Men, STOP Looking for a Super Model Wife

In Advice and Encouragement, For the Guys, Marriage, Single by Debra Fileta30 Comments

Recently, I was having a conversation with a single guy (never-been-married) in his late 30s. We were talking about some of the qualities he was looking for in a woman.

He had a pretty decent list of good qualities and Christian character. I continued listening intently and as his list was dwindling down he added, “Oh yeah, and she has to look like a supermodel.”

“She has to look like a supermodel?” I repeated, in a questioning tone. “Yeah, looks are important,” he replied.

I’ll be honest. It took everything in me not to smack him upside the head.

****

About this time last year, I was speaking at a college down in Florida. After the talk, I waded through a line of students, eager to chat and offer their feedback.

At the very end of the line, one young man approached me with a concern: he wondered if he was being too picky. “What do you mean by too picky?” I asked.

“Well, I want a woman who loves the Lord. I want someone who has character and has committed her life to serving him. I’m really interested in missions and I want someone with that kind of a selfless heart. But, I also want her to be REALLY hot.”

“So basically you want Mother Theresa in supermodel form?” I summarized. 

He chuckled at that comment. But really – isn’t that sort of what he was saying?

****

Let me get real with you for a minute: we live in a generation where the concepts of sexual chemistry and physical attraction have become totally, completely, and irreversibly skewed. The entertainment industry and the pornography culture have completely ravaged our understanding of beauty, and namely, the beauty of a REAL woman.

It wouldn’t even concern me that much because, in a sad way, that’s what I expect of our culture – but the problem is this messed up mentality is quickly starting to seep into the church in a truly concerning way.

I’m not saying that physical attraction in a relationship is not important. In fact, I think being attracted to your spouse is an important part of a marriage. But what I AM saying is that we need to get real for just a minute and realize that our concept of beauty and sex appeal has been completely and utterly distorted over the years, to the point where the expectation and measure of a “beautiful woman” is just downright unrealistic.  

Before you start drafting your hate-mail rebuttals, can we think through this? Can we at least admit for a minute that our concept of beauty is fluid? Can we acknowledge for just a moment that maybe, just maybe, we have some sort of control over the things we define as “beautiful”? Can we agree that what we desire and find attractive can be morphed and change with what we’re exposed to?

Think about this for a moment: there was a day where a “beautiful woman” wore a size 16, had super pale skin, some serious curves and probably didn’t think twice about body hair. These days? Well, I don’t have to tell you how much our standards have changed. But what I’m REALLY trying to say is this:

Our standards of beauty completely change based on the things we allow ourselves to be exposed to.

And in a culture that’s infiltrated with pornography, airbrushed billboards and magazines, and plastic surgery, I’m afraid that our standard of “beauty” has moved so far from the truth that it’s causing some major damage to our relational expectations: for both men and women.

But the truth is, the more junk we take in, the more skewed our concept of beauty will be. (Tweet it!)

Single or married, you can expose yourself to so much “fantasy” that real things – namely, real WOMEN – begin to lose their luster.

WHY WE NEED A RESET

In the process of saying no to junk, it’s crucial to remember that there’s a reason to all of this. Skin deep beauty in all of it’s glory can only last so long anyhow. In 5, 10, 15 or 20 years – the body will surely fade, but what’s left will remain.

In marriage, true marriage, you will see their spouse at their absolute worst. You’ll see them in their sickness. You’ll see them in their absolute most natural state – before the hair, before the makeup, before the accessories. You’ll see them through the lens of real life – through the morning breath, through the cellulite, through the imperfections.

What will ultimately define your marriage- and ultimately, your very life – is not the “supermodel status” of your wife, but rather, her character. She is the woman who will have the greatest influence on your happiness, your confidence, and your security. She is the woman who will walk with you through the highs and lows of life, raise your children and influence your family in every single way.

A woman of character is a treasure. And he who finds her, has found a great thing.

And to you who have found her…hold on to her more tightly than you’ve ever held on to anything in your life.

I know so many marriages that started with “amazing sexual chemistry” and fizzled into nothing within a few short years. And I also know so many marriages that started on the foundation of good character and godliness – and continued to grow in intimacy, in respect, and in love.

****

It’s time for our generation to wise up by rising above the noise of this culture and setting our relationship expectations and standards on things that really matter. It’s time to “reset” our standard of beauty by shutting off the influence of “the unrealistic” junk, and filling our minds and hearts with truth:  

That beauty is fleeting.

