How Many Dates Are Christian Singles Going On?

In Dating by Debra Fileta94 Comments

I’ve been out of “the dating scene” for quite some time….

But “dating and relationships” is a topic that’s pertinent to me, because healthy relationships are something I write and speak about on a regular basis in my profession as counselor and writer.

So, last week, I started asking: What’s #TheDatingScene like these days, particularly for Christian Singles? And I’m sharing the answers with you over the next few weeks through this new blog series!

I polled my single crowd of readers and asked them to help me scope out the dating scene by answering some questions.

I asked questions like: how many dates have you been on in the past 6 months…how did you get asked out on a date…who typically initiates the date…how many different people have you dated…where do you meet people to date? (It’s not too late to take the survey if you haven’t, CLICK HERE). 

I’ve posed a few questions on my Facebook Page the past few weeks in an effort to gather some information and hear personal stories as well.

The survey results are in. And they’re interesting, to say the least. 

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to uncover some of the results I’ve gathered and hopefully start some important conversations about the state of #TheDatingScene by looking at the good, the bad, and the ugly side of dating…and talking about how we can (collectively) make it better.

Let’s start with the question we’ve all been asking…

How many dates have the majority of Christian Singles been on in the past 6 months?

The survey says…….

Zero.

Zilch.

Nada.

None.

Its.Not.Happening.

Over 53% (THE MAJORITY) of Christian Singles reported that they have NOT been on one date in the past 6 months. Their love life is taking a snooze. 

30.6% of them reported that they went on 1-2 dates over the past 6 months. Only 8.1% reported that they’ve been on 3-4 dates, and 7.9% reported that they’re “workin it” with 5+ dates over the past 6 months.

By looking at the survey results, it’s safe to say that the majority of Christian singles are not dating. 

I have reasons to believe why this is the case….but before I get into those in the next post, I want to hear from you:

Comment below:

Why do you think so many Christian singles are NOT GOING ON DATES?

Why has the “common date” become such a RARE thing? 

I’d love to hear your opinion or your personal story below. Let’s get this conversation going. 

And stay tuned for my entire blog series all about #TheDatingScene

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. Her newest book, Choosing Marriage, is set to be released in the Summer of 2018! You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and all over the web! She’s the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, reaching over 4 million people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!

Ready to get your dating-life started and meet some other singles?

Sign up for my 21 Day to Jump Start Your Love Life e-course 

For a limited time, use code TheDatingScene to receive $10 off SALE price of the course!

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94 Comments on "How Many Dates Are Christian Singles Going On?"

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Lori
Guest

I’m one of them that stated zero. I came across Debra about two years ago and that’s about the time I started thinking about the dating scene.

DB
Guest
I’ve been on maybe a dozen dates since my divorce 8 years ago. I HATE the dating game. I feel someone always gets hurt. Either you’re the one being hurt our you’re the one hurting someone else. I hate being on either end of that scenario so I choose not to date. Also I can’t stand the players. Especially the really good ones because you don’t realize you’ve been played until you’ve been played. NOT fun. When I was played I didn’t realize I was with a player until I was deeply involved so I got my heart crushed each… Read more »
Vicky
Guest

Can we have the results of the whole survey in one article please? I think the rest of the survey may explain why singles aren’t dating.

Shannon
Guest
I haven’t been on a date, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to! Meeting guys in college was simple enough, but after graduation all the single guys my age seemed to scatter. Either that, or they’re in hiding. Now that I’ve been out of college for five years, I simply don’t know where to meet people any more. I go to church, but I can not think of one man my age (who’s not already married) who also attends. I’ve heard people say “oh, you’re being too picky.” My response is that I wish I had had the chance… Read more »
Meagan
Guest
Shannon, I have had nearly the same experience since college! Church seems to be full of married couples, and I’ve been disappointed that all my life people told me church was the best place to “meet your husband.” I’ve also been so frustrated by people telling me I’m too picky. Part of me wants to tell them that I can’t be picky if I haven’t had the option to date anyone for a while! I also don’t like coffee. It’s so bitter! But, I have found that many frappucinos are really good and more like milkshakes with a slight coffee… Read more »
Tam
Guest

I’m not a coffee drinker, but I would go with Chai tea! Or smoothies! There are always non-coffee options. Sometimes, it’s about being in places for the opportunities to meet new people!

