How to NEVER Get Led-On Again

In Advice and Encouragement, Dating, For the Ladies, Relationships, Single by Debra Fileta52 Comments

Once upon a time, I got led on.

Yep, you heard me.  The “relationship expert” herself, got led on.  In fact, getting led on was not a one-time deal when it came to my interactions with the opposite sex back in the day.  At one point in my life, a predictable relationship pattern started to emerge between me and men.  It went something like this:

Step 1:  He starts interacting with me.

Step 2: I get very excited about the prospect of this potential interest, and show some interest back.

Step 3:  We start hanging out, talking more often, and interacting regularly.

Step 4:  I start reading into this interaction, and dreaming of our future. I continue to give, love, and serve.

Step 5: We continue to interact.

Step 6: I start feeling confused.  Does he like me, or are we just friends? Was that a romantic wink, or was there something in his eye?  Are these dates, or am I just his pal?

Step 7: We continue to interact.

Step 8: I feel more confused, but remain silent.  But I keep on giving…

Step 9: We continue to interact.

Step 10:  And the Grande finale?  He tells me he has a girlfriend, or that he’s interested in another girl, or alludes to me being a great sister in Christ, or introduces me to his crush, or drops off the face of the earth.  The end.

With this kind of relationship history, you can probably get me when I say I used to have a little bitterness in my heart toward the entire male race.  I concluded that- Christian or no Christian- they were all the same: confusing, selfish human beings, looking to just have a good time at the cost of my broken heart.  I blamed them, and felt a little hopeless that the well-being of my heart pretty much depended on this kind of discouraging interaction.

Have you ever felt that kind of discouragement about interacting with the opposite sex? 

I’m sure we all have at some point. But looking back, I had no right to blame anyone in those kinds of dysfunctional and desperate interactions—but myself.

You see, when it comes to being “led on” by someone of the opposite sex here’s what it comes down to: you can only get led on if you continue following (Tweet it!).  The term alludes to a picture of someone being a leader, while the other is the follower.  I chose to be the follower, instead of taking charge of my life.  I allowed my life to be controlled and determined by the choices and decisions of others, rather than respecting and loving myself enough to control it for myself.

When it came to relationships with the opposite sex, I was so determined to let them “lead” (because I was a woman who was wrongly taught that men were supposed to “lead”all relationships) that I allowed myself to hang on to unhealthy relationships and interactions with men  that drug on until they got tired of me, or got something they wanted, or moved on to the next thing.  I kept giving, and giving, and giving, even when there was little to nothing being given back to me.  I was so desperate for love and for a relationship that I failed to recognize (and even gave up) my control in the matter.

The truth is, in each situation there were numerous things I could have done to take control of my relationships like: confront him about this seemingly romantic relationship, clarify where the relationship is going, stop giving until I started getting something back, or set some boundaries instead of just letting whatever happened happen.  But, I didn’t do any of those things.  I just kept following.

I think Christian woman especially get so bogged down by the concept of men being “leaders” that we fail to recognize that God only calls us into this kind of “leading” relationship within the walls of a loving, respect-filled, and mutually submissive marriage.  We are not called to simply “follow” a man for the mere fact that he’s a man.

No matter how you choose to biblically define the word “leader”- no man should be given the role of “leader” in your life until the day you enter a lifelong covenant relationship with him as you unite your hearts as one in Christ. We have misinterpreted this “leader” mentality by applying it to relationships and people that should have absolutely no say in our lives- and in the end we end up broken, hurt, confused, bitter, and jaded- because we chose to follow someone we were never meant to let lead.

And you know what else?  Whether we’re male or female, this dangerous “follow the leader” mentality can be applied to any area of our lives in which we are allowing someone other than ourselves and our God to have control.  As adults, we are given the power and the wisdom to make good choices in our lives.  We are asked to“choose, this day, who [we] will serve”.  And at the end of that beautiful passage of scripture there is one conclusion, and one conclusion alone: “We will serve the Lord”.

It’s time to redefine your preconceived notions of what it means for a man to “take the lead” and take a look at your relationship history and what it might be saying about you.  If you, like me, have found yourself confused, bitter, and broken- maybe it’s time to take the reins back from people and relationships that were never meant to have this kind of role in your life, and give the control back to the One who has always deserved it.  Trust Him with your life, and allow Him to take the lead.

Whether you’re a man or a woman- don’t ever allow yourself to get “led on” by anyone less than Him.

*This article updated and revised from older version. *

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 100+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter

Comments

  1. This was me absolutely last year. And I agree with your conclusion 100%! Buuuut, I do think that the fellas need to get a little blame too. Sure, we wouldn’t be led on if we didn’t allow ourselves to be, but that’s kind of how relationships work- u show a little interest, he does, and so forth. Why would he give the illusion of leading you somewhere he has no intention to follow through with?
    We’re dealing with pliable(sometimes lonely) hearts when it comes to single guy and girl relationships. We can benefit from one another’s friendship(and should!) I just think there needs to be caution on the guy’s part as well.

    1. Author

      I wholeheartedly agree Melissa!! I think men should and DO have an obligation in these kind of relationships to own up and take responsibility…but I always challenged individuals to look at themselves first, because you can’t count on anything changing when you are constantly looking to others for that change…but you better believe I will be writing an article for the men in the near future 🙂

      But I have to say, even with this article focusing on women- I got so many great emails and messages from men saying they were challenged by this post and that it made them think twice about how they handle a woman’s heart, challenging them to take some more responsibility. I’m glad to hear there are some good men out there taking the time to think through these things as well.

      Thanks for your feedback!!!

  2. Lol. Just about a week or 2 before this blog I was seriously caught up in a situation where I felt I was being led on. Searched high and low for answers to no avail and decided to take a moment and listen to wisdom. I confronted the guy (it made me feel so needy and like I was putting the final blow to our relationship). Well! Things haven’t been better, there’s more fluid-ness and honesty in the relationship and we are not subjecting each other to some unsaid expectations. Confrontation is the way forward. But a word of caution: prayer and thought must go into the confrontation so as to NOT potentially kill what would have been a beautiful, enriching platonic relationship 🙂

    1. Author

      Great thoughts here! You are so right, it has to be prayerfully done just like anything else important in life. I think we all have a tendency to be impatient when it comes to relationships. Timing is everything, thanks for the great feedback Kudah!

  3. Hi Debra! I enjoyed this post as well as many other posts you have written. This post confirmed what I have thought about my present situation with a guy I work with. I am highly attracted to him but all he does is flirt with me which makes me think he is not interested in anything more than a friendship because he has had plenty of opportunity to get to know me more outside of work but has not taken it. He is also going on dates with other girls. I feel as if I have been led on by his flirting. The thing is that I believe that men are supposed to be the leaders in the relationship (Ephesians 5) and they are also supposed to be the initiators of the relationship (Proverbs 18:22). I guess my question is what is the difference between being led on and the men being the leaders/initiators of the relationship? Am I missing something here?

    1. Author

      Katie, thanks so much for your thoughts! It’s a tough question you pose, because the concept of men being leaders is something that has been long discussed but undefined in the church. I don’t necessarily think initiation and leadership are the same thing. But the definition of what it means for a man to take on the role of a leader in a marriage is a topic for another day! I don’t think this verse in Proverbs means the above, specifically as it applies to our modern day culture.

      Ultimately, though, I think you are right in saying that it’s time to consider how serious this young man is about his interactions with you, and I am glad you are thinking twice about it rather than just waiting indefinitely. I love when guys initiate a relationship, in fact, I think it’s a big turn on for most girls when a guy is bold enough and confident enough to approach them- but do I think it has to be this way, not at all. If you feel like he is showing you signs of a relationship but not backing it up with a commitment- then you either need to ask him what is going on, or you need to choose to make the decision yourself by backing off and not making yourself available to these kinds of interactions.

      Whatever you do, may God give you wisdom and peace with every step as you strive for healthy relationships. Thanks for reaching out!

  4. I think this is such an important post. I’ve done this, I know lots of other women who have done this. And sometimes I think our christian communities unintentionally encourage this by acting as if any action on our part is un-godly.

    I loved the story about Tim Keller and his wife when they were just friends on the Gospel Coalition.

    It’s the kind of action I think a lot of us need to be willing to take in these situations.
    Acknowledging, of course, that more often the relationship (if it even is that) is going to end.

    1. Author

      Melody, I love, love, love the post you sent! I think it is so true what Kathy said to Tim…don’t throw yourself to someone who doesn’t really appreciate you as displayed by their commitment to you. I wish more women (and men!) would get this. Thanks for sharing this insight, loved it.

      1. Wow..what a great article!! Please give me the link to Kathy & Tim’s article. Thx

  5. Whoah. I don’t know what to say. Those ten steps… They are basically the story of my (love)life.

    This was really, really important for me to read right now! I’ve made some progress lately in this area but seemingly I’ve still got looooots to learn. It’s so easy to slip into that nasty circle of interaction – hanging out – waiting – confusion – disappointment, which always seems to end in tears or anger from MY side. How come there have been so many potentional bf candidates who suddenly have a secret girlfriend lurking around the corner? How can I stop this nonsense of being led on and having unnecessary heartache? I believe that one of the basic things is to speak up! It can be terrifying for a person like me who isn’t accustomed to talk about their feelings, but I’ve come to notice it really pays off. I’m learning, little by little.

    This post was a true eye opener for me. Thank you SO much Debra for writing this! You can’t imagine how much I’ve struggled with this pattern and how I’ve had no idea whatsoever how to get rid of it. I think this post gave me some very important and useful keys to start working on with this. So THANK YOU!! 🙂

    (Ps. Loving your articles in Relevant magazine too, keep up the good work!)

  6. Wow, I know what you wrote is true and reading it brought some things to light. I have had a “friend” for 20 years and we were friends first, then dated then moved on. I knew I loved him and he loved me but he could not see it, so of course moving on was very hard for me. (I was 23,not saved then and he was my first and he was 26). He later got married and I got engaged and 17 years later we ended up meeting up again. (We have mutual friends so we never lost each other).

    I wish I could say the last three years have been a perfect happy reunion but it has not. He has dated others but not in the last 6 months.

    He can finally admit I was right, He has loved me and never forgot me. There is distance and he has a son and so I felt he was saying that as an excuse and I finally said (In August when we were together for 5 days), ” Ya know, I love you and I would move and marry you, take care of both of you, so no more excuses”.

    After he went home I thought I should not have said it and then felt I will give him time and told him, “I would choose to wait because I “choose ” to express how I feel and share it with him.” (It is a choice I make and if I wanted to be in a relationship with just anybody I could be..whether in a wheelchair or not).

    Now, reading what you wrote I am just awed. I pray about this relationship all the time. I never feel guilty because I truly love him (have always felt married in my heart because he was my first and eve though I was not saved I was waiting)and when he does give, he gives all. (He just does not give consistently and I know I deserve that. So does he though). He wants me to be happy but he does not want to close the door.

    I know he felt pressure from that and admitted he is not ready for a relationship and has been going to counseling for the last three years.

    I guess I just do not understand, does this mean “he just is not that into me”? Even though he is absolutely attracted to me,loves me, knows we get along, communicate well,or do I give this a little more time?

    I have been going to counseling too and I know things happen in God’s timing and I have no control but I do not want to make the wrong choice either and your unbiased opinion might help.

    I also know you do not have all the answers per say..and I thank you for taking the time to read my reply in advance and for even trying to evaluate and post!!! Warmly, Estelle

  7. thank u for this article, Debra & I’m absolutely agree w/ u. just a bit sharing, i was led on by a guy (my previous cell group leader) 5 years ago & i let him do that to me for almost 3 years. after almost 3 years no improvement, i finally closed the door. Thanks God & my close friends who supported me to move on. it was soo well worthed i left him.

    however, it taught me 2 lessons:
    1. guard your heart &
    2. Contentment.

    Half year latter, i’d a boyfriend (a deacon @ my church). I’m soo happy i left the prev guys

    1. Author

      Good for you for knowing when to close the door! That can be the hardest part, but it’s so important, isn’t it? Thank you so much for sharing your story with us!

  8. Thank you so much for sharing your heart Debra. I have been praying and struggling with my emotions and I believe now is the time I give God the reigns, all of them.

    1. Author

      Thanks so much, Sara!!! I am excited to see what awaits you this year and where God leads you!!

  9. Thanks for your article!
    Well on the other side of the coin, I was part of a friendship that developed into the very grey area which started with her showing interest in me, or so it seemed to me. There was initial hesitation on my part but over time I warmed up to the friendship and got interested anyway. As a guy, I felt the responsibility to strike that DTR conversation at what I prayed and hoped was the right time and I did. Sadly it didn’t pan out the way I’d hoped, I was rejected with no explanation, nor indication of where I stood in the relationship. Tried to keep the friendship alive but got waning responses and eventually no response after a month or so in the aftermath of the DTR and our friendship has seemingly died a natural death. Both of us are Christians from a conservative Presbyterian background and we seemed to have common interests, connected spiritually and mentally well.

    Sigh, talk about being burned, we guys get it too even when we try to do the right thing. 🙁

    1. Author

      Ed, thank you for this perspective!!!! You totally did the right thing by laying it out…and just because you got burned doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it- because now you have the freedom to move forward. I always say that the friend-zone is actually not a bad thing, because you want to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be in relationship with you as much as you want to be in relationship with them. If that’s not the case, it’s always best to get an honest answer and then move forward- rather than being stuck in a one-sided relationship. I love hearing about good men like you who are trying to do the right thing. We need more of you 🙂

  10. Hello there! I have been reading your blog since the middle of last year,and I can relate to so many of the things you write about. I recently went through a very hurtful situation, where I felt this guy and I connected really well,and then he dropped the bomb on me after 2 weeks. The first time I met him was years ago, and although I was interested in him, he had no interest in me. So flash forward to a few years later,and I see him at my new church, and think maybe we can be friends after so long. I sent him a friend request on FB,and he said he would “sincerely, like to go to coffee with me.” We hit it off so well, like we had been friends forever. We texted, called and I hung out at his apartment and listened to him talk about his life and adventures. We made plans to do stuff, it was great…Until I felt him distance himself from me. After things got a lil too physical one time, we decided to chill out because were both Christians, and wanted to salvage our budding friendship. I thought we were fine,he even texted the next day and apologized if he said anything hurtful. However, this was followed by a text saying that “I don’t think I feel the same way about you, that you feel about me. I was hoping if we hung out things would change, but my hearts just not in it.” I’m very sorry.” This hurt me alot, because I had shared so much about my life with him,and he did as well. I tried to call him, text him and get an explanation, but he told me “this is how I feel, please stop calling me.” from my really long discourse, could you please tell me what happened? I really cared about this guy,and honestly I felt used, because we shared so much time, and he seemed to feel the same way.

    1. Author

      Thank you so much for sharing this story, Nicole! I think there are so many people out there who will connect with it because we’ve all been through it in some way. It’s so hard to get into something without knowing what the end result will be – and that’s why relationships can be hard because they require us to take risks! I think the key is going into them and committing to act and interact in a way that will leave us with no regrets no matter the outcome. I so appreciate your story!

      1. Thanks. It doesn’t hurt as much as it did, when it happened but I don’t want to be in a relationship right now. Not bitter, just gun shy. :/

    2. It sounds to me like he realized he want to be committed to something. He sounds like he wasn’t ready, but that was ‘okay’ as long as things remained fun (as in non physical, but intimate). It was not until you two crossed an apparent line that his reaction became to do the opposite of what the two of you had been building up until that point. It seems it was easier for him to end things altogether than to try and reestablish the boundaries that were first (and unclearly) put in place. It is unfortunate, but I think you were used in some sense, and I think you ‘used’ him in another. That is not to pass blame or judgment, just trying to make sense of what you’ve said thus far: I hope that helped some!

  11. I’ve really enjoyed your posts and blog. Your book just arrived in the mail so I’m looking forward to that. There’s a man I’ve been interested in over a year. He sits with me every Sunday night at church and approaches me at Singles events. I don’t see him interacting with any other women. Our talks are getting better and better and feel like we are opening more. I honestly don’t know what to do but keep on doing what I’ve been doing…just being there. How do I pull back from going to church activities and services without hurting myself? I’ve thought about sitting in a completely different spot so I’m not so easy to sit with but after sitting in the same place for a year that seems like playing games. I don’t know how/if I should be talking to him about if there is anything in the future

    1. Author

      Hi Sharon!! Thanks so much for your kind words, I am excited to see what you think of the book!! As for your situation, I don’t think you should punish yourself by pulling away from church or church activities. If it’s really on your mind that much, you have every right to inquire about it as a way of protecting your emotions and your mind. But of course, no matter what you decide, just remember to do what you need to do to take care of your heart- it’s precious!

  12. Wow. What a timely post. I’m still unsure of how to move forward after reading it as it resurfaces some hurt I’m still dealing with, but perhaps it’s just a stepping stone in my progress. I feel like I was played with by a guy for about a year, and out of my 31 years I can say I have never had to deal with that before. I’m used to guys not being interested/just being friends, but not a guy being continually flirtatious when he’s not even interested or perhaps feels I’m a safe person that won’t get led on. I found out he had started dating someone when I overheard him telling a friend, and he never did end up telling me though supposedly he wanted to – I eventually brought it up. He’s engaged now, and still interacts in ways I would consider flirting. One nail after another when I feel I can’t take any more as it is.

