5 Reasons 50 Shades of Grey is TRASH

In For the Ladies, Marriage, Relationships, Uncategorized by Debra Fileta130 Comments

To say I’m appalled by the positive reaction to 50 Shades of Grey is an understatement.

But what’s even more alarming to me, is the mass amount of attention and praise both the book series and upcoming film has received from CHRISTIAN WOMEN.

It’s a story line filled with dysfunction, pain, and sexual perversion played out between a young 22-year old virgin and a seriously disturbed 27-year old man. I have to start my post by saying I didn’t read the actual book, nor do I ever plan on doing so. I couldn’t justify filling my mind with trash for the sake of writing this article (for you critics out there, I read one-too-many summaries, spoke to people who’ve read the series, and did research of my own). But what it comes down to is that you don’t need to watch porn to be against it, nor have experienced abuse to be able to stand up for what’s right. And just the same, you don’t have to read trash to be able to declare it as such.

I, for one, am officially declaring this entire 50 Shades of Grey movement as T.R.A.S.H.; portraying an inaccurate view of:

Theology,  Relationship Advice and Sexual History

It’s destructive to relationships, poisonous to the mind, harmful to sexuality, and deadly to the soul. As both a Professional Counselor and Christian woman, here are 5 reasons why I believe it’s complete and total TRASH:

1. It portrays a relationship defined by SEX rather than a relationship defined by LOVE.

Aside from the fact that the story line of 50 Shades glorifies sex outside of marriage, even more destructive is that it defines an entire relationship by SEX.  It’s a plot that looks at a relationship between a young man and woman through the lens of nothing more than the dynamics of their sexual relationship. Talk about a seriously lacking view of relationships! I’m appalled by how this story cheapens relationships by condensing the complexity and sanctity between a man and a woman down to this one thing. The moment we define our relationships by our sex lives, is the moment that we’ve failed to experience relationships to their fullest. Great relationships are never just about sex (though great sex is the FRUIT of a great marriage!) they are about LOVE, they are about INTIMACY, they are about WISDOM, they are about LOYALTY, and finally, they are about COMMITMENT.

2. It defines love as an act of TAKING rather than an act of GIVING.

Even though this entire story line is about sex, the word love and being “in love” is used fairly often from what I gather in the summaries of the series. But the problem here is that this “love” is always defined by what it can get, rather than what it can give. From the start, both parties are in it to GET something. To get sex, to get security, to get healing, to get pleasure. But true love is never about what we can get, but rather, what we are enabled to give. Throughout this story line the themes of anger, rage, violence, abuse, dysfunction, and hurt emerge time and time again. But what a poor picture of love that really is. True love is never out to hurt, instead it’s defined by kindness, patience, gentleness. It’s defined by self-control- not self indulgence. By forgiveness, not wounded-ness. True love is an act of selflessness, which is the farthest thing portrayed in 50 Shades of Grey.

3. It presents pleasure as rooted in DYSFUNCTION, rather than rooted in INTIMACY.

It saddens me to hear that so many woman are enthralled, excited, and turned on by this story line because it is all about pleasure rooted in dysfunction. Since when is pleasure defined by bondage, dominance, and masochism? Since when is arousal dependent on pain, abuse, fear, hurt, and violence? This sickest part of this story line is that it makes light of some serious sexual dysfunction rooted in the main character’s past abuse history. How often do we bring our wounds to relationships in hopes for healing? But a relationship rooted in dysfunction will never survive, because relationships can’t heal our wounds, mend our insecurities, or cover up our past. They weren’t meant to, because only God can do that (but that’s an article for another day).

Rather than pleasure that’s rooted in pain, what about looking for pleasure that’s rooted in intimacy, love, and trust? I’m thankful that God’s design for sex includes SAFETY and SECURITY within the walls of a loving marriage offering us pleasure beyond measure rooted in intimacy, commitment, loyalty, and respect. And please don’t misunderstand- there is SO MUCH FREEDOM for sexual pleasure in marriage, because ultimately, it is pleasure rooted in the enthralling intimacy of love.

4. It presents a one-dimensional, cheap, and superficial view of sex rather than seeing sex as valuable, deep and meaningful.

It’s amazing how many women will get worked up about their husband’s viewing pornography, but then get excited by the story line of 50 Shades. Yet since when is lust in women more acceptable than lust in men? Just as cheaply as pornography takes the sacredness of sex and turns it into a one-dimensional self-serving act, 50 shades does the exact same thing. It fixates on the physical components of sexual connection, while completely neglecting the emotional, psychological, and spiritual connections involved in the truest form of sexual intimacy. Sex is so much more than physical. If we could only learn to view sex in every dimension, then maybe we would learn to savor it, respect it, cherish it and honor it rather than frivolously giving it away.

5. It OBJECTIFIES women (and men) instead of EMPOWERING them.

After getting a closer look at this novel, I was surprised to find so many woman singing it’s praises. 50 Shades is the sad story of a man who was objectified through past sexual abuse, objectifying woman after woman along the way. The only truth I find in this whole predicament is the reality that: “Hurt people, hurt people”. It’s a story of hurt,and brokenness, and wounds finding their outlet in the form of dysfunctional sexual expression. And if that’s the kind of thing that turns you on- you might need to take a step back and do some soul-searching. It encourages both men and women to fall into the trap that our bodies hold the solution, and that sex can somehow hold the answer.

I revolt against this mentality with all my heart, because I know full well that the answer is not – and can never be- found in sex, in romance, or in relationships of any form- because the Answer is found in nothing short of Love.

If there’s anything I take away from the 50 Shades epidemic it’s this: Our cultural obsession with sex is telling. It’s telling, because SEX is just a symptom of something far greater. Ultimately, it’s a symptom that we are DESPERATE for connection. We’re desperate for relationship, desperate for love, and oh so desperate to be wanted. And while the TRASH of this world may offer some temporary relief, it will never leave us feeling fulfilled, whole, and satisfied. Because it doesn’t have the power to. 

