You Don’t Have to Like Being Single

In Relationships, Single by Debra Fileta59 Comments

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. 

For some of you, it will be relatively painless, and may even been filled with some really positive experiences. But for others, you’ll be left with the nagging reminder that another Valentine’s Day has come – and you’re still single.

“How do I get over my discontent with singleness?”

This is a question I often receive as I travel for speaking engagements or in my inbox as I check my email. The difficulties of dealing with singleness impact different people in different ways, but the idea of being “discontent” with your lack of relationship status is a common emotion at some point along the road .

Before I answer, let me first address those of you who see singleness as a gift to be enjoyed, and a season to be savored, and a time to be cherishedgood for you. I say that with just a tiny hint of sarcasm, because contentment during singleness was always a personal struggle of mine.  But for the most part, I really am thrilled for your contentment.

I look at men and women like you and I am truly inspired that, by God’s grace, you have received eyes that are able to see past you relationship status and enjoy the life that you’ve been given.  Like a very deliberately placed sign in my office reminds me, “Life is not having what you want, it’s wanting what you have”.   I seem to need that reminder often. Thank God for your contentment during this season, and continue to live your life here and now.

Now, for the latter group.  This is the group I would have been a part of during my time as a single woman.  If the myth were true that “God only blesses you with a spouse when you learn to be content in your singleness”, than Lord knows I wouldn’t have ever gotten married, because frankly, I was not okay with a lifetime of singleness.  I wanted so badly to be married!

As I look back in hindsight, there was nothing wrong with that longing for marriage. In fact, that longing was so very good.  It was part of God’s design and a sign that I longed for a deep and intimate connection with another human being.

But for so long, because of the mixed messages I received from people around me, I was secretly ashamed of that longing.  I talked myself into believing that it was wrong; that I was weak, and that it was a sign that I just wasn’t as close to God as I should be.  Maybe I didn’t love Him enough.  Maybe I didn’t trust Him enough. Maybe I needed to be a “better Christian”.

Looking back, those were all lies from the pit of hell.  Lies that were meant to guilt me, to shame me, and to keep me paralyzed.  Lies that were bent on destroying me and keeping me still.  Lies that were intended to prevent me from living my life. And at times, they did just that.

What I wish someone would have told me then, is that you don’t have to “like” singleness.

And you know what else? It’s okay to have a constant longing for marriage because you were made in the image of a God who understands because He is longing for connection with YOU.  It is a struggle that we are allowed to have, and one that can draw us even closer to a God who longs to connect with us through it.

I don’t believe that the condition of our heart should EVER be measured by our emotional struggles, but rather, by what we do through those times of struggle.  Feelings of discontent, loneliness, and depression through singleness don’t mean that we have been defeated.  They simply mean that we are human.

But ceasing to live our lives because of those feelings…that is a sign that we have allowed the enemy to paralyze us and keep us from moving forward. It’s okay to struggle through singleness, but it’s not okay to stop living life because of it.  It’s okay to be discontent through singleness, but it’s not okay to let that discontentment rob us of our very lives.

There is a huge difference between a struggle and a stronghold. A stronghold is when we’ve allowed our relationship status to define us, instead of the very God who made us to be defined by Him. There’s a huge difference there, and the two should never be lumped in the same category.

So for those of you who have been struggling with being single, look around and ask yourself- are you still living?  Are you still dreaming?  Are you still hoping?  Are you still trusting and believing? Are you still moving forward in the life that God has called you to live (whether or not you always love that life), or have you been paralyzed by your fear?

Is singleness a part of your struggle, or has it become a stronghold?  The answer to that question will either free you from guilt and shame, or challenge you to begin the pursuit of healing: by redefining your identity and rethinking your purpose.

No matter where you are in your struggle, you have the opportunity to live life and to live it well.  May God give you the strength to do so, even through the struggle.

 Is your love-life feeling stagnant? Are you ready for something new in your relationship status? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you don’t want to miss this life-changing program: Click below to learn more!

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Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 100+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter

Comments

  1. But what should I do when I’m really so lonely and miserable being single? I know get involved in serving others, read the Bible, pray, build friendships, etc. But none of those things take away the ache when I’m crying myself to sleep…alone…again. I want to be okay with being single but can’t imagine things going on this way.

