The Bright Side of Singleness

In Advice and Encouragement, Single by Debra Fileta60 Comments

Welcome to TrueLoveDates.com‘s #TheSingleLife blog series!

I am SO pumped about all the great content and guest posts we have coming your way as we dig deep into this important conversation about #TheSingleLife. 

With more singles than ever before in our nation, it’s about time we took this topic seriously and offered some different perspectives.

I wanted to start this series looking at the Bright Side of Singleness…because we’re going to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly coming up, so it’s important to have a balanced conversation along the way.

So for this first post, I believe that there is no one BETTER or MORE QUALIFIED to write this article than….YOU. My single readers! I love and appreciate your insight so much, and I know you have so much wisdom to encourage each other on this journey.

So let’s tribute this post to the bright side.

The truth is, in life  we always have two options: to look on the bright side, or to look on the not-so-bright-side. I don’t know about you, but for me, my tendency is DEFINITELY the latter. I think it’s important to discuss the bright side as a community of people, because it’s easier to see the bright side when you aren’t feeling so alone in it. And frankly, it’s a habit that needs to be cultivated. In all of us.

Let’s get this party started. Comment below answering this question, and interacting with other’s comments below. This will be like a singles chat room (remember those? yikes….I’m aging myself).

WHAT HAVE BEEN SOME OF THE BEST THINGS ABOUT SINGLENESS? 

PS. *Please refrain from posting negative comments or discouraging others in any way, shape, or form below…it won’t be tolerated.

PPS. I can’t wait for the day when someone emails me and tells me they are getting married and met their spouse in the comment section of my blog. I can dream, can’t I? 😉

I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts and interacting with you along the way. Be sure to follow along on Facebook, too!

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. Her newest relationship book is set to be released in the Summer of 2018! You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and all over the web! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!

Learn what you need to know about CHOOSING a healthy dating relationship.

“Your love life needs this book!!” – Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, world reknown psychologists and bests-selling authors. Just click below to see what ALL the reviews are saying!

 

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60 Comments on "The Bright Side of Singleness"

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Nic Hatfield
Guest
There are some great things that come with singleness. I’m 21, been on my own for 6 years (yes, I moved out when I was 15 due to a very abusive home life), so for all intents and purposes my emotional and spiritual age is much higher than other 21 year olds. Nearly all of my friends are married with kids. It has often provided a sad, “this is never going to happen to me,” outlook although getting married, having kids and loving my family well is my number one goal in life. The journey is still tough sometimes, particularly… Read more »
Joy
Guest
One definite bright side of being single, that I feel like a lot of us don’t take advantage of, is having time to not only get to know yourself more, but to dive into God and to get to know Him and His ways. Once marriage life hits, and babies come along I feel like you won’t be able to give as much time to Him (1 Cor. 7:34), NOT saying that we don’t try! So I have learned to take advantge of this season of life! Volunteer in ministries at church, offer to help the elderly or to babysit… Read more »
Dee
Guest
This is a very interesting idea….looking for readers/posters impute. I may be one of the older women here (50’s) and have been through marriage and divorce. I am of the mindset at this time in my life, where I look at singleness as not too bad. Now, I’m not saying these things to discourage the singles or the marrieds, but each have their good and bad. I have a dear friend who is married and what I hear is “I just wish I have 10 minutes to myself to soak in the tub”. When leaving church, her afternoon is filled… Read more »
Christine Wingate
Guest

One bright side is that there’s more flexibilty to hang out with friends and invest in other people. One of my married friends puts this in perspective for me – she doesn’t hang out with people as much in the evenings because she feels she needs to be home with her husband. It makes me appreciate the flexibility I have to meet people when I need to and pour into other relationships.

Also, travel – definitely a plus to have the freedom to go spend a few weeks or a whole summer overseas if I want to.

