The #1 Way People Are Getting Asked Out

In Dating by Debra Fileta19 Comments

I’ve been scoping out #TheDatingScene among Christian singles across the country. If you’re new to this blog, I took a poll asking singles to tell me their experience with regard to the world of dating and I’ve been analyzing and revealing the many results in this blog series. You can catch up on the series by clicking here.

I think we would all say that #TheDatingScene has undoubtedly changed over the past decade with the prevalence of social media and technology. I would imagine that 15 years ago, asking someone on a date was as simple as walking up to them, introducing yourself, and asking them for their phone number or seeing if they were interested in grabbing a bite to eat. If you wanted to get to know someone, you HAD to take initiative because social media wasn’t really a thing. If you wanted to stay in touch, you had to actively make it happen. 

In fact, that’s exactly what happened with John and I. We met at a conference, went out for a game of mini golf with a group of mutual friends, and by the next day of the conference he had asked me for my phone number. Our friendship developed long distance (he lived in Boston, I lived in Virginia) and fast forward over a decade of marriage and three children later, we’re still BFFs and completely in love. (You can read our entire story with-a-bunch-of-other-nitty-gritty-juicy-details about our love-life here).

But times have changed, right? Though exactly how much have times changed?

According to this survey: a lot.

I asked singles to tell me HOW they have gotten asked out on a date over the past 6 months. The #1 way people are getting asked on dates is……………

Text Message.

Yep. That’s correct. As in “texting”.

38% reported that they are asking/getting asked out on dates via text message.

29% are still going the old-fashion way of face-to-face.

About 18% are using social media to ask someone on a date.

And lastly, about 15% are using the good ol’ phone call.

So apparently, texting is the big thing right now.

I’ve heard people say that “real men don’t text”. But if that’s true, what does that say about the state of dating?

I personally think it’s less important HOW you ask someone on a date, and more important WHO you chose to ask – someone who is healthy, mature, and displays good character.

At the end of the day, just by asking you’re ahead of 71% of Christian singles (who AREN’T asking AT ALL).

Anyway, I’d love to keep this conversation going:

Comment below: How do you feel about “texting” winning by a landslide? Would you be okay with someone texting you to ask you out? Why or why not? If you’ve texted someone to ask them out, why did you choose that particular way of asking? What role does technology and social media play in the whole dating scene?

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. Her newest book, Choosing Marriage, is set to be released in the Summer of 2018! You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine,, and all over the web! She’s the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, reaching over 4 million people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!

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19 Comments on "The #1 Way People Are Getting Asked Out"

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Dawna B

Texting is ok with me for a 1st date. It takes some pressure off and it’s an opportunity to spend time face to face. It’s not a marriage proposal.

If texting is all there is to the relationship, time to move on, Phone calls and in person asking out again show real interest.


Also doesn’t put the person being asked out on the spot. But I agree, if you think there’s real potential you should have the opportunity and confidence to ask that person face-to-face.


I think people are asked out by text because that’s their primary method of communication. I’ve been on two dates with my current beau, and both were brought about by message. There’s a certain level of comfort, as well. It’s more nerve-wracking to ask face-to-face.

Debra, your intelligence is attractive, that is why I find myself coming back to this site (I don’t check no other websites about dating , love or something like that…okay, maybe Sheila’s too). I like this line ”I personally think it’s less important HOW you ask someone on a date, and more important WHO you chose to ask – someone who is healthy, mature, and displays good character.” I ve seen girls saying that if a man is not capable to talk on the phone and texts to ask you out, he is a weak man so you shouldn’t pay… Read more »

I don’t mind getting asked out through a text or FB, because as busy as my schedule has been (between work and school), those are the easiest ways to get ahold of me. It’s definitely more convenient. It also gives me a chance to think through my response and whether the guy is someone I should be saying “yes” to.


I don’t ask out usually get rejected or end up with the wrong women. I’m afraid to ask out now


Texting would not be my preferred method of being asked out. I would rather it was in person or telephone. I guess I’m an old fashioned gal. I would be more inclined to accept an invitation to go out with someone if they did ask in person or on the phone because I can interact with them on a more personal level. (ie: body language, facial expression) If I were interested in someone and they text me I would not decline the invitation but I would rather converse in person.


I guess I’d be OK with texting as an invitation but I’d rather have a phone call or face-to-face. It might depend on the circumstances 🙂 But anything would be better than nothing!! 😀 (Takes a lot of courage, though, I’m sure.)


I put texting down because my boyfriend usually throws his ideas out for dates via texting, mainly because it’s convenient. He first asked me out face to face, but now that we’re in a committed relationship, and he knows I actually want to go out with him, he usually texts me. I’m fine with it, because it is convenient and during the summer we didn’t see as much of each other. I’m sure the school year will include more face to face.
Hope this helps 😂

David W.

Wow, sometimes these stats are depressing. lol
Keep up the good work though!


I’m ok with getting asked out by texting. Getting asked out by text presumes there is some form of prior conversation or relationship. I think it would be very strange for a random request to come out of the blue, but if after conversation has been flowing, an invitation came, I think that would be very positive. It brings the relationship into reality and would allow for the couple to see if there is actually a connection in person.


I would prefer to be asked, or to ask, face-to-face (please humor the hypotheticals), though I would probably understanding getting asked through a text. No, I’m not going to turn down a date with a nice girl because she texted it to me!


I’m happy to receive a text message before or after a date and I’ll send one as a thank you. A text can be informational and flirtatious (I love emojis) and then you have the conversation in person rather than over the phone. But in general, I prefer a text over a phone call unless the one calling is my mother. I’m over 40, so I don’t think it’s necessarily an age thing.

Of that 71%, I’d really love to know the male/female breakdown. I suspect it’s skewed female, and there’s a general reluctance of females to initiate things. So I think a male/female breakdown of the initiating would be insightful. As for texting, so much communication happens over texting that it’s a very natural method to use nowadays. Face-to-face is always good to make sure the ask is clear and not misunderstood (been there), but it’s not surprising since most people primarily use texting to communicate. It feels like a natural thing for me, though I know some don’t prefer it.

Texting is how I make arrangements to get together with all my other friends and family so why wouldn’t it be ok to arrange dates this way?


Finally! We’ve come to the point where texting is finally an appropriate method for asking on a first date. No more victorian style in this day and age. What a relief.

I’d be just fine with texting, because that’s the way I communicate the most – especially for something simple like setting up a meeting. Yes, a date is more than just a “meeting,” but you get the idea. I almost never answer the phone unless it’s my mom or my sister, so a guy who called me would always get my voicemail; it’s nothing personal, it’s just that I’m one of those folks who never talks on the phone to anyone! Face to face would actually be my preferred method, but texting is just fine, too. Deep discussions should be… Read more »

My experience has been that in today’s age – it’s very difficult to get someone’s mobile phone number. As social media is so prevalent and there are more and more ways to communicate – to me texting some to ask them out almost seems like a sensible next step because presumably you’re done some face to face with them that warrants having the phone or have asked. I had the phone number of I’d say 50-60% of those I’ve asked out but maybe that’s just me?