    1. How well I know the pain you are going through, Allison. I, too, feel this way a lot of the time. Going to church on Sundays is a great help, except when it’s time to go home and there are happy families and couples deciding on what kind of fun afternoon they are going to do together. Yes, we both know it’s important to get involved, get out there and meet people, join this club, do this activity, yada, yada, yada. Sometimes these things do cost money and some activities are very far away. I also feel “conspicuous and the “odd one out” when I go to a movie alone and everyone else had a partner or a friend or a family. All we can really do is just trust in our Heavenly Daddy that He knows what is best for His little princesses and that indeed He does know how we feel. Keep trusting, keep praying, keep hoping. Good friends and even myself tell me this. Our dreams are sure to come true soon. I hope my comments comfort, inspire and enlighten you. God bless! Debbie 😀

    2. Author

      That’s so hard to hear, Allison. I’m sorry for what a struggle it’s been for you. And you’re right, sometimes those things take away the ache, but other times they don’t. When I think about the ache of singleness, I think about the aches of life. Some people ache because they are lonely, others ache because they are dealing with illness, or death, or wounds, or suffering in some way….but we all ache at different points in our life. When I have an ache that won’t go away, I think of Paul who asked God to take his ache away and God responded by saying, “My grace is sufficient for you- for my power is made perfect in your weakness.” For me, sometimes that is the only answer I can hold on to in times of ache…that God’s grace will carry me through it, and that He will show me His strength in the moments of my ache – as long as I am looking for Him. I will definitely be praying the same for you dear one!!

      1. Thank you, Debra. I feel so selfish but get so tired of hearing I just need to trust more (that’s not what you said; I mean from well-meaning friends and family)

  2. If I’m not truly living, then I am merely waiting to die……….

    I was NOT restored for the sake of the latter!!!

    1. Sometimes I feel like this too, that it would be far better to go and be with my Lord than “hang around here” waiting for life to happen, but God has great plans for each of us, whatever they are!

  3. I am not able to get your link to work so I can subscribe to your email list 🙁

    1. Author

      So sorry, Sheryl! Should be up and running now. Thanks for letting me know!

  4. Thank you for this! I appreciate your honesty for so many reasons. It seems like a lot of married people forget they were ever single and what it was like before they found their mate. So often I’m told to “delight myself in the Lord and he will give me the desires of my heart”. As great as that Scripture is, it’s a bit hurtful to receive that advice. As though I’m not already seeking the Lord or what I’m doing isn’t enough. I really really appreciate this. You have definitely encouraged me this morning 🙂

    1. Author

      Krystal, that is so good to hear!! I know, sometimes it’s easier to speak from a place of past when we’re no longer in that place. It’s something we all have to be careful of as we’re interacting with people. Know that what you’re doing is enough because you are enough by God’s grace. Blessings to you!

  5. I guess it depends on what one considers not living life…I still do the things I’d do even if I were in a relationship. And I’d do more, if it weren’t for the fact that I don’t have the resources. I’d do some things solo (sadly, I don’t really have friends, just acquaintances), like traveling, music and art lessons, screenwriting workshops, healthy cooking lessons…there is so much I want to learn and do but everything comes at a price.

    1. Author

      Sophie, “living life” is really subjective – because it looks different for each of us. I think what it comes down to is feeling like we’re following God’s lead, and moving toward the vision He’s given us for our life. It doesn’t look the same for everyone, though.

      1. It is subjective, I very much agree. I only wish it was easier to know if what we’re feeling is God’s lead or our own desires, but I know I’m not alone in feeling led to everything and nothing, all at the same time…

  6. Thanks for this article. I am glad that I am not only one in the world who thinks that wanting a relationship is not “too needy”, as people around me are telling me.

    But where are all those single girls who see it same way? 🙂

  7. I love the distinction between a stronghold and struggle. I have experienced singleness as a stronghold. The longing felt like an unexpected punch in the stomach, and suddenly I was gripped with fear. The fear perpetuated my desperate need to control, so I would spend hours on the websites, searching for the one until I finally became fed up with these fits and starts. By God’s grace, I have moved from the stronghold to the struggle. I have not given up my dream for a godly husband. I still search the dating websites, but the desire for a mate no longer consumes me. I asked God to quiet the longing; He has answered my prayer. I know I will still struggle from time to time with my singleness, but I refuse to give it the power to rob me of enjoying my life.

    1. Author

      I love your story, Judy. Thanks so much for sharing such a great example of the difference between a stronghold and a struggle. I’m so happy to hear you’ve moved from the former and into the latter. God answered your prayer!!! What a testimony of the loving God we serve. Thank you for sharing.

    2. Judy…..

      The statement you made ” I asked God to quiet the longing” just blessed my soul!!! The longing may be there but it doesn’t have to be so loud that it drowns out God’s voice of comfort and peace.

      Thank you my dear sister

  8. Debra, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I have needed to hear these words for so long. For so many years I have struggled with the tension between not liking singleness and trying to be content. I thought the 2 couldn’t exist based on messages around me. The bottom line is I DON’T like being single, but I have always tried to make the most of it. But I always thought that in order to be truly content I had to like being single and that will never happen for me because I so deeply want to be married. And that desire is OK! Thank you for clarifying that I can continue to move forward in life, enjoying parts of singleness without having to like being single or give up on my dream of marriage and a family. Thank you.

    1. Author

      Yay! I love to hear this, Charity. Thank you so much. Yes, your desire is absolutely okay!!! Hold on to those desires, and keep bringing them to Jesus. He loves you so much, and wants to move you into His best plan for your life. That is something you can count on!

  9. I’m so thankful for this article. I always hear people say that it’s when you stop looking that find your mate. But I can’t help but look, which then makes me feel like if thats the case then I’ll never get married. And you know, for the most part, I’m pretty content with my life. But then there are moments when I do feel lonely, and when I’m really longing to meet my future husband. And when I start to feel like that, I start to think well maybe I’m not really content, and if I’m not really content then God won’t give me my future husband. It really is a bad cycle.

    But thank you for this article that just reminds me that its ok to have these feelings. And what I’ve started to do is when I do start to have these feelings, I just go to God with them. and He has a way of just soothing me. =)

  10. Thank you so much for this! It was truly a comfort (and reminder) to my soul today. I haven’t stopped living, and I still have hope, but some days, I don’t like being single and I hate when others attempt to make me feel guilty for feeling that way.

    1. Author

      Amen! Glad to hear it, Naticka. Thank you for your comment and for sharing your thoughts. Hold on to that hope!

  11. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for writing this!!

    This particular Valentine’s Day was especially hard for me because my parents and my siblings all had a great day with their significant others, and I stayed home. I tried to connect with a few of my single girlfriends, but they already had plans, so I was stuck at home. I have struggled with the contentment of my singleness and I am definitely not “in love” with being single. If being married meant I just had to pay X amount of money to have it, I would have poured all I had into it already. The Lord has been gracious in showing me that perhaps my longing for marriage had turned into an idol and I am praying for the Spirit’s help in overcoming this sin. But I also know that marriage is a relationship instituted by God that He called good and blessed. Something that my heart earnestly longs for. Recently several older married women in the church have tried to share with us single ladies how blessed we are to be single and enjoy it while it lasts (almost hinting they wished they were still single)! I am trying, but it’s not easy. The “guilt” that came as a result of my not enjoying it was HUGE, so your blog is a breath of fresh air! Thank you for refueling my “marriage hope tank”! I am still trusting and hoping that the Lord will bring me a husband, but until then I will continue to pray for him, and trust that the Lord has the best plan for my life!

  12. This year, God blessed me with a wonderful Valentine’s Day! No, I am not in a relationship. But God has taught me two important lessons recently. First, God gave me a deep longing for a marriage that will glorify Him; but He will never be glorified in a blessing that we value more than closeness with Him. Second, offering up my desire for marriage to Him (if He should not will it) does not mean giving up on the possibility of marriage and becoming a schlumpy old-maid. That would be failure to trust that He could provide a mate for me, even if our marriage would glorify Him. And that is false. He is perfectly capable of working things out to His own glory and our greatest good. So I will trust Him.