    That’s the short story. Rant over.

    1. Author

      That’s so hard, JD!!! I know the pain of that kind of a relationship and it’s awful. I’m so sorry you had to go through it. I pray God continues healing your heart- and I’m so excited to hear this is a stepping stone for you, I’m believing that for you!!! Thank you for sharing your story with me and with others. This is a new start for your story, and I’m excited to hear what this next chapter holds for you with this new information you know! Blessings to you!!

  13. Do you have a post about how to have a DTR talk? I think you said you did that with your husband. I’d love to know how to do this without it appearing I’m pursuing.

    1. Author

      I do have a post about the “DTR” but not specifically HOW to do it….I’ll look for the link!

  14. I was told by a guy friend that if a guy is truly interested in ‘dating’ someone, he WILL make it known….period (his words not mine). He said some guys may like the way a woman looks and will enjoy flirting with her but nothing more or he may find her really friendly and easy to talk too but again nothing more.

    I think as women, we sometimes tend to take ‘flirting/attention’ as more than it really is. I think that after a point, we need to ask the guy (before we invest too much time and feelings) what does all his flirting/attention mean.

    I believe this is an area that we really need to include God and pray and ask for wisdom, He will answer. The trouble is we want things in OUR timing and not Gods.

    1. Author

      Totally agree with you, Dee!! You said it so well. We do need to come to a point when we take initiative to clarify- but you are so right in saying it has to be something we do with prayer and wisdom. I love your insight! Thanks for sharing.

  15. Concerning being led on: There is a woman that I met during the greeting time in the church that I attend who I think is in her late 20’s or early 30’s. When I introduced myself and shook her hand I got this “deer in the headlights” look. She said hi back but she just kept starring. No smiles, just wide-eyed starring. The same thing happened the next time I saw her and said hello. I am interested in getting to know her but I am wondering if the look that she is giving me is something done to lead me on? Or maybe a sign to back off?

    1. Author

      Hard to say, B! Every woman reacts differently…while that doesn’t necessarily sound like the warmest reaction- you really know unless you ask!

  16. I have been in that situation on two occasions but I take full responsibility for having been led on. On the last occasion, I was of the opinion that a guy at my church who I had been eyeing for some time and with whom I was put to teach a particular class with for two years, was interested in me. He came across as flirtatious and I convinced myself that he was the one God most likely wanted for me. Then, suddenly, he disappeared from church for weeks and I was shockingly told by one of his family members that he was engaged. I felt really foolish and led on but looking back I am learning from my mistakes. Where there is confusion and little or no peace, it is highly likely that God is not in it. He does not add sorrow according to the scriptures. Also, anytime you have to wonder if a guy is interested because he is sending mixed signals, then he is not. Many men (not all) like to play games and enjoy the attention. I agree that we should seek God for wisdom and discernment in our selection of a marriage partner.

    1. Author

      I agree!! Mixed signals are no signals at all 🙂 Great insight!

  17. I am 35 years old and I’ve been situations like this for as long as I can remember. The last guy I dated, did the same exact thing and as a result I haven’t dated anyone since. I prayed & fasted for God to show me if he was the one & inexplicably, he dumped me on the last day of my fast. I was gutted and the pain I felt was horrible and though this happened two years ago, sometimes, I feel quite bewildered by it. I have learnt to accept that it wasn’t meant to be but I often do wonder what it is that I’m doing that makes these men show interest then just dump me?

    1. Author

      Believe it or not there’s a LOT of psychology behind the people we are attracted to and the patterns we display in relationships. I’d really recommend you read through the first section of my book, True Love Dates. Lots more about that in there. Let me know if you have questions along the way. Blessings, Lucia!! I believe God can break some ingrained patterns in our lives- even ones we arent’ yet aware of!!

  18. As women of God, we have to learn to take the character of God with us when men come calling!!! I would ask God so many questions when one would come knocking on my door until God starting asking me questions about questions to ask them.

    I never thought about the questions until when I asked one gentleman straight out. I paid attention to their response and actions. It was amazing! I remember one question was, Instead of me praying to God about him, God said asked him if he prayed about you! And if so, did he get permission! Blew my mind! I found out that this man didn’t have a relationship with the Lord, as I do. The choice was mine still if I wanted to open that door or not. I of course played with the idea but didn’t.

