The dangerous rift between two people in a marriage doesn’t happen overnight. Just like anything significant, marriage takes time to build – and it also takes time to tear down.
But sometimes, we begin to slide away from one another without our realizing that the rift is happening. Like the slow dripping of a leaky faucet, we get so accustomed to the pattern of the noise that we don’t even realize that something is broken. Something is in need of attention.
But step by step, day by day, year by year…we disconnect.
Maybe it’s that we’re not taught how to fight against the drift. Or maybe we’re just not in tune to the drifting when it happens. But either way, if we’re not careful, we can find our marriages in a place we never intended for them to be.
If you find yourself dealing with one or more of the following issues in your marriage, it’s time to take seriously the suggestion that your marriage needs attention.
12. If you find that you’re filled with more bitterness toward your spouse than affection – your marriage needs attention.
11. If you find yourself arguing with one another more than connecting with one another – your marriage needs attention.
10. If your disagreements constantly escalate, and end in more conflict rather than a resolution – your marriage needs attention.
9. If you find yourselves passing each other like “strangers” rather than interacting as friends – your marriage needs attention.
8. If you commonly go through your day without touching or connecting physically – your marriage needs attention.
7. If, more often than not, you feel more emotionally drained after being together rather than emotionally filled – your marriage needs attention.
6. If you never have disagreements. Ever. Ever. Ever. – your marriage needs attention. (This tells me that real needs and desires aren’t being expressed on a regular basis and that passivity or safety need to be explored).
5. If you’re so busy or distracted that you have less than 30 minutes of quality conversation in your week – your marriage needs attention.
4. If you feel disconnected and not “in tune” with one another spiritually and emotionally – your marriage needs attention.
3. If you have unresolved issues from the past that keep coming up to haunt your relationship in the present – your marriage needs attention.
2. If you are clueless about your spouse’s activities, interactions, and behaviors when you’re not around – your marriage needs attention.
1. If you would rather spend your free time with people other than your spouse – your marriage needs attention.
It’s time to get serious about getting your marriage to a better place. It’s time to be deliberate about giving your marriage the attention it deserves. Because attention breathes life into a marriage.
If you want practical steps, detailed advice, and a candid look into what it means to invest in your marriage and take it to a better place, check out my book, Choosing Marriage. It’s filled with astonishing survey results from over 1,000 married people. I poured my heart and soul into it, and I believe it’s going to change marriages and relationships across the globe…one choice at a time.
Comment below: What are some ways you give “attention” to your marriage?
Debra is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in dating, marriage, and relationship issues, along with a spectrum of mental health disorders and issues. She’s the author of True Love Dates, Choosing Marriage, Love in Every Season, Are You Really Ok?, and Married Sex. She’s also the host of the Love + Relationships Podcast, a hotline-style show where people call in to get their relationship questions answered!
Are you looking for counseling to help with any of the 12 signs listed above? Schedule your online couples or individual session today with a Debra Fileta Counselors Network Counselor! Whether you are single, dating, engaged, married or working through some issues – a DFCN counselor will be able to listen and help you! Click Here to book an online session and to learn more!
Singles Night Out (on zoom) is coming up!
A night of fun, fellowship, giveaways, and encouragement for ALL singles featuring a Q&A with Debra Fileta. This is a co-ed event for all singles!
Have you ever wanted to hear an answer to your question about sex from a licensed professional Christian counselor? Singles Night Out: Sex and the Single Life is for you!
Date: Friday, August 26, 2022
Time: 8:30pm – 10:30pm EST
Where: Online Event on Zoom
Ticket Price: $20
Register for Singles Night Out here!