It’s not uncommon to hear married couples, who are on the brink of divorce around the 20-year mark, say that they don’t know each other anymore. Despite spending two decades together, they feel like they are strangers. The reason is that over time, people change, grow, and evolve. The person you are twenty years after marriage is not the same person you were on your wedding day. The key to a successful marriage is to stay emotionally connected with your spouse so that you can experience the changes with them.
Emotional connection is the way that you remain “in the know”. It’s an opportunity to get to know them on a regular basis. It’s a learning process that never stops. because change and growth never stop. If you only hold onto the person, they were 20 years ago, you miss the person that they are today. And that’s a grave mistake to make in marriage.
To help you strengthen your emotional connection, I have compiled a list of…
100 questions to ask your spouse:
Fun Questions
- What did you want to be when you were a child?
- Someone gives you $100,000, what do you do with it?
- Who was your favorite teacher in school, and why?
- If you could switch places with one person for a day, who would it be and why?
- One thing that you want to try in the bedroom that we haven’t done yet?
- What is your favorite tradition from your childhood?
- What is your favorite book?
- What is your favorite position?
- Do you ever think about me during the day?
- Do you ever wish I could read your mind? When?
- Did you collect stuff as a child?
- If I had to cook one meal for you for the rest of our lives, what would you want it to be?
- Would you ever drive across the country in an RV?
- How many telephone numbers do you actually have memorized?
- What was your favorite family tradition growing up?
- What is your favorite memory of dating me?
- What do you like most that I do in bed?
- What is your favorite thing I ever did for a special occasion for you?
- How long do you think people should wait before having kids?
- Describe the most romantic date you can think of — spare no expense!
- What was your first favorite movie, as a child?
- If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be and why?
- What do you want to do when you retire?
- Who was your favorite teacher when you were a child?
- What’s your favorite memory with your mom?
- If you were a flavor of ice cream, what flavor would you be and why?
- What’s your favorite memory with your dad?
- What’s the strangest date you’ve ever been on?
- If we could live anywhere else on Earth, where would it be?
- What is the #1 thing on your bucket list?
- What present do you think would make me happy?
- Do you think you can have multiple best friends or only one?
- Describe a fun date that only costs $20.
- If we could do one home remodeling project, what would you want to do?
- If you were forced to get a tattoo, what would it be?
- If you had to drink one beverage for the rest of your life, what would it be?
- What movie reminds you of us?
- What was your first favorite movie, as a child?
- Would you ever like to get a pet?
- What household chores you secretly enjoy?
- Who is the kindest person you’ve ever met? What did they do that was so kind?
- What is your funniest memory of me?
- What is the funniest prank that you have ever played?
- If you could rename yourself, what name would you choose?
- If you had the opportunity to leave your career right now, which other career path would you take instead?
- How frequently would you like to go out on a date with me?
- Is there a hobby we could take up together?
- If you could relive a single day of your life, which would it be? Why?
- Which cartoon character would you say I’m most like?
- What’s your silliest pet peeve? What things really irritate you, but probably shouldn’t?
Deep Questions
- What is your biggest regret?
- What has God been teaching you lately?
- What do you love most about me?
- What is one thing you would change about our sex life?
- What did you learn about marriage from your parents?
- What’s the angriest you ever felt?
- When you wake up in the middle of the night, what do you think about?
- Which significant other before me had the biggest impact on you?
- If you had to change one thing about yourself, what would you pick?
- What did you learn about marriage from your parents?
- Do you think we get to spend enough time with each other?
- What did you learn about physical affection from your parents?
- What’s a question you’ve never asked me?
- What is your favorite memory with me?
- How healthy are you spiritually?
- What is the one thing you wish I did differently as a Mom/Dad?
- What would happen if one of us dies?
- What’s the most scared you ever felt, as a child?
- What do you think we need to work on the most in our relationship?
- If you got sick, do you think I would be there to care for you?
- As a child, did you trust both of your parents?
- What is something I could do to make you trust me even more?
- When is the last time you cried and why?
- Generally speaking, do you like the way you look?
- What do you believe to be your spiritual gifts?
- What is one thing that you’ve done that you would never want printed in the newspaper for the world to see?
- What do you want your legacy to be? What do you want people to remember about you?
- What did you think after your first intimate experience?
- What is something you want to overcome or improve in yourself?
- Where could we as a couple serve God better? What mission does He want us to pursue?
- What is the most challenging experience you’ve had in life?
- Do you think our love has grown over the years?
- Is your relationship with God in a good place?
- What is your biggest fear or concern about our relationship?
- How important is sexual frequency to you, and do you have any expectations or preferences in that regard?
- What do you look forward to experiencing with me?
- What is your favorite books(s) of the Bible? Why?
- What is the most important lesson to teach a child?
- What advice would you give to your children to stay determined?
- What is your long-term goal?
- What are you most ashamed of?
- Do you think we have changed as individuals over the years?
- How often do you think we fight?
- How might I as your spouse best support you in what God is doing in your life?
- What is the one thing you would not change about yourself?
- Do you think I care enough about your parents?
- Do you feel insecure with me?
- If you could sit down with your 15-year old self, what would you say?
- Is there a specific area of our marriage where we need some extra help in order to get to where God wants us to be?
- What is are you beliving God for right now?
Resources:
Podcast Series:
I will be starting a new marriage podcast series on the Love+Relationships Podcast next week! Be sure to tune in weekly!
Books:
Get busy learning what you need to know about healthy singleness, dating, and marriage. Check out Love In Every Season: The Four Stages of Every Healthy Relationship, Choosing Marriage: Why It Has To Start With We > Me or True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life.
The Debra Fileta Counselors Network:
Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!
DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written six books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, and RESET. She’s also the host of the hotline style Love + Relationships Podcast answering listener questions about love, relationships, and mental and emotional health. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today!