  13. Love this so much, Debra! Sometimes the first step towards feeling okay about being single, is coming to the realization that it’s okay to not feel okay about being single! (riddle me that) Aloneness tends to compound problems, because we feel as if we are the only ones who struggle with a certain issue, when the reality is far from that. Reading this and reading the comments has been so encouraging, just seeing that my struggles are natural, and can be used of God, so long as I don’t allow them to become strongholds.

    Another thing that I like to remind myself when I’m finding singleness particularly hard, is that marriage is meant to be a mirror of God’s love for us. So when I’m longing to be married, what I am TRULY longing for is the final marriage between the Son and His bride. I can use my perception of what marriage is as a mirror to reflect my heartfelt desires towards the Father, knowing that in my heart of hearts, what I truly long for, and what I’m truly looking forward to, is the day where we are finally reunited with Him. Though this does not remove the desire for a spouse and family, it does help me focus my attention on the One who will bring it to pass in His timing. 🙂

  14. OH, this was soooo needed. I’ve been having so much guilt over not liking my single status. I keep thinking I’m just not “wired” to be single. I need that connection. Thank you for validating me.
    Again, you ROCK!

  15. there was a SEASON when I enjoyed my singleness ALL I wanted was to go on the mission field I had just gotten saved for real and I was happy. that season is OVER. now it just sucks. it really does. I have alternated with maybe it sucks bc im not SUPPOSED to be single, and this is NOT Gods will but a result of disobedience and sin. which I think it is..but then there the other thing God just may NOT fix it. there were ppl who didnt marry in the bible bc of the sins of the ppl…the LAST possible reason is God is not wanting me to be content and the LONGING I have is for the ultimate bridegroom and the discontent is the.discontent of separation..altho I thinks is really because my folks messed up and because of sin..meaning im supposed to be married but God is under obligation to remove some consequences of sin.

  16. Greetings from California. This post made more sense than most other things I’ve read on this subject for years…it’s right on!! I’m now 50, and been single for life with a couple of matrimonial near-misses in my late 20’s. I’ve always wondered ‘what if…’. One thing I remember most, is that my friends who married young, did so because they were not satisfied with the single life. Anytime someone told me I had to be that or nothing would happen, I quite honestly dismissed them mentally as either condescending or an idiot. I also found the church singles ministries had it wrong by often encouraging ‘safe’ opposite sex friendships, etc., instead of unsafe dating perhaps. Somehow, even in the Christian world, Billy Crystal’s line from Harry Met Sally is still true about why men and women can’t really be friends. Not that I don’t have female friends, but you know what I mean. I would rather lose a female friend I’m attracted to by telling her that I’m interested, than by being a friend with unrequited feelings. What I came to realize is this…Singleness sucks, but it is what it is. Have hobbies, read books, spend time outside, adopt a pet or two, and have a job you enjoy. And oh yes, serve God doing something you enjoy. God causes it to rain on the just and the unjust. No guarantees in life, and sometimes things don’t work out the way we’d like them to. The one thing we can control is our attitude about life itself, regardless of our attitude toward singleness. I honestly think life can be embraced and enjoyed for what it is. After all it’s all we have, and all we’ll ever get, this side of heaven. So I love life, and even though I believe it would have been not only different but better had I gotten married and had a family, it wasn’t meant to be. Speaking of hobbies…Surfs up!!

    1. Thanks for sharing David and God bless you. That’s a wonderful outlook on life that you have. I truly respect and admire that.

  17. Thank you for this article Debbie!
    I do have one question though. I have just started a bible school with students from all over the world. And I have gone from not meeting any Christian guys at all to seeing them every day. And the overload of guys (and their cute too) makes it so hard to focus on there reason I actually went to bible school in the first place, to get to know more about God and His calling for my life.
    I have just been in school for a month or so, but I have already developed about five crushes on different guys.
    Do you have any tips for me to keep my focus on the right things?

  18. Thank you for the article Debbie. It’s so true but hard to implement to daily life. But I do believe that God’s timing is the best.

  19. Thank you so much! Debra for sharing your heart! Also for not forgetting your pain during singleness! So many married couples forget the days of being single! God gives us examples of how to do all things, but when we forget the devil can cause much pain to others!

