Want to know the most influential component to a relationship?
One word: Communication.
Communication is the lifeline of a relationship (Tweet It!)
At least that’s what I’ve found to be true, in both my personal life, and my career as a professional counselor.
Couples who know how to communicate well are the couples who end up together for life, because communication keeps you connected. In fact, so much so, that there have been entire marriage rehabilitation programs solely dedicated to teaching the art of communication.
When you look at a typical relationship, it isn’t uncommon to find two very different types of people coming together. Usually, one is a talker, and the other is not.
But communication is less about how much you talk, and more about what you have to say when you do.
In dating, look for the qualities of a good communicator. Here are ten basic traits of a good communicator:
- Someone who doesn’t just hear but LISTENS…remembering what you have shared with them.
- Someone who knows how to relate to what you are saying.
- Someone who knows how to share things from the basic facts of their day, to their opinions and ideas, to the way that they feel.
- Someone who can articulate their feelings without displaying anger: such as frustration, stress, and disappointments.
- Someone who is available to communicate, and responds positively to your requests to “talk through” something.
- Someone who knows the importance of working through problems using words, rather than just moving on and pretending like nothing happened.
- Someone who clues you into their internal world by using their words to share what they are thinking.
- Someone who understands that their words have the power to build up, or destroy, and uses them wisely.
- Someone who knows how to apologize when they’ve been wrong and can verbally acknowledge their responsibility in a given situation.
- Someone who asks questions, and wants to know more.
A good communicator has some sort of awareness of their internal world. They are tuned into what is going on in their hearts and lives from the inside out. They’ve learned how to express those things in a meaningful way.
A good communicator is someone who invites you into their world, using words.
And a good marriage is made up of two people who know how to share their hearts, their minds, and their lives. It’s made up of two people, continuously inviting each other into their respective worlds. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Every. Single. Day.
As you’re looking for this kind of communication to play out in your relationship, it’s important to ask yourself if this is the kind of communicator that you are. Because you are 50% of the equation, yet the most important piece to the puzzle of finding love.
So marry someone who knows how to communicate, but first and foremost, become that kind of person yourself.
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Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, and 21 Days to Jump Start Your Love Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 150+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog! Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter!