Shannon
Guest

Thanks for the suggestions! Maybe now I’ll take a chance and go to the coffee shop down the street. Only now I’ll feel like I’m husband-hunting! Haha! Oh, dear…

Shannon
Guest

True! That makes it feel less weird. 😄

Shannon
Guest
It’s so true! Starting conversations out of the blue with someone I don’t know very well is very awkward. I’ve seen several blog posts about how to initiate a relationship or ask someone out on a date, but what about that very first step of simply starting a conversation with someone when there doesn’t seem to be a “perfect opportunity”? At social events or church, I would feel more comfortable walking up and introducing myself because people expect that sort of thing. But initiating a conversation with someone in an everyday setting–such as a coffee shop or bookstore–is a different… Read more »
Chelsie
Guest

I work at a coffee shop with no better results 😉

Tom
Guest

Lol…

Sarah Davis
Guest
I think it’s because Christians especially take it far far too seriously (needing to know instantly, actually before, going on the date if it’s going to be the person they will marry), we lack confidence in the risk factor of dating someone new and we don’t meet anyone knew and eligible (I.e. No red flags!). I try to break this but I really don’t meet many guys who are a.single and b.eligible and attractive to me. Am I too fussy? Literally what that comes down to is some physical attraction and a LOT of relationship with God. I want to… Read more »
Nicole
Guest

As a single woman in her late 20’s…I find there are no men doing the asking.

Gabriel
Guest

Believe me….we are. Some girls are picky.

Colette
Guest

It is very tough to meet quality singles these days. And the older you are, the harder it seems to be. I honestly do not know where to go anymore to meet single men, let alone quality ones. Today’s technological age doesn’t help matters as people have become less social. Online dating and dating apps seems to be the way people are meeting these days. Online dating hasn’t worked for me and the apps do not interest me at all.

J
Guest

In order to go on a date, you have to know someone to go with…

Dawna Blue
Guest

Please clarify if the number of dates is for same person or with different people. I take my time and don’t rush going out. I’ve had good success with meeting people online and getting to know them enough to discover if it is a move forward or move on decision. So far, I think I meet someone face to face every 3-4 months.

Sarah
Guest
I was another in the mass majority. It’s actually been about 8 or 9 months since my last date. I’ll admit, that one not working out was probably my fault (too much enthusiasm 😅). I’m in my mid-twenties and I actually cross paths with many good single guys. The main problem in said path-crossing is it only happens once a week at our weekly church gatherings. Different groups of friends mesh in one place for about an hour but then go their separate ways. There’s no time to meet and hang out without some real guts to ask for it.… Read more »
Heidi
Guest

I recently ended a relationship and am focusing on me, God, my purpose, my career, etc. I am content right now and at peace with my singleness.

