How to Know When You’ve Met “The One”

In Advice and Encouragement, Dating, Marriage, Relationships, Single by Debra Fileta

The moment our eyes connected, he just knew.  

My husband John talks about the moment that we met as the one thing in life he was certain about.  He knew that I was the one.

In fact, he called his best friend just to let him know that:  “I’ve met the girl I’m going to marry”.  Coming from a guy who didn’t date much, this wasn’t typical.  His friend thought he was being a little crazy.

Fast forward two years…and sure enough, we’re walking down the aisle as husband and wife.

**Needless to say, my version of the story is a little bit different.**

I noticed this good-looking guy walk into the meeting room.  My curiosity was peaked, because I’d never seen him before.  My eyes were glued on him and my ears were trying to pick up on his conversations.

We struck up small talk later that afternoon, and stuck together that evening among the group of us that had gone out.  I found myself genuinely attracted to him, and wondered if there was the potential for something more.

We slowly built a friendship and through the stages of friendship and dating I came to the realization that this guy was so good for me, and that I was good for him.  I had a lot of peace about moving forward, and came to the realization that even if there was someone “better” out there for me…this was the man I wanted to be with.  This was the man I wanted to love.

It wasn’t love at first sight, and I didn’t get this magical sign from heaven that he was “the one”, but I made good choices and followed God’s leading and then, eventually, chose to commit to him as “the one” for the rest of my life.

Love may not happen at first sight, but in a right relationship, deep love always, ALWAYS arrives when the timing is right.

Sometimes meeting the right person doesn’t come with a spotlight from heaven.  But thank God He grants us the wisdom to make good choices.  

It seems, particularly so in the church, that there are so many men and women who feel stuck because they haven’t met “the one”.  They’re waiting for that sign from God, that magical feeling, or that certainty beyond a shadow of a doubt.  They’re waiting to know that they’ve met the one.  That may happen for a few lucky ones like John, but let me tell you, for the most part-  it usually doesn’t.

Simply waiting around for “the one” can be paralyzing, because it inevitably causes us to put so much weight on our feelings, and not enough emphasis on our actions. It can also put stress early on in a relationship, because instead of taking the time to get to know a person- you’re fixed on finding out if they’re “the one” by the second date.

Though John and I had different experiences, we both had the same understanding that whether or not you believe God has “one” person out there for you- you’re still required to engage in healthy relationships by making good choices along the way.

It doesn’t matter if you start more like John or if you’re more like me- because the bottom line is that feelings always have to be followed by facts, and facts have to be proven by real-life experiences. 

Healthy relationships don’t just fall from the sky.  They’re built by two people working together to create a safe place in in hopes of one day calling it their own.  They’re built with purpose, with intent, and with meaning.  They’re built on actions, on decisions, and on understanding.

They require knowing who you are, and then knowing what you want.  But more so, they require understanding what God wants- and trusting His spirit to lead, to guide, and to take you down the path of healthy relationships- one step at a time.

The right person doesn’t just fall from the sky – the right person is found.

So keep on looking…keep on believing…and keep on trusting.  And may God give you the wisdom to seek, to find, and to experience true love.

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life,  21 Days to Jump Start Your Love Life, and 21 Days to Pray for Your Love Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 150+ articles at Relevant Magazine or! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter

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