A Letter From Your Future Spouse

In Advice and Encouragement, Dating, Single by Debra Fileta

Hey Love,

Let me fill you in: I think about you just as much as you think about me.  It’s kind of crazy in a way, isn’t it, to think of how much we think about each other, though we haven’t even met?  Wondering where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing.  Wondering what you look like, what you’re like, and what you’ll become.  While you’ve been on my mind, I’ve thought about the things I’d want to say to you.  With all that I could say, there are three things that I really want you to know.

1. I’m working on me, and I pray that you’re working on you:  It’s encouraging to see the qualities and traits you are hoping that I possess.  I looked through your list just the other day and realized something incredible- those are the exact same things I hope to see in you.  It challenged me- because it’s so easy to think through all the things I want in my future mate without really taking the time to work those same things out in my life.  I will commit to taking inventory of my life, and getting myself where I need to be- I owe that to God, myself, and to you.  I want to begin the process of change and growth long before we ever meet, and I hope you’ll do the same for me.

2.  Our love will fuel us, but it can never fill us:  I’m working to be the best I can be until the day we finally meet, but if I’m honest, sometimes I get a little fearful.  I read your letters, and they are filled with so much hope and expectations.  Part of me loves to hear your dreams and desires, but the other side of me is afraid- knowing that just as you don’t have the ability to fulfill my life, I don’t have the ability to fill the voids in yours.  I want our relationship to be a place of safety, strength, and satisfaction- but I also know that there are some things our relationship will never be capable of doing.

My desire for us is that we get our expectations right, and that even during this time of being apart, we both seek to really work out our relationship with God.  In Him, all expectations, purpose, and value can be me- and then anything we have to give one another is just overflow.  This is the kind of love I want to be overflowing into every part of our relationship.

3.  We owe it to each other to choose well.  Everyone around me seems to be talking about fate.  As though finding true love is this serendipitous thing that is just going to happen to us when the timing is right.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t really believe in this kind of love.  It relies on chance, luck, and happenstance.  I don’t want our future to be determined by fate- I want it to be deliberate!

I know that there are going to be many others that come into each of our lives until we ultimately meet- but I’m asking that you hold out for me.  Set your hopes high. Wait for the one who has worked hard for you.  Wait for the one who has prayed for you, respected you, and honored you.  Don’t settle for anything less.  In this world filled with choices, we owe it to one another to choose well.  Keep your eyes open for me.  And I’ll do the same for you.

No matter where you may be in life right now, know that I am with you in my heart.  God has created a special place in my heart that was made to be fit by you.  As hard as it might be to keep from looking at your  future, I challenge you to savor your present- trusting that one day, I will be here to savor it with you.

For now, let us throw off the distractions, and keep our eyes on the moment- as we walk one step closer to God and to each other every single day.

You are in my heart, and you are in my prayers.

I’ll see you soon.


Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. You may also recognize her voice from her 100+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love! Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter


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