A few years ago, I met a young woman who was rushing into a relationship. According to her, she had met the “man of her dreams”.
She’d met him one day when he came into her workplace, and they had been getting to know one another for a few days.
“He’s absolutely amazing. He’s everything I’ve ever prayed for.”
Side note: It’s a pet-peeve of mine when people get all spiritual about unhealthy relationships.
But, according to her description, he was charming, kind, sweet, and romantic. He claimed to have a relationship with God, and was willing to do anything to make this relationship work. Her prayers had been answered, she said.
I hesitated to hear her words, because let’s get real: she’d known the guy for 3 whole days. “Absolutely amazing” isn’t a trait that’s revealed overnight, it takes months – and years- of time witnessing someone’s life to know what they’re really made of.
When it comes to relationships, time is one of the greatest gifts you have (Tweet it!).
You may be single, and feeling like the single life has lasted an eternity. Time may be the LAST thing you want to hear about. You’re sick of waiting, and grieving every moment that has passed you by. You may be tempted to rush into a relationship with someone you don’t know that well, or commit to someone to whom you have some fears and hesitation.
But hear this:
I have NEVER in my life met someone who REGRETTED taking their time to get in a relationship; people only regret RUSHING into the wrong ones.
And that’s no small mistake, because it will cost you everything.
You may be wondering what happened to the woman I mentioned above. About three months into their relationship, she started seeing the true colors of her boyfriend. She began to see glimpses of rage, control, deceit and alcohol abuse. But at that point, she had felt like she had committed too much of her life to simply walk away, and so she endured, and tried to make it work. Let’s just say that year was a very painful year for her, one that I do not wish upon anyone.
This is no joke, my friends.
I can’t tell you how my heart breaks upon reading emails like the one from this week, from a newlywed who referred to her marriage after a very rushed season of dating as, “the worst decision I have ever made in my life…”.
Allow time to reveal to you what your significant other, and what your relationship, is really made of.
And until then, TAKE the time to become the best version of yourself so that you can be ready when the right relationship, and the right timing, comes along.
Wondering “how much time” should you take? Read the details in chapter 6 of my book “True Love Dates” called Why Timing is Everything. I encourage you to give up a couple Starbucks this month, and invest in reading a book that will change your life and perspective on relationships. You’re worth investing in….so take the time to do it. Because healthy relationships ALWAYS begin with healthy people.
DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twi
