It’s an out-of-control epidemic.
Turn on any episode of reality TV, listen to a few songs on the radio, or tune in to the latest romantic comedy and you’ll get a glimpse of it.
Drama. Relationship drama. It’s the tear-jerking, gut-wrenching, anger-inducing, ups and downs of romantic relationships that are plaguing our society. From the hype of celebrity relationship drama, all the way into the doors of our personal relationships, we are a society that is growing dangerously accustomed and immune to relationship drama.
We see it as the norm. Part of the equation. A piece of the pie.
It’s a mentality that is seeping into the walls of our churches, wreaking major havoc.
I’ve spoken to one too many young men and women, and received one too many emails that remind me of how present relationship drama is….even among believers. But from my understanding of relationships- they were never made to be “dramatic”: unstable, unpredictable, harmful, and full of pain.
If you’re involved in a relationship that’s characterized by more drama than an 8th grade theater club, remember this: Healthy relationships are characterized by peace, maturity, and mutual respect. (Tweet it!)
They’re defined by life, nourishment, honesty, integrity, and peace.
If you find yourself in a dating relationship that’s starting to resemble an episode of Couples Therapy, you might ask yourself what is really going on, and why you’ve allowed yourself to stay.
Your relationship has too much drama if….
You are on again off again more times than a game of musical chairs.
You spend more time arguing than you do actually communicating.
You often leave a conversation feeling frustrated and unresolved.
Your relationship is plagued by jealousy, mistrust, and fear.
You are constantly having to review and rehash boundaries that have been crossed again, and again.
You feel like you at an amusement park- because of the constant emotional roller-coaster, but without the cotton candy.
You work through issues by having sex, instead of actually working through issues.
You receive (or deliver) more criticism than encouragement.
Your friends have to regularly ask you if you’re “back together”.
You regularly find yourself sifting the truth from the dishonesty.
You or your partner regularly exchange words that are degrading, hurtful, and mean.
You don’t feel the freedom to engage in open communication about how you really feel.
You’re having to deal with constant issues involving “other women” or “other men” that shouldn’t be part of the relationship.
You find yourself “getting over” problems instead of “working through” them.
You’re commonly concerned about whether or not your significant other is being faithful to you.
You often wonder if you have made the wrong choice in this relationship.
Relationships aren’t meant to be this complicated. They really aren’t. Healthy relationships are marked by peace. They happen naturally, and so they don’t have to be forced. Seek this kind of a relationship: a relationship that’s filled with life, peace, grace, maturity, and the fruits of God’s Spirit. Strive for that. You owe it to yourself. Because what you see in dating- you will always, always, always see multiplied and magnified in marriage. So do yourself a favor, and quit while you’re ahead.
Debra Fileta Counselors Network
Schedule your online couples or individual session today with a Debra Fileta Counselors Network Counselor! Whether you are single, dating, engaged, married or working through some issues – a DFCN counselor will be able to listen and help you! Click Here to book an online session and to learn more!
Christians have a tendency to falsely identify God’s peace as simply an emotional state. And if they feel anxiety in a situation or decision they assume it’s not God.”-Debra Fileta’s Instagram Post
Anxiety + Christians: Believe it or not, these two words go together more often than anyone would ever realize or want to admit.
There is a massive gap between the church and psychology in how we talk about anxiety.
This is an area that is really close to my heart as a Christian and as a licensed counselor, but also as a person who has walked through the pit of clinical anxiety in different seasons of my life.
So we are going there… I’m offering a two hour deep dive seminar all about anxiety, myths we believe about it, how to treat it, and how to get better at these conversations.
If you’ve ever struggled with anxiety on a small scale or a large scale, I hope you can join us!!! Registration at truelovedates.com/store
DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written five books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season, Are You Really OK? and Married Sex. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today!