10 Signs That He/She Is Just Not That Into You

In Advice and Encouragement, Dating, For the Guys, For the Ladies, Relationships by Debra Fileta

Having a hard time reading their interest? Wondering whether or not they are as into you as you are into them?

Here are a few signs to confirm that maybe it’s time to walk away, trusting God for something better:

  1. You Hardly Communicate or Interact: Does he return your text message 5 days later? Does she go days without filling you in? When both parties are interested, communication is continuous and interaction is generous. In a healthy relationship, you desire to get to know one another and each and every day brings a valuable opportunity for conversation. If he/she is interested in you, you’ll see it by the amount of time they invest being deliberate about interacting with you.
  1. He/She’s Open About Other Interests: Is he/she talking to you about another interest? Did he mention that good-looking girl, or did she talk about that sweet guy she met the other day? That’s a sure-fire sign that your romantic relationship is on the back-burner. And that’s a good thing, because you don’t want to be with someone that you have to beg for their attention. You deserve better than that.
  1. He/She Doesn’t Invite You Into Their Life: One mark that a relationship is going somewhere is the slow integration of your lives. He/She should eventually let you into their lives, and they into yours. Have you met their friends and family? Have you been invited into their word? If you’ve been in a relationship for a few months and the answer to this question is still NO- then you might want to ask yourself why?
  1. He/She Flirts with Others/Lacking in Boundaries with the Opposite Sex: Not only is this a sign that he/she is not that into you, but it’s also a sign that maybe you shouldn’t be that into him/her. A relationship that starts with a lack of boundaries, usually stays there. A healthy relationship will display actions that prove that YOU are the priority.
  1. Your Physical Relationship Outweighs Your Commitment: Anyone who tries to get physical early on in a relationship is in it for themselves. There is a proper place for healthy affection in a dating relationship, but when your physical relationship surpasses your commitment- you have to ask yourself what it is they REALLY want from you: your heart, or your body?
  1. You are Giving More Than You’re Getting Out of the Relationship: One of the main signs that he/she is not interested is that you find yourself doing most or even all of the work in the relationship. You’re initiating, planning, communicating, calling, texting, checking in, and giving- all while receiving little to nothing back. A one-way relationship isn’t actually a relationship, because real relationships are reciprocal. The faster you get out, the better off you’ll be.
  1. He/She wants to Make You someone You’re Not: Do you feel like he/she is constantly trying to change you? Commenting on all the negative things and openly critiquing you? If that’s the case he/she is not that into you- because instead of falling in love with who you ARE, they’re focused in on who you’re NOT.
  1. He/She Doesn’t Ask Questions to Get to Know You: If he/she is not that into you, conversation will confirm it because it will likely be all about them and not about you. When someone is truly interested in you, they do everything they can to learn who you are. In healthy relationships, conversation will be balanced, and consists of give-and-take.
  1. He/She Doesn’t Make You a Priority: How many excuses does it take for you to realize that he/she is not that into you? From some of the emails I get, apparently the answer to that question is: a whole lot. If he/she is constantly making excuses of why they “can’t”, maybe it’s time for you to back off and search for someone who CAN. Healthy relationships prioritize one another.
  1. You Find Yourself More Confused Than Confident: A healthy relationship will bring about a sense of confidence that you’re both on the same page. Because in a healthy relationship, each passing day will take away questions and doubt, rather than fueling more. If you find yourself constantly struggling to know where your relationship stands, it’s time to take a step back and ask yourself some hard questions. Healthy relationships are not defined by drama, but by maturity, good communication, and mutual respect. You owe it to yourself to wait for that.

Say goodbye to mediocre relationships, and instead, wait for magnificent.


Did this article resonate with you? Do you find yourself constantly attracting the wrong kind of people? There’s a reason for that: because you will always attract people who are a similar level of emotional health. The healthier you become, the healthier your relationships will be. In the theme of that concept, I’m thrilled to let you know that in just a few short days I’ll be launching a brand-new program that I’ve been putting together for the last 6 months: 21 Days to Jump-Start Your Love-Life! You don’t want to miss this life-changing program! And get this, ONLY my email subscribers will have access to the special introductory discount rate!! If you haven’t joined my email subscriber list, join today and stay tuned for updates!
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Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 100+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter