What are the biggest turn offs for girls? What repels members of the female race, and do you have any of those qualities? I went to my female readers to ask that very question, and here's what they said about the top 8 turn offs.

The Top 8 Turn Offs For Women

In For the Guys, Relationships by Debra Fileta

What are the biggest turn offs for women (aka the ladies, girls, and gals out there)?

A few days ago, we were chatting about the top 8 turn offs for a man – that is, the things they find least appealing in a woman. 

So today, we are going to offer the ladies perspective. Last week on my True Love Dates Facebook page, I asked the women to give me the down low about the things that turn them off the most when it comes to members of the opposite sex. The conversation that followed was a good one. Here’s what the ladies said: 

Passivity/No Initiative are Turn Offs For Women

I’m going to start with this one because it was mentioned the most out of every other item on the list. When it comes to relationships, women are looking for a man who will walk beside them, not behind them.

When it comes to relationships, women are looking for a man who will walk beside them, not behind them.

One of the absolute biggest turn offs for women is when a man is lacking in action and initiative toward her and toward his pursuit of her. Men, the ladies aren’t looking for you to do all the work, but they are expecting you to be 50% of the relationship…and to do your part. You are half of the relationship, so you need to be giving just as much as you’re receiving. And personally, I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Arrogance/Conceit are Turn Offs For Women

Choosing Marriage

It’s beyond important to be in a relationship where we as women are seen as equal…so it makes perfect sense why this turn off ranked so high among the ladies. Men who are full of themselves, self-absorbed, and talk only about themselves are one of the biggest turn offs for girls and women in our culture.

Sadly, I think many men exhibit the characteristics of pride, arrogance, and conceit without even realizing it. Like I talk about in detail in my upcoming new book, Choosing Marriage, pride is one of the most dangerous things in a marriage. It comes out in so many different forms but it prevents you from loving, from forgiving, from confessing, and from maintaining equality in a relationship, so recognizing it early on is the key to sustaining a healthy relationship. Bottom line is this: men, don’t be full of yourselves.

Unclear Intentions are Turn Offs For Women

Does he like me or not? That is the big question that women are trying to take away from an interaction with the opposite sex. They’re looking for man whose actions match his words and vice versa. A man who is texting them Monday and ignoring them the Tuesday is wishy-washy with his behavior is a complete turnoff for most women. Our culture might call it playing hard to get, but for a healthy woman, these characteristics are downright repulsive.

Cheap Guys Are Turn Offs For Women

A person who is generous with their finances, is often generous with other parts of their life: their time, their energy, and their motions. So it would make sense that being cheap is a reflection of your lack of giving all around. It’s important to be wise with your money, but being a person of generosity and hospitality is just as important in the big picture of life.

Deceit/Lying Are Turn Offs For Women

As I was going through the list of most common turn offs for women, it was interesting to note that some of these things that women called “turn offs” go way above and beyond preferences…they are toxic traits.

Deceit is not only a turn off, in my book of life it’s absolutely intolerable. A relationship has to be built on trust, and trust can only come with complete honesty and the absence of deceit. Lying about big things or small thing is categorized as deceit, no matter how you try to look at it. It’s a red flag, so ladies…if you see it, run as fast as you can.

Lazy/Lack of Motivation are Turn Offs For Women

A man who lacks work ethic, motivation, and drive, is a huge turn off for the average woman. Like I said earlier, a woman is looking for someone who is going to keep up with her, not someone she has to drag behind her through life. In true love dates I talk about the triangle theory, and the importance of each person in the relationship to be moving toward God and the calling he has placed on their life. It makes sense that a “lack of movement” is a turn off all around.

Smoking is a Turn Off For Women

Not surprisingly back on the list of turn offs for women was the topic of smoking. Smoking was the number one dating deal breaker all around in other surveys I have taken as well. Like I said earlier in the men’s article, no one wants to watch someone willingly damage their bodies. So clearly, this is a turn off no matter what your gender.

Poor Communication Skills are Turn Offs For Women

I’m ending with this turn off, because I think it’s an important one. In the past, our culture has given men a free pass in the area of communication saying that men are just not as good as communicating as women. I call bull on that statement, because I truly believe that good communication is a learned skill, one that has to be practiced and pruned no matter what your gender. We all have a responsibility to learn to communicate and to do it well. 

No one is born a good communicator, and while the amount you talk may be inherent to some people‘s personalities, good communication is a skill. And it doesn’t have anything to do with how MUCH you talk, but rather, how WELL.  A man who is learning to communicate well likely has a lot of other good things going on for him as well. Like I say in Choosing Marriage, communication is the lifeline of a relationship. So no matter what your gender, put it at the top of your list as an area of growth. 

As important to know what women want in a man and in a relationship, it’s also important to understand what turns them off. Hopefully this list of turn offs for girls, women, and the ladies out there will give you a place to start taking inventory.

You’re going to TOTALLY WANT TO CHECK out Debra’s new LOVE + RELATIONSHIPS PODCAST! It’s a hotline style show answering REAL listener questions about love, sex, dating and marriage in a raw and honest way. Download it Today! Your love-life will thank you for it.

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DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on FacebookInstagram, or Twitter