I am thankful for a God who has provided the answers to fulfill my deepest needs, heal my deepest wounds, and satisfy my greatest longings. I am thankful for a God who offers to fill us with His living water, and fill us to overflowing.

Because it is only when we are truly filled, that we can learn the art of filling others…and in marriage, it’s that kind of love that will make for some really incredible sex.

If you agree, share this article! Let’s make some noise. 

Update 2/11/15: For more on the harms of 50 Shades of Grey, check out the advocacy work being done by the National Center for Sexual Exploitation.

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life21 Days to Jump Start Your Love Life, and 21 Days to Pray For Your Love Life – where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 150+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter!

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1. Are you ready for Love? Take my FREE Quiz right now to find out! 

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Comments

  1. Wow. Thank you for expressing in this article, my thoughts exactly! My husband asked me last
    night if I wanted to go with my girlfriends and see this movie. I said I have no interest seeing
    someone having sex and corrupting this poor girl. What is the plot? I don’t care to see someone’s sexual escapades. There is no love, no murder plot, no interesting story line. It is interesting that
    women are going to see this movie with each other instead of their husbands, why? People see a romantic movie with their husband or significant other in hopes to rekindle what is there or to get them both in the mood for sex or intimacy. This cold, methodical, heartless, love lacking movie is not one I care to see. Not with my girlfriends or my husband.

    1. Author

      Totally agree, Alexis! You are right in saying that! Love your wisdom.

    2. What’s interesting is your argument is invalid as you clearly prefaced this article with the fact that you have not read or intend to read this book. Which means your criticism of its themes are blind judgements. Which, since we’re talking Christianity, from a biblical standout is a sin. You contradict yourself by condemning sins while committing the sin of judgment. “Judge not, less you be judged sayeth the lord”.

      1. Author

        Josh, like I said in the article, you don’t have to watch porn to know you’re against it. You don’t have to have been raped to know it’s wrong. You don’t need to have suffered abuse to take a stand for those who have been abused. It’s not blind judgement- it’s simply counsel to choose something better for entertainment with reasons why.

        I have done plenty of research surrounding this subject, as well as BDSM in general. And please don’t mistake “judgement” for calling out something I believe to be harmful. If we can’t correct our brothers and sisters for their own good- than our silence is actually more dangerous. I’ve heard from so many women who said this article challenged them to get out of wrong relationships or to move away from sexual addiction- I think that’s a good cause and I’m sticking to it. Everyone is allowed their opinion, though.

        Blessings!

        1. So… As someone who has Christian beliefs and is also into the real BDSM scene I agree that this book is wrong and it is about abuse. Those of us in the lifestyle are loved by our dominates, we do it because it draws us closer to one another. The amount of trust going into scenes is tremendous to ensure our partners safety, just so we can have release of somekind. For me it’s getting rid of my stress. Giving myself over to my significant other to take care of the big things in the world so I can relax. The thing 50 shades lacks is the negotiation of everything. Which is key! Those of us in the lifestyle are going to see the film because people are going to be curious and appear at our clubs if they are interested and we want to show them what the films/books do right and mostly wrong to keep everyone safe.

      2. Dear Josh, for us Christians, if we know some book is about sex and sex not treated in a healthy way, for that only reason we should avoid reading that book.

        Thank you Deb for this article. I am absolutely agreed with you!

        1. This article is totally incorrect. At the BEGINING of their relationship it was based on sex. She didn’t know he was a Dom right away. If you read the books you would see that it is a beautiful love story. It shows how strong relationships can change people. He loved her so much he quit his way of life to be with her. I am a Christian and I loved the book. Just because you are Christian doesn’t mean you can’t read books about harmful things and sex. And also sex is a beautiful thing between two people who love eAchother. You find very few people today who wait until marriage

          1. Author

            Steph, Rule #1 in counseling: Relationships CAN’T CHANGE PEOPLE. And because relationships CAN’T change people- that’s part of the problem of this entire premise. So many women go into unhealthy relationships thinking that they can change this man with their love- but that’s not reality, that’s not how it works. They end up hurt, broken, abused and wounded for many years. The premise of this book is dangerous because it gives women false hope that relationships hold this kind of power- when they don’t. As Christians we acknowledge that true change comes only from our relationship with Jesus Christ. You are right in saying one thing- “just because you are Christian doesn’t mean you cant read books about harmful things and sex”. You’re right- being a Christian doesn’t come with CAN’Ts….we are free to do what we want thanks to free-will. But being a Christian comes with a responsibility and a challenge to choose what’s best for our lives. This trash, to be frank, isn’t best neither is it beneficial in any way, shape, or form. Your comment, in and of itself, reiterates to me the damage that this whole movement is doing to our generation. God has a much better way – we just need to learn to trust that what He says is true, good, and for our best. I pray you believe that for yourself, too.

          2. Just because it’s hard to find people who wait for marriage in order to have sex doesn’t mean that it’s not ideal. God wants things for us that are far better than what we want for ourselves.

      3. I agree with josh, and everyone who reads something depicts and preceives it differently. Though I understand your opinion. Also the book is not fully about sex. It is just what is taboo about it/what people aren’t use to talking about..which is sad. I like how the book makes it easier for people to actually talk about it, whatever someone’s opinion about sex is. Just because your opinion is different doesn’t mean it’s trash.There is always more to a story. There is romance, tragity, drama, and comedy in throughout the books, so please don’t be so judgemental, no one is making you read it.