Christine
Guest
I answered 0 on the survey, and the honest truth is that it’s true for my whole life, not just the last 6 months. There’s probably a few factors involved – no one asked (can’t explain that one)…I thought I was supposed to focus on college and career before looking for romance…I thought I as the girl was supposed to wait and not initiate….I thought I would have more opportunities after college, but since graduating I haven’t even been meeting eligible Christian guys. (Seriously, no good candidates have crossed my path in the last 2-3 years). And after a certain… Read more »
Paul
Guest
I think a couple factors explain this. I think a lot of people who are now married end up spending their time with others who are married and what comes from that is less socialization with the same friends you connected with before. Those married with kids end up socializing with others who are married with kids. As a result, you socialize less often and reduce the chances of meeting others. Because we are socializing less often we end up withdrawing and doing things such as binge watching Netflix. I would also estimate. It’s churches who do have groups to… Read more »
Ivy
Guest
I’m in college and I haven’t gone on a date in a while because I haven’t found anyone who I would like to go on a date with yet. It can be hard for me to find guys who are practicing christians and take their faith seriously. I’m involved in on campus ministries and attend a local church but I still find it a challenge. I’ve approached guys and asked them out before, so I don’t mind being the first to communicate interest in getting to know someone better. I’ve thought about online dating but I’m a bit nervous to… Read more »
Andrew
Guest
Currently it’s not for lack of trying. I’ve asked a few out and been turned down, or sometimes altogether ignored (which I think is worse). I think my problem was that I looked more for reasons NOT to ask a girl out and thus get to reject her first. I think I still hold dating as a lofty ambition when it could be more casual. I also don’t know where some girls are coming from, for some, asking for a number and a date is almost as good as a marriage proposal. Keep up the good work Debra, I think… Read more »
Kat
Guest

Going out on a date sounds like fun. Where would I meet a Christian man to do that with? I am not sitting at home waiting. I work full-time plus have a business painting, selling and teaching art plus a full and active social life. Church only has social activities for married couples and families with young children. Bible studies are for either men, women, or married couples. So where is it that I should go or do to meet someone who is also Christian?

Christine
Guest

Ooh I hear you about the Bible studies…my church keeps them segregated by gender, so where do I meet guys? I think churches are hesitant to do singles’ or young adult events b/c/ they don’t want to be perceived as matchmaking…but that would actually be helpful.

Jasmine Ruigrok
Guest

Zero for me too, mostly because no one’s asked me, and the guys I could ask I’m simply not interested in. Whether that’s a bad or good thing remains to be seen.

Raymond Bixby
Guest

Shannon, yes others do and on the other side! I am a man and I want to date but there are no woman out there! I also have the same problem at my church…no woman that are single my age!!!

Mara
Guest
I find it interesting that the responses to the question thus far are by women… Was the percentage of men who answered the survey about equal to that of women? And are more men than women dating/not dating, or is it about equal? I’ve not dated because I’ve yet to meet someone who’s going the same direction. I’ve met single guys my age, late 20s, and the churches I’ve attended the last few years (I moved about once a year) have had active young adult groups, many of which even had more guys active in the group than girls. But… Read more »
Jay
Guest
And that is the problem! Going on a date only takes an hour. Transition is an excuse. I’ve been nomadic for several years and have realized recently that going on date is the only way you can get to some of the details you need to make a decision efficiently; even a 10 minute speed-date can be more intentional and informative than a lot of Christians taking months to figure out (by avoiding one-on-one dates). In fact, I have been amazed at the number of women who have surprised me with attributes that I’d never have expected from my group… Read more »
Marlene
Guest
One reason is that many men are not with God. They sense if you are and that keeps them disinterested. Another reason is that men are struggling with their identities, the traditional roles of men & women are so blurred that it’s very confusing to everyone. I believe it has gotten to the point that many men expect women to ask them out and since many men don’t value dating they are ok with not dating if not asked out. Also, men many even “nice” men seem to expect women to dress “sexy” and those are the women they want… Read more »
Raymond Bixby
Guest
Marlene that’s not all true for all men! Come on now give us guys who have a relationship with Jesus, have feels and concerns, and like a modestly dress woman a serious break! As far as the asking out, I have no problem once I get over the fear of it! That scares me so bad and the only reason I know why, is because I don’t want to be rejected! I am guessing the rejection of my abilities by my dad may have something to do with that and I am working on that issue. We are out here…the… Read more »
Will
Guest

As a guy asking a girl on a date, I feel I need to have all my duck lined up. Most of the time the ianswer is a no but often for overly serious reasons, like I don’t see a future with you etc. How does one know what the future holds without a date? It’s all too serious – there’s nothing casual about a date which is a shame as it’s a great way to get to know someone one on one.