  20. telling someone they shouldnt desire marriage and just hush and be content is like telling an amputee not to desire to walk. If you are born without legs or lose then to desire to walk and run is a basic, natural normal desire. Your heart doesnt Ask if this is a possibility, it just desires to live normally. So your circumstances are hard and make marriage difficult or an impossibility. Guess what your heart doesnt know that. You have a terminal illness and marriage may not be realistic, guess what tell u heart that..im sure your heart will agree how impractical that is and just decide to stop loving. No Your heart only knows it wants someone to love, regardless how long u have. so Christians telling singles to just deal with it, ignores our basic humanity and right to feel normal like others who have marriage and family a normal basic human desire created by God.

  21. Thank you!!!!
    Somebody once said there’s comfort in numbers… And the bible also says that there is safety in a multitude of counselors (Proverbs 11:14).
    Today I attest to this, as I have always felt “alone” in my discontentment and also very guilty for that matter.

    Thank God that there is no temptation/trial that is uncommon on earth…and God has indeed made a way for me to be encouraged through Debra and the other readers. Thanks again.

    Bless you and I pray that this particular desire will be met for all us soon and until then, His grace is sufficient to see us through every moment that we are broken and distressed.

  22. I am so sick of seeing couples, or hearing of women complain of their men when they don’t do this or that for them, while I’m just over here thinking “at least you have someone who is with you”. Honestly, I can’t stand being single anymore (yes I think I am becoming bitter over this) but I played by the ‘rules’/’guidelines’ while all of my friends and relatives went off and have already found themselves someone. I honestly am just tired of trying to stay positive about being single. It’s not that I haven’t put myself out there, but time and time again, each time I fall for a great godly man and I think something is finally going to happen in my life, he goes and falls for another.
    I envy to experience the happiness I see in couples as they walk down the street, as they grow closer together as time passes. I want to know that I’m worth it to a man of god to be pursued, desired, wanted.
    To combat the loneliness, I seek God and try to strengthen my relationship with Him, yet time keeps passing by and no-one has called. I know that no man will ever truly fill the void that is only meant for God to fill, yet I can’t help but wonder how nice it must be to have someone to pray with, study God’s word with, encourage and be there for the person throughout life. I’m tired of trying to stay strong and put on a happy face. Even hearing a sermon on marriage makes me cringe now (which I know that it shouldn’t, but it does).
    I don’t want to become any more bitter than I already have become, I don’t want to give up on this desire but time keeps passing by. Please pray that God will consider my prayers and that through this struggle I am facing I can see Him shine as well as try to honor and glorify Him with how He will bring me through this time.
    I’d appreciate the prayers
    –Abigail.

  23. i hated being single for a long time. but the older i got and the more unlikely it became the less i am worrying about it. Mainly because my hearts desire was to have a young family and at 41 the likelihood of that happening is slim. The dream was to marry a college sweetheart etc now i try match.com and meet divorced me who’ve lived most of there lives already and it seems like plan C. I dont want to be negative nelly but I kind of want Gods best and being an old bride I don’t know it just feels desperate at this point. the difficulty now seems almost not worth the effort, ive been alone most of my life if God really had that In mind would not He have done it. Now i just feel like I;m begging God for something He didnt really want for me. Who wants to be like Rachel her insistence on children and she died in Childbirth. So i mean unless God is saving the best for last at this point it seems like a concellation(?) prize. Maybe I’m not viewing it right a gift is a gift but if He chooses not to give I will have to be fine I guess. I still have to live.

  24. Love this!! Wow. I really felt like you were reading my heart. LOL! You described all my issues/ feelings, love the post, thanks for writing it, it definitely helped. Blessings!

  25. Thank you. It’s very frustrating to be criticized for not being content, even when it comes from another single person, as if we’re not allowed to experience the typical ups and downs of human life. Another comment I frequently hear is that if we serve others who are less fortunate, we will forget about our own problems. While I agree that we should be serving others, I have not found that it lessens my desire for marriage or discontentment with being single, when I am feeling discontent which is not all of the time. Some of the times I feel most alone is when I go home alone after spending a day volunteering with others. I leave the experience feeling very high and then it suddenly hits me that I’m alone and it’s quite an emotional drop.

  26. I appreciate this article and the topic so much! Thank you for the clarification and the affirmation. God bless you!

  27. Thanks for this Debra. Honestly, I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum of being content in singleness and then really struggling with singleness when a relationship doesn’t work out. How do you always stay content no matter the circumstance?