Tom A
Guest
This is what I find the most positive side of being single as well. I see my couple friends spending less time with their friends, and then when kids come along, that gets chopped way down. I also have time to pursue hobbies and other activities without limitations. As for travel, I can leave at the drop of a hat. I can sleep on couches and not really have to plan things. I can play with friends’ kids and then not have to deal with the disciplinary side of things. All this might sound a little selfish, but it’s really… Read more »
Dana
Guest
I concur with Dee. I am 55, divorced nearly 7 years and I am truly coming into “my own” for the first time in my life. I married at 23 and moved from my parents home in to my marriage home. So I’ve never lived alone til my divorce. This single season is hard sometimes and I would love to remarry; however, I have entered a season of discovery and blooming and I love it! I can go hiking when I want, veg out if I want, have popcorn for dinner if I want, the list grows every day. Being… Read more »
Sandra
Guest

I recently decided that I would like to spend a few years teaching overseas. The main reason that I can do that is because I’m single! I’m looking forward to a new adventure and I’m grateful that I get to go on it before I meet my spouse. (Hopefully) 🙂

T
Guest
Not having the same life as my peers has prompted me to examine my life and spend more time in personal development and my relationship with God. I’ve gotten to know a lot of people with different personal experiences because I have the time to listen to them. I spend a lot of time volunteering (although this is something I plan to continue doing whenever I get married). I’ve had the time to figure out what I really want to do with my life and have been able to try out different things like moving to a new city when… Read more »
T
Guest

Also I’ve learned to rely on God a lot because there often isn’t anyone else to rely on!

Emily D.
Guest
I am the eldest of a large family – one boy, seven girls. The first six of us were born quite close together, then the two little girls came along after a six year gap. I remember holding Chelsea in my arms for the first time, and thinking that I wasn’t really going to get to be a part of her childhood because I assumed I would marry and move out of home (I am 17 years older than my baby sister). Well, five years down the track and I have had more joy from my family – especially from… Read more »
Lindsey
Guest
How wonderful! I’ve been to lots of weddings of friends since graduating college 10 years ago, but to this day the most memorable wedding I’ve been to was that of the organist at the church where I grew up. She was probably in her 50s and had never married. She was quite settled into her single life. Her groom sang in the choir and courted her persistently for a long time until he won her over 🙂 She was usually a very quiet and reserved person, but on her wedding day, she was the most beautiful and radiant bride I… Read more »
Lindsey
Guest
one of my absolute favorite things is the freedom to do what you want. nothing’s tying you down to where your at so you can literally decide tomorrow that you’re going to move across the country, or travel, or just be alone. you can get to know yourself fully and do what makes you happy and not have to worry about how your significant other may feel. i love the idea of dating myself and doing everything that makes me happy, from traveling to going to the movies, whatever it is, i love it! i love the idea of getting… Read more »
Eric
Guest

I’m 34 and I’ve been fortunate enough to use the independence of my time as a single to travel WAY more than would be possible otherwise. I’ve been to 49 of the 50 states, all 30 MLB stadiums, 17 national parks, 9 national monuments… I’ve been able to pursue both a full-time career that I enjoy and a number of part-time jobs that I really enjoy, and my faith has grown quite a bit too.

Jacob Coon
Guest
Just over 4 years ago I left the US for full-time ministry in Germany. Sure, people said being a male missionary would be great for my love life, but that is definitely not why I came and it hasn’t quite worked out that way either. While I have seen some disadvantages of being single on the mission field, one thing that I have been blessed with is the ability to travel way more often than a lot of my friends here. It is way cheaper for me to fly anywhere in Europe and stay in a hostel than it is… Read more »
Tom A
Guest

Yeah, doing mission-related work hasn’t played out for me either. Funny how people believe that when you do God’s work you will surely find someone. God’s plans aren’t cookie cutter.

As for getting invited over to places frequently, please, share your secrets with a brother!

Jacob Coon
Guest

If I knew the secret I would gladly share. Sadly, I have nothing I can say to help you. Maybe try to mention how much you miss home cooked meals every once in a while, or talk about what random conglomeration of food you threw together for dinner the previous night. Hopefully those will help. 🙂

Shannon
Guest
After I rededicated my life to God, I was trying to find that hunger for God that I desperately needed. I felt like I was going through the motions more than anything. I’m actually studying on being hungry for God right now, and I know for me it would be a lot more difficult to find that hunger while also having much of my attention going toward a man. 1 Cor 7:33-34 say, “But a married man is concerned about the things of the world—how he may please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or a… Read more »
James Paulet
Guest

