If you’re struggling to avoid porn right now, this article is for you.
Most of us have a lot of extra time on our hands right now.
Extra time for Netflix.
Extra time for Instagram.
Extra time for YouTube.
There’s nothing wrong with watching a good movie and relaxing, in fact, it’s one of my favorite things to do at the end of a long day.
But I’m hearing from a lot of people that their entertainment is slowly becoming a place of struggle.
They’re letting their guard down, and getting exposed to things they want to avoid: Explicit movies, inappropriate TV shows, or an increase in pornography that is causing damage to their hearts and minds.
Loneliness and boredom and a lack of healthy emotional connection are the top three reasons people run to sexually stimulating entertainment.
If you’re struggling in this area right now, it’s important to set some serious boundaries and let people into your struggle. You are not the only one struggling more right now, because being in quarantine for a long time has brought an increase in temptation for a lot of people.
The problem is that so many people believe the lie that this only impacts “me”…but that is not true. Not only does it impact your current relationships, it impacts your FUTURE relationships because it sets an unrealistic expectation and standard that gets imprinted in your heart and mind.
If you’re struggling with sexually explicit content right now, I want you to do three things that can help you during this time:
Avoid Porn by Setting Boundaries To Protect Yourself:
When you’re struggling with temptation you’ve got to remember how important boundaries are.
Boundaries are like the fence that keep the harmful things out and the good things in.
When your heart isn’t strong enough to make healthy choices, how you set up your environment can be key in helping you get on the right track. If you’re serious about staying away from temptation, consider some of the following boundaries as part of “setting up a fence of protection” around your heart and mind. You’ve got to start from the outside of your life, while you align your heart on the inside. Here are just a few suggestions:
- Add an accountability browser to protect you such as Covenant Eyes
- Set the restrictions on your apps settings to keep mature content filtered.
- Delete apps from your phone that continue causing repeated struggle.
- If you live with family or a roommate: keep your internet browsing to a computer sitting out in a social area.
- Use a favorite verse about overcoming temptation as your screensaver or background to give you that reminder before you log into your device.
- Set “browsing hours” for when you can watch TV/Netflix/Browse the Internet, particularly times when you’re awake vs. sleepy because being tired is a trigger to decreasing your boundaries. Ex: 9am-10pm.
- Make a list of productive things to do when you feel bored and accomplish those instead of killing time with mindless entertainment.
- Workout regularly to keep your sexual energy in check.
- Start and end the day with worship music and/or God’s word instead of a screen.
Avoid Porn By Inviting People Into Your Journey:
If you’re struggling with problematic habits right now that include pornography or sexually explicit entertainment, it’s important to let people in on your struggle. A huge part of finding freedom is in the context of community.
Invite people in your life that you trust, people who are ahead of you on this journey, and people who believe in you. I know a young man who is staying away from porn right now by having weekly check-ins with his good friend and keeping each other accountable. I know another young woman who is hosting a weekly zoom group with other women to keep each other in check with lust and pornography. If you don’t have people in your corner, it’s going to make it that much harder to break free.
If you’re married, it’s vital to include your spouse in this process of healing by bringing your struggle to the light and asking for help. Struggles become strongholds when they’re kept in the darkness!
If you’ve tried to break free again and again with no success, it may be a sign that your struggle has moved into the territory of addiction. I encourage you to take the next step of inviting a licensed counselor into your journey — that’s what we’re here for! Find a counselor who is trained in addiction recovery to help you start the path of healing and freedom. If you’re looking for a recommendation, I’ve partnered with an amazing online counseling agency that matches you up to a professional counselor who is also a believer in Christ within 24 hours. So don’t wait, get started today!!
Avoid Porn By Filling Your Need To Connect In Healthy Ways:
It’s important to recognize that it’s common for our sexual energy to increase as a result of a decrease in our emotional connection. Right now, we’re living in a unique time in history where our social and emotional connections have seriously subsided. For some, they’re non-existent.
You’ve got to recognize that part of keeping your sexual appetite in a healthy place is by filling your emotional appetite in a healthy way.
Make sure you’re investing in people through phone calls, Zoom, Facetime, etc. and filling in the gaps by making the time to reach out to people and asking them to reach out to you. Ask for what you need!
Another suggestion to fill your emotional connection in a healthy way is to do things throughout the day that force you to look around at the needs of others, instead of getting fixated on your own needs and concerns. Consider buying groceries for an elderly neighbor, taking the time to make a phone call and encourage someone in need, or spending an afternoon writing encouraging emails or notes to friends and family. When you get your emotional needs met in healthy ways, it has a direct positive impact on other parts of your life, including your sexual appetite.
Don’t get discouraged…healing from porn and sexual struggles is not a linear experience where you just get stronger and stronger each day forevermore. For many people, healing is a process of taking two steps forward, one step back…but the key is continuing to move forward in healing. Continuing to bring things into the light. Continuing to fight for healthy relationships. Continuing to believe that you are moving toward freedom. I’m believing with you, and rooting for you.
For more resources on this check out:
- Sex & The Single Life (controlling your lust before it controls you) podcast
- Sex and the Single Life: What to do with sexual desires while you wait (audio lesson)
- Porn is Not Just a Man’s Problem (article)
- 3 Steps To Breaking Free From Porn
DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of Choosing Marriage and True Love Dates, and Love In Every Season. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twi
ORDER DEBRA’S NEWEST BOOK today!
