Jesus Can’t Be Your Boyfriend

In Dating, Relationships, Single by Debra Fileta

“Jesus is your boyfriend now…”

I was watching a funny YouTube video about Stuff Christian singles hear.  It’s full of phrases that most Christian singles have heard at some point in their lives.  Lines about waiting on God, happening when you least expect it, and viewing Jesus as your significant other…

Things people actually say.  Things Christian people actually say.

But, I wonder, for all the struggling singles out there- are those phrases really helpful?  I mean, is it even possible for Jesus to take the place of your significant other, for Him to be your make-believe boyfriend in times of loneliness and isolation?

For some people, I’m sure there is comfort in that thought.  They can look past the simplicity of those phrases and make a place for Jesus in their hearts as their companion, friend, and significant other.  But I know when I was a single woman- that was hardly the case.

I used to feel this terrible guilt when I was single.  I would hear these phrases about Jesus being my boyfriend, and Jesus filling my heart, and Jesus being all I needed. I felt guilty for longing for a husband.  Guilty that Jesus wasn’t filling the voids and deficits in my heart.  Guilty that Jesus was not “enough” for me, because deep down I longed to be in a relationship, to find true love, and to hurry up and get married!

As much as I was in relationship with Jesus, and as much as I loved Him with all of my heart- there still seemed to be room for someone else.  A place in my heart that had not yet been filled.  Jesus was my Savior, My Redeemer, and My Love…but I was never really able to make him my boyfriend.

I think as Christians we are WAY too hard on ourselves when it comes to this topic.  I think we place expectations on our shoulders that are not only unrealistic…they are un-human.  For the single man and woman out there, find encouragement in knowing that even God is on your side with this one!  Because the truth of the matter is that God himself saw that it was “not good” for us to be alone.  He creatively fashioned for Adam a wife.  That ancient design to be connected with another human being is something that was placed in your lineage from the very beginning of time.

If you long for that connection, that relationship, that intimacy with another human being, remember this– you were MADE to have that longing! 

It doesn’t mean that you are unholy, or that Jesus has not filled your heart the way He should. Rather, it means you are human, created in God’s image.  A God who loves, who connects, and who longs for relationship.

Jesus can never be your boyfriend/girlfriend, because He was never intended to be.  There is a significant part of your heart that was designed specifically for JUST Him- but there is a part of your heart, that was also designed specifically for others.

He can never be your boyfriend/girlfriend, because He was intended to be so much MORE than just that. 

He was intended to be your Master, Your Savior, and your Healer.  He was intended to be your Counselor, Your Peace, and the Love of your life.  He longs for you to be in relationship with Him, but He has made you to also be in relationship with others.  Because He knows how you function, and He knows what’s good for you.

Jesus may never become your significant other, but He can become your significance, your serenity, and your satisfaction.  Trust Him for this.

[This article was adapted from the book, True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. This blog contains less than 10% of the contents in that book, so I encourage you to pick it up for yourself! It will  seriously change your love life! Check out what the reviews are saying.] Christian Dating Book

DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog,, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on FacebookInstagram, or Twitter

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Choosing Marriage