8 Ways to Pray For Your Love Life (Or Lack Thereof!)

In Advice and Encouragement, Dating, Marriage, Relationships, Single by Debra Fileta84 Comments

I’ve been challenged lately with my tendency to think about things, rather than pray about them. 

There’s been a series of difficult events occurring in my life, and I find that I’m quick to analyze, figure out, and try to put the pieces together.  I guess what it comes down to is that I am somewhat of a control freak.  For me, if I can’t have control, I fool myself into thinking that I’ve got some sort of ability to “figure it out” in my head.

But as I’ve been weeding through Scripture lately, I’m realizing that my tendency to over-analyze is so antithesis to what God’s word says.  All through Scripture Jesus is challenging us: Don’t just dwell on things, pray about them.  Prayer is the act by which we mentally hand over our problems, concerns, fears, desires, and dreams to someone who actually has the power to control.  And it makes so much sense, because if we’re going to allow these things to fill our brain, we are better off doing it in a way that has the power to impact the things that are weighing us down, rather than simply allowing them to consume us. 

So for those of you who may find yourself consumed by your love life- or lackthereof, here are some ways to mentally and prayerfully hand those things to the One who can actually do something about it: 

Pray… 

1.       That God would give you a relationship (Matthew 7:7)!  God’s word challenges us to ask and bring our needs before God.  As long as our hearts are aligned with His, there are no limits on what we can ask.  What are your deepest needs and desires when it comes to a relationship?  Let Him know. 

2.       That He would grant you patience and insight to wait for a good one (Isaiah 40:31).  Waiting on God is never easy, because once again, it is a reminder that we are not in control.  But through the time of waiting, ask God to change you, nourish you, and fill you so that you are empowered and prepared to take the next steps when the timing is right. 

3.       That He would be working out anything unhealthy in your life (Jeremiah 33:8).  Some of our baggage and sin we can recognize, and some we can’t.  As you seek to enhance your love life, be sure to ask God to help you recognize and heal all the things in your life that aren’t lining up with His best.  Seek to get to the bottom of your sins, and ask for His healing power to be at work in your life. 

4.       That He would shape your heart for nourishing interactions with others (Colossians 3:12-14).  It’s important to learn how to love, rather than simply longing to be loved.  When your heart is open to loving and edifying others the way it was meant to, your relationships will be enriched and empowered. 

5.       That He would bring healing into your past so that you are free to embrace the present (Philippians 3:13-14).  We are called to move forward, and forget what is behind.  Sometimes, it’s easy to get stuck on our past and be paralyzed from living in the present.  No matter what kinds of things your past may hold, ask God to be at work in your past so that you are free to live in the moment and embrace your present. 

6.       That He would protect your emotional world and give you wisdom of how to set healthy boundaries (Proverbs 4:23).  I talk a lot about guarding our hearts and how to practically do that, but how often do we actually pray about our hearts and emotional worlds?  God longs to be a part of our emotions just as much as our spiritual life.  He is a holistic God, who longs to interact with our mind, body, and soul.  Give Him a chance by opening your emotional life to Him through prayer. 

7.       That He would open your eyes to the joy of doing sex His way (Hebrews 13:4).  It’s so easy to focus on what we can’t do before marriage, and end up harboring bitterness and resentment.  But what if we were to ask God to open our eyes to doing life His way?  What if we were to plead with Him to download His heart onto ours, so that we could truly understand what is best for our lives?  Rather than struggling with His plan, let’s ask Him to reveal His heart to ours, particularly in the area of sex and sexuality, so that we can be freed to trust Him without bitterness or regret.  (More on this in Chapter 8 of True Love Dates)

8.       That God would be the focus of your life now and forever (Psalm 37:4).  At the end of the day, no matter how we view it, there is no gift that is greater than the Giver.   Whether we feel that or not, it doesn’t cease to be true.  May we continue to bring this request before God, so that He can turn our hearts to Him as our greatest delight and desire, because perspective has the power to change everything. 

This week, rather than focus on your problems, worries, or what you don’t yet have…focus on what you do have– A direct line to the One who controls all things, including your precious heart.  It’s time to actually do some real work in the area of our love life and relationships instead of wasting our mental energy away.  It’s time to pray. 

Want to learn how to REALLY pray for your future love life in a way that will change everything? If you enjoyed this article, you’re going to LOVE my new in-depth program, guiding you into 21 specific days of praying for your love life along with a detailed prayer journal with activities. 

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Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life21 Days to Jump Start Your Love Life, and 21 Days to Pray For Your Love Life – where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 150+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter!

