Why Right Relationships Aren’t “Hard” Work

In Dating, Relationships by Debra Fileta

What is up with relationships being so complicated these days?

I understand that we are complex human beings by design, but was it ever supposed to come to this?

I receive hundreds of emails from young men and women who read my articles and posts, all with one thing in common- they are looking for love.  I absolutely love hearing from people and helping in any way that I can, yet often I find myself amazed by some of the complications that come with this generation’s dating culture.

As an outsider looking in, after reading an email or hearing a story filled with break ups, lack of boundaries, hurt, pain, and confusion, it’s easy to see that things are not as they should be. With the proclamation that relationships are “hard work” ringing in their ears, far too many people are staying in wrong dating relationships rather than recognizing them for what they are and getting out while they can.

Yes, relationships require work, but they should never be damaging, confusing, or wounding.  They should never emit constant conflict, chaos, and catastrophe. Yes, relationships require work, but the work should always come with change, growth, meaning, and a movement toward one another.

Right relationships were meant to bring hope and to embody harmony. Please don’t  misunderstand- as a therapist, I know well the work that it takes to make a relationship. Relationships require LOTS of work- selflessness, forgiveness, sacrifice, communication, and a whole lot of grace- but what if they’re not supposed to be as “hard” and “complicated” as we make them out to be?

God calls us to live in harmony with one another.  It’s easy to consider harmony as we interact and relate to the world around us, but why do so many people fail to see the need for harmony in their own personal relationships?

If we are called to harmony with the world, how much more to the intimate relationships that we’re involved in.

Take a look at your dating life and ask yourself what it reflects.  Does it reflect chaos, or harmony?  Joy, or pain?  Growth or paralysis? Is it marked by healing, or hurt? Hope, or heartache? Confusion, or peace?

If you answered the latter, its’ time to consider a change- a change within yourself, as you in turn, bring change to your relationships (Check out Chapter 1 of True Love Dates for more on how to do this!).

Because dating was never meant to be so complicated.

And if it’s complicated now…it will be complicated unhappily, ever after. 

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter