Wedding holding hands

Marry Someone Who: Loves God MORE Than They Love You

In Advice and Encouragement, Dating, Marriage by Debra Fileta19 Comments

I have a secret I’d like to share with you: My husband loves someone else more than he loves me.

To the outside listener, that might sound totally strange and maybe even completely inappropriate. You might think we’re having marital problems or settling for a mediocre relationship.

But for us, that thought makes complete sense in light of our personal relationships with God, through Jesus Christ.

My husband John loves God even more than he loves me.

And I love God even more than I love my husband.

It’s always been that way. And my prayer, is that it always will be.

Our individual relationship with God trumps our relationship with one another. And in my sincere opinion, that is the VERY truth that keeps our marriage alive, strong, and complete.

You see, for as many great days we have in marriage, there are also days when we simply don’t feel so great. Days when each of us don’t feel like loving…or giving…or forgiving. We feel hurt. We feel selfish. We may even feel that we’ve been wronged. In our humanity, we want to run…we want to hide…we want to get revenge. But in those moments, something GREATER takes over.

Because those are the very days when our relationship with God becomes the anchor for our love, holding us in place. Our relationship with God is the supernatural relationship that pours into us, so that we can pour into each other.

As Christians, we believe that when we enter into relationship with God, we’re filled with His Spirit. It’s that Spirit that breeds in us the qualities we need for a healthy life, and in turn, a healthy marriage. According to the bible, the qualities of God’s spirit being poured out in a person’s life are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness and self-control.

And as a professional counselor, I can tell you that those are the EXACT qualities you need to have a thriving relationship. Is that simply a coincidence? I say no.

On the hard days, more than trusting my husband to love me like he should, I trust God’s Spirit at work in His life. I am thankful that he loves God more than he loves me, because it’s that relationship with God that he’s learned to love me like he should.

And it’s in that relationship with God, that I’ve learned to love him like I should.

Am I saying that a person outside of relationship with God can’t experience a healthy marriage? No. But what I am saying, is that outside of a relationship with God, you never get a glimpse of COMPLETE love. Because it’s only in God that COMPLETE LOVE was created and experienced, and only in Him can it be given freely. He is the very definition of love…outside of Him, we can only get a hazy glimpse.

Hands down, the BEST marriages I’ve witnessed in my life, are the ones that are displaying this kind of love in their lives, fueled by their unwavering commitment and devotion to Jesus Christ. Because it’s a love that changes everything, slowly transforming both you and your spouse into the person God has called you to be.

This is why I’m so adamant about the importance of marrying someone who loves God more than they love you, as much as I’m adamant about you becoming that kind of person in your own life.

So don’t just marry a so-called “good person”, or a self-proclaimed “Christian”….marry a passionate, desperate, head-over-heels lover of God, because you’ll see the evidence of His Spirit in EVERY part of their lives. 

And then watch that supernatural love transform your life, and in turn, your marriage.

Comment below: In what ways have you seen someone’s love for God transform and inform their marriage? 

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Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, and 21 Days to Jump Start Your Love Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 150+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter

Comments

  1. Debra, your last two articles have been so helpful–talk about God’s perfect timing! This is so encouraging, because all I see are men I don’t trust to do the right thing. It’s comforting to know that God is working in and through people who love Him, even if I don’t know or see it!

    1. Author

      I’m so glad you were encouraged and that they came just at the right time…and trust me, the closer your heart is connected to God’s heart- the easier it is to recognize these kind of people. It’s like a radar 😉

  2. True sister I love what u r doing. GOD’S SPIRIT b upon you always.
    Thanks so much.

  3. Awesome & encouraging article!!
    I completely agree with you because when both people are completely in love with the Lord first, then they will be completely in love with each other and really know how to love the other person as God intended in marriage. And together as a couple can do Amazing things for the Lord.
    God Bless!!

  4. Thanks for the encouraging article Debra! I agree with you and I have been waiting to find a godly woman that loves Jesus more than me.

