What if I told you I could help you find the one?
What if I explained to you that this “one” is the most important person you will ever meet- and the one who would change your life forever.
You’d probably take a moment to listen, wouldn’t you? Even if you didn’t really believe me–you’d probably want to hear more.
Deep down inside of us, we’re all aching to find someone to love. The one who we will spend the rest of our lives with, who will join us in life, and make our days just a little bit brighter. Every day I hear from so many people who are desperately searching for that kind of love. People who are willing to do whatever it takes just to find it.
But what if I told you that the only way to find the one- is to stop looking out, and start looking in. What if I told you that in order to move in the direction of finding the one-you first have to move in the direction of becoming the one?
It’s a simple truth- but it’s really not so simple. Because becoming the one, can be even harder than finding the one. It’s so much easier to look out than it is to look in. It’s much easier to focus on the hope of finding the right person than actually becoming the right person. But becoming the right person is exactly what it takes to find true love.
Sometimes, we can get so caught up in finding the one- that we lose ourselves. Yet time and time again I see that the most successful relationships I’ve ever witnessed are made up of two people who know who they are, and who’ve become the best they can be by God’s help. So maybe it’s time to stop looking for the one–and invest in becoming the one. Here’s how:
1. Know who you are: There’s a huge difference between who you want to be, or who you’ve been told to be—and who you actually are. It’s easy to lose yourself in the relationships that you are in- or to become what they want you to be. But you’ll never be able to know what you really want in a relationship- until you know who you are. Use this time in your life to become the best version of yourself by dealing with the habits, thoughts, and behaviors that hold you back from living your best life. Invest in yourself, love yourself, and believe in yourself. Because you will always attract the kind of person who you believe you deserve.
2. Know where you come from: We all have our baggage. And whether we want to or not- we bring that baggage into our relationships. Becoming the one means taking the time to understand and heal the hurts of our past to the best of our ability. It means understanding our past, and coming to terms with the impact it may have had on our life. But most of all, it means learning to accept those things and move past them as we step into our future.
3. Know where you’re going: When you’re walking toward something, you’ll be able to recognize those who are walking in your direction. Becoming the one means that you stay true to yourself by living out the unique and meaningful calling that God has placed on your life. Your story has far more to do with finding your purpose in life than it does with finding the love of your life. Dream big and run hard in the direction that God has called you to–and if you find someone who can keep up with you–marry them!
Life is so much more about becoming the person God has called you to be than it is about finding the person God has called you to be with. No matter what your relationship status this Valentine’s Day- married, dating, single, or searching- you are always invited to move in the direction of healing and to chase after God’s big picture. Seek to focus on fulfilling your part in His story for your life- and trust that God will take care of the rest.
Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, 21 Days to Jump Start Your Love Life, and 21 Days to Pray for Your Love Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 150+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog! Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter!
This post is adapted from concepts in Section 1 of the book True Love Dates.