Are You a Good “Lover”?

In Marriage, Relationships by Debra Fileta6 Comments

Are you a good lover?

I’m talking about how well you love others.

When you woke up this morning, did you ask yourself that question? Did you consider how and who you were going to love?

If you’re anything like me, you probably didn’t. Because it’s so easy to be consumed with ourselves. So, am I a good lover? Or…

Do I want to be loved, more than to love?

That question has been ringing in my ears as I’ve been contemplating a quote by missionary, Amy Carmichael, that says: If I want to be loved, more than to love. To be served, more than to serve…than I know nothing of Calvary’s love.

It’s easy to quickly answer yes to that question, patting ourselves on the back, thinking we’re good lovers. But are we really? 

Love is in high demand. And we were made for it. But many times, we spend our life focused on trying finding it, to create it, and to get it for ourselves. We make friends, get married, and have children all for the sake of love. We want love, and we’ll do anything to find it.

Not only do we want to be loved, but we want to be loved well. For those of us in relationships, how many moments go by that we are assessing and analyzing, critiquing and correcting how we’re being loved?

We want our spouse to show us affection. Our friends to give us affirmation. Our children to shower us with appreciation.

And we can spend so much of our life wanting love, that we forget to pour ourselves into giving love. Being love. Showing love.

Today, I’m challenged to love, more than I want to be loved. Because of a God who poured out His love for me- expecting, and often times receiving, nothing in return.

I’m taking up the challenge to pray this verse daily over my life, asking God to refine and redefine my view of love, giving me a radical desire to love others even more than I want to be loved. Take the challenge with me by reading the passage below, filling your name in the blank, and let’s pray this prayer together. 

I want to be a better lover. Because no matter what my life and relationships bring…LOVE always starts with me. Will you join me? 

________________never gives up.

_______________ cares more for others than for self.

_______________ doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.

_______________ doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others.

_______________ isn’t always “me first,”

_______________ doesn’t fly off the handle, keep score of the sins of others, or revel when others grovel.

_______________ takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

_______________Puts up with anything,

_______________Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, and Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

Lord, give me a love that never fails.

May God grant us an unfailing love that overflows into the lives of everyone He’s called us to love. Whoever you are, and whatever you’re going through….Love on. *Did this reminder mean something to you, today? I’d love to hear from you! Email me:

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 50+ articles at Relevant Magazine! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter

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6 Comments on "Are You a Good “Lover”?"

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“Love cares for others more than self” This is very timely. I’m currently going through a breakup and have been so focused on me in every way including my prayer life. It’s almost as if I’ve forgotten that my situation is only a small part of a much bigger picture and I still need to show love to the people around me who need me.

Thank you for helping me to put things on perspective and realise that despite my circumstances, I still need to show love.


Thank you AGAIN, Debra, for an extremely timely article! And I’d really like to emphasize the word “again” for this isn’t the first or second, and most likely not the last time when God’s speaking to me through your writings. May He continue to use You to show His love towards this world!



Every where I look theres got to be a picture of a couple EVERYWHERE lol, even when its not just about a couple how come you never see a picture of friends or family as love comes in many forms I feel like everyone is sucked in and obsessed with the whole romance couple dom I cant escape it its a NIGHTMARE LOL 😉


This is so timely, Debra! I’ve been having a hard time the past few days with someone who doesn’t always know the best way to treat people. Who knew the exact same thing could be said about me? May God show me and those who read this how to love like He does.


This prayer changed my life. So thankful!
Kisses from Brazil!

Cindy Mcinerney

I’m a single women in the Pacific Northwest. I’m in my later 50s. I ‘m in church filled with the Holy Ghost and operate in my ministry. Problem I find for every single man there’s 50 women. Where are our fellow Christian men? I pray for a revival of men to step up to there calling. We need strong men to bring this nation back to God!