**For much more on finding true love and creating a healthy dating relationship- be sure to snag your copy of my new book, True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life!

Comments

  1. Greetings,

    Thank you for the work you have allowed God to do through you! I look forward to buying the book!

    Jose I. Socorro

    1. Author

      Jose, thank you so much for your kind words. I look forward to hearing you feedback when you read the book as well. Blessings to you!

  2. Thank you so much for writing this piece. It really resonated with me, especially considering my current circumstances, and has prompted me to buy your book as soon as possible. However, I have a question about number 6 on this list. Does God, being as good as He is, truly protect our emotions when we commit them to Him? Recently God has been asking me to become more and more vulnerable, in Biblical ways and only in Christ, toward someone I have feelings for (which I committed to Him as soon as I realized them), but this seems to have only set me up for heartache as he is now pursuing someone else.

    1. This may be God saving you from the wrong one. He has someone very special in mind for you! I promise it will be worth the wait and the frustration. If it is this person, it will work out. Just continue to seek God with all your heart and He will take care of it.

    1. Author

      Thank you Frank, and amen- to God be the glory! Glad you were blessed.

  3. Another fantastic post, Debra. Love this in particular: ” It’s important to learn how to love, rather than simply longing to be loved.”

    I know you’ve said it before, but it’s so huge! SURE we were made to be loved, but we were made for so much more. To actually LOVE someone else, sacrificially, selflessly, graciously… wow. That’s a high calling and exactly the requirement of marriage.

    Sharing with the Future Marriage University (FMU) community!

  4. Your posts are always timely and a source of help/encouragement for me! Thank you for being a vessel and sharing His truth!

    1. Author

      Thank you so much, Michelle…I am beyond encouraged to hear that!

  5. Some good, practical things to pray for/about! In particular though, item 7 is much more difficult to define and find biblical, real-world solutions to. Most often it’s a dumping ground for Christianese and personal opinions.

  6. Thank you so much for sharing. I will purchase the book as it’s exactly what I need. Thank you Thank you!!!!!!!!!

  7. I absolutely love this. I just took some time to go to God in prayer for each of these 8 things. I feel so refreshed and at peace. Like you mentioned, I tend to over-analyze, and “think through” the things that go on in my life. This post was an excellent reminder to do “some real work” and give my problems to God. And after my time in prayer this morning, I can’t help but overflow with excitement in anticipation of how God is about to move in my life. Thank you for your obedience to God in writing these posts and speaking to people all over the country. It is a unique yet very needed form of ministry. And you are probably making a greater impact than you realize. May God continue to bless and strengthen you as you do His work!

    -Jackie

  8. I love this. I just took some time to go to God in prayer for each of these 8 things. I feel so refreshed and at peace. Like you mentioned, I tend to over-analyze, and “think through” the things that go on in my life. This post was an excellent reminder to do “some real work” and give my problems to God. And after my time in prayer this morning, I can’t help but overflow with excitement in anticipation of how God is about to move in my life. Thank you for your obedience to God in writing these posts and speaking to people all over the country. It is a unique yet very needed form of ministry. And you are probably making a greater impact than you realize. May God continue to bless and strengthen you as you do His work!

    -Jackie

  9. Thank for being an inspration to me. I lost a husband not very long ago and its been difficult to know just when and how to move on ?

  10. Interesting. Seems like much of this was already happening to me as a matter of course.

  11. Thank you for your words of encouragement during this time in my life of being single and remembering to pray…… I am reading through some of the most popular articles and again thank you…. This is such an encouragement and what I needed to read and to know.

  12. Just beautiful! Thank you for sharing so touching and filled with wisdom.

  13. I have been waiting….I get impatient from time to time. I make it my duty to express my all to God…I have come to the conclusion that I am lacking something…..have no idea as to what it may be.

  14. I pray and ask the Lord to remove the desire for a partner if it is not His will for my life, in the same prayer I ask Him to give me the strength to deal with same if that is the case….

  15. I love the book, True Love Dates. I also love and appreciate the 21-Days To Jump Start Your Love-Life because it showed how to have a healthy relationship and how to pursue this healthy relationship.

    Thank you for the reminders and encouragements about praying and how to pray for my love life. I have met someone that I am interested in. I don’t know if he knows. Because I am a very emotional person and get easily influenced by feelings, I felt that I need to take this time period to pray to God about this guy and to see if this is the man God has for me as a spouse. Because I know who I am and how I function, I want to take the time to pray to God in this area. It is learning to trust in God in whatever issues He wants to bring up and for me to deal with so that when I do date, I will not be jealous about whoever is around or whatever insecurities I may have.
    Thank you again for these timely words.