That charm is deceptive.

That real beauty runs deep.

That real attraction is multi-faceted.

That inner-beauty CANNOT be fabricated or replicated.

That character is what actually defines a person.  

That spiritual health trumps everything.

It’s time for our generation to do what we need to do to say no to the unrealistic standards this world is throwing our way by saying no to the junk.

Maybe that starts with what we allow our minds to think and lust upon.

Maybe that means a commitment to stay away from porn.

Maybe that means turning off Netflix for a while.

Maybe it means stepping away from Facebook, or TV, or magazines.

Maybe it means guarding our conversations and how we allow ourselves to talk about the opposite sex.

But ultimately, it means saying no to lies – in exchange for truth. Men, stop looking for a supermodel wife, and start looking for a godly woman. They’re out there. They’re available. And they’re a treasure worth finding.

True Love Dates, is the book that world-renown #1 New York Times best-selling authors and relationship experts Drs. Les & Leslie Parrot have claimed to be exactly what “your love life needs”. Learn more, or pick up a copy for yourself by clicking the image below. 

Because healthy relationships are not “found” — they’re made. 

tld-3d-book cover

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life21 Days to Jump Start Your Love Life, and 21 Days to Pray For Your Love Life – where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 150+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter!

Comments

  1. AMEN! I hear this from women also. He has to be good looking. Let me tell you something. I have been married for 29 years and my husband and I have had some major ups and downs. In fact right now we are going through a difficult time. What has kept us together? Jesus in the middle of our marriage and believing God will help us work this out just as he as every other thing we have gone through. Marry someone with a heart for God and I will guarantee the attraction will come. Their commitment to God will keep them committed to you.

    1. Author

      Amen, Kathy. What a beautiful and accurate picture of marriage, with Jesus being the anchor upon which it hinges! “Their commitment to God will keep them committed to you” is a very beautiful way to word it. Thank you, and praying you through this particular season of marriage!

  2. This is an important article. While it is important that one is attracted to his/her spouse, I believe we should be wary of unrealistic expectations and instead focus on values & character! Thank you for writing this, we need people who keep speaking the truth and thereby influence culture for God.

    1. Author

      Thank you so much, it’s my hope that these conversations will begin to have a ripple effect in how we think and in turn in what we believe!

  3. Deb–

    Yes!!! God begins with us as flawed, embryonic globs whom He loves into life. And He continues with us through the ugliness of all our failed attempts to meet our needs apart from His Christ. Marriage can and should reflect that grace of Jesus, not perfection as defined by secular or religious industry.

    Three pictures of my wife’s considerable beauty linger in my soul as I write: the vision of her in first maternity clothes thirty six years ago, a photo of her gorgeous eyes, and her baking bread this morning covered in flour and clothed in her baggy “I love dogs” pj’s. Now that, to me, after forty one years, is one godly hot woman.

    Madoc

    1. Author

      After 41 years, what a beautiful picture of true love and commitment….and to the beauty that really matters at the end of a lifetime. Thank you so much for sharing this, Madoc.

  4. Amen and amen!!! This goes both ways. It is also refreshing to hear someone who is qualified (professional) say that attraction is important.

    A man doesnt have to be hunky and hot to be attractive!! A woman doesn’t have to be model perfect to be attractive!

    1. Author

      Thanks, Dana. Yes, we’re absolutely not down playing attraction here – but we’re also trying to see attraction as a multi-faceted thing, like you said. There are so many levels to attraction. I also want to differentiate between “real beauty” and unrealistic expectations. Hopefully this will help get the conversation going 🙂 Thanks for sharing!!

  5. SO SO good!! So thankful for the amazing gift of marriage that I experienced with my precious man that was deeper then appearance, even though I obviously think he is crazy hot. Marriage that is built on the foundation of Christ instead of superficial can stand the test of trials in this life. Amazing gift! Thank you Debra!

  6. I am not even attracted to what the world would say is super good-looking men. An average person that takes care of himself and has a heart for God and others is what I am seeking. As I am getting older, so are the men I would go out with. Some actually realize the truth that physical attractiveness is fleeting, and even personally defined, with character far outshining some wrinkles or a bit of extra weight. With age can come wisdom. Would it be that people would learn this early on to arrive at later years with a spouse of many years by their side, both blessed and content.