Being able to throw myself into church activities/ministries.
Being able to be spontaneous e.g road trips, weekends away,
All of the spare time to learn about God
Have more time to invest in others
Not be locked down to a particular way of life
Finding Life’s Direction for yourself
Learning to Love yourself
Learning about yourself
Finding out what you are passionate about

Alicia
Guest
First of all, thank you Debra, for persuasing this endeavor. We appreciate the safe platform you’ve created for us….married, single and every one in between. I’ve been single for four years. I was married for 10 years. We have two children. When my marriage ended, I had a hard time seeing the bright side of any part of life. I was alone for the first time ever. I paid my own bills for the first time ever. I became a single working mom for the first time ever! It was a period of incredible transition and transformation. About a year… Read more »
Gabriel Lopez
Guest
The best thing about my singleness, is the fact that I’m able to acknowledge God for His work on me. I can see clearly than before that this time of singleness is for my spiritual and emotional growth. God has been polishing me, showing my sin to my eyes, so I can confess it and repent. God ahs been improving the areas in which I was doing good before, but now with a godly focus. God has been showing me how to be a godly man. Also, I’ve been able to give myself to ministry and service to the church.… Read more »
Edgar
Guest

Hello this is Edgar 27 years young been single my entire life. My last relationship was about 7 years ago but it only lasted like a month, it wasn’t a serious relationship at all. Therefore, I don’t even consider myself to have been in that relationship. Anyways I would say that the best thing about singleness for me have been being able to dedicate as much time as I can to the Lord without having to commit to anybody else.

Kyla
Guest
While I would love very much to be married, there are so many reasons I am grateful for my singleness. I work in full time youth ministry which is my dream job. I love it but the schedule is really random. I wouldn’t have the same amount of freedom to get coffee with someone at night or have youth over for the weekend if I was married. Also, the place I live is quite isolated. Though I’ve been here for over 2 years, I don’t have any really good friends here in the same life stage as I am. While… Read more »
Kara
Guest
I have to agree with many of these posts about time. Being single, my time is my time. I don’t have to worry about another’s schedule to mesh with mine. I have the flexibility to change my plans at the last minute; I don’t have to rush home to take care of a family; if I want to crash after a long day at work with comfort food, a favorite movie, and pajamas, I can. Being single also opens the door to a greater sphere of influence than I thought possible. I have met so many amazing people throughout my… Read more »
David W.
Guest
Amen to much of the above comments! I’m 24 and haven’t been on a date for a few years and am surprisingly… fairly content. *gasp*. Here’s a few reasons why and it has nothing to do with the fact that I don’t badly want a companion in my life (more specifically an attractive one of the opposite sex). First of all, I think it’s really dangerous for a single person to hold the belief that marriage is the finish line of this race we started when born. Somehow our culture has made it the all important goal of life (even… Read more »
Jasmine Ruigrok
Guest

Amen to all of this, especially how marriage is not the be all, end all. Desirable, yes! But it should not be the end goal.

Jenna McMurphy
Guest

Totally ditto just about every single one of these perks of singleness. And I could probably type more than a few paragraphs reiterating those same points, OR I could just say how thankful I am to God for my singleness giving me the ability to sleep as much as I do. It’s a beautiful thing. 🙂

Mara
Guest
The best thing about singleness, at this particular stage of my life, is that I am available to go where God leads. No excuses, no back and forth with someone who may not be at the same place spiritually, no question on whether it’s indeed an option–the only thing that would keep me from following after God is me. That being said, in the last five years, I’ve worked in three countries, lived in six different places, held about eight jobs, and changed direction four times. In all that, I’ve learned more about God, who he says I am, and… Read more »
Jayla
Guest
This is a great post Debra. I thank you for inviting us to share our input with such an illustrious relationship expert. 🙂 *smile* I would love to meet the love of my life in the comments section, or even on your future dating site. *smile* (I can dream as well). *smile* For me, the benefit to being single at 41 with no kids is no responsibilities. I can do the most important thing I can do for myself, and my future mate and children – and that is work on myself, and focus on strengthening my relationship with God,… Read more »
Matt
Guest
I wish I could tell you all I’ve relished the freedom of singleness. The truth is that, while I’ve had the genuine blessing of traveling most summers with best friend (who has already responded in this thread…haha) my family’s financial situation meant that I’ve had to generally support my parents and to take care of my grandmother who lived with us. Over a decade ago, my parents felt God’s call to adoption overseas which was an expensive endeavor. Shortly afterwards my father was laid off and then the market crashed followed by my mother losing her job of which the… Read more »
Jayla
Guest

