When God Hasn’t Answered Your Prayer For Love

In Advice and Encouragement, Dating, Single by Debra Fileta

When I was 5 years old, I tried to move out of my house. 

I had been punished for something and in turn, I decided in my 5 year old logic that I had, had enough of ‘these people’ (my family). They simply didn’t appreciate what an angelic child I was and they insisted on correcting me when I did wrong, so I was moving out. So I packed my little suitcase and headed for the door, certain the world would greet me with open arms and with people who were ready to appreciate me. With my parents watching, both of them holding back laughter, I swung the door open and remembered. We had no street lights. I looked out into the pitch black abyss, grabbed my suitcase walked back upstairs to my room, and went to sleep.

The funny thing is, in my relationship with God, I’ve had more than a few days like this; particularly when I vent to Him about my love life. I came to Christ at a young age, and was (mercifully) the non-cliché preacher’s kid. I’ve enjoyed a vibrant, loving relationship with God for most of my adolescence and young adulthood.

For better or worse, I gobbled down as much fundamentalist dating material as I could get my hands on, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye, The Bride Wore White”…etc. They wrote it, I read it. I tried to implement every principle to the tee, “no kissing, no random dating, no unsaved guys”… and so on.  So when I found myself in the years after graduating from my conservative Christian college, with no money and no man. I had more than a few things to say to my Lord.  

Earlier this year I had to talk a friend of mine off the ledge who vowed that this year after her 30th birthday with no sensible, Christian prospect in sight, her vow of chastity to Christ was going to expire. If God didn’t come through in time, she was giving up and taking her love life into her own hands. I told her she was being ridiculous and that she’d come much too far to turn back.

The truth was though; it was hard for me to reason with her while finding myself, with deferred hopes and growing discouragement. Most recently, after finding myself reeling after a the sudden loss of several loved ones, a bout with anxiety followed by a  (thankfully short) emotionally abusive relationship with a guy whom I initially thought was God’s way of rescuing me, I decided, enough was enough. God didn’t appreciate how loyal, faithful and conscientious I’d been. He refused to reward me with my heart’s desire for how carefully I’d followed the rules. Even worse he let me endure unwarranted cruelty and wind up more bruised than I’d ever been.

So I told him, “Jesus I’m moving out…” I packed my things, and started for the door with Him silently watching. And opened the door, to my world without Him, filled with nothing but danger, darkness, emptiness and despair and I dropped my suitcase filled with pride, self-righteousness and self-pity and turned around.

Try as we might, we can’t deny the fact that, there is no better alternative. Just like I had to open up my eyes and value the shelter, warmth, light and love in my home as a five year old, we each have to realize that God shelters and provides for us, and sometimes that means not giving us what we want when we want it.  Being obedient to Christ and trusting in God’s plan for our lives, more specifically our love lives is extremely difficult, but so is the alternative.  

When I think over the past ten years, and my interactions with guys, and how many times I thought some guy I was dating could have been ‘the one”,  I’m actually glad my rules were so set in stone so firmly.

I’m grateful that most of my wounds are surface deep…because the boundaries on physical intimacy which I thought were keeping me back, have been protecting me all along.  

So if your current situation or relationship status has you ready to throw in the towel on God’s leading, let me encourage you with 3 thoughts.

  1. Our God is good. The end. Through hardships, uncertainty and suffering, He is good. He takes pleasure in being trusted as such. Plant your confidence in His character and His goodness, not in your feelings or your situation.
  2. His ways are higher and His thoughts are higher than ours. He sees things in the scheme of eternity, not just in the moment. So in the face of disappointment, be it a job, project or relationship, sometimes, rejection really is God’s protection.
  3. Seasons change without warning. After months of winter, suddenly spring arrives. Even if things look endlessly cold and dark, things can and will change, all at once. Be open to the “suddenly’s” God is working in your life. Most people have no idea they’re about to meet the love of their life up to the moment before they do.

Romans 5:3 “Not only that, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint…”

Davrielle Burrows is a writer, songwriter, host, speaker and entrepreneur from Nassau, Bahamas. She holds a BA in Mass Communications from Oral Roberts University.  She serves as a youth leader at Bahamas Faith Ministries and P31 Young Ladies Fellowship and currently works in management at a media company. One of Davrielle’s biggest passions is encouraging young people to develop healthy self-esteem and make positive choices to help them fulfill their God-given purpose. She has been a TrueLoveDates reader for the past year and a half!

Welcome to TrueLoveDates.com! I’m Debra Fileta, Professional Counselor & Author of the book True Love Dates, and I created this blog as a space to pair psychology and Christian spirituality to address all things love, dating, and relationships.

This month, I’ve invited some of my faithful TrueLoveDates readers to share their heart with the rest of our blog community for my #GuestPostSeries!! There are some AMAZING singles out there, people!!! I’m choosing 10 guest posts to share with you over the summer. I’m so excited to hear their stories and share their messages with you as well! Enjoy!! And be sure to leave them some love in the comment section below.  — Love, Debra