An Open Letter to my Married Friends

In Advice and Encouragement, Single by Debra Fileta

I’m excited to introduce you to Molly, my awesome behind-the-scenes helper at  Molly is a single young woman with some great perspectives! This is her 2nd guest post on the True Love Dates blog and a great reminder for the married folks everywhere. Find out more about her in the bio below!


Sometimes I feel like my married friends have forgotten about me.

Now, let me just explain that this is all said with the utmost love for my married friends. There’s no bitterness here. Yet, I realized after talking with some other single friends that there’s a common feeling among us single people when the majority of our friends have gotten married. I wanted to write an open letter to married people everywhere.

A lot of my friends graduated from college already engaged or in serious relationships. The year or two following graduation was a flurry of engagements, weddings and Facebook photo albums updates. I really loved sharing in the excitement and joy of my friends, and knowing that I was able to share in these big moments in their lives meant a lot to me.

But as we’ve all transition into different phases of our lives, there are a few things I’d really like my married friends, and married folks everywhere, to know:

Being a third wheel doesn’t bother me. Some of my favorite memories with friends were moments I “third-wheeled”: Friday night movies, dance parties in living rooms, dinners out, and I’ve even been invited to help scan things for my two of my friends’ wedding registry (no joke, that actually happened. They knew I wanted to run around Target with a scanner that much.).

Even though you’re in a relationship and we’re not, it doesn’t mean we don’t share the same interests anymore. Don’t be afraid to ask if your single friends want to hang out, no matter how mundane the event may seem. Time together is time together, and that’s all that matters!

Let’s stay connected. Though I may not be able to get together for coffee with a lot of my friends as often as I would like, mostly because a lot of us are scattered throughout the country, I love being a part of their lives in some capacity. Friendships are so important to me, and I have been blessed with some amazing friends.

But I noticed that once we all settled into the new normal of some of us being married and some of us not, connections sometimes started to wane. Now, that’s to be expected because I know marriage takes a lot of work, time and commitment. I’m not trying to take anything away from that. It just means so much to me when my married friends take a second or two out of their day to shoot me a text or post something on my Facebook, especially because I know their schedules are generally more jam-packed than mine.

But there are also times where the text messages go unanswered and the Skype dates never happen and it seems like everyone is on a double date except me. In those moments, I sometimes wonder if they’ve moved on without me. Find a way to reach out, no matter how small the gesture may seem to you. It always means a lot.

Remember what it was like when you were single. A common refrain I’ve heard from married folks over the years is “Oh, I totally remember what it was like to be in your shoes.” But sometimes I wonder if they REALLY do. Being single can be extremely lonely, hard and rough on certain days, and we need to know we have people we can tell about our innermost struggles. Encourage us, point us always to God, and pray for us. More than anything, just be there, however you can.

All that to say: Married folks, don’t forget about your single friends! We’re still here and want to share in your little and big life moments just as much now as before. Life happens, things change, but the basis core of friendships don’t have to. Find a way to invite your single friends into your new life, even if it’s something as simple as getting coffee together or a quick phone call. Let’s all find a way to “do life” together, no matter what this crazy life brings our way.

Molly Jasinski is passionate about a lot of things, including serving Jesus, helping with behind-the-scenes work on, spending time with family and friends, and cheering for the Green Bay Packers. You can follow her stream-of-consciousness thoughts on her personal blog or Twitter.