He + She + Jesus = True Love

In Dating, Marriage, Relationships by Debra Fileta10 Comments

“When I have learned to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. In so far as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving towards the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest t all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased.”–C.S. Lewis

June 9th, 2006…Exactly one year before John and I were to be married. 

But believe it not, though we felt the closest we’d ever felt to one another emotionally, geographically- we were thousands of miles away.

Instead of spending my summer with my boyfriend…I was on a mission trip in Egypt that summer; following through with a commitment I had made to Jesus long before we had ever met (read our entire story here). 

A commitment to love God more, to serve the poor and needy, and to do my earthly best to be the hands and feet of Jesus.  John was taking a course, studying 18 hours a day intensively for what he thought may be his only chance at entering med school and fulfilling God’s calling on his life to become a doctor.  His one chance at literally being able to make “the blind see”.

There is no doubt about it, June 9th, 2006 found us both in a really good place.  A place of obedience.  A place of focus.  A place of faith.

A place where more than ever before our hearts were hidden in the heart of Jesus.  Reading through my journals today was such an incredible reminder to me of the reason why John and I are so in love:

Our love has always been founded in Something Greater than ourselves.

That day I wrote:

“God is stretching is both…reminding us that we are working primarily for our union with Adonai…all else will follow, and must only follow…

Lord, Thy will be done.”

It’s easy to forget the glue that binds us together.  In fact, looking back at the times we have struggled most in our marriage the root of the problem always leads to our forgetfulness.

Forgetfulness- forgetting that God is the Source.  That from Him, by Him, and to Him come all things.  Forgetfulness that in Him do all things hold together.

When we forget…when we wander…we become self-absorbed…we become self-focused…we stray from the source of True Love, and our marriage is so subtly pulled apart.

I’m reminded of this truth today, because with the hustle and bustle of life it’s so easy to go down the road of forgetfulness time and time again.  It’s so easy to neglect and forget the Love of our Life and give Him his rightful place in our hearts.  It’s easy to run to everything and everyone else, forgetting to run to Him.  It’s easy to be distracted by all the things He has called us to, and fail to remember that more than all of these things:

We are called to Him.

This is where it all begins.  This is where it all must remain.

My life has never been more satisfying, through singleness, through dating, or through marriage as when I find that I am most satisfied in Him; most intimate with the Lord of my life. 

To be in God’s presence is to be forced into the overflow of all that is good…and in turn, be able to emit those very good things to the world around us.

May I never try to do too much by myself.  May I never try to love on my own…

It’s time to remember what holds all things together.  It’s time to recall what binds my heart, mind, and heart in steadfastness.  It’s time to remember my FIRST love…because therein lies the only answer to be able love at all.

Read the rest of our story here, and learn how to truly make Christ the center of your dating relationships. 

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, and 21 Days to Jump Start Your Love Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 150+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter

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10 Comments on "He + She + Jesus = True Love"

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This is SO timely thank you Debra!


great reminder Debra . I need God’s love and to love God as my primary relationship . My relationship will my future husband will be stronger if my bond with God is stronger . your website is a blessing time and time again . thank you ! from nigeria and the UK


Thanx Debra I am working on that because my relationships are not working at all even the once of famaly and friends I urgently need God first.Amen

I’m a 63 yrs. old. I’ve been married for about 27 years now. Came from a very dysfunctional home that involved sexual abuse from my dad. I forgave him, he accepted Christ as his savior 7 months before he died. My husband came from a home where his dad never wanted a real relationship with him although he did provide for his materialistic needs. His mother lived her life through her daughter and tried to live it through my husband but he refused to let her. She was also a very refined southern controlling mother. That is our baggage. I’ve… Read more »

JESUS I love you, Good morning jashank joya

You know what yesterday was month end so we usually extend 1 hr so my cab mets will be different, due to huge traffic they asked the driver to go in opposite way which I did not know 3 mens and later one man who was last drop before me he said we will reach late so we will go by metro, till yesterday I have not gone in metro but yesterday I thought even I will go but these people got down in signal I was alone in the cab reached near metro station asked the driver the way… Read more »

JESUS I love you, if my Love is true and if JESUS wills Jashank Joyappa should love Punitha. Jashank Joyappa should marry Punitha.


JESUS I Love you, Jashank joya I love you, only you. if you ignore me also its ok, if you don’t like me also its ok, if you schold me also its ok. I loved you only you. Be happy with people whomever you want. I wont disturb you, I wont come in your life, I wont be a problem for you, but I always love you, one and only you Jashank joya


JESUS I love you, Jashank joya I love you, one and only you, except you I am not and will not think any guy in my life.

JESUS I LOVE YOU, Jashank joya I love you, I have said you the truth, I wanted to have one friend in my life to whom I can share my dreams and everything, so was true and loyal to you, but I really cannot understand you, I will not beg for your love, if you are really meant to be in my life, JESUS will bring you to my life or else just leave it, enough of fighting with parents and this world for the sake of love, for me love is God, but for you love means physical desire,… Read more »