  7. I hope I’ll someday find a man who loves me for who I am, not for how I look…
    Cause if a man loves you for your looks and he thinks that looks are so important, will he love you when you’re old and wrinkled? I rather stay single than being insecure about that!

  8. Debra, thank you for this post. I cannot tell you how many times I have felt like a true Godly and loving marriage would not be available to me because I don’t fit into the world’s mold of the perfect supermodel girl. I have never been interested in a guy simply because of his looks and have hoped for the same. I know that there are men out there who are NOT consumed by only vanity, but I have had a difficult time finding any of them. Sadly, even more so in the Christian community. My ex used to say “you are pretty to me,” as if nobody else in the world would think I’m attractive, and then get online to “chat with” and download pictues of other women with worldly supermodel looks and skimpy clothing. (One of the reasons he is now my ex.) This behavior and the idea that all women should look like supermodels has caused many women witg Godly character to question whether they are good enough or worth loving on this earth. And that is truly sad. People only looking through the world’s lens to discover what beautiful is miss God’s perspective on it. And judging a book by its cover is not a Godly trait at all. Think of how David was chosen. He wasn’t someone who particularly fit the idea of a “chosen one” or a warrior.

  9. I think that sometimes when people say they haven’t found anyone they’re attracted to, it’s not necessarily that there’s no good-looking or godly people in their life, it’s that they may have some emotional or relational issues hindering them from getting in a long-term relationship. Especially if it’s a pattern over a long period of time. Sometimes it’s a way to deflect attention from the real issue.

  10. These are very good reflections! We are driven by the cultural imaginary and we need to start countering it.

    Look at the woman for example this post, she is flawless. Having too good pictures can create a vision that all Christian single women should look something like that. I think you could apply your message by having more down to earth pictures in this blog. It would communicate to us that normal looking Christians can and should date.

    God bless you, Debra!

  11. After reading this my first thought was “hey Deb, why you picking on the guys, women do it too!” but after reading the comments where a few women already mentioned this, and after some more thoughtful reflection, you most definitely need to call men out…BIG TIME.

    I think part of the problem is men are wired to put more emphasis on looks, and our society has definitely figured that out and has exploited it tremendously. Now more than ever, your message in this article needs to be heard by ALL men, but especially young men, particularly young Christian men. It’s easy to get caught up in how attractive someone is, but try following some of these so called “beautiful” models/celebrities/etc on social media…and you’ll quickly find how conceited, self-centered, vain, shallow, and egotistical many of them are. Those are most definitely NOT the qualities that I would want in a wife.

    Thank you so much for this amazing message, I pray that it will be an awakening for many men and a turning point in their search for real love, and possibly open their eyes to a woman who might not fit societies benchmark of perfection or beauty, but is a truly beautiful godly woman.

    By the way, I think you should have smacked that guy upside the head…you might have knocked some sense into him!

  12. Thank U, Debra for this, I mean God through your article spoke to me and caused me to look within and first of all repent to God for being caught up in everything you talked about including the movies, magazines, Facebook, TV,etc. Good Women of God are out there and we have to as Single Men of God have to realize that it goes deeper than looks, while looks are a very small part of the attraction, character is an even BIGGER part of the attraction along with her having Jesus as Lord and Savior of her life. Maybe you should’ve smacked/pulled one of your heels off and put some knots on his head for saying what he said because it was stupid and ridiculous, he’ll be looking for a long time and end up alone, but I hope that Jesus will open his eyes like he did mine and see the error of his ways. I shared this article on Facebook and I hope you do one entitled Women Stop Looking for Mr. Universe for you husband. I’m 44, divorced with no children, hoping to date and remarry one day. Thank U for this life changing article, IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER, Debra. Love your book, so far gotta finish reading it. Great article Debra, have a great/awesome/blessed day, my friend, love and hugs from Raleigh NC to U!!!!!!!!

  13. Amen a thousand, no a million times! Though I do believe both sexes are guilty on the “hot” factor men in general appear to be more visual creatures. I have often thought I have to look like a supermodel to even get noticed and that I should even forget about getting married. We as Christians, men or women, need to focus on what is important which is where the person spiritually/how committed is the person to Christ. I will say this though: I had a conversation with a guy who admitted he only wanted to date 10s. As he got older he realized that wasn’t getting him anywhere and that was shallow. I was so proud of him for saying that. Of course we want to be attracted to our spouse but being stuck on looks isn’t a good thing.

