Do looks matter?
And if so, how much do they matter?
Let’s be honest, it’s a touchy question, especially when we’re talking about Christian dating and relationships.
If I was having this conversation with someone outside of the scope of faith, it would imagine it would be a no-brainer to say that looks matter when it comes to finding a potential partner. In fact, Hollywood and entertainment are usually all about pushing that rhetoric down our throats.
But for some reason, in the Christian faith, we have a hard time confessing to that truth, even if it’s partially true. As if it’s superficial, or not significant enough to care about appearance.
You may have noticed that every month I have a new poll that goes up on the sidebar of my website. I figure, hey, if I’m going to write 2-3 new dating and relationship articles a week, I might as well poll the thousands of singles that come to my website each day.
Each month, on the left-hand side bar (or the top pull-down menu for those viewing on your mobile phones) I ask a new question. The feedback from my polls not only informs me, but often times guides my writing topics and ideas. I want to produce content that’s both informative, and relevant.
A few months ago, I asked the question:
In your opinion, which is the most important aspect in a dating relationship?
Here’s what you told me matters most:
#1: A Spiritual Connection (46%)
#2: Personality Compatibility (26%)
#3: Emotional Connection (20%)
#4: Physical Chemistry and Attraction (4%)
#5: Other (4%)
I don’t know if you noticed what I noticed….but a whopping 46% said that the most important thing that matters to them in a relationship is having a spiritual connection with someone! Which tells us that for so many people, a spiritual connection is still what matters most.
Only a measly 4% said that they believe that Physical Chemistry and Attraction is the most important aspect.
As a Professional Counselor, I was really encouraged by these numbers, because I would tend to agree that “chemistry” is a very small factor to the equation of finding love. I also believe that attraction (which I define as deeper than chemistry) is multifaceted, and never boils down to just the physical. Don’t get me wrong, I wholeheartedly believe in attraction. But what it comes down to is that attraction is a combination of spiritual, social, emotional, physical and mental….but so many times, we zoom in on JUST the physical to determine our level of attraction.
According to these statistics, maybe people really don’t care about our physical appearance as much as we think they do. Maybe deep down, we all believe that what really matters in the long-haul of life-long commitment is not the size of our waist, the color of our hair, or the smoothness of our skin.
Maybe we actually believe that finding love is based on series of intimate moments that supersede the physical attraction, and instead bind you together with the strings of spiritual, emotional, and social connections.
Maybe at the end of the day, that’s what we know that real love is based on commitment, connection, and compatibility above all else.
But the REAL question is, does this knowledge inform our decisions and how we choose to date?
I’d love your opinion! Weigh-in in the comment section below.
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Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. You may also recognize her voice from her 100+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love! Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter!
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