There’s a lot of complexities out there in life…yet the thing I get the most inquiries about, is this crazy little thing called “a date”.
Particularly within the Christian subculture, there seems to be some major confusion regarding what it means to actually ask someone out on a date. With all the made-up rules we learn about dating, we pretty much all feel like we need a guide for “dummies”.
So I decided to put together this simple little guide. Let’s hope it helps some of you out! And if it does…be sure to write in and tell me how your date goes!
Step One: Choose
Okay maybe this sounds “duh” simple to you, but let me just spell out my personal opinion that you should choose ONE person to get to know at a time. I recently met a girl dating two guys at once, and when both relationships started getting pretty serious – she contacted me in a panic.
If you want something to end well, you need to make sure to start it well.
Unlike an open buffet, dating is kinda like choosing a meal at a fancy restaurant- you commit to one choice, knowing that if it doesn’t work out, you don’t ever have to go back for more. But out of respect, decency, and straight-forwardness, let’s stick to one person at a time. Wondering where to meet good people? Check out this post for some ideas to get you started.
Step Two: Approach
Now that you’ve chosen someone you’d like to get to know beyond friendship, it’s time to actually approach them…face to face…in real life. Though I myself enjoy the convenience of getting together with friends via the click of a button on social media, I find it that many people are hiding behind their screens out of cowardice, rather than convenience. While it may be easier to shoot a text message, ask over email, give a ring on the phone, or post on someone’s Facebook wall- it’s far more effective to actually approach and interact with the person you’re interested in face-to-face when the opportunity exists (Long-distance relationships can bend these rules as needed). Practice your social skills…they’ll come in handy in all parts of life.
Step Three: Ask
Now, the asking part. Even at the risk of getting turned down, don’t give into the temptation to be casual and indirect. “You doing anything this weekend?”, “We should hangout sometime”, and “I’ll be at the coffee shop tomorrow studying” are completely passive and non-committal phrases, and NOT the way to go. Great relationships always start with great communication, and great communication is always direct: “I’d love to get to know you more over coffee…are you free any evening this week?” Now that’s what I call a perfect way to get a date.
Step Four: Tone it Down…it’s just coffee.
One of my readers left a funny comment saying something about how he wants to write a book about dating for Christians summed up in one sentence: Chill Out. His comment got me laughing out loud, because he’s totally on to something. It’s so true that Christians tend to freak out about dating. We want so badly to do it right, and to do it in a way that honors God. We hear so many messages that instill fear, confusion, and worry about this delicate subject. But I want to encourage you as you approach the opposite sex and remind you that you dating doesn’t have to equal regrets.
Anything we do can be an avenue of glorifying God, and our respectful, edifying, and positive interactions with the opposite sex are just one more way that we can do that. Going on a date with someone is not a marriage commitment, a covenant promise, or a spiritual bond. And believe it or not, you don’t even have to know that they’re “THE ONE” before you ask them out (imagine that!). Christian brothers and sisters, let’s do everyone a favor by toning it down just a bit. It’s just coffee.
So choose, approach, ask, and most importantly relax…and enjoy your first date!
To all the great men out there reading this post…check out this article for some additional motivation: 3 Reasons Why Christian Men Need to ASK A GIRL OUT!
And for my sisters, the ladies, here are 4 Reasons Why It’s Okay To Ask Him Out.
Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. Her newest relationship book is set to be released in the Summer of 2018! You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and all over the web! She’s the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, reaching over 4 million people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships! Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!
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