        1. Author

          Thanks for your thoughts, Jinny! Sex isn’t taboo at all- in fact it’s awesome!! Sex is an amazing gift that God gave us to enjoy, and to enjoy best of all in the context of a loving and committed marriage. I would say I’m very used to talking about these things, considering I work with these topics in therapy all the time. People should talk about sex. In fact, I wrote an article advocating that we do called “Why We Need to Talk More About Sex”. It’s a really great and important topic for singles to know about, and for married couples to be able to converse openly about. This isn’t about that, it’s about distortion of sex. In fact, the book explains that the main character’s distortion of sex came from his past abuse which started when he was 15 and someone older than him used him as their submissive (which is sexual abuse and pedophilia). I don’t think this is something to take lightly- do you? If this was a real human being, not a fiction character- we would be concerned for them, but why do we praise it and entertain ourselves with a twisted view of sex and sexuality? The truth is, what we take in will impact us whether we want it to or not. It’s important to talk about sex, but it’s just as important to talk about it in a way that’s going to make our sex lives and our entire lives better, healthier, and stronger. Not in a way that has the potential to harm. Did you also know that women who read these books have a higher statistical rate of being part of violent relationships? That says something. This is not about what I choose to read or not read, it’s about what I think is best for this generation of men and women who are bombarded with dangerous messages about sex. Rather than seeing it as judgement, I see it as caring about people enough to want the best for them. Blessings!

          1. I completely disagree. Relationships CAN change people, PEOPLE cannot change people. For example, there are plenty of people who CHANGED their lives because they developed a RELATIONSHIP with God.

          2. Author

            I agree, Marsha….the relationship with God is definitely life-changing! I would put that in it’s own category. But my point is that we shouldn’t go into relationships expecting people to change. Only God can do that.

          3. “This isn’t about that, it’s about distortion of sex. In fact, the book explains that the main character’s distortion of sex came from his past abuse which started when he was 15 and someone older than him used him as their submissive (which is sexual abuse and pedophilia).”

            I have read all three books of FSOG, and much more stronger erotic lit than this, and i agree very strongly.
            I can tell you that i related more to the male character of this book. I have been sexually Abused as a child myself, and subjected to assaults on and off by other boys/men through out my life and it still has taken me until now at the age of 30yrs to be free from this fear- it has affected every aspect of my life, i have lead such an isolated lifestyle and don’t have many friends, and it has affected my ability to trust men socially or serve men in my job, i freeze up physically if someone hugs me, the way i dress – it effects everything as if i have no life at all. Let me tell you guys reading these books have messed me up further, as if i had to relive the sexual abuse again. It has done exactly that- distorted my view of sex, my sexuality and men again.
            I have had to face this book being adapted into a film and was absolutely dreading it, because it is a painful reminder of my past sexual history.

            I understand that people bypass and see only the romance (being touched by the sad and tender moments), sex and the struggles in the relationships. I understand this and i don’t judge others for doing so, but you have to question what is being presented in this story.
            What seems to be presented as a romantic love story has muddied the waters between love/obsession/exciting, protective/caring/stalking, BDSM/abuse.

            People are not stupid, but they can be mislead, and they are unaware how detrimental this can be – what you consume you become, especially when you are dealing with thoughts and emotions (heart and mind), that are experienced in erotic lit = the fantasy encounter (experienced as real but not real). As christians we should recognise and understand this – the rest of the world doesn’t, and they can be much more influenced by these things without realising.

            I also think where the books fall short is the use of sexual abuse through BDSM practice, even if it explains how massively messed up Christian is. Lets be honest here sex/bdsm is the main attraction, other than the love story. The whole premise of the books are based on this! and are advertised as such, take out the BDSM angle and it seems just like any other. It seems as if the author just used BDSM and tossed it to one side once it served it’s purpose, which i find quite offensive to those who do practice BDSM or D/s relationship. I don’t care if its fantasy or just a story, the author needs to take responsibility for this and unfortunately BDSM has taken the short end of the stick.

            Another question – introduced to BDSM at the age of 15yrs why did the author do this!? If she had made him 18 yrs, she could have pinned down his trauma, deviant behaviour and abandonment trust issues down to his childhood & staying in a foster home. Then Christians character would have been at least more viable – less deranged and less harmful representing the BDSM angle. But this is my opinion.

            One last thing, in the story BDSM practice is used as a cover for the sexual abuse of Christian. This would constantly remind the victim of the abuse therefore it would be unhealthy to practice at all. And that is the truth, as a sexual abuse victim/ survivor, i wouldn’t continue to use something that reminded me of the sexual abuse, i would run as far as possible. It’s unhealthy. Serious issues like this, whether involved in a fantasy story or not still need proper research, so that they can be properly represented.

            I feel that this is probably a timely subject that needs to be discussed now, because this reflects what is coming out, sexual abuse claims are still popping up over and over again here in the UK today.

            I was so depressed but found your site this Sunday morning, i really wanted to say what i need to say. Thank you Debra

      4. Josh,
        Actually, what the Bible says in Matthew is this:”“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye”. This verse does not speak of judgment in the sense that we are not to judge. What it means is that we are not to be hypocritical.
        I have not read the books, nor seen the movie but before I was a Christian, I read erotica books frequently. This is not something that I want to be filling my head with. Several of my acquaintances have indeed read the books and have been quite effusive with the details. Details that I would prefer not to hear. The theme is the same. The BDSM lifestyle is abusive. There is nothing about it that screams “Hey! This is a healthy relationship”. I say this from not only a biblical standpoint but also as someone with a degree in both Psychology and Marriage and Family Therapy. There is overwhelming evidence and research that supports that these relationships are abusive and dangerous. Most women who are in these relationships are victims of childhood sexual abuse. There are underlying issues that need to be addressed. The men in these roles are generally looking for power and control, the same as a rapist (again, look at the research). So again, how I ask, is this “hot”? Are rapists and pedophiles “hot”? Because you are looking at men (predominately), preying on broken women. That is what we are dealing with here. Normalizing degrading and abusive relationships is not a step that society needs to be taking. They should instead be shedding light on the truth of the matter.