Hannah
Guest
I personally don’t go on dates. Never been to a ‘common date’ like going out and having dinner or watch a movie. In my past I had VERY toxic relationships and was actively part of the ‘hook-up club’, even though I claimed to be a Christian. Fast forward, I quit school cause of messy life (bad relationships, bad grades, I was not ok with God nor with myself), so lost contact with many of my friends. Then met some guys here and there in Christian events but weren’t as ‘Christians’ as I thought (so ‘worst’ than non-believers I’ve been with).… Read more »
Gen
Guest
Being that I’m in my 30’s I can honestly say there aren’t many Christian single guys out there. I know in my church there aren’t any. I know they are out there somewhere but I just haven’t met any lately. I can say with my last relationship that he was also a Christian but we ended up breaking up because I wouldn’t ‘put out’. I hope there are still guys out there who aren’t like the rest of the world when it comes to sex. There are some of us still out here trying to live the Christian life right… Read more »
Meagan
Guest
It has been difficult for me to meet single guys I would want to date. My church has many young people, but nearly all of them are young married couples. I’ve tried to go out more often and try new things, but I still have trouble meeting guys. Since I’m usually a bit shy when I first meet people, it’s very difficult for me to initiate conversations, especially with men. I’ve been trying to decide whether or not to try online dating, but even that is a bit scary for me. I’m not very good at meeting strangers and keeping… Read more »
Renata
Guest
I agree with Sarah Davis that it often seems believers take dating way too seriously. When someone asks someone else out but the asked isn’t interested, the asker often seems to assume that the asked is either automatically saying that the asker has some fundamental flaw or is simply being capricious and therefore unjustified in refusing. But on the other hand, it also often seems that people who take dating more lightheartedly are seen as flirts playing the field, whether in fact they are or not. And then the rest of us are left by the wayside because the serious… Read more »
Anthony
Guest

I don’t ask women out I’m afraid of rejection I hate rejection and don’t handle it well. I’m working on loving me and knowing God before I find a woman.

Kyla
Guest

I live in a city with very few Christian young adults. It’s four hours away from any other medium sized city and none of the guys I do know seem to be interested in me. I know that this is where God wants me so I am content but I would really like to have a relationship as well

Carol
Guest
It has been very difficult to know somebody. I’m not shy, actually I’m nice and start conversations easily. But feel that there’s no one around! I always keep my eyes open, but it seems I’m sort of invisible… people seems too busy, rushed,… simply not available. At church, almost all men are already married. At work they are all happily married. At graduate college program we are all women. My family is small and I’m the yongest one so there are no parties or family meetings at all. I have visit the coffee shop, that perhaps includes a section on… Read more »
Zac
Guest
For me, this is so frustrating to read these comments. As a man in his late-late-late 20’s, what I wouldn’t give to meet a great Christian woman. There are so few to be found in my area. I’m one of two 20’s young adults in my church. Historically, the Christian women who I met in college and since that I’ve asked for dates, just aren’t interested. The singular answer I get is: “let’s just be friends.” Every. Single. Time! And I don’t think it’s because I have some sort of huge red flag waving above my head either! I’m going… Read more »
Rose
Guest
Men of my age (40) are of two kinds: already married or divorced with no expectations of getting married again. So often divorced men has a complicated situation with the ex wife and the kids and don’t think seriously about a new relationship. They do want to go around with women but without any commitment or boundaries. But a true christian women do not accept this kind of relationship because we know that God want us to established a godly/healthy marriage, and not a once-in-a-while partner. Divorced men need to heal in order to start a new and blessed relationship… Read more »
Eliza
Guest

I agree. With all of you actually because this is happening all over. Im in my late 40’s and everyone my age is either married or divorced. And guys just arent interested in girls of my age anymore.