  16. Debra,
    God led me to your website today. I have been searching for wise Godly counsel on dating since my divorce a couple years ago. Thank you for obeying the Lord and writing these posts. I am encouraged to pray in a more direct manner thanks to this article ;0)

    I love this quote “So for those of you who may find yourself consumed by your love life- or lackthereof, here are some ways to mentally and prayerfully hand those things to the One who can actually do something about it: ” and of course the list of prayers that follows.

    Looking forward to reading and applying more.

    Nelle

  17. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this. I am a widow of 1 year. Had a great marriage and now I find my self still desiring to be married . So much confusion in my head. These steps or practices are just what I needed. Looking forward…….

  18. Hey Deb,
    Of all your articles this one is the one i LOVE the most. Such practical advice for a very REAL situation in most peoples’ love lives.

    Blessings Dear as you continue with your ministry.

  19. Thank you very much for allowing God to use you to bless us in this way. I have been unhappy an unfulfilled because of my single status. This article has just shown me a way to get out of this state.
    Again thanks and am going to share this with my friend.

  20. I’m yet to buy the book Debra,just came across this website today.
    But your articles are wonderful,i read allot of articles from different websites and your has been the best so far.
    Thank you for nourishing us,may God bless you and your family!
    (Il have to print them all)

    1. Author

      Thank you so much, Chantel….I can’t wait to hear what you think of the book when you get the time to read it!! Keep me posted.

  21. Thank you for this article Debra. I just prayed through the list, and I feel peace when in these past few months I have been feeling so much turmoil.

  22. Thank you for these tangible points to pray out. These have been added to my prayer journal along with a prayer from Candace Watters book. I have come to believe it’s important to actively pray about my desire for marriage rather than putting it on the shelf and trying not to think about it. These points will help me to pray constructively.

  23. I amazingly liked this post!wow its crazy how sometimes we may think that we got everything and found ourselves at the end lost in “what we thought already know”!!!Thnx a lot for that reminder <3

  24. Hi Debra,

    I am so happy to find your blog. This is what I needed when I am having my pity party. I have been engaged 3 times and all three times the guy cheated. Much need “HELP” You have already been a “Blessing”. Thanks:)

  25. u r such a blessing…love this its vry powerful. .God bless u more n more n use u according to his will

  26. Thanks
    This post gives me strength to carry on
    I will focus with what I have and wait for God’s time

  27. Wow! This is actually the right guide and prayers and I am always blessed whenever I read your blog! It is something I cannot do without in a day and whenever I kind of skip it, I always have that feeling that my day aint yet complete. I would really like to share my personal love story with you. So I don’t know if I can be able to get to have your E-mail. If it is okay with you.

    Hoping to hear from you soon. May God almighty continue to anoint you to bless us!

  28. Hi Debra,

    I’ve been going through your articles lately and even though I don’t feel ready for a relationship right now, I find this article to be such a blessing, especially the last paragraph: “This week, rather than focus on your problems, worries, or what you don’t yet have…focus on what you do have […] It’s time to pray.”
    In a week’s time (on the 31st August) I’m taking an exam that is basically going to decide whether I can get in to med school or not, and therefore what I’m going to do with the rest of my life.
    So I have a week left to revise and practise, and to wait on our Almighty Dad and trust that I’m going in the right direction.
    And if you don’t mind my asking, I’d love a bit of prayer for His spirit of Peace and for focus on the day, therefore leading to a great score – assuming that’s His plan.

    Keep up the good work!
    Léonie

  29. Thankyou very much for your inspiring words. I am so happy ,grateful and energized in my spirit.This definitely going to help me alot lot from now on. May God blessings always be with u. Thankyou.

  30. I appeciate the reminder you present to Pray and not dwell, which is exactly what my mind does with every single bad day I have in my relationship. It seems to be slowly slipping away as I am the primary contributor to its survival, being a dedicated believer of giving into it wholeheartedly. And so here I am in the most challenging and painful relationship Ever and feeling like I am all alone it…. and just you enlighten us I will and can only pray that it will be as God wishes. Thank you.

  31. Dear Debra

    Thank you for your love quiz god has given you a special gift

    God bless you

  32. Amen – beautifully put. Thank you!

    I’m going to share with my siblings. 6 of us in total, only 1 is married, but we’re now all in that point in our lives where we’ll be getting married soon (20s and 30s) – I know I am.

  33. It is a timely article and I have to share it to my niece who have been praying for this. Thank you for being an instrument of God to enlighten us.

