He never even heard me complain about the heat.  He wasn’t looking for appreciation, to make amends, or to get something in return.  Nope.  This was sheer kindness.

It’s easy to gloss over the simple idea that “love is kind” while reading Paul’s Love Poem.  But if we do skip over this critical quality of love, we are missing out one of the most revolutionary relationship-truths in the universe.  Kindness is an integral part of love because it stems from an uncalculating attitude that desires neither monetary payment nor human applause.

A favorite definition:

Kindness is love’s readiness to enhance the life of another person (Tweet It!)

Is there anything more loving than kindness?  Is there anything more thoughtful, more empathic, more sweet, than improving another person’s situation only for the joy of seeing it enriched?

Kindness comes from small behaviors.  We don’t think of big donations or grand contributions as “kind.”  We call them “generous,” “charitable,” or “benevolent,” but it is the small things we call “kind.”  Kindness, for example, comes when we turn down our partner’s side of the bed before crawling into it ourselves.  Kindness comes when we readjust the car seat after driving so our partner doesn’t have to.  Kindness comes from a million small behaviors that enhance the life of the one we love.

Kindness sets aside our fear that we will be exploited.

It relinquishes self-focus and is energized by the needs of another.  Kindness causes us to pause from our own pursuits in order to augment somebody else’s.  Make no mistake about it:  Once we remove kindness from a loving heart it is only a matter of time before it atrophies and love is lost altogether.

Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott are #1 New York Times best-selling authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, Love Talk, and Crazy Good Sex.  The Parrotts are also founders of the revolutionary pre-marriage assessment:  Learn more about Les and Leslie at

Catch up on the ENTIRE #LoveIs Series by clicking on the photo below or subscribing to my blog!