Why You Can’t Marry (or Date) Jesus: On Majors and Minors

In Dating, Relationships, Single by Debra Fileta6 Comments

“Major on the majors, and minor on the minors”. 

I used to attend a church who carried that saying as their motto.

What they meant by that is that as far as their beliefs were concerned, they allowed themselves to take a clear stance on what was truly significant in Christian Theology, but decided to allow the smaller theological opinions up to each individual.  In a sense, to “let the small things slide”. No need to get bogged down by the small stuff.

In a sense, I view finding a relationship the same way.  Let me explain what I mean by that.

Many times, Christian men and women carry one of either two views in finding a relationship:

1. They are looking to marry the embodiment of Jesus Christ himself

2. They don’t want to set their standards “too high” at the fear of having unrealistic expectations- so they don’t set any standards at all.

In my opinion, both views are absolutely detrimental.

I believe it’s important for an individual to have standards in what they are looking for.  If you know yourself, you should know what you need….but I suppose there’s an unspoken prerequisite to the previous statement- you need to actually know yourself.    “The first step to really knowing what you need is knowing who you are” (See Section 1 of  True Love Dates) (Tweet It!)

Learning about your personality, your flaws, your background, your weaknesses and strengths.  Solidifying your passions, your dreams, your goals and your purpose.  Knowing your faith, your belief system, your values and standards.

The things that are important to you need to stay important to you in looking for love– in other words, major on the majors.  And when it comes to the majors- don’t settle for anything less than a 10 out of 10.

As far as the minors go on the other hand….cut yourself some slack.  Does your husband have to be 6 foot 4 with blonde curly hair and a love for rom-coms?  Does your wife have to be an incredible cook with a fantastic singing voice and a passion for football?  Do they have to listen to Cold Play, carry a pocket bible everywhere they go, and only wear crucifix-jewelry (yikes….let’s all agree to just say no to that last one)?  Honestly….for some, preferences are important, but if anything- learn to keep your options open, because when it comes to the minors- sometimes, God knows what we need even before we know it ourselves (Tweet It!)

The sad thing is, I see many young men and women who do just the opposite- they major on the minors, and minor on the majors– letting things slide in relationships, allowing compromising values and standards to slowly creep into their lives….things that could absolutely destroy a future marriage.

So for those who are currently struggling in a relationships- tossing around questions of doubt- ask yourself this question: are you focusing on a major, or a minor?

If the answer is a major…it’s time to throw your little fish back into the sea, having faith that God will send you the right one….in due time.

*For more on differentiating majors and minors, check out Chapter 5 of True Love Dates!*

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 50+ articles at Relevant Magazine! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter

Comments

  1. Hi,
    Thanks a lot for the article. I just had a question, what do you mean by: “2. They don’t really believe they should set their standards “too high” and have unrealistic expectations- so they don’t have any at all.” Can one believe one shouldn’t put their standards too high and also have unrealistic expectations? It seems contradictory and confusing.
    Thank you for your answer,
    Ian

    1. Author

      Sorry, Ian….I think the sentence is worded in a confusing way, actually….let me fix that.

  2. Thanks for this Debra. My friend told me about a long time ago. She called them “constants and variables”. So, seeing this brought to light all she told me back then. God bless you Deb.

    1. Author

      Love how that’s worded! Constants vs. Variables…..so good. Thanks for sharing!

  3. Jff (just fir fun)I don’t wanna bear his name, or at least I want to keep mine
    Our first daughter’s gotta be called miukenti
    He’s gotta be black
    He’s gotta be willing to travel all aroynd the world all the time.
    Hes gotta be way more tall than me.(Im 1.80m tall)Major or minor?

    1. Author

      I’d say minors to all of the above 🙂 Things you can be flexible about!

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