  14. OMG. …Debra this is your best post yet. I love it. I met a guy on “christianmingle.com” years ago, and I talked to a few people on there. Even though these guys prayed, went to church, and had a relationship with guy, at their core, they were still “Men” and wanted the sexiest most beautiful women. The “average” looking, plain jane women, they very nicely rejected.
    I can’t stand how people, (men and women) justify their shallowness by saying a person “isn’t their type.” Or when people say, “there is no chemistry.” I learned from my grandparents, and great aunts and uncles, Real True and Sustainable love is Not about physical and sexual chemistry, but more all the things you mentioned in your blog post. I’ve seen countless marriages, and relationships fail because people got together for all the wrong reasons. It’s very sad. I asked my Indian college professor, who was a woman who had an arranged marriage, what did they do if the two people that were set up to marry were not physically attracted to one another. She said, physical attraction was the least of the considerations. She said, there were so much more important things to focus on besides that. She also pointed out, this is biggest problem with Americans and marriage. In India the divorce rate then was like 2% if that. Now that many foreigners are becoming “Americanized” unfortunately they’re picking up bad American habits and ways. But they don’t divorce in their country.
    I know from personal experience, I had a lot of growth to do in this area of my life. I used to be very shallow as a young girl. Some of the best looking men, were not respectful, and loyal, and didn’t give me what I needed. They were also not always the most Godly men. What worked for me was constant prayer. I prayed about all the things that I knew I needed to change. All the bad habits, and bad personality traits. I prayed that God would take away my shallowness, and rebuild me, mold me, and shape me to be more like him, and make his ways, my ways. I prayed that he would increase my attraction to the right type of men, and he did.

  15. If Mother Theresa was a supermodel, she’d still be a nun, right? I men nuns can’t even get married. Boy, some guys are just silly. Good article.

  16. I had the same thought about the picture used on this blog post. It is another example, unfortunately, of a good message being contradicted by the accompanying imagery.

    1. Author

      To be honest, I chose this photo because it went with the title….it’s a play on the title, plus, I had a feeling it would attract the kind of people who needed to read it 😉

      But the sad truth is, it’s nearly impossible to find stock photography these days for blog use that’s not “super model-esque”. Makes sense when we talk about the cultural expectations.

  17. Speaking from a guy’s point of view, and having had plenty of guy friends in my lifetime, I can safely say that there are plenty of Christian guys who do not think like this. Funny thing is, the ones who don’t think and act like this always seem to be the ones that are single and women always reject. I find it annoying that the stereotype is always that men are pigs and women are flowers of virtue.

    No one can deny that they want a spouse they are spiritually, physically, sexually, and emotionally attracted to. That is hard wired human nature. When I am somewhere in public, be it the grocery store, the movies, bowling, airport, etc., if I see an attractive woman, I’m going to look for a moment, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. It’s when the thoughts go beyond “she’s pretty” (or for the ladies, “he’s handsome”) that there would be an issue. God gave us an attraction to the opposite sex; it’s part of what makes us human.

    That said, are there shallow people, darn right there are. In fact, I think today they are the majority by a wide margin, especially in the “millennial generation.” They grew up on the garbage “reality” TV that made it out to be that the only way a man or woman has value is if they’re a 50 on a scale of 1-10 for attractiveness. Why else is cosmetic surgery so prevalent with younger people, and not just women. Plenty of men are just as vain.

    There are plenty of men, Christian and non, who only want a woman who looks like Kate Upton, Sophie Turner, Kim Kardashian, or Miranda Kerr. If that’s what they want, then most are going to spend a very long, lonely life because few people actually look like that. Actually, most supermodels don’t look that great without plenty of makeup and lots of Photoshop. Those of us who are grounded in reality realize that what is seen on TV, on the cover of magazines, or on almost any news site on the Internet is not reality. Few people actually look that way.

    On the opposite side of the coin, women can be just as bad. Women make these blasted lists of what a guy should have/be in order to date them; and it is usually very long, and very shallow. For many, the guy needs to be ripped, have a high income, over dress, be “husband/father material”, pay for everything, be confident to the point of malignant narcissism, have perfect hair, and oh yeah, be ripped. The irony is that Christian women are often not criticized for being this way. Men are seen as shallow, selfish pigs who want a “hot chick” and all we’re thinking about is sex. When Christian women do it, they’re “believing for God’s best.”