  28. Debra, thank you for this, you basically just said, all what i am feeling, it’s as if me saying, finally, someone knows what i’m going through. As if god knew at the perfect time, when i read this, he knows. Thank you so much for clarifying that it’s okay to not like being single, and just because we still are don’t feel like maybe i need to love god more, or i’m doing something wrong, and the enemy will try to mix that up, too.

    It’s like a constant back and forth battle, i deal with everyday, specially at night, when i fantasize when i get married and my wedding night, i long to finally meet my someone. I pray and ask god in my heart of it day and night, no it”s not easy, but as you said, as long as i am obedient, content, still have hopes and goals ahead, i’m aiming for. God will bless me. Thank you, God bless you, Debra.

  29. I’m now at an age where I have to conclude it’s my fate to go through life without a partner. I can only conclude that God decided I am damaged in some way. I think there are a lot of things I could bring to a relationship, but for various reasons I’ve always found the ‘dating thing’ very difficult and at my age, well into my 50s, there aren’t a lot of single women around

    I’ve prayed about this often but those prayers have gone unanswered.

    But how am I supposed to love a God who considers me damaged goods?

    1. Oh, Rick! Just because you haven’t had your prayer for marriage answered (with a yes) does NOT mean God considers you (or any of us) damaged goods! God loves you SO much! He formed you before you were born, redeemed you (Isaiah 44:21-24), and, contrary to what we might think on our bad days, He has a plan for you! Oh, if we could only grasp the fullness of His love for us! I think our desire for earthly love would pale in comparison.

      I don’t comment much here, but I couldn’t just read past your comment…I guess because I’ve felt your pain. I was really bitter toward God for not giving me what I most desired out of life – something that is right and good…and yet “cruelly withheld” from me. But in a way only God can do, He showed me how very wrong my perspective was about Him. And how absolutely devastating bitterness can be. I encourage you, and anyone who finds they are bitter toward God because of their relationship status, to do a study on bitterness beginning with Hebrews 12:15. It’s a root that runs deep and strong and can affect every area of one’s life.

      Remember, it’s okay to be honest with God. He already knows how you feel about him. He can handle it. 🙂 It’s okay to morn our “loses” too. But choose to believe that God is Good all the time. I know it’s hard, but it’s true. And in the end, after all, marriage doesn’t even matter – it’s our relationship with God that lasts forever.

      1. Sarah I feel exactly the way you do. I have a family member (pray for her please ) who has allowed bitterness to take root. She no longer goes to church and has said she no longer believes in God. This is someone saved from teens and walking closely with God, a great evangelist. I feel so angry that the devil seems to be winning in this situation. There is something I would like to say. Bitterness does not just happen (as I have told her). That same scripture, Hebrews 12:14 tells us to pursue holiness. We cannot make this journey faithfully on our own. We need to be obedient to the word. The root of bitterness begins in disobedience. We are told by Christ, abide in me, read the scripture, do not forsake the gathering of the saints, pray without ceasing, love, do good, walk by faith not by sight. Don’t just be hearers of the word, PRACTICE WHAT THE WORD TEACHES. We fall short when we are disobedient. Marriage is a gift from God but it is only for this life. Like what was said if we make it a stronghold, it will lead us astray.
        The Lord will deal with each individual and their desires and faith in him. This is too big for me to take on . That is why He is God. Along with suffering, evil and injustices in life, the Lord is able. Thank you Lord for your greatness and your goodness mighty God.

        1. Thanks for sharing, Jessy. I will pray for your family member! After months of processing and observing the root of bitterness in my life and in others, I decided to share my journey on my blog in hopes that it will help someone else. I know links aren’t allowed, but I’m going to try to link it to my name/picture. Blessings!

    2. Great article Deb, thank you!

      @ Rick, God will never consider you damaged goods. He has sent his only son to die on the cross for us, that’s how much he loves each one of us, because we are all sinners and we all live by Grace. So therefore you cannot be the only one singled out as damaged goods or be amongst the people who are classified as damaged goods. Yes sometimes we pray for things and answers don’t come or they delay, but that does not mean he loves us any less. I feel your pain and understand what you are going through. I’m in my 30’s and still single longing to be married, and I also wrestle with thoughts that I don’t want to wake up 40 yrs old and still unmarried or even in my 50. Yet this is something totally out of our control.

