These 5 qualities are what real women told us they want in a man when it comes to finding a relationship and falling in love. What women want in a man is probably not what you expected.

What Women Really Want in a Man

In Advice and Encouragement, Dating, For the Guys, Relationships by Debra Fileta

What women want in a man is probably not what most men expect.

In fact, I saw an ad recently that shows the difference between what men THINK women want and the actual truth of what women want in a man. The ad read:

“Men, let’s be real men.”

The ad proceeded to promote a new testosterone pill.  If consumed, this pill promised to boost manliness- increased sex drive, muscles, and masculinity.

The most frightening thing about this ad is that it speaks some truth – in the sense that our society has managed to reduce manhood to sex drive and muscles. 

I don’t know about you, ladies, but that is so ridiculously far from my definition of masculinity.  The truth is what women want in a man is so much more than strong muscles and libido.  What women want in a man is far better than cars, athletic ability, and all the other meaningless things our society uses to define manhood.

What women want in a man are things that actually define the measure of a man.

So men, go ahead and ditch the weights, the hot rods, and the testosterone pills, because if you’re really trying to catch a fine woman- here’s what women want in a man:


More than any other trait, women are looking for a man who is open and honest.  The thing about honesty is that it’s a sign of security.  What you see is what you get and there is absolutely nothing to hide.  Men, it’s time to stop pretending and start being real.  Real with your strengths, your weaknesses, your struggles. Real with your hopes, your dreams, and your fears.  Real with who you actually are; not who you want to be.

A man who has nothing to hide becomes the safe place in which a woman can hide her heart (Tweet it!).

Now that’s straight-up manly.


We live in a society that has fooled us into thinking that women have no control over their emotions, and men have no control over their eyes.  I’m a firm believer that this is a lie straight from the pit of hell.  It sickens me to interact with women who expect their men to fall prey to lust, cheating, and adultery…as if that’s just part of being a man.

There is no doubt that we live in a world full of sexual temptation and struggles, but it is also true that we serve a God who gives us victory over our entire being- our minds, hearts, and bodies.  True masculinity comes when a man has enough honor and respect for the woman in his life to say no to temptations.

True masculinity comes from a man who knows his weaknesses, but sets himself up to succeed (Tweet it!).

True masculinity is found in a man who says no to the expectations of this world, and lives for a higher calling.  May God help us as women to recognize these kinds of men.


There is nothing better than a man who exudes strength.  Not the muscle-rippling kind of strength, but the strength of mind, heart, and spirit.  A strength that comes from a man who knows what he believes and stands firm for what’s right.  A strength in recognizing right from wrong, and confessing when he has given into the latter.  A strength that is confident enough to do right, choose right and be right.

In this day of compromise, women are looking for a man who is strong enough to stand his ground- holding on to his values, his beliefs, and most importantly, His God.


You can always recognize a real man by taking a look at his heart.  Does his heart move for the things that move God’s heart?  Is he broken by the pain in his life?  Is he moved by the sins he’s working to overcome?  Is he affected when things are not as they should be in life, in situations, in relationships?

A real man is one who allows his heart to be moved, and then allows his actions to follow his heart.

A man who strives for healing, restoration, and resolution.  A man who strives to right the wrongs around him- and the wrongs within him. We are looking for men of compassion, tenderness, and love- because therein we will always find the heart of Jesus.


What raises a man up more than any other earthly thing is his ability to humble himself.  A real man doesn’t need to talk up who he is, because his life does that for him (Tweet it!).  He can put away the talk because a man of humility is focused so much more on his walk.  He is quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry- because he’s put away his “rights” for the right to be selfless, loving, and full of grace.

The greatest example of humility is found in the manliest man- Jesus: a man who laid down his rights and made himself nothing in order to be an example of undying love and affection to the bride who won his heart. Real men seek to do the same.

I don’t know about you, ladies, but this is exactly the kind of man who I allowed to win my heart.  While I can safely say that he’s nowhere near perfect, he is a man who strives to uphold honesty, purity, strength, compassion, and humility in his life and in our marriage.  It’s time to expect more from our men, and then, to wait patiently until you see these qualities at work in his life.  Don’t you dare settle for less.

Men, it’s time to say no to the lies that are being poured into your brains.  You are worth far more than that.  Your masculinity is defined by so much more than you think- and that is what is truly attractive in our eyes.

May God continue to work in the lives of our men- that by His grace they would strive to carry the traits that reflect nothing less than the heart of Jesus. 

Now that, my friends, is what I call a manly man. 

Read more: 10 Guys You Should NEVER Date 

For more on becoming the right person and attracting the right partner, pick up True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life

Single and looking to jump-start your love life? Then check this out….

Debra is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in dating, marriage, and relationship issues, along with a spectrum of mental health disorders and issues. She’s the author of True Love DatesChoosing MarriageLove in Every SeasonAre You Really Ok?, and Married Sex. She’s also the host of the Love + Relationships Podcast, a hotline-style show where people call in to get their relationship questions answered!

Her popular relationship advice blog reaches millions of people each year with the message of healthy relationships! Connect with her on Instagram,  Facebook or Twitter!