  5. I Love the lord god with every ounces of my being I hope one day the person I meet sees that in me.

  6. Hi Deb, I was wondering if youd consider doing an article containing information on the whole idea that men are visual. Ive been in a relationship with a Godly, very caring and selfless guy for almost a year, and he notices when an attractive woman is in the arena. It seems like a natural reflex for guys to look at least once. Hes my first boyfriend so ive never dealt with this before and it honestly exposes some insecurity in my life. I was wondering how much is too much? Like when do you decide that maybe you deserve better and that maybe not all guys have this reflex? I also dont know how to deal with it; ive confronted him and told him how it makes me feel, and he said he was sorry and that hes working on it, but i dont want to feel worried and i dont know if hes the issue or our relationship is this issue or if its only my insecurity that is the issue. Im in therapy now, and it has helped a lot, but i think an article on here like that would help a lot of others as well.

    1. Hey Cat!
      Thanks for sharing this concern. It’s very valid, and a lot of women wonder about this too. Here’s a great resource for you from a wonderful Christian researcher named Shaunti Feldhahn. Grab her book, “For Women Only” or check out her articles on Patheos, on her facebook page, or her website http://www.shaunti.com. She’s researched and dealt with this topic extensively, especially in her latest co-authored book with Craig Gross, “Through A Man’s Eyes” (visit http://www.menarevisual.com for more info on this book). Anyways, hopes this helps sister! God bless.

      1. Author

        I don’t usually approve outside links in the comment section, but Namie is right, these are some great resources for you, Cat!! If you’re interested in more info from my perspective as a counselor, send me a private email and we’ll take it from there 🙂

  7. Could you describe what falling in love with Jesus LOOKS LIKE? Like, what are the things we would DO to fall in love with Jesus? (Yes even us guys)

    1. Author

      Edwin, try to conceptualize it as a relationship with another human. In my mind, in trying to build a relationship with someone….I think about communication, spending time, priorities, acts of service and giving, learning as much as I can about that person, interacting (through prayer, God’s word)….I really believe investing in this way builds our relationship with God. There are many good books and resources out there to look into if you’d like to go deeper with this. One of my favorite books is called The Life You’ve Always wanted, by John Ortberg.

  8. The problem for me is that there are a lot of good Christian girls, but where does one find a woman who is truly a disciple of Jesus and in love with God? Any ideas? Sometimes I also wonder if my standards are too high. How can I know if my expectations are unrealistic?

    1. The books “How to get a date WORTH keeping”, & “Boundaries in Dating” by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend are also highly useful for Matt , & Sarah. The books are helping my rship field right now..! As for TAKING ACTION to go out to meet the opposite gender – in order to GROW & learn what traits match what you uniquely Need, Want , & Don’t want – can consider going to the various singles dating platforms even meetup.com. Just so long we do not wait around & do nothing.. Not sowing into the field means won’t reap. I gotto do my part, & God will do His part to help me

  9. I struggle with thinking I have too high of standards and those kind of men are not around anymore. I appreciate the encouraging words to stick to my beliefs and standards I have in God. It seems silly to the outside world friends but I need to trust God has someone for me. I pray for him often hoping God keeps him on Gods path and he is revealed to me. Why does it feel like the rapture of all the godly 20-30somethings has happened?

  10. This is a good article, but so very hard to read. I am 45 and never married. I have never found a man that is in love with God this way. I have waited while friends have found godly men and I’ve missed out on so much. It just makes me smirk a bit when they say “marry someone who loves God” like it’s so easy. I am still waiting for God’s best, but I get sad every day when I come home to an empty house.

  11. Loved this one a lot! Thank you soooo much Deb!! One of my faves cuz I’ve been wondering about people who didn’t know God but seemed to love each other so much 😉 Helpful and useful explainations as always 😀

  12. Debra,

    Thank you for writing on such an important topic as this! My husband and I both appreciated your thoughts in this blog. I was wondering, would you allow this to be translated into Hungarian? We live/work in Ukraine in an area with a minority population of Hungarians. And we minister often to young people. Feel free to reply to my email. Thanks again. May the Lord bless you as you live for Him!

    Stacey

  13. Thks Debra! I ustd that on difficult days in a rshp, each partner needs to put trust in God to help us.. learn how to love each other again.

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