Marilyn
Guest
I think that many singles (I’ll generalise and say men) are able to use the internet (dating, porn, virtual relationships) in place of the hard task (slow, unpredictable, scary) of getting to know someone well and honour them as God commands. I’m 49, divorced and don’t date, mainly because I’m not asked, and also Because the men I know (Christians too) don’t seem to want a serious, mature, God-fearing woman. I want to encourage all you young single Christians to Fear the Lord and to seek sexual purity, which I think will revive health dating in the Christian community. And…… Read more »
Kara
Guest
I am one of the “0” for the survey. Most of the reasons are similar to the ones already listed. I went to a Christian college which was wide open to meet other “singles.” In my twenties, I ran a young adults program that attracted a lot of 20’s and 30’s from all walks of life (college, career, single, newly married, married w/children, etc). It was an amazing group that provide consistent community, and several of my friends met their spouse through our events. But I did not, and not for lack of initiating. The most common response I got… Read more »
Sam
Guest

Right now I’m 26 and 0 (age to dates, that is.)

So far I’ve restricted potential dates to my friend and church circles — which are tiny. I live and church in a minuscule town, and there’s basically no one to date. I do work in a fairly large city, but my hours are irregular — and I am paid to workwhile I’m there, not socialize!

Monique
Guest
First let me say Thank You for taking the time to conduct this survey & do this series. Christian + Dating seems to be so taboo, that it’s rarely discussed as something we SHOULD be doing. I answered Zero and the truth is it’s been over 2 years since I’ve been on a date. Not for lack of wanting to, I just don’t get approached. Many of my friends have this same issue; men just don’t approach anymore. I believe the popularity of social media & online dating has taken away men’s forwardness in approaching a woman. It’s been replaced… Read more »
Anon
Guest
In my case, it’s not for lack of effort. As Zac said above, I get some variation of “I just see us as friends” every time. And while I’m not going into the ministry full-time, I have a career, I own my own house, I’m one of the leaders in our singles group at church. It seems that if you don’t go for it right away you get stuck in the friend zone, but if you do but you aren’t exactly what she’s dreamed of her whole life, you get shunned for trying too hard. I wish Debra’s “Yes, please… Read more »
#2
Guest
As a young man who is less than two weeks from heading to college for the first time, I am taking in the wisdom that the consensus of what I am hearing from others is that after college, it becomes extremely difficult to find (quality) potential spouses. I will heed this and really be purposeful about my dating life in college, I hope it will be different than my experience in high school. In elementary through middle school, I was not allowed to date (good thing, I wasn’t at all ready or mature). This set up a thought process that… Read more »
#2
Guest
Also any advice you have to give on relationships for me as I go into college (what you wish you had done, what you are glad you didn’t do, etc.) would be well appreciated from any of you. Also thanks Debra for your bravery and willingness to obey God’s call on your life. You can truly tell the way He has uniquely gifted you with your writing and compassionate heart and it is impacting so many people, probably more than the Devil would like you to think. Keep fighting the good fight with the Power of the Pen and His… Read more »
Peter Johnson
Guest
Being a Single Guy and graduated from College and not being able to Drive is actually hard to find someone to date and also when it comes to asking a girl out, I am usually afraid to tell them that I like them, as I have gone from so much heartache and rejection in the past and I have a hard time opening up to girls, as I do not know if they like me or not. Plus during high school, girls bullied me all the time, so I am having a hard time opening to up how I feel… Read more »
Deborah Bose
Guest
Single Christian ladies are not dating often because they are not being asked, though majority of the dating scene has moved on to the Online world still there is lack of good Christian men who are asking. Even if they are a lot of them fall through after the 1st date. My personal story has been after 6 years of no dates I went on a 1st date with a Christian guy from the online world and though we had a good connection he felt we can only be friends. In my case I feel this man my friend has… Read more »
Crystal
Guest
I grew up in the “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” prime. Lots of guilt and shame if you weren’t playing a lady in waiting or considered pursuing equally. In college some guys in my campus ministry I was interested in told me I was “spiritually intimidating” because I loved the Lord, wanted to serve Him, had leadership qualities, and was serious about leaning in to all God had for me. I rejected that label of “spiritually intimidating” but grieved the loss of opportunity. Though the rejection stung, I believed God had (and still does have) an equal He was preparing for… Read more »
Janae
Guest

I’ve been single for almost three years. I was with my children’s father for three years. We tried to make it work, but the second time around was much worse. Since we broke up, I have not met anyone or been on any dates. I find a guy at church attractive, but I don’t know how to initiate a conversation after church service. Also, I think since i am a single mother to two young children, people judge and form opinions before getting to know me. I think when people see two children and no ring, many assumptions are made.

