You’ll “Just Know” When You Meet The Right Person…that’s what they try and tell you.
“You lock eyes, as you glance across the room at each other. And all of a sudden, somehow, you just know.”
The worst dating advice I’ve ever heard comes from the people who tell you you’re going to “just know” when you meet the person you’re going to marry.
“The right person will give you all the right feelings,” they say. You’ll get that indescribable feeling, and somehow, you will just know.
But that’s simply not true, and it certainly isn’t advice you should apply to everyone.
Speaking from personal experience, I had NO CLUE when I met John that he would be the man I would end up marrying. He was just a really nice guy who I could see myself becoming friends with. Thank God I didn’t follow the bad dating advice that I would “just know”, because I would have walked away from an incredible future marriage without ever realizing it.
The problem with this mentality that “you’ll just know” is that you end up chasing a feeling, rather than a person.
You allow our feelings to be the one and only compass to lead and guide you in — and out of relationships, without taking into consideration that in healthy relationships:
Because just as quickly as feelings come – feelings go.
That’s an expected part of the ritual of real relationships.
There’s no such thing as that one time feeling that will carry you through a lifetime.
If you’re looking for that, you’ll likely find yourself filled with doubt or even ready to bail the moment that feeling wavers.
Why You’ll Just Know Needs To Be Kept In Perspective
Now, while a small minority of people do claim to have had that “I just know” feeling, the people who I have interacted with that are in the healthiest marriages affirm that their decision to marry someone was not a “one time feeling”, but a series of observations, emotions, and character traits they witnessed over a significant period of time that led them to the belief that this person was going to be a great match for their life.
It was about compatibility more than it was about chemistry. But the right amount of compatibility is often the best recipe for chemistry.
That’s not to say that you should ignore feelings, because feelings are a valuable part of the process of discerning if someone is a good fit for you. Feelings are important, you just can’t let feelings lead the way.
For more on this, check back here for Really Bad Dating Advice Part 2!
Looking for GOOD dating & relationship advice?
Check out the Love + Relationships Podcast with Debra Fileta
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Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.
DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twi