      5. Well you’ll only use that verse to justify watever ur indulging urself in Josh,you would probably also say ‘Only God can judge me’ well let me cue you in that’s worse.Judge not doesn’t mean you should see what is wrong and turn a blind eye to it ,read d whole thing it simply means you should judge righteously ‘remove the log from your eyes before you remove the speck from your brother’s eyes.This book is trash and the movie too

      6. I don’t have to take herion, meth or whatever illicit drug that is destroying lives to know it’s not going to do anything to better my life. This is the same for not reading this book. I know what’s in it garbage. We are so blinded by how corrupt the world is today that if Hollywood puts a flashy spin on it, it’s ok. No. Perversion is just that garbage. Be fooled if you want to. But this mom of an impressionable teenage girl says no to reading and seeing this destructive story.

      7. My objection is that she does not cite her sources. My opinion on this work is based on the following

        Bum Reviews: 50 shades of Grey

        Film theory: The Cult of Christian Grey

        Reading with a Vengence: 50 shades of Grey

        you don’t need mla style, just make it so that someone else can easily find your research and see how you formed that opinion.

  2. Right there with you, Sister. It’s a horrendous movement for sure and with the coming of its movie, we, as a Church need to stand strongly against it. Check out the work Dannah Gresh and Dr. Julie Slattery have been doing. They’ve been very openly critical about the movement especially in their book Pulling Back the Shades.

  3. Thank you so much, I lost my way w/ sex but you hit the nail on the head!!

  4. Thank you for this article. I’ll pass this along to my many single christian friends. I purchased the books, but then sold them because I felt convicted. I’m looking for the REAL Godly love. All my past relationships were based on all the wrong things and I’m working on my wholeness before God sends me my mate. My desire is to please Him now and be more faithful.

    1. Author

      That’s so amazing to hear, Antonia…that you listened enough to God’s spirit to get rid of certain things. From my experience, I’ve NEVER regretted saying no to unwholesome entertainment- whether books, movies, music, T.V. shows, etc. I may often miss the fads, but I believe that what I gain (giving satan less ammo to use on me later!!) is priceless. Your sacrifice will be rewarded!!

  5. Thanks for this article, Debra! I had heard some things here and there about this movie and book but I’m now certain that I am not going to watch or read it.

    Debra, do you have any guidelines for when making choices for TV, movies and books? I have tried to go by “Is this something Jesus would be displeased about me watching (or doing, reading)?” when trying to discern if something is acceptable or not and that leaves about 99.99% to be unacceptable. So the only thing left to do is to read the Bible, it seems. :-/
    I’d like to hear other readers thoughts on how they determine what is acceptable and what is not. Should someone who is Christian not watch a show like Seinfeld (which is about MANY life situations and of course, some of it being sex) or Sex and the City? Or a movie like Star Wars? I have even read somewhere that a Christian romance book is a No-No because of its mild hints of sexual longings…

    1. Author

      So good, Sophie! I really believe this needs a follow-up post to address your questions- and it’s also something that God has put on my heart to write, so that’s what I’ll work on drafting next. Thanks for asking!!

    2. Dear Sophie, I, too, have been wondering about this. Nice to hear Debra will be addressing this issue.

    3. Sophie ~ I don’t have all the answers – not even most of them. I can share with you what I learned about Christian romance. I don’t think I have issue with the mild hints of sexual longings … that just means that they are human. All of us had to deal with that when dating. However, where Christian romance tends to get into trouble is that they are written by women. Why is that a problem? Women don’t think like men. We can write like we perceive men think, yet they can think in ways that are really alien to us. They may not notice all the details about us that the romance authors have men noticing. It may not occur to them to say the things the guys say in those novels. So what’s the big deal? It’s sort of like women’s porn. We long for relationship. Men see unrealistic pictures of women and long for that. We read about unrealistic men and long for that kind of connection from our own man. I still pick up a Christian love story now and again when I’m sick, but I’m very intensely aware and mentally challenge that this guy is too perfect. Reading too much of this can really create discontent with our real man.

      1. Kat, I think you hit the nail on the head, and I think it is one of the reasons I have always loved Gilbert Morris, especially his House of Winslow Series and Wakefield Dynasty Series. Since he is actually writing from a male perspective, his male characters are very realistic with plenty of character flaws (yet, I always ended up falling for them despite that). Also, I think he probably does the best historical research for his books, which brings the realism to a whole new level.

    4. As far as books go, most Classic literature is clean and much better than most new stuff out there anyway. Charlotte Bronte, Robert Louis Stevenson, Jane Austen, Louisa May Alcott, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, just to name a few great classic authors. There are also some good Christian novelists out there. If you like adventure and romance, look up George Bryan Polivka. His Trophy Chase Trilogy is AMAZING! Also, Gilbert Morris and Liz Curtis Higgs are probably my two favorite Christian novelists. They do great research for their books and write very realistic stories while weaving in the ultimate story of God’s grace and love.

    5. Sophie, I love your heart for doing what is right. Reading the Bible should be your first step, not last resort. You know, God wants to speak truth to your heart, not just about this movie title or that show title, but he wants to fill your life with knowledge, wisdom and discernment that can only come from knowing his Word. Start somewhere simple like Philippians or read the gospels. Then pray for him to fill you with his Holy Spirit and ask him to help you understand what you read.

      King David said, “I have hidden your word in my heart so that I may not sin against you.” It’s better to know what God says than what anyone else says. Then you will be able to know his good, perfect and pleasing will AND be able to apply that to every situation, not JUST to a tv show or movie. 🙂 Hope that helps.

      I pray God gives you a hunger for the Word.