The other benefit people take for granted is the fact that you have nobody to answer to but God, and yourself. A spouse and child are a huge responsibility in many ways. When your single, you only have yourself to worry about.
You can come and go as you please, and you can do things how you want, and you can spend your money on yourself, and splurge on yourself a little more.

Natalie
Guest
I am 22 years old, just out of college, living with my parents, and have three jobs. Honestly, I never really thought about my single life as being the best years of my life or even thinking about anything good with being single. My whole life, all i’ve ever wanted to be was a wife and mom. So for me, the whole guy situation was always tough. I never felt content. Even when I felt the most content in my relationship with God, I felt the pull of Satan. Over a year ago, I went through a really bad break-up.… Read more »
Emily D. #2
Guest
For me (it’s still hard to admit this, even before an anonymous crowd) I’ve never had an official boyfriend. I’m a 25 year old woman and I had different expectation for how my life would go. For a long time, my singleness was a huge source of shame for me. But I think, over the years, I’ve come to realize that what I look for in a partner is changing for the better. I’m changing for the better. This extra time of having the chance to figure out who I am has given me the chance to focus on investing… Read more »
Rossely
Guest
I completely agree with you Debra! Btw I love your book True love Dates.❤️ God is awesome and every second we have weather single or married should be taken advantage of, to bring God the glory no matter what. Jesus knows our deepest wants and needs and He is more than enough to satisfy us, we just have to put our part in it too and not just leave it all to God to do all of the pursuing. That being said, I think singleness does have many advantages. In my own life I can say that this season has… Read more »
Tiara Mallory
Guest

I’m 26 years old, soon to be 27 in October and everyone keeps pressuring me to get married. But for me, the best thing about being single is that I don’t have to share my time with anyone. It sounds selfish lol, but as an introvert my time alone is my treasure.

Dennis Rodriguez
Guest
For me I finally felt like I came to embrace my singleness, why? First I realized my own destructive behaviors that I needed to work on healing, my upbringing, past hurts, abandonment, etc and am finally am being empowered by God to break every chain and break all barriers and empowered to confront it all to heal and recover. 2) by embracing my singleness I get to enjoy myself while dating and see that being the right person is more important than looking for the right person 🙂 3) I am available to serve God 🙂 Being single in my… Read more »
Rosie
Guest
One thing I appreciate about singleness is the independence I have been able to build- I’m 22, and I’ve been able to get a decent job, car, and apartment, which has helped me develop confidence in myself and my ability to handle life like an adult. Knowing that I can take care of myself also helps me feel less like I ‘need’ someone else. While I know I don’t need someone to ‘complete’ me, I can feel less insecure about being able to function on my own, which gives me a healthier perspective about relationships as a whole and helps… Read more »
Jasmine Ruigrok
Guest
I’m 25 and have never been on a date! The lack of attention I felt over the years made it very easy for me to believe something was wrong with me, however God has really used this time of singleness to drive home that my worth and identity in Christ is independent from how people may or may not think about me. Learning to find security in Him alone and to really know myself is a major bright side (much of this is thanks to True Love Dates as well!). Another big asset for me is my ability to invest… Read more »
ShellBee
Guest

I agree with you 100%!!!

jessy
Guest

Best part of being single, never had a trip to the doctor with annoying female stuff. Those that women speak about that reoccur, and reoccur…. sorry if TMI but it is almost a sure possibility with marriage. Definitely more doctor visits when you are married. The up side you are more likely to see what is wrong quickly so I guess there is a balance.

