To The Woman Who Can’t Get Over Her Jerk Boyfriend

In Dating, For the Ladies by Debra Fileta8 Comments

Q: How do I get over a man who has another girlfriend but seemed very sincere when we first met?

A: You met. And quickly, your heart went out to him. He was charming, sweet, kind, and everything you ever dreamed of him to be. He swept you off your feet with his personality, his words, and his affection.

He “seemed” so sincere. And you started falling for him….hard.

Feelings can be so intense sometimes, can’t they? So much so, that even when the fog of emotions clear, and you start seeing things for what they are, it can be really hard to reign them in again and walk away from a relationship that isn’t good for you.

And that’s exactly what needs to happen here. You need to walk away.

In every dating relationship, there comes a point in time when your expectations of that relationship and the reality of that relationship come face to face. And in my professional opinion, you don’t need more than a good year to begin to see what a person is really made of.

A person’s true colors will always begin to shine through – if you’re brave enough to see it.

And in this situation, it’s clear that who he told you he was — who you you thought he was — and who he actually is are two very different people.

Let me remind you that in situations like this, you can’t trust your feelings. You just can’t. God designed our emotions to help guide us, but they’re never meant to lead the way. Ever. What needs to lead the way is truth. And the truth is clear that this man is not committed to you, nor will he ever be. Because no matter how hard you want to believe it, you can’t change someone with your love.

They need to learn to change for themselves.

And at the end of the day, nothing he says matters if his actions don’t speak love.

Love doesn’t cheat.

Love doesn’t lie.

Love doesn’t abandon.

Love doesn’t live a double life.

It’s genuine.

It’s authentic.

It’s selfless.

It’s committed.

It’s sincere.

That’s what love looks like.

Remind yourself that it is a GIFT to walk away from the wrong relationship, because it allows your heart to be open to the right one.

You deserve that. And the healthier you become, the more your eyes will be open to the fact that you DESERVE good things. And soon enough, you’ll begin to recognize the good from the not so good…

Because as difficult as it is to walk away from an unhealthy dating relationship….it’s even more devastating to move forward into an unhealthy marriage.

Remind yourself of that…shut the door behind you….and begin to move forward, one step at a time. And with God’s help, strength, and grace, I’m praying you’ll choose to believe for better.

Catch up on the whole #RelationshipQASeries!

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. Her newest book, Choosing Marriage, is set to be released in the Summer of 2018! You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine,, and all over the web! She’s the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, reaching millions of people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!

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8 Comments on "To The Woman Who Can’t Get Over Her Jerk Boyfriend"

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Love this!! Thanks, actually almost rushed into a relationship recently. Thankfully, the guy understood my reasons of me stepping back in his words: I ‘Friendzoned’ him. But I told him if what we ‘felt’ for each other came from God there was no need to rush or run into a relationship prematurely, especially when we just met 2months ago and went on a date when I flew to visit my brother’s church for an event. So now were ‘enjoying’ the friendship season slowly but surely growing amd getting to know each other 😀

Sam T.

No woman friendzones me. I don’t allow it.


Can you clarify your comment, Sam T.? Is it a joke/sarcasm? Or do you have something to say about the nature of male-female friendships?

Tom Albrecht

Maybe he meant that he wants a female to make up her mind, and once she’s made up her mind, he moves on. She doesn’t get a chance to use him for emotional support when there’s not hope for a relationship, and he doesn’t put himself in a place to be used by her or to have his feelings dragged through the grinder by being around her too much.

Sam T.

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Tom Albrecht

I don’t think you mean that you friendzoned him. You just dialed the relationship back. To friendzone means to permanently lock someone away from there being a possibility of a relationship. Sounds like there’s still chance things might happen here, but you were afraid you were moving too quickly. Which is fine.

I so needed to read this this morning! I recently got out of a very toxic relationship — and a bad breakup. This guy “seemed” to be everything I thought I wanted and more when we first met and started dating, but things quickly turned ugly in the midst of a hard season he was in and his true colors appeared. He’s now trying to get back into my life with promises that he’s a changed man. I cannot and will not have a repeat of the past. I deserve better. I deserve a man of his word; a man… Read more »
Shay Johnson

Amen. thanks Debra! God bless you and your family