How a broken heart led me to love.

How A Broken Heart Led Me To Love

In Dating by Debra Fileta

I know what it’s like to have a broken heart. 14 years ago I was crushing on a guy who deep down I had hoped would be the right guy for for my life…but in the end, he wasn’t.

After months of investing my time, my emotions, and my heart — that “other guy” ended up leaving me feeling rejected and unwanted.

He wasn’t as into me as I was into him. 

There’s something really hard about dealing with the reality of unreciprocated interest. My initial response was to make excuses for him…tell myself that maybe he wasn’t thinking clearly, or that he needed more time, or that eventually he would come around if I could just prove what a great person I was.

I remember going into that summer of 2005 feeling so confused and disappointed in God. Here I had thought God had sent this incredible guy, at a time in my life when I was fully serving and trusting the Lord — but the guy ended up not being interested in me. It didn’t make sense. And it hurt.

But instead of sitting around and making lame excuses for him, I decided the best thing to do was to press into Jesus, even when I felt hurt, extremely single, and alone.

I committed to 40 days of praying for my love life, and for my hurting heart. (If you want to pray for your future love life, too, check out this 21 Day Prayer Devotional Guide called “21 Days to Pray For Your Love Life” that I wrote inspired by this time in my life).

It was a time of digging deep in prayer, asking God my hard questions, and learning to take the time to actually listen to Him. I was learning to trust in the reality that God could see what I couldn’t see…and if I really believed Him to be God like I *said* I did, then I had to actually live that trust out. So, I committed to prayer first and foremost, and then I committed to actually taking steps to heal my broken heart (read 10 ways to heal after a break up).

Giving God My Broken Heart

About a month into that 40 days — I attended a faith-based conference with one of my best friends.

I’ll never forget walking into one of the conference sessions and seeing a very tall man wearing a long sleeve buttoned-up dress shirt coupled with a pair of khaki shorts. Who wears long sleeves with shorts? I thought to myself.

But his smile was filled with kindness and when I interacted with him, I was struck by his overwhelming gentleness. Little did I know that I had just met my future husband, but looking back I know this to be true: GOD KNEW!


GOD KNEW that if I was dating the wrong guy at the time, I would have never met the right guy. If my heart was taken that summer of 2005, it wouldn’t have been available for the great thing God had planned. I am so grateful for what was just around the corner…even though I couldn’t see it.

Wherever you are and whatever you’re feeling today, no matter how hopeless or alone, I encourage you to keep trusting God with the big picture. Trust Him with your broken heart, trust Him with the relationship that didn’t work out, trust Him with that guy who just wasn’t as into you as you were into him, trust Him when things don’t make sense.

If He really is the God we say He is – He can be trusted. Because He knows what’s just around the corner ♥️ And He promises that it will work out for your good. For more of our story, as well as all my BEST dating advice, check out True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. 

Christian Dating Book

DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog,, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on FacebookInstagram, or Twitter, or Book a Session with her today!