    Sure, everyone has features they find attractive or unattractive. Perhaps you are short and do not want a spouse who is 1-2 feet taller than you, or vice versa. Or you’re like me and just do not find someone who weights 400lbs to be attractive. (When it comes to that, show yourself some respect and take care of the body God gave you.) Maybe you don’t care for blondes or redheads. If we all liked the exactly same thing, the world would be boring.

    I can remember the names faces, and more or less the exact words of every woman who has rejected me when I asked her out; and it is a long list. It’s been over 20 years of rejections with absolutely zero success. A few rejected me with a simple “no thanks” and it was left at that. However, the vast majority rejected me for one reason. They told me it is because I am ugly. Most said it is because I am losing my hair (thanks Dad for that gene) while others said they only date guys who are very tall (I’m 5’11½), and many also wanted a guy who is ripped. Now, I’m not overweight, but I’m not some muscle stud, gym rat. I can’t control my hair or lack thereof, nor can I change my height, facial features, eyes, or every other thing I’ve been told makes me ugly.

    All of the women I asked out I thought were beautiful; by the world’s standards some were, but others would be considered average or plain. I was more interested in what I thought was a good, Christian woman who wanted the same thing I did; a Christian spouse to spend their life with. The funny thing is, the more “beautiful” they were, the more hateful they were toward me in telling me to buzz off. This is why I haven’t been to church in years; I don’t need to be hurt again.

    The last time I went to church other than for a funeral, is when a coworker invited me to visit his. His wife has a good friend who is around my age and single. I figured the worse that could happen is nothing; we wouldn’t click and that would be the end of it. After I met her during the “meet and greet” at the beginning of the sermon (she was supposed to go to lunch with my coworker, his wife, and me after church) I heard her say to his wife, and I quote, “Why’d you say he would be cute? He’s nothing close to cute. Next time make sure he really is hot.” Sometimes having exceptional hearing, just like a photographic memory, really stinks. I waited until his wife came back and told her I heard what their “friend” said about me. The look of abject horror on her face kind of shocked me; she clearly didn’t know that I heard it. I thanked them for their kindness and walked out.

    I have never once asked God for a woman who looks like a supermodel, other than perhaps when I was a teenager and stupid like all teenagers are. I’ve asked God for even a chance at happiness with a Christian wife who will love and accept me for who I am, as I would do with her. Maybe I’ve become somewhat jaded toward life as of late; but I am a good, Christian man who would love a woman, flaws and all, so as long as she was a Christian woman who would do the same for me.

    1. “”Or you’re like me and just do not find someone who weights 400lbs to be attractive. (When it comes to that, show yourself some respect and take care of the body God gave you.)””

      Some of those women who weigh that much have diseases of PCOS, Lipedema, and Lymphedema, just to name a few. My cousin has Lipedema and she cannot do anything about it as diet nor exercise cure that disease.

      So instead of telling women to “”show yourself some respect and take care of the body God gave you.”” why don’t you quit thinking like everyone else and realize there are more reasons to being 400lbs than overeating. (google Lipedema…….I dare you) You may just learn something.

      1. Yes, I know that there are people who have medical issues which affect their weight. I have a health issue that can cause me to gain weight if I don’t manage it correctly. It takes a lot of work, both in what I eat and having to exercise on a regular basis. I had a friend with PCOS so I know what it can do to people. And so you can’t say I didn’t date her because she was overweight, that was never the reason. The reason is she was a hardcore atheist, which is what also ended our friendship eventually, despite how many things we had in common.

        I’m not sure why you took my comment so personally; it was not meant as any kind of attack. I will not apologize for having one thing I do and do not find attractive.

  18. Thank you Garret and Joel C. Lucas. I probably should have left him the moment I knew it was going on, however he said he was going to stop and asked for another chance and, I guess a little foolishly, I gave him another chance. It didn’t stop. So we’re through now and it’s his loss but the pain was deep. But it’s nice to know that there are still some amazing and good guys still out there! :o) God bless you, my brothers in Christ!!

  19. well, over 35 years of hanging onto a fantasy and dream that my future wife has to be pretty and sexy has gotten me nowhere, I have never been married, and I am in my early 60’s.

