Why I Broke Up With Porn

In Advice and Encouragement, For the Guys, For the Ladies by Debra Fileta12 Comments

Hey friends! I’m excited to introduce you to MJ.  Not only is he a big fan of True Love Dates, but he’s also just as passionate about relationships done right. He’s got an awesome story to tell, and I’m excited to share my space with him for this guest post! Pay close attention to this one…even though it’s written from a male perspective- it’s for guys, and girls alike.  — Deb

I was hooked back in grade school. I sat gawking at the weather-beaten magazine I found mysteriously hidden under a log in the woods. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was hooked.

I never saw that magazine again, but I couldn’t forget the images. Perfect bodies, in positions so teasing, so inviting. Showing private parts I had never before dared dream would look so alluring.

And there were faces on those bodies too. They were also perfect, with those accepting, even eager looks they gave me.

The looks they gave ME…

And that’s the double-whammy of pornography, because it plays on both our natural drive for sexual pleasure and our innate need for acceptance.

Porn always made me feel accepted, admired, desired. This made porn an especially powerful temptation for a lonely teen. I hear it does that for a lot of people.

Thank goodness that, back when I was in school, the illuminati hadn’t yet unveiled the internet. This meant my exposure to porn was limited to the rare occasions when I wouldn’t risk exposure. Because, fortunately for me, my fear and pride were far more powerful forces than my passion for porn.

But don’t worry. Whoever hid that first magazine, made sure I could find porn in other places here and there. Just enough to keep the fires burning. And in the in-between times there was always the women’s underwear section of the Sears Catalog. (The Victoria’s Secret catalogue hadn’t been invented yet either.)

Leap forward to the year 2000. I not only survived Y2K, but my first six years of married life with my wife, Julie. However, August 1 we hit our own personal Y2K crisis of sorts.

I was laid off.

Six months after we bought our first home.

And as we were expecting our third child.

And then the information superhighway was there for me, to help me find a job. And to offer me some love and companionship. Late at night. While my wife slept soundly.

Aside from the aforementioned VS catalog, I hadn’t seen porn since high school. But it was just as intoxicating as I remembered. Even more so, since my sexual experience in marriage enabled me to fantasize so much more “realistically.” (So much for marriage solving the old lust problem.)

Regardless, in less than six months, I broke up with porn. That’s a pretty fast break, but I enlisted my wife’s help. That was rather humiliating. But after making my first couple of confessions to Julie, I just couldn’t bear the thought of doing that over and over and over again.

So instead of trying to slay this beast on my own, we worked together to put a plan in place which made porn completely inaccessible for about two years. They were pretty drastic measures, but I broke up with porn for good. And I can tell you, I never. Ever. Ever want to get back together.

Here’s just two reasons why:

I Loved Other Things More than Porn

The initial reason was pretty simple. I loved porn, but I loved other things more. Namely my wife and family. And God. Turns out, my relationship with porn was an affront to all of them.

Even better, within those first two years of forced abstinence I quickly discovered several other things I loved more: things like peace of mind, simple joy and freedom from the anxiety and tension that came with my porn habit. Indeed, over time, I found I enjoyed those other things so much, that porn began to lose its power over me. Porn could come a calling and I could simply refuse to answer.

If you’re struggling with this addiction, it’s likely you won’t be able to deny your love of porn, until you embrace these truths:

  • How much you love other things you hold to be far more precious and meaningful
  • How porn is perverting and even deadening your love for those greater things

Porn Wasn’t That Into Me

My greatest motivation to make our breakup permanent? This epiphany: no matter how much I loved porn, it never loved me back.

I thought it did at one time. It was so convincing – the way it looked at me – but time reveals the truth.

You ever been with someone like that?

It’s more than a little dehumanizing to open yourself up to someone, only to be used by them in return. And no small bit humiliating when you recognize how foolish you were.

Such is my feeling about my on-again-off-again “so called” relationship with porn.

If you’re struggling with this addiction, it’s likely you won’t break it off, until you grasp these realities:

  • Porn not only doesn’t love you. It doesn’t even know you.
  • Porn gives the exact same looks of unbridled passion and intense longing to anyone who will look, so you’re nothing special to porn.

I understand you may still love porn. I get it. I know the charm it wields in that captivating smile alone.

But you will eventually discover that what was true for me is true for you.

Porn doesn’t love you.

Will never love you.

Can never love you, because it has no love to give.

Only an empty smile.

Then you have to decide: who will you love. Will it be the faithless fantasy of porn , or our faithful Lord, who longs to lend his limitless power, not to bring about your wildest fantasies, but to give you true life abundant.

Michael Johnson (MJ) has a blast, sharing practical, passionate Biblical truth about sex, dating and relationships with college students, youth and young adults. He and his wife, Julie live with their five kids in Franklin, TN. Connect with him: Blog — Facebook — Twitter — YouTube

Comments

  1. MJ–

    This is a wonderful, and wonderfully written, piece. It is amazing (though we shouldn’t be surprised) that when we serve the same Lord, many voices express similar thoughts at the same time. My blog last Sunday, was titled “Better than Sex?” It reflected the same principle: there is no greater good than to live in, around, and through the real love of God in Jesus Christ.

    Thanks,
    Madoc

    1. Awesome, Madoc! Hope you enjoy porn freedom til you die! And be sure to send me a link to your post. I love linking to other great truth! You can reach me at any of the links above (below the post).

  2. Yes, I love how this article is written and the information is presented and does not judge people. Thank you

  3. Thank GOD the writer was able to break up with porn. Of a truth, there are many who are hooked with porn with its sister blue movies. It is my prayer that as GOD had helped him break up that others still hooked up should follow his example.

    1. Amen, Vincent! Not in our own power, but as we submit to HIS power! God is good and greater is He who is IN US than he who is in the porn… I mean world. I mean BOTH! (smile)

  4. Something inside me shatters whenever I hear someone who is struggling ( or it is evident that they are struggling) with porn and doesn’t realize it, guys and ladies alike. Our culture is so sex-driven, its nauseating, and my heart goes out to guys especially who struggle with it. You guys have it tough. On the other hand, I rejoice with you, brother, and everyone else for overcoming it, with Christ’s help! God is so good!

    1. Yes, it IS tragic. But freedom IS possible. PRAY for your friends who struggle. Thanks for sharing your heart, Angelina.

  5. You bet, Christopher! Love sharing my story. Be sure to thank Debra for letting me share it here!

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