Your Relationship Status Does NOT Define You

In Advice and Encouragement, For the Ladies, Relationships, Single by Debra Fileta11 Comments

I don’t care if you’re single. Married with children. Or even divorced.

You could be dating, or engaged…or maybe – maybe you’ve never even been on a date.

Thing is, it doesn’t actually matter what your relationship status, because this I know to be true: your relationship status does not define you.

It just doesn’t.

It may feel like it does. Seeing those engagement pictures all over Facebook. Photo after photo of happy couples on Instagram. It’s hard not to feel like you’re defined by your relationship status.

Add to that, culture is constantly feeding you the lie. The movies, commercials, sitcoms, and magazines – seducing you to believe that who you’re with is even more important than who you are. The lies are everywhere.

Even among the Churched, it seems like the conversations and sermons tend to be less about who you are – and more about who you’re with. Your marriage. Your community. Your family.

But what happens when you’re single? Or simply just struggling? What happens when you feel lonely, or rejected, or like you stick out in a crowd?

You may feel unwanted, unloved, or undesirable. You may have been hurt, rejected, and betrayed. But hear this: feelings don’t point to reality. Because no matter what you feel right now, the reality is this:

Your value does not come from the person standing beside of you. It comes from the Person living inside of you.

According to God’s Word, your value comes from the God who DECLARED you valuable. It’s not something you can get – it’s something you already have. It’s not impacted by your past mistakes – or the past mistakes of others. And it won’t change because of your future successes. It’s not something that comes from outside of you, because it’s something that has already been birthed within you.

Your “lovability” comes only from the God who says that you’re worth loving. 

But until you can GRASP this kind of love, until you can understand your worth, until you can begin to accept and believe the lavish love of God in your life – you‘ll continue to search.

You’ll keep searching for it, looking for it, trying to find it – in so many places, so many people, and so many things –  but your search for significance will always come up short. Because you can’t find something you already have.

Your value doesn’t come from the person standing beside you. It comes from the Person living within. Because of  Jesus, the fierce love of God is the constant reminder of what you’re worth. And according to God – you are worth EVERYTHINGa very high price: His very life. 

May you be empowered to grasp this truth – even just a little bit more – today. 

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. Her newest book, Choosing Marriage, is set to be released in the Summer of 2018! You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine,, and all over the web! She’s the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, reaching millions of people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!

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11 Comments on "Your Relationship Status Does NOT Define You"

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Thnak you, Debra. I needed to hear that. God bless! Thanks!


oh dear.this is for me


That’s an amazing post Debra and thank you! It took me years to realize what I am worth and it came from Jesus Christ! You blog is a tremendous help to me and continues to be daily, thank you!
May God bless you and your work for others!


Thank you so much for this today Debra. Spoke very clearly and lovingly to me❤️❤️.
I am sure a lot of other people as well. Needed this today. 🙂🙌


That’s why I don’t ask anyone out I’ve gotten rejected so many times I doubt I’ll ever find the love of my life, sure glad I have football and my dog both the love of my life.


Amen to that!


Thank-you for this message. I really needed to hear it today <3



I understand that you’re a woman writing to an audience of primarily other women (judging the comments sections of a typical post) but you may want to consider that things like this are gender-neutral and can affect both women and men. Just something to consider when you write and especially tag your posts under certain categories that might seem to others…exclusive.

Sarah Lepp

I love this post! This is exactly the struggle I have been dealing with lately! I’ve decided to start focusing on my relationship with Jesus over finding a man. It’s exactly what I’m trying to focus on writing my blog on. I’d love if you could check it out and give me some insite 🙂

Eider de

Knowing the truth is the start, taking it deep down into a wounded heart is the work to be done. As a tender hearted, vulnerable man, I often find women are very scared. They to have deep wounds. Getting scary close starts with trusting God first. That in itself is the base. See you through God’s eyes. Wow, just a big giant WOW. I am learning to pray with importunity. Urgently pleading with God. Letting my passion for life with Him grow and believing He wants me to share that passion with a woman who is running towards Him intensely.

In the world in which we live, your relationship status does define you. You either get your last name from your father (biological or adoptive) or you get it from your spouse. You get treated differently based on whether you are single, in a relationship, or married. For better or for worse (living in the fallen world in which we do), we were created to be relational creatures. Should all of these relationships be as weighty as we make them? No. And we really need help on resituating our frames of references around the biblical truths you brought up. But… Read more »