    God is the ultimate gentleman and now I look for more of the character of God in whoever comes to me. Then I know we might have a chance.

    1. Author

      So glad you learned such an amazing lesson at this point in your life!! A godly man is truly the greatest gift you can find in a husband. Thanks for sharing, Judy!

  19. l presently have two guys right now sending me mixed signals, and with wisdom from God am guarding my heart against heartbreak. l shake off the “and they live happily ever after” feeling regularly in order not to get carried away. l love your write up, we sisters need it badly.

    1. Step 1: He starts interacting with me.

      Step 2: I get very excited about the prospect of this potential interest, and show some interest back.

      The escalation between these two “steps” says it all.

    2. Author

      Agree. That’s sort of my point, and why it’s important take responsibility right off the bat for both your emotions and your actions. If I’m honest with you, Step 2 defines a lot of women. With that said, I also think it’s really rare for male/female friendship to continue long term without there being some interest on one or both parties. Either way, you can’t be passive or you wind up confused.

  20. Thanks Debra for this article. It’s sooo true… Ladies, we have to guard our hearts very well because we are way too emotional beings. I had learned a big lesson last year. Reaching 30 this year, I’ve never been dated until last two years ago, I met this guy. He is such a gentleman. He has a caring heart. The fact, he don’t set boundaries. I fell into that ‘trap’ thinking he is doing the extra stuff for me, you know the kind of man who cares and shows ‘sign’ he likes me. I like him too. Well, I prayed and asked God to open ways to be honest to tell him about his action, and I confessed. Somehow, I had this peace in me. But after one month, I cried like a mad lady. I realized this friendship led me to know myself better, as in my identity in Christ. I spent time seeking for godly advice (from friends, mature Christians/Leaders, articles and etc). Thankfully, God sent the right people to talk, pray and help me to see things from His perspective. I used to ask God why You gave me a chance to know him, but now, I know that He has His good plan for me, and He fulfills my deepest desire – being love. Even now, I hope to keep this friendship 🙂 I don’t easily give my heart out now. I will wait upon Him.
    Your article should come out earlier (in my case) hahaha….I will definitely share your article around. Keep it up. God bless!

  21. i think rships are just a risk u cant avoid. If u dont allow yourself to be led on, how will the fship be mutual? And if the fship is not mutual, d initiator won’t go further because no one likes a one-sided rship. My point: if you dont want to be led on, there is a probability that his / her actions/interests might not be reciprocated.

  22. Mixed messages mean move on…I just wish I could get that through my thick head lol. When someone is interested in you they will show it and you’ll know it. When you have to sit and question what this means or that means it’s time to move on and save yourself from the inevitable downfall. That’s my two cents.

  23. Debra, your guy should have told you by step 4 that you and him are JUST FRIENDS. I’m a guy so I know where he is coming from. Also, did you tell him you liked him? If you did tell him you liked him, that is when he should have told you that you and him are JUST FRIENDS. I have a female friend that I thought I was interested in, but she just wants to be friends. She told me after the first time we hung out. As time was going on, she was concerned that she was leading me on, she reminded me we are JUST FRIENDS. He should have told you the same thing. Sorry you were probably getting the wrong idea about you and him.

  24. This pattern is literally what happened to me but we did kiss (although i guess that wasn’t a big deal to him). It really hurts because he knew I liked him and I don’t think he would have told me about his sort-of girlfriend if it wasn’t for me asking whether he really liked me. Sucks right now cos I’ve just started uni. I know I’ll be OK, I think I’m just bad at being alone 🙁

    1. Such a sad story to hear, Amy! You are definitely not alone in your experience. But thankfully the more you know the better you do. Being single is such a good time to learn how to be healthy while standing alone. I would challenge you to pick up a copy of True Love Dates and learn as much as you can during this time of singleness….so that you don’t repeat the same patterns in dating. Best to you, dear!!

  25. This is me right now….i remember crying so hard and asking God questions 3days back. I’ve liked a a particular guy for years and we recently started talking….we have been talking almost everyday since the beginning of the year and i felt i was allowing myself to be led on so i asked if he was seeing someone then he told me he was talking to someone at the moment….
    I criedddd but hey! i’m glad i asked and now i can move on…thanks for this great piece Debra

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