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How To Keep Your Heart From Getting All Messed Up in 2018

In Dating by Debra Fileta3 Comments

What were your dating mistakes in 2017?

That’s the question I asked over 500 of my single readers last week. Because we can either learn from our mistakes, or we can repeat them.

The #1 dating mistake actually took me by surprise like I share in my last blog post, but the #2 dating mistake is one that I hear about often.

The #2 dating mistake people reported making in 2017 was this:

“Letting myself go too deep, too fast.”

Emotional and spiritual intimacy is a huge part of a relationship, and so it goes without saying that in order to create a healthy dating relationship, emotional and spiritual boundaries have to exist.

But it’s something that people don’t really talk much about in the context of Christian dating relationships.

We hear so much about the importance of physical boundaries and saving sex until marriage (which I agree is an important conversation to have), but why is it that not many people are talking about the damage that comes with pre-mature emotional and spiritual intimacy?

Whether or not we realize it, in the context of a dating relationship, the power of emotional and spiritual intimacy often trumps the power of physical intimacy.

Which is why even in relationships where sex is not a thing – you can still end up with a really messed up heart when things don’t work out. I met with a girl who was grieving from the loss of a dating relationship that lasted only two months. But in those two months – she went deep. Boy, did she go deep. Too deep. She opened up to this guy in ways she’d never opened up before. They talked about everything, prayed everyday, and connected their hearts in ways that no one should connect in only two months of dating. But then, a few weeks later he ended up breaking up with her. There was no ill-intent, he just didn’t feel like they were “on the same page”. 

She was crushed. She was heart broken. She was a complete wreck.

She told me it felt like getting a divorce. And in a strange way, it sort of was. Because there were no boundaries protecting her from that type of a loss.

Emotional boundaries don’t limit your relationship, they just limit your heartbreak.

They keep you safe and allow your level of intimacy to match your level of commitment. And that, my friends, is worth it’s weight in gold.

If you find yourself in an ongoing pattern of going too deep, too fast – maybe it’s time to do some work in understanding and applying emotional boundaries.

WHAT’S NEXT?

1. Here’s a fantastic article about emotional boundaries to get you started.

2. Pick up a copy of True Love Dates to read and work through the journal assignments at the end of each chapter, paying special attention to the Chapter 9 on Emotional Boundaries!

3. Sign up for the 21 Days to JumpStart Your Love Life ecourse by clicking on the image below, and you’ll also be included in our exclusive Facebook Group with other singles who are going through the program. It’s safe place to connect and to encourage.

USE CODE: Jump2018 to receive your 40% discount at checkout. 

21 Days to Jump Start Your Love Life Cover

4. Like this article? Scroll down below and share, share, share! Let’s get our dating relationships right in 2018.

It’s time to learn from our mistakes and make some serious changes in 2018.

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. Her newest book, Choosing Marriage, is set to be released in the Summer of 2018! You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and all over the web! She’s the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, reaching millions of people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!

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3 Comments on "How To Keep Your Heart From Getting All Messed Up in 2018"

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Loyda Burk
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I wonder if ” too deep too fast” is because so many people feel so lonely- our culture seems to be moving away from fellowship and true connections. Families don’t have multi- generations living together or close by and everything is so individualized. I am a widow with 4 children living many states away from my family and my late husbands family and I honestly understand the desire to connect with that one person . Even my amazing church family- all our friends are married couples so now that he’s gone it’s very hard to connect because everyone has their… Read more »
Alfonzo
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I agree with you I’m 65 turning 66 this month been single for seven years now! It’s so hard trying to just be friends with someone!

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