5 Advantages of Singleness

In Advice and Encouragement, Single by Debra Fileta

Hey friends of TLD! Let me officially introduce you to my amazing behind-the-scenes gal, my intern, Brittany! She’s been an invaluable part of running social media and other aspects of the TLD ministry, and it’s been such a pleasure getting to know her heart over the past 6 months. As with all my interns, I wanted to give her a chance to share her heart and wisdom with all of you…so give her very first guest post a read, and leave her some love and encouragement in the comment section below! — Love, Deb

For all but 9 months of my 26 years of life, I have been single.

Day by day, my feelings about that change – from thankfulness, to indifference, to sheer loneliness and aggravation at the Lord wondering when I will get the chance to walk down the aisle. I catch myself thinking about all the negatives about singleness – being the 3rd, 5th, or even 13th wheel when going out with friends, not having someone to wake up next to every morning, and just missing out on the activities my married friends seem to get so much pleasure out of doing together.

But the more I dwelt on the negatives, the more I realized I needed to find a better way of looking at my life as a single woman. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, I am constantly helping my patients change their thought processes in order to improve their overall satisfaction with life. But when it comes to changing my own, it’s hard to practice what I preach. After praying and talking with the spiritual mentors in my life, I started compiling a list of all the advantages I have as a single person:

Relationship with God – Throughout my first serious relationship, I saw how difficult it was to maintain my “individual” relationship with God. My prayers seemed to focus primarily on my life as a couple, decisions that we were making, guidance for wisdom in our relationship, etc. My bible time was focused on preparation for being a good wife and mother, not on just being the person God had called me to be (and whatever that may or may not entail). After the relationship ended and I began the single life again, I truly began to see the importance of spending time in the word and continuing to strengthen my faith. I have discovered that singleness allows me the opportunity to continue building a solid foundation while also preparing for the roles of wife and mother that God may grant me in the future.

Finances – One of the biggest things I have learned since graduating high school has been the importance of managing my finances. I feel like with every major life transition over the past 8 years, I have had to budget differently, tighten the purse strings, and cut things out of my life in order to make sure I could make ends meet. (Thank you graduate school and your tiny stipends). Of course, when I got my first “big girl” paycheck and had more money that I’d ever had before, I had to learn to manage it appropriately too.

If there’s anything I have learned from my married friends, it’s “money causes problems.” Usually because one spouse is a saver and another is a spender. Learning to appropriately manage, spend, and invest is much easier as a single person than a couple. Having these skills going into your marriage will benefit both you and your spouse. You’ll either be on the same page, or you’ll be able to help your spouse learn the importance of a budget.

Scheduling – My planner and phone calendar are my best friends. Both of these tools help me manage various jobs, ministries, tasks, etc. that are my responsibility on a weekly basis. One of the best parts of being single I have found is being able to manage your own schedule without having to consult with another person. I am able to schedule impromptu trips, dinners, activities and events without having to check with my spouse’s schedule.

Decision Making – Another huge perk to singleness is the ability to make your own decisions. Granted, I believe it is wise to seek out wise counsel and pray about any major decisions I make, but it’s nice being able to weigh the pros and cons myself, without having to also weigh in the opinion of another person. Having to learn to make big, life decisions independently has really increased my self-confidence over the years and showed me that I can do things myself.

Community – I think my favorite part of being single has been the community that I have been able to form around me. My singleness gives me the opportunity to be there for friends and family at any time they may need me. Not only am I more available to them, but I am able to pour more love into their lives and into the ministries I serve.

I realized that throughout my time in a serious relationship I just wasn’t able to do all of the things I had done before because I had to pour so much of myself into my building this relationship. God has been able to use me in various ways to impact lives of others around me that I really don’t think would have been possible had I been in a relationship or married.

Even though I long for the day I walk down the aisle and say “I do,” I’m learning more and more about embracing the positive aspects of this stage of my life.

I’m taking it one day at time, and day by day, God is showing me more about His love and grace through my “time of waiting”.

Brittany is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in Pediatric Integrated Care. In her free time, she loves spending time with her family, friends, and church family. She participates in various ministries at her church and has a small photography business on the side. She began reading the True Love Dates blog after going through a difficult breakup and says that it has changed her life and perspective on dating and preparing for marriage in the future. 

For more on preparing for dating during singleness, check out True Love Dates, the book!