    6. Hi Sophie, Janette Oke is a brilliant Christian Author & her Love Comes Softly series is wonderful & full of a wonderful Christian theme. God bless you.

    7. Sophie,
      Much like anything else.. I think that movies, books, music etc (any form of ‘entertainment’) has and always will be different from person to person. I know that God has changed my desires, therefor there are certain films and such that I will stay away from, because it is not pleasurable to God. I think that God convicts us all just fine on his own and I am sure that you have a good idea for yourself what is good and what is bad. I think also our mindset is what is most important.. I personally don’t think harry potter or star wars is displeasing to God or something that I would regret… I simply find things of that nature as fake, fictional literature and just enjoy the imagination from it. I do not practice any type of magic, nor do I believe in it.. so I think it’s all about our own desires, what convicts us and what our intent is when watching/reading/hearing certain forms of ‘entertainment.’ Im sure God will convict you and open your heart to what is truly right and just for yourself!

  6. Everyone is entitled to your own opinion but I have read all 3 books and yes it is about sex. But really it is not about subjecting anyone. It is about a man who is lost in his ways because sex is the only way to coup with everything he has been through. But when he finds Ana she changes all that . Yes they have a sexual relationship but they are both adults. And the story is how they both change and they do it together. And I am sorry but unfortunately not many people wait any more to have sexual relation ships. But if you take all the sex our of the book it is a love story. And to honest I am one of the many who will be at the movie theater the day comes out. And my husband , the love of my life, will be with me too.

    1. Thank you, Missy. I too have read the books and agree with your sentiments. Yes, the books were “hyped” over their sexual content, but anyone who took the time to read them could appreciate the full transformation that takes place in the story. I also don’t think it’s fair for people to “trash” something based on the word of others. The same way I don’t appreciate people trashing or bashing the Bible without ever flipping a page. Now I am in NO WAY comparing the Bible to 50 Shades of Grey, but I’ve had more friends turned away from Christianity because of the condemning attitudes they see carried around by “Christians” and they assume that all think that way. It’s just sad.

      1. Author

        I’m not denying that there’s a love story behind it all- if you want to call that “love” (I prefer to call it infatuation and lust). But why expose one’s self to hours of pornography-type-descriptions in order to glean a love story? Aren’t there better ways to be inspired to love? What sets this book apart is definitely the sexual explicitness- there’s no doubt about it. And that’s what people want. I’m just calling it like it is.

        I think how we use our time and what we allow to enter our minds is really important. Sex should be sacred, not flaunted around in nitty-gritty detail.

        Appreciate you sharing your thoughts, and adding to the dialogue.

    2. Thank you! While some may object to the book because of sexual content, I do not like the bashing of any book/art form. Is it for everyone? No. Some may argue that it shouldn’t be for anyone; however, we must all work out our own salvation. Book bans and bashing only spark further interest in the taboo. If a couple (Christian or not) desires to see this together, they should not be faced with any form of judgement. It’s fiction, which is created for personal enjoyment. I read the entire series to be able to judge for myself. Honestly, it is a good source of inspiration to bring some spice to the marriage as long as both individuals have good communication and want to participate. Christians need to focus on sharing the gospel, instead of shaming behaviors. Let the Holy Spirit do His job and convict….He can do it without our intervention.

      1. Author

        I appreciate your perspective, Cheryl. I’m just wondering where we draw the line. Letting the Holy Spirit work doesn’t mean we are silent Christians, does it? If so, why bother to share our faith, the gospel, or offer correction to our brothers and sisters in Christ?

        Question, just out of curiosity….do you also feel the same way about pornography?

    3. Author

      Missy, “Unfortunately not too many people wait any more to have sexual relationships”. That saddens my heart to hear that as a justification to fill our minds with poison.

      Everyone is entitled to do what they want to with their eyes, their bodies, and their minds- I am just hoping to challenge some women out there to choose what’s best for their hearts, their minds, and their relationships.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

      1. Yes this book/movie has been so big lately, and people think it has too much freaky sex that usually only stays at the dark corners of porn websites. But honestly does this surprise you? It’s sex. Sex sells. Yes it can be trashy from some perspectives but at its core, when this book was written it was written as an erotic romance novel just like millions of others. The only reason this one sold like it did is the story line and the fact that the characters develop and change. It was deemed to be the most well written erotic romance novel and then boom here we are. The reason it sells so well even with the freaky deaky sex scenes is for the same reason scary movies and amusement parks make tons of money. We, as humans, psychologically crave danger and adrenaline, but from a distance. These scary movies, roller coasters, and then 50 shades of grey offer that rush of adrenaline from describing things that are scary to a normal human. Not saying this movie is wrong or right morally but the craze around it shouldn’t be surprising.

        1. People would be astonished to discover that an adrenaline rush and excitement will come from a healthy attraction and a healthy, Godly relationship.

          1. Author

            How right you are, Lee…there is no greater rush, turn-on, excitement, and joy than being in a right relationship filled with love, respect, and emotional and spiritual connection.

  7. I totally agree with what you said. As a christian woman I have no desire to read any of that garbage or see it either. I know many christian women who have read the book and I was in total shock that they did. I wish more people would take the stand that you did and call it what it is!
    It’s funny how you called it trash, I’ve always called it garbage. Just calling it what it is!! Lol

  8. Very good! I’m turning 20 this year.. thank you for writing this article.. “I am thankful for a Godffers to fill us with His living water, and fill us to overflowing.
    Because it is only when we are truly filled, that we can learn the art of filling others” this was really a reminder for me 🙂

    1. Author

      When you start making good choices at 20- you’ll be set for life 😉 You’re a wise young woman.

  9. I totally agree with you Debra, whatever our society puts out regarding a book or movie. Thankfully the holy spirit leads me away from this type of trash that is unhealthy for my mind, but remember Debra the majority of the masses without a thought listen and follow our mass media garbage. Debra, I enjoy reading your articles they are very interesting and helpful. God bless you!