Luke Randall Urban
Guest

There’s been a few cool Christian girls at church but some I am just not attracted to or are dating someone else. At my current church, the Young Adult Ministry has gone down and there’s only a small number of Christian singles I hang out with and my previous church the singles ministry was huge. Honestly, I have had better luck with online dating since some girls at church at super picky.

Vinette Fourie
Guest

Reason for not dating is cause nobody is asking. And maybe that’s a relieve cause for somewhat reason I only attracted unhealthy men for a certain time period. So I took some time out to focus on myself and get emotionally healthy. Started participating going to prayer meetings and church. I am on a journey to read True love dates for a second time. I’m joining Discipleship training next year and hope to be more committed to finish it. But maybe just maybe I will be lucky and snag a date.

T T
Guest
I think it’s just because times and technology have changed and I don’t think the issue is just among Christians. Years ago this wasn’t as much of an issue because people married their high school or college sweetheart. There was no internet dating and friends and family took it upon themselves to help people find mates if they were out of school and single. Now, people are afraid to set anyone up, don’t want to get involved, or don’t have any single friends – AND – people who married before internet dating tend to think that it is like ordering… Read more »
Andie
Guest
Okay, two main thoughts on this. But first, a disclaimer that these are just things that have been on my mind of late. They are not meant as universal statements or by any means, comprehensive. Also, Debra, *thank you* for your work. It is so needed and so refreshing. I only wish more thought leaders shared your approach. I live in a metro area, and frankly, it’s harder to meet men I’d be interested in than I would have thought. Based on my own experience and that of friends, a large difficulty seems to be simple math, in a way.… Read more »
Shay Johnson
Guest

Because, i haven’t come across any good ones. And, trust. A guy sees what they want, once they get it, leave with a child to raise on your own, like so many single mothers out there. I want so badly to find my future husband. It’s just hard.

dandy
Guest

Exactly, I’ve been alone for nearly 2 decades now, almost my son’s entire life. I’ve come to accept the fact that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. Men can father children out of wedlock, walk away, and have no trouble finding a mate, but the women who sacrifice their lives to raise their kids have to deal with judgement and scorn.

Cris
Guest

I have a ton of male friends, the problem I have is that I don’t know any Christian single guys!
I left the church I’ve been a part of my whole life (for reasons that are not relevant) and what I’ve seen in six months of looking for a new church is that there are not many guys around my age (26) and the older ones are too old (36-40) and in most cases married, the few around my age usually are in relationships, I feel like there is an age range where they leave church… maybe?

Krysti
Guest

I’m a single mom of a teenage daughter. I don’t have time. I don’t meet single men that are living lives of sexual purity. I had my daughter before being married. I don’t even know if I’d be able to be the great role model to her that I’d want to be while dating. Both of us dating st the same time seems so weird!!

Letty
Guest

I am wondering whether the sunset off the population that reads websites devoted to the process of developing relationships may also be statistically more likely to be single. Did the survey also include individuals who are not seeking help in this area?

Justine
Guest

I think young single Christians are just too scared to go on dates or ask people. There is pressure from the church society and norms that you should date with intent to marry and not get to know someone. It’s frustrating because it’s kind of taboo. I have friends who are in the non committed relationship that don’t want to go further or just be there when they’re bored. My thought is that if you wanted to make friends, wouldn’t you hang out with a person first, based on enjoyment you’d want to be around them again, or not.

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