  34. How much patience am I supposed to have? I’m in my late 50s and God has nor provided me with a partner.
    I would like to experience the joys and challenges of a relationship but it’s difficult to love a god who thinks I’m damaged in some way

    1. My mother’s Aunt did not get married for the first time until she was in her 50’s, and she had a wonderful life with her first husband until he passed away and now has been married to her second husband, another wonderful man of God, for the last ten or so years. She had to wait longer than most for marriage, but she ended up with two wonderful marriages, and two wonderful families, after that point. There is not necessarily anything damaged about you, it may just not be your time yet.

  35. Thank you for this, I am so struggling in this area. I don’t know because it’s valentine’s day that’s enforce it, My loneliness, I want and long to find a good godly man in my life and to marry. I’m 25 years old. It’s so hard, because I drive myself crazy not to give in like many other woman and experience physical/sexually side for marriage. I have been paying for god, to take away any sins, or things in my life.past that’s holding me back. Im ready to step in full force and interact with people loving again. I am naturally a nice person. But, it’s just so had to wait. Thank you for these steps. May god bless you. Please keep me in your payers. My name is Shay Nicole Johnson.

  36. wow the Post is sooo great as am in the situation of love life issues i pray god for my insecurities for the guy am seeing

  37. Love the prayer points. God is love therefore if God is in any relationship, it’ll work. Thank you

  38. Thank u for posting this. God is love and love is with God .if God is to be in relationship it will be strange.

  39. Thanks very much.I appreciate your comments.

    God bless us all

  40. How much is too much heartache? I prayed and fasted before he came along, so I assumed he was from God. But I have experienced so much pain , could it be because I have fallen from his grace ( sexual sin ) , don’t even understand how I have found myself here after keeping my purity for over 5 years. Need prayers.

  41. I feel spiritually moved with this kind words of love they make me feel their is love beyond what had happened before my love life time. I am 6 months old married lady I love my husband alot but sometimes he tends to show me he loves me but the way he acts and the relationship he had with other ladies out their it makes me feel he doesn’t love me ,sometimes I feel walk away from my marriage and stay as a single mum but my heart get trouble because I love him so it’s difficult for me choose what to do .but I hope the living God i pray through day and night one day he will change pray for him please.

  42. Your Comment * thank you Debra for being a blessing. I was blessed praying through this post while I read the prayer points

    1. thanks Debra fir this post, although i read it late, but i guess it was God pushing and directing me to this site, exactly wgat i needed at the moment because am in a confused stage right now. but this prayers kept me back on track, please HOW DO WE GET YOUR BOOKS IN NIGERIA? the true love dates and 21 days……

  43. The bottom line is ounces in one glass in his word not be unequally yoked with unbelievers and the ones that have been priced at all. I made that big mistake and married the wrong one. I am now 58 years old and divorced and alone. The court system for lawyers the cops the abuse the evil enemy and money is what wins in this world. Just like the Bible says whatever we reap we will see. And I am reaping and being tortured till the day I die because I married the person that God warned me not to marry. I will die alone. The wicked are the ones that one in this world. Those who have Christ if you don’t obey warnings and what he tells us in what the Bible says is true we will reap what we sow. I am barely existing. I should have obeyed what he told me and warned me and commanded me to do as His born again then Child. Be sure your sin will find you out. This is a wicked world the evil one wins. The righteous go down we only win when the end is here and we go to heaven

  44. Thank you for your beautiful post. God lead me here today because my emotions are a roller coaster and I need God to come into my emotional mind, body and spirit. I would like to be blessed with a special man for a life-long marriage and had been focus on what I do not have for years. I’ve prayed and cried because in practically each relationship I end up being only a good friend and not the one because I have not given in into the culture of “hook-up” and am very reserved. It is painful and lonely and I do struggle…but if I focus on what I do have “friendship” and good experiences than I can move forward. I know and trust that our Lord will one day bless me with my hearts desires. I pray it will be soon…I am getting old 56 within a few months.

  45. Let me start by saying I appreciated this article (and the many others I have read here too).
    However, I found the words used in the elaboration of point 5 to be potentially problematic. Can you please explain what you mean by “We are called to move forward, and forget what is behind”? Specifically ‘forget’…

  46. Loved this! The thoughts were spiritually spot on, enlightening and very encouraging. Thank you!

  47. Well for us good guys out there that are still looking and hoping our chances being struck by lightening would be much greater unfortunately.

  48. Been praying for months to have a personal relationship restored. Nothing is changing or happening. I’m at the end of my rope and don’t have the energy to even pray anymore. I feel forsaken, and betrayed. Please ask God to help me and to answer my prayers. Thank you

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