  10. “If there’s anything I take away from the 50 Shades epidemic it’s this: Our cultural obsession with sex is telling. It’s telling, because SEX is just a symptom of something far greater. Ultimately, it’s a symptom that we are DESPERATE for connection. We’re desperate for relationship, desperate for love, and oh so desperate to be wanted.”

    100% truth. Wow. I know I’m desperate for a relationship/love/to be wanted. God has put those desires in my heart and I’m trying to be patient and allow Him to fulfill those needs on His schedule… but it’s challenging. His plan/timing are different than mine. I ask ‘when?’, He says ‘wait’. It’s our standard conversation, it seems.

    1. Author

      It’s a hard conversation to have, but I am so thankful you’re having it with the one who holds all the keys to life, to power, to freedom, and to joy abundant. You’re on the right track- and you will be rewarded for your faithfulness!

  11. Thanks for your stand against Biblical misinterpretation especially in its Sexual context. TRASH littered around, enveloping our minds in the wrongest precepts. Thanks for you, Debra.

  12. There has to be something in this book that makes Christian women think it’s acceptable. It’s clearly a deception, makes me think about Eve and the snake (devil) in the garden of Eden. From the beginning I knew to stay far far far away from this book and now the movie. But I’m always curious about the author of a book, and I read that she said that all her fantasies are in this book. How dangerous is that, because now millions of women are filling their minds with the fantasy of one women who I strongly believe is involved with occultism.

    Just like the snake slipped into the garden, this also slipped into the minds of Christian women. Maybe churches need to talk more about the dangers of books and movies/television and how they influence/stimulate sexual fantasies, desires etc. And how they destroy healthy relationships and marriages. This goes much deeper than just actually having sex with someone.

    As a real bookworm, I can say that books and movies have had a huge impact on my sexual life even though I’m technically a virgin. It starts as a little girl with these so called “innocent” fairy tales then the romance novels with mild sexual content and goes on to the more “adult” (how ironic) novels filled with passion, adultery, scandals etc. The same goes for movies and tv series. You fill yourself with these images and fantasies only to damage your relationship with the Lord and hinder healthy relationships. That’s why I don’t go to the movies, watch television rarely, read very very selectively, also on the internet.

    Read the Bible and faith building books, find hobby’s, go help someone, learn another language, go volunteer, plant something. But PLEASE stay away from these things, there’s enough to do in the Kingdom. I know where I came from…

    1. Author

      Rachel – your voice is invaluable to this generation. Thank you for speaking from your heart and sharing your story. I am so thankful to see where God has brought you, and I totally understand where you’re coming from. I also read that the author said she’s putting all her fantasies out in this book.

      As a Professional Counselor, I truly believe that a lot of these fantasies (BDSM fantasies) are actually rooted in pain, in hurt, and in woundedness – God’s design is so much better, if we’d only accept that. God’s plan for sex is AMAZING when done in the right way, I mean, He’s the one who came up with it for crying out loud 🙂 How can we not trust Him?

      I love your final words and suggestions! Thank you.

  13. It is indeed a deep deception. Thanks for the reminder. As believers we are in great jeopardy of falling into deception when we cease to abide in the words of God; “if you continue in my words, then are you my disciples indeed ” John 8: 31.
    We are constantly falling for the same lie as in the beginning. ” He is keeping something from us. He cannot be trusted. There is better out there ”
    You want to be happy and totally fulfilled in all areas of life ? obey the Lord.
    ” young man, its wonderful to be young! enjoy every minute of it. Do everything you want to do; take it all in. But remember that you must give an account to God for everything you do.. “Ecclesiastes 11: 9.
    God has provided the answer to fulfill our deepest needs. Thanks be to God.

  14. Deb, I am glad for your stand and boldness to speak against that trash of a movie. Ride on, your good works is appreciated.

  15. Debra,
    While I completely agree with how much our society seems to be obsessed with sex, undervalues the other characteristics of relationships, and puts physical intimacy for the sake of “getting and not giving”on a pedestal, I do think you are taking this film (and book series) out of context, especially in regards to how christian women should view it.
    First of all, while I respect that you voiced your opinion over a rather sensitive subject, It seems very one sided because of the fact that you haven’t read the book or seen the movie. It reminds me of one sided arguments, making judgments without having heard the other person’s side of the story. If you want this message to reach beyond the “choir,” maybe consider making sure the argument is totally fair to begin with. I feel like outspoken christian women already get shunned so much already, which is unfortunate, and so not having done your research all the way might make that worse.

    I also think that the point of this book series isn’t at all to provide an example of a picture perfect relationship/one that every woman should want. If there are in fact women out there that see the fictional relationship portrayed as such, then isnt it our job as christians to help them see that there is so much more to a relationship, and to do it without waiving our finger at them like a parent would to a badly behaved child? This article to me seems like you are doing exactly that. But in any case, I would like to believe that most women are smart enough to know that the series isnt intended to be viewed as a relationship 101 or a “how to.”

    Long story short, I feel like we shouldn’t come at this topic in such a condemning way. If women feel like this movie does in fact portray “dysfunction, cheapness, and flat out trash,” maybe there is a way we can express that in a way that doesnt put christian women on pedestals, as if we are smarter than non christian women because we are going against society and not paying money to see this movie. We arent any smarter, and I dont believe it is our place to judge anyone, but it is our place to influence in a way that empowers and encourages.

    1. Author

      Kaylie, I don’t believe it’s about putting anyone on a pedestal because that is the furthest thing from my heart. But rather, this article is about offering a better way. Through this post I tried to offer the alternative perspective to each point. That came through to some people as I received some amazing emails today from women, regarding what God has done to convict their hearts with these words and open their eyes to their porn addictions, sex addictions, and romance novel addictions…and to me, that’s worth being misunderstood by some.

