Women Need to Stop Asking What Men Want

In Advice and Encouragement, Dating, For the Ladies, Single by Debra Fileta

I don’t often do this, because my readership is actually made up of 50% male, and 50% female…but today, I’m feeling led to speak boldly to the ladies out there (but men, feel free to keep reading, if you so choose). 

You see, I was looking through my website statistics and noticed that one phrase bring more people to my website than many others:

“What Men Want”

At any given time of day, there are women from all different parts of the world typing this questions into Google, wondering what men want– desperately trying to get into their brains.

It makes sense if you think about it.  We’ve created a society that lends itself to those kind of questions.

We live in a culture in which women cry out for equality, but then turn around and seek their validation and worth from their male counterparts.

We long to be seen, and to be known.  We long for someone to tell us that we’re important, that we mean something.

I remember many points in my life, stepping out into the world hoping for one thing: to be noticed by the opposite sex.  It’s was as though their noticing would give me some sense of validity, some sense of meaning, some sense of purpose.

Often times, it’s those very longings that lead us into the arms of a relationship because we don’t know where else to turn.  It’s those very moments that create women who are hungry to know–not who they are, but what men want them to be.

I empathize with women who are living their lives for the validation of the men around them.  I empathize, because as a woman, there have been moments in my life that I’ve been there too, and it’s something I STILL have to be on guard for every single day of my life, even now that I’m married.

Sometimes, we can search so hard for love that we lose ourselves in the process.  Sometimes, we can get so caught up with looking out, that we forget to look in.

More than anything, being empowered women means that we learn who we are standing alone.  A woman who knows herself and understands her God-given identity has no need to be defined by the men in her life or the relationship she finds herself in, because her worth is rooted in something far more noble and far more valuable.

Maybe it’s time we stop asking what men want from us, and learn to answer the question of what God wants from us, and begin to discover who we are and what we want for ourselves.

It’s time to contribute to a new culture, creating a trend of women who are freed to experience and engage in true love: a love that starts from the inside out.

For more on dating inward, knowing your identity, and becoming the best version of yourself- dig into Part 1 of my book, True Love Dates. 

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, and 21 Days to Jump Start Your Love Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 150+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter