The Top 8 Turn Offs For Men

In For the Ladies by Debra Fileta

What are the biggest turn offs for guys? As important as it is to understand the qualities and traits that attract the healthy members of the opposite sex, it’s just as crucial to understand the things that repel them.

I asked my male readers at my True Love Dates Facebook Page to tell me some of the biggest turn offs for guys, and here’s what they said:


There’s something about a woman who doesn’t know what she wants that seems to repel the men out there, because this is something that a lot of them admitted to. As a licensed professional counselor, I’ve noticed that often times, when we don’t know what we want in life, it’s a reflection that we don’t know who we are. And maybe that’s the underlying issue here.


The fact that insecurity was a turn off, aligned with the fact that men reported a woman of confidence to be attractive and what men really want in a woman. A woman who is constantly questioning her appearance, her personality, and her like-ability is a sign that there is some emotional healing that needs to happen.


Manipulation. Constant arguing. Explosive interactions. I’m not a man, but even I agree with them on this one. Ain’t nobody got time for drama. I can see how “drama” is a turn off because it’s a reflection of someone with poor communication skills and an inability to handle their emotions in a mature way.


The men also reported the struggle that comes with a woman who is over-the-top with her needs to look a certain way and have certain things. I recently talked to a man who said one of his ex girlfriends straight up told him that her love language was expensive gifts (I guess that’s why she’s an ex….). Men want a woman they can please with their will – not just their wallet.


As a woman, I can say that it’s easy to be critical without realizing it. It’s easy to see a flaw, a weakness, in a situation or a person – and want that problem to be fixed. But we have to make sure we’re being corrective and not critical. One is done rooted in love, and the other isn’t.  So ladies, before you write this one off, take some inventory of the demeanor you’re exuding in this area of your life.


Consistently with my dating research, smoking still ranks as a major off for the opposite sex across the board. There’s just something about watching a person ingest harmful fumes that doesn’t put the mind at ease.

Foul Mouth/Bad Language

In the same lines of a critical woman, men reported that it’s a turn off to be in the presence of a woman who speaks foul words. I personally find that our ability to express both positive and negative emotions, without using foul language is a reflection of our communication skills. It takes creativity and maturity to express yourself well…which is probably why cussing is a turn off.

Mixed Messages

Men and women a like (we’ll talk about the women’s list later this week) reported the issue they have with mixed messages. No one wants to be around a person who says one thing, and acts another thing. To be a person who stands out among the rest, your talk has to match your walk in both your romantic interactions and in every other aspect of life.

I want to thank the men out there for giving us this insightful list of turn offs for guys. Next post we’ll hear what the ladies have to say.

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Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, and Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me where she writes candidly about love, sex, dating, relationships, and marriage. You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine,, and all over the web! She’s the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, reaching millions of people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!