    I believe that my heart has not quite learned to face the reality that looks is but only a very small part of what matters in a relationship.

    I have much bigger fish to fry, like reviving a career to finish well before retiring and having enough resources to do so. Right now, I’m no catch financially, and I just quit a few dating sites in some sick idea that a woman will save me. No, my purpose in life is to honor God, not be married to have romance.

    So I will not be purposefully looking for any lady to date, probably never again in my life. Too much heartache. I need to get my life in order and finish strong. If God thinks I should have a spouse, He will bring me someone. Going forward, it is important that I be healed and become spiritually, emotionally and psychologically healthy for God and to be a blessing and of service to my fellow men and women. I don’t deserve marriage – I deserve death. I must surrender marriage to God to trust Him to provide someone who is right for me with a beauty that comes from within her. If she is pretty on the outside, that will be a bonus, but not the main reason I would want to be with her, whoever she may be. May it never be to make me look good, show her off in pride or to prop up my emotions. May God further humble me until I utterly trust Him to provide the right lady (IF it is to be marriage) and disregard what people think of us as a couple. I would rather have 5 or 10 years of marriage from the hand of God on my marriage with the right lady than a selfish choice of the wrong woman for 50 years just because she looks sexy but God did not intend her for me!!!

  20. I doubt this comment will be read but here goes…

    Dating a supermodel would be the worst because they’re not smart. That’s also not a stereotype. Same with a ton of actresses. Finding someone who checks your list and is hot is completely relative to your tastes. I understand what that article is saying but I’m also a skeptic. I like to disagree and poke holes to expose flawed or inconclusive thinking. If it still stands when I’m done; I usually buy in.

    The article is slighted heavily towards males and their outlook on females. Sure, it’s mentioned it goes both ways in one sentenced but the writer quickly returns to males. However, women are also wildly responsible for this fake view men have of women. Ever heard of makeup? Plastic surgery? Fake attitudes? I mean, we could go on and on. Both genders are to blame but before you call one out you have to level the playing field first.

  21. For me, surrendering the desire to be married is now my only choice, as is the choice of who that lady will be, I leave up to GOD. I have tried hard, being cool, non-needy, confidence, knowing what to say, etc., etc.
    and NOTHING has worked!!!

    As for me, I have gotten to the place in my heart that accepts that I cannot make it happen, and insane to think I can force the hand of God. If God says not now, or never shall me be married, I better obey.

    Perhaps my intentions are way too evil and I’m way too unhealthy (spiritually, emotionally and psychologically) to be married. I have been working on myself for many years to purify my motives.

    I finally had enough a few months ago with the “Christian” singles ministries, tired of many men whose every intention is to pick up and date women. (Like a bar, without the alcohol) I HATED the competitiveness, I just wanted to develop a friendship first with a few ladies and let God lead. “NO, there’s no time for that!” Say some of the men, you HAVE to be proactive. TIRED of competing with the other men, and being left with the low-hanging fruit.

    Trusting GOD that there is a better way than the rat-race of dating. I believe God can supply all of my needs in Christ Jesus!

  22. After having burned myself for being in a relationship with the most handsome man I have ever set my eyes on, who didn’t share my faith and wasn’t that committed to the relationship, I learnt my lessons and was determined to date only men who share my faith. I did went out with a couple of Christian guys after my breakup but it didn’t go well with either. Although I had to admit I wasn’t physically attracted to them (I feel my standards for beauty is so unrealistic), I forced myself to date them hoping that as I would know them more, I would be able to look beyond the physical and be attracted to them. However, I felt this one guy was too serious about me. Although I want a guy who is serious about me, the fact that I wasn’t attracted to him scared me that I may not develop that attraction and so would end up hurting him more if I date him for too long and reject him. So I ended up rejecting him so soon. The other guy had very low self-esteem and has never had a girlfriend. Like with the first Christian guy, I tried to be open to get to know him to see if I could look past the physical as he seemed a nice guy. But I feel he wasn’t giving as much effort into building a relationship with me as I wanted him to. I feel he was anticipating rejection due to his previous experiences (he has never been not rejected) and lack of self esteem. So I felt like I was wasting my time with him and stopped seeing him altogether.

  23. Very nice comment.

    Slight amendment, if I might.

    “… who He loved into life.”

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