  16. Thank you Debra……Perverted sex (any sex outside of God’s design) is the number one cause for human and community failure. Nations fall! There is a reason God speaks so much and so clearly about His precious gift we blaspheme at our convenience. May God Almighty be merciful to us as a nation and a people. It’s that serious!

  17. Debra,
    Thanks for clarifying, and I think it’s great that you have been able to reach other women in a positive way and give them another way to think about this subject.

  18. Good for you that God has satisfied your greatest longings etc. Until he bothers to do any of that for me, I’ll keep complaining. Eventually, when I’m tired of being drained rather than filled, I guess I’ll just give up though, like I did with dating.

  19. Totally agreed. It’s a controversial book that glorified abusive relationships and perverted acts. No one should derive gratification and be content with such a relationship. Poisonous for the young and impressionable minds. The book has sold for more than 100 million copies world wide, quite certain that a big chunk of them goes to teenagers. This article is timely, especially when the movie is coming out soon.

  20. Thanks Debra! I strongly agree wt u and these are my exact thoughts.
    We can only be complete in Christ, nothing else can make us complete.

  21. I totally agree with your stand Debra. It’s rather unfortunate that we live in a generation of so much dysfunctionality where a lot of Christians don’t even know where to draw the line.
    God help this generation.

    I love this line:
    “I am thankful for a God who has provided the answers to fulfill my deepest needs, heal my deepest wounds, and satisfy my greatest longings. I am thankful for a God who offers to fill us with His living water, and fill us to overflowing”.

    Thank you for taking a stand for Jesus. God bless you real good.

  22. Wow Debra, I’m so grateful for your heart in sharing this post. I hope you know the Holy Spirit is using it to draw people to himself. And I’m sure satan will in turn use it to try and divide. It honestly just hurts my heart to see women, especially married women, that I know be so into this book. I’m thankful for a voice like yours that can speak some truth in love. Just, thank you. Be encouraged!

    1. Author

      I really appreciate the kind words, Taylor. It’s always hard to put something out there so boldly, but my prayer is that God would bring conviction to all of our hearts in different ways. Thanks so much for the encouragement!

    1. Author

      Appreciate it!! I usually don’t approve links on this site (because I have to go through them all first to make sure they’re cleared and it’s time consuming!) but I felt this one was a great reference. Thanks for sharing!

  23. First of all, I won’t bash anything that’s been said in this article; everyone is entitled to their opinion and to share it. Secondly, I only have one major problem with this article…your uneducated portrayal of a BDSM relationship. As a woman who practices it with my husband, I can absolutely tell you that bdsm relationships are founded in mutual love, respect, and trust; how else would someone know as soon as they were tied up they’d be let up again? Finally, yes fifty shades is smut. Yes it doesn’t do “my kind” of relationship justice. And as far as I can tell, I’m doing right in the eyes of God. I’m married, have sex with only my husband, love, trust, and communication are central in our lives. So frankly, who cares if my sexual relationship involves a little more rope?

    1. Author

      Hi Allison! Thanks for sharing your thoughts in a respectful way. I appreciate the dialogue.

      To address your points: The fact that you are in a loving, trusting, marriage practicing BDSM puts you in the minority. This article is primarily addressing BDSM in how it is portrayed in 50 Shades of Grey, as well as in most commercial pornography. It’s always rooted in abuse, pain, harm, and dysfunction. It’s a type of sexual interaction that encourages an abuse mentality, and the more graphic the pornography the more this negative mentality is perpetuated.

      Secondly, my “uneducated” view is based on my work as a Licensed Professional Counselor as well as the hundreds of clients I’ve counseled and people who are struggling with either porn, BDSM, or toxic relationships. I’ve also attended many seminars and training surrounding this topic.

      Typically, the fact that sexual arousal is found in situations of extreme pain and lack of control signifies an underlying issue of some sort at the root. I can’t speak for you, but I can speak for the people I have worked with and the situations that I have seen as a result of this kind of sexual encounter. It has far less to do with “rope” or hand-cuffs, or what have you- but the underlying reasons of why sexual arousal comes through pain and lack of control. There’s a lot to that. So, I’d like to think I’m fairly educated about the subject.

      Either way, your sex life is completely up to you and your husband, I’m just speaking from the situations I’ve worked with and the things I’ve learned. I’m thankful for the dialogue and that you shared your perspective and for the fact that you have a loving relationship. Thanks for sharing!

  24. If you would read the book you would realize that they fall in love with each other, and she makes him take responsibility for the way he was treating women. She also stands up for herself and does not allow him to objectify her the way he wants. You learn the reason why he is the way he is, and he continues to fix it by seeking help. He learns to love her and allows her to become a strong independent women. They get married and then she becomes pregnant with his child, and he struggles with that because he is afraid of being a horrible father because of all the abuse he went through. I don’t think its fair to judge something that you know nothing about. Its funny how people are so quick to throw something under the bus before they even take the time to know what they are talking about.

    1. Author

      I gathered all these facts from reading the detailed summaries…and believe it or not, I have a fairly good concept on the book and story line. I’m not saying the story is poorly written or that it’s not well thought-out. In fact, the author is obviously talented….I’m simply saying there are other GREAT stories out there without all the abusive junk. Why entertain ourselves with poison, when there is already so much poison in real life? I’m challenging this generation to choose to be entertained in healthier ways.

