I have a secret I’d like to share with you: My husband loves someone else more than he loves me.
To the outside listener, that might sound totally strange and maybe even completely inappropriate. You might think we’re having marital problems or settling for a mediocre relationship.
But for us, that thought makes complete sense in light of our personal relationships with God, through Jesus Christ.
My husband John loves God even more than he loves me.
And I love God even more than I love my husband.
It’s always been that way. And my prayer, is that it always will be.
Our individual relationship with God trumps our relationship with one another. And in my sincere opinion, that is the VERY truth that keeps our marriage alive, strong, and complete.
You see, for as many great days we have in marriage, there are also days when we simply don’t feel so great. Days when each of us don’t feel like loving…or giving…or forgiving. We feel hurt. We feel selfish. We may even feel that we’ve been wronged. In our humanity, we want to run…we want to hide…we want to get revenge. But in those moments, something GREATER takes over.
Because those are the very days when our relationship with God becomes the anchor for our love, holding us in place. Our relationship with God is the supernatural relationship that pours into us, so that we can pour into each other.
As Christians, we believe that when we enter into relationship with God, we’re filled with His Spirit. It’s that Spirit that breeds in us the qualities we need for a healthy life, and in turn, a healthy marriage. According to the bible, the qualities of God’s spirit being poured out in a person’s life are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness and self-control.
And as a professional counselor, I can tell you that those are the EXACT qualities you need to have a thriving relationship. Is that simply a coincidence? I say no.
On the hard days, more than trusting my husband to love me like he should, I trust God’s Spirit at work in His life. I am thankful that he loves God more than he loves me, because it’s that relationship with God that he’s learned to love me like he should.
And it’s in that relationship with God, that I’ve learned to love him like I should.
Am I saying that a person outside of relationship with God can’t experience a healthy marriage? No. But what I am saying, is that outside of a relationship with God, you never get a glimpse of COMPLETE love. Because it’s only in God that COMPLETE LOVE was created and experienced, and only in Him can it be given freely. He is the very definition of love…outside of Him, we can only get a hazy glimpse.
Hands down, the BEST marriages I’ve witnessed in my life, are the ones that are displaying this kind of love in their lives, fueled by their unwavering commitment and devotion to Jesus Christ. Because it’s a love that changes everything, slowly transforming both you and your spouse into the person God has called you to be.
This is why I’m so adamant about the importance of marrying someone who loves God more than they love you, as much as I’m adamant about you becoming that kind of person in your own life.
So don’t just marry a so-called “good person”, or a self-proclaimed “Christian”….marry a passionate, desperate, head-over-heels lover of God, because you’ll see the evidence of His Spirit in EVERY part of their lives. Marry someone who loves God more than they love you.
And then watch that supernatural love transform your life, and in turn, your marriage.
This article is an adapted excerpt from Choosing Marriage Chapter 9: Better Together – From Independence to Oneness. The rest of this chapter unpacks some important topics including:
- The lie of INDEPENDENCE: Why some people can’t rely on others in a relationship.
- The role of INTERDEPENDENCE in marriage: What it means to rely on one another in a healthy way.
- Practical Oneness: What it looks like to “become one” spiritually, emotionally, and practically in a marriage relationship.
- The third party: God’s role in the process of two becoming one.
- The importance of SPIRITUAL ONENESS and SPIRITUAL INTIMACY in a marriage.
- Why SINGLES need to focus on spiritual connection in a dating relationship.
- Navigating marriage when you are married to an UNBELIEVER.
- Becoming BETTER TOGETHER.
Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, and Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me where she writes candidly about love, sex, dating, relationships, and marriage. You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and all over the web! She’s the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, reaching millions of people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships! Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!