      I would like to encourage you to try meeting people on social platforms such as dating sites, if you have not tried that already, if you have tried it then we can only live in hope that one day someone will come along, if it is His will. The harsh reality to accept is that remaining single MAY be His Will for some. I pray that may you find peach, healing and comfort in knowing that He loves us no matter our relationship status.

      Blessings!

  30. So good to know that there are other women who go on the emotional rollercoaster that I do often and that it’s ok to not like being single at times or even being a little discontent. My life is very full but that longing for a husband is very strong, it had become an idol and so I’m taking a break from dating to re-focus so my identity and security doesn’t hinge on it and I can enjoy this time now.

  31. Wow this is encouraging.
    And helpful to read others comments. We are not alone in this struggle.
    The only reason I can think of as to why god makes some of us wait so long is to shape our character, produce patience and preserverence.
    Ive been single 8 months and I can honestly say through the struggles have become so much closer to God & feel in a better place, and have been able to encourage others.

    I thought I had met ‘the one’ I loved him with all my heart he is lovely & a man of god. I was so happy . he broke up with me after 5 months of dating saying he wasn’t ready. He struggled with insecurities and struggled to keep a job. This was 8 months ago.

    I was devastated & couldn’t understand why . All his friends, my friends and everyone in our church thought we were perfect for each other. We have EVERYTHING in common.
    I have been to a Christian healing centre for prayer, @ the front of church for prayer twice, pray every day for a husband, my mum is praying, my best friend is praying and even a group of 8 of us girls formed a circle and prayed that each girl would find a husband!

    I’ve many female friends in the same situation struggling with being single. We do meet and help encourage each other and they say it’s helpful to have others that understand what they are going through.
    So god has provided so many friends to help in this situation.

    I’m still in touch with my ex boyfriend as we go to the same church and dance class ( which I help teach with his best friend) so there’s no avoiding him!
    We’ve finally got to a place where we can be in the same room as each other. I’ve prayed for him that he would grow in confidence, maturity and faith.

    I saw him the other week and he’s grown in these areas! He now has a secure permanent job and is even buying a house.
    I’m not giving up on him and still hope one day he is ready and comes to a realisation, but I’m open to other opportunities and getting out there and trying to meet people.

    I’m encouraging you out there not to give up, we can never understand what is going on, but I’ve Seen many friends in the past year marry believers who have waited many years, it is possible!
    Ask your friends and everyone you know to pray for you 🙂

  32. Im 56 yr old man now,,,,I was in an very abusive marriage with a “christian wife”,for 28 years until it became unbearable
    I became very depressed,even suicidal I enede up commmiting adultery
    She divorced me,tried to cut our children out of my life and every other form of manipulation and hurt
    I found another “christian woman”,,she seemed so completely opposite
    we did things Gods way,we abstained from sex or living together
    But we obviously talked about our needs and desires,,well I did,,,I was open and honest about who I am,what I need from marriage,and what I have to give,need to give and recieve
    which is tons of attention,affection,love,romance,intimacy,,,,,the way I always felt a marriage should be
    …………..anyway ,we married and on our wedding night found out shes an alcoholic,,,,,,also everything she agreed with me about all the things we talked about before,,,,she had lied about
    none of that was important to her,,,,,she was also controlling,and emotionally abusive
    putting me down for being the man I told her I was,,for wanting to give and recieve all that love and affection and passion,,,,,,she changed instantly uon marrying
    after 3years,my ex,dumped the children and went on an endless holiday,,I was over the moon they were going to come and live with us,,,but my current wife said they cant[even though she had said yes it would be fine before we married
    so I ended u getting a home for myself and my 3 children
    so now seperated,,,but scrip says cant divorce
    so here I am,,,,,,,effectively single again ,but with no way to move on,,and struggling with the after effects of 2 abusive ,selfish,one sided marriages,,I gave everything,im a giver,but recieved only hurt
    even if I was free to remarry,im so scared now,,,,people are so good at pretending to be someone theyre not
    sometimes I feel too damaged to love or trust again anyway
    there are single women,but not christians,,,,,I dont know what to think anymore

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