Married Couples Need A Weekly Date Night Out (and other bad relationship advice)

In Marriage, Podcast by Debra Fileta

“You need to go on a weekly date night outside of the house every single week to keep your marriage strong….”

I remember the first time I ever heard that phrase. My husband and I were married with an infant and a toddler at the time, born only 20 short months apart, trying to survive the madness of parenting young children. 

I was staying at home with the kids 6 out of the 7 days a week and also working desperately to complete my very first book, and John was halfway through his extremely busy medical residency. Needless to say, we were short on cash, short on energy, and short on time. 

As much as I wanted to have “one date night out a week”, to be completely honest with you, it was nearly impossible. Trying to find a babysitter we trusted, find time in his crazy schedule, and then fork out the minimum $100 dollars to cover dinner and a sitter just seemed way out of our “weekly” budget. Heck, I was trying to simply stay under $100/week for groceries, much less a date night. 

So when I heard those words coming from a trusted leader at the time, my heart kinda sank. We’re doomed, I thought to myself. 

Over the next few years, I’ve actually heard that phrase many-a-time in sermons, books (not mine!), and even in one-on-one conversations. On one hand, I absolutely agree that couples need focused time carved out in their week for one another. But on the other hand, the traditional thought of a “date night out” can really amount to a lot of pressure. Especially when you’re in the stage of having young children. 

If you want my personal opinion, the idea that you HAVE to go out every single week in order to keep your marriage strong is actually a harmful idea. The expectation for fancy date nights out, fine dining and dancing, or whatever it is you put on your list, is not only impossible (and unwise) for some people’s budgets, but doesn’t always work out in the daily grind of life (finding a sitter, collaborating schedules, etc). 

And trying to meet unrealistic expectations can leave one or both partners feeling disappointed, bitter, and discouraged in their marriage.


Healthy marriages don’t hinge on going out, but on going IN. Connecting with one another on a deep and meaningful way.

In today’s episode I’m going to tell you what it means to “go in” in your relationship.

Also, after you listen to this episode, make sure to tune in to 10 Date Night In Ideas….hopefully they inspire you to take the time to go in with your relationship!


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Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Love In Every Season: The Four Stages of Every Healthy RelationshipChoosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.

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DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sexand RESET. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog,, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on FacebookInstagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today!