Rachel
Guest
I read through all these comments and I was shocked to see how many like-minded people are actually out there. Most of the other single people at my church seem to be angry at their single status. As a result, I thought maybe I was a rare sort in seeing the positive side of being single. Like many others, now at 35 I’ve been able to do things that most married people I know won’t get chance to do as they are married or married young. I’ve travelled to faraway destinations, I’ve worked overseas and I frequently go on what… Read more »
Hope
Guest
Yes, yes, YES!! All the comments about travelling! (Did I spell that right? I keep reading books from different English speaking countries and they all spell differently.) I recently finished four months of travel, and came home totally broke. I’d never have done that unless I was single. (If I’d had more money, I’d have been gone longer.) Part of my travels included walking the Camino de Santiago, a pilgrimage trail across Spain. It’s amazing, what you can learn about yourself when you spend most of it alone. Or you have a random conversation with a stranger, and it gets… Read more »
Oye
Guest

Everyone has spoken well……I love that God is using this season of waiting in pruning me. I am not just lost in Christ, i am deliberate about the things i do.
Thank you

Alicia
Guest
1. Being single has taught me more about myself than I ever thought it would. I’ve found myself in letting go of my dreams. I’ve learned what I like and don’t like, what I’m passionate about and want to accomplish with my life. my life and dreams have become way more multi faceted. It’s no longer just this one dream, but several. 2. It’s taught me that even in the middle of the loneliness and tears that God still loves me and has a plan for my life. God is sovereign AND He is loving and kind, so I can… Read more »
Joel C. Lucas
Guest
Since being divorced(4yrs, no kids)Im rediscovering who I am, learning who I am and enduring the bumps, twists and turns in being single again as well as life in general. Living in Raleigh(since June 2014) has been great but also scary, learning my way around the triangle area, becoming acclimated to the fast pace, traffic and learning how to rely upon GPS on my phone, lol!!! The best thing about being single again especially for those without kids is coming and going when you get ready, becoming closer to God, really developing a prayer life along with other areas in… Read more »
Keri T
Guest
I’ve been reading this blog for a long time, but am not big on commenting… but decided to give my 2 cents in case it can help anyone 🙂 I’m 31 and single. My 20’s were scattered with a handful of unhealthy relationships; the kind that weren’t actual “relationships”, you know, those “best friend/fill-in-girlfriend” kinda things… cool times, haha. But after one ended badly a few years ago, I found a Christian counselor in my city, and started trying to get to the root of why I keep ended up in unhealthy relationships where guys wanted to be with me… Read more »
Joel C. Lucas
Guest

You better say so, my sister, PREACH!!!!! That was worth me and a whole lot of someone else’s reading and encouragement!!!!! You copied what I wrote above you, Ive also am currently seeing a Christian counselor here in Raleigh, NC(where I live) they have been a godsend for real, along with being connected to the right ministry!!!! Stay encouraged and thank you for writing this and it has further encouraged me!!!!!

Hannah
Guest
I’ve been reading a couple comments and WOW!! Just WoW!! I thank all the singles, marrieds and even divorced out there who encourage us, the singles. I believe both marriage and singleness are gifts from Above, not only that, but we can look at them as phases or “temporary” gifts, Why? For what we do with them will prepare us for eternity. Paul was single and JESUS too (humanly speaking, since later on in Revelation He “marries”the Bride– His Church). We are NOT less when we’re single NOR more when we’re married. Let’s be thankful where we are and listen… Read more »
Sam
Guest
The most enjoyable part about being single is being able to go where God calls you on short notice. Many times in my career, I’ve been asked to go places on short notice for my company. After getting there, it has been like God called me there for a specific reason. One time it was St. Johnsbury Vermont. After arriving there, it didn’t seem out of the ordinary, but by my second day on site, it was apparent God called me there for a reason. Had there been a wife/girlfriend involved, the trip may not have happened. Traveling single, while… Read more »
Young Kim
Guest
1. I have the freedom to do whatever I wish and whenever I wish. If I want to go hiking in the mountains I can still do that. 2. I can hang out and connect with friends more freely. 3. I don’t have to work my butt off to provide a good life for kids and wife (my wage is really really low and I live in a small room with 4 other people, and I don’t feel the need to upgrade). 4. No one complains about the stench of Kimchi in the fridge (Any Korean will tell you that… Read more »
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