What She Wrote About Singleness Will Blow You Away

In Advice and Encouragement, Single by Debra Fileta

Have you ever had one of those moments when something someone says just resonates so much with you that it makes you take a step back?

*Sidenote: This post was published two years ago, but I felt the need to resurface it, because the emails I’m getting lately reminded that there are so many people out there struggling with singleness….read on, my friends!!!*

You know, those moments when someone puts words to your thoughts and you just want to shout “YES!”. A few days ago as I was reading through the comments from my blog posts (which by the way – I am committing to personally reading every single comment this year and replying to as many as I can keep up with!!), when an anonymous comment appeared by someone who called herself “TheLordIsMyShepherd”.

Her perspective on singleness- and life in general- was refreshing to say the least. I get so many emails each week from people all over the world discussing singleness, dating, and relationships. But this….this was different.

I thought to myself: this is so good…this NEEDS to be shared with the world. This woman is an example of contentment and trust in the face of really hard circumstances- namely, singleness. But her words apply to all of us in so many stages of our life.

Her contentment and complete trust are things that I am striving to achieve in every part of my life with Jesus. We could all learn from her. Read her comment below, and then leave a comment and tell me: what’s your response to what she’s saying? (And if you’re the woman who wrote this comment- reach out to me! I’d love to invite you to write a guest post for TrueLoveDates.com!!)


“As a lifelong single woman who knows what it’s like to feel unfulfilled, undesired, and scared of a future alone, my heart breaks when I read despairing comments from others in the same boat. Not only can I relate to their pain, but I also feel so sad when I see some singles questioning God’s love for them. I think there’s a tendency to be disappointed in or even angry at God for what we perceive as His failure to provide us with the human relationships we need. So often we don’t stop to think that maybe the Lord does NOT want us to be alone and is just as heartbroken as we are that we can’t find a godly spouse.

The fact of the matter is that we live in evil times. True believers who want a real relationship with Christ have always been in the minority, but they are becoming even more scarce as we close in on the end times. Single women outnumber single men in churches three to one. God is not willing that anyone should perish, but we know that He doesn’t force people to turn to Him. If so few single men in the US have chosen Him, there will necessarily be many single Christian women without husbands.

Contrary to what some singles might think, I believe this situation grieves God. He clearly laid out his plan for most people, and it was the family unit–marriage and children. So He considers those things good. The fact that so many of us can’t achieve His plan must make Him very sad, I would think.

The reason I’m going on at some length about all this is because I’ve seen prolonged singleness gradually ruin more than one believer’s relationship with the Lord specifically because of this false assumption that the Lord WANTS all these unhappy singles to stay single. When we view God as the cause of our suffering rather than our refuge and walk away from Him, we lose the most faithful friend we can have. And that’s even worse than being forever single.

If you are struggling with singleness, please don’t assume that God isn’t on your side and doesn’t want the best for your life. Express your grief to Him, and let Him grieve with you. He has been rejected by probably 90% of the people on this earth–He certainly knows how you feel.

One more thing…If you’re a single woman, try to band together with other single women, especially older women who’ve been widowed or divorced and likely won’t remarry. While friendship isn’t the same as a marriage partnership, it can fulfill a lot of the same practical and emotional needs, and when you cultivate these kinds of friendships, you can at least be sure that you won’t be left alone to fend for yourself in old age.”


Wow. To the woman who wrote this comment, all I can say is, preach it, girl!!! Your words have resonated deeply with me, and I know they will encourage many others. Thank you for your example of faithfulness!!

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. Her newest relationship book is set to be released in the Summer of 2018! You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and all over the web! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!

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