  25. Thanks Debra for writing this!! ☺ Although most of my friends don’t speak english, I will make some noise against this TRASH movie in Latinoamerica. But also I think it’s important to make some noise in social media with hashtags or memes, so we can aware young girls to not see this movie. I’ll post something on my twitter page and on instagram, I just need to be creative…
    God Bless you Debra, I really look up to you 🙂

  26. Debra, after reading through all the comments, I really appreciate the upright, tactful way you deal with people who speak an opposing view. That is a great sign of Gods work going on in and through you. Thanks for being the voice of reason in an overly-sexualized culture.
    I remember being a teenager and younger married woman and could see how my thoughts and struggles were exemplified by what I watched, read, and listened to. I struggled with wanting to be loved as a teenager and the more I put sexualized movies, TV, and music in my brain, that was all I thought about. I took that into marriage by judging my husband on behalf of what I was hearing, seeing, reading instead of putting away all the filth that didn’t need to be encroaching on my thought life.
    When the yuck was weeded out, my relationship flourished. When I quit giving excuse for my sinful tendencies to fill my mind with soap operas, my husband finally came clean about a hidden porn addiction. With both gone, our sex life got 100% better, our marriage stronger and God blessed us immeasurably.
    There’s a lot to be said for a woman who will stand up for the truth of Gods Word! Well Done Good and Faithful One! Your article was well stated!

    1. Author

      I can’t tell you how much this affirmation means to me, thank you for noticing and taking the time to encourage. God used you today to bless me! Thanks, Anna, for sharing your wisdom and insight with us as well! So good.

  27. I havent read the book or books and really not interested, some of my friends have and are counting down the days till movie is out. I have to agree trash. I see the woman who are so excited about 50 shades of gray, are not happy in their marriages or divorced. Myself will not being reading the book or going to see the movie.When did we bring somewhat “porn” to our family movie places??? SMH!!!!!

  28. Thank You so much for succinctly expressing my exact feelings about love and making love rather than “having sex”. I haven’t read the book Shades of Gray for the same reason you haven’t read it. Like you, I didn’t need to read it to come to the same conclusion. You expressed my feelings more than I ever could or ever have been able to. Thank You.

  29. Christ died for our purity. We SHOULD fight for it, defend it and preserve it… Keep writing and seeking Debra, because one day we’ll stand before the Lord and oh how we’ll long for him to say “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” 🙂 xo

  30. Debra I am a Christian too.. And since becoming a Christian years ago my heart has changed.. I know the Holy Spirit is in me.. And am an older lady too.. But never did have the desire to read these type of books.. But the world is so different than the innocent world I grew up in.. And made a lot of mistakes due to ignorance when growing up as teenager in the 1950s.. But learned from them and never made the same mistake twice except picking the wrong Husband twice.. And now have been married 36 years in a loving Christian marriage.. And know God blessed me in this marriage and found me the right Husband.. It was just a longer road but well worth waiting far.. And was always looking for love and a best friend.. And bing I found it..!!!!!!!!!!!!! And know the young people of today put a lot of emphasis on sex.. Due a lot to TV and Movies and the Technology World we live in.. And all the openness of the world today.. And a lot of people have no shame or morals today.. And do really not care or know any better.. And Jesus is my first love.. And live for him. And do not judge others.. And as long as we live in Satans world this kind of things will happen.. We just have to believe in God as we go thru this evil world but live for Jesus and not be of this world but his.. And will always be evil here.. And things worse than this book or movie.. And leave it to God and pray for others that lost..

    1. Author

      What a great story you have Jerilyn! It’s nice to hear the great things God has done in your life as you’ve moved in His direction. Continued blessings in your life!!

  31. a completely invalid statement, you didn’t read the book, and as if you haven’t really noticed today’s generation of relationship usually starts with a sexual encounter in stead of actually “falling in love” very sad but true. I honestly found this and interesting book only because people actually react to life this way.

    1. Author

      “if you haven’t really noticed today’s generation of relationship usually starts with a sexual encounter in stead of actually “falling in love” very sad but true.” <-- Hi Joan! Your comment is one of the reasons I write this article as well as other articles- to show this generation that God has a better way. I've walked it, and I know it to be true. You don't have to watch junk, read junk, or experience junk to speak out against it. I'll bet you speak out for things you've never experienced, and injustices you've never had to deal with, too...because deep down, we all want what's best for our life and relationships. Blessings!

  32. I have read the series and will attest to the fact that it is poorly written. However, I have to disagree with #4 on your list. For the psychologically damaged character of Mr. Grey, sex is superficial, but the protagonist changes everything he knows, so that he finally CAN see sex as valuable, deep and meaningful. You would have to read the text, of course, to know this.

    1. Author

      Interesting that you mention it’s poorly written, that gives even less motivation to read it. Not only is it full of explicit sex, but it’s also poorly written? Yikes. Good to know!!!

  33. I found some of the comments here interesting. I do believe this ‘younger’ generation puts more emphasis on ‘sex’ rather than the ‘relationship’. I agree it all comes from what people see on TV and in the movies and yes, even books. While I have not read this particular book, I’ve read some very similar and I honestly have no interest in reading this book or seeing the movie. The sad part for some people is they read this stuff and fantasize that, THAT is the kind of relationship and/or man or woman they would love to have…not realizing….they don’t exist.

    My question to you Deb is what happens if a couple decides to wait until they are married BEFORE having sex and later find they are not happy? This question came up and I wanted your point of view. This is for those of us who have something to compare as oppose to those who are virgins and choose to wait.

  34. I don’t understand why this movie is bad. Someone can sit in a theater and watch the bloodiest movie filled with lies hate and murder and it will be fine, it’s just and movie. But a movie that’s plot is has to do with a young women trapped in a sexual relationship with a man is soooooooo horrible. It’s just a movie about the sexual aspects of a relationship. The couple may not be normal or traditional but that’s what makes the book (I haven’t seen the movie yet so idk about that). It’d about the characters and how they bring life to the story, not just the sex. Read the book with an open mind and like any good book or movie you will see what it really has to offer. If all your focused on is the sex then thats all your going to see and personally if I wanted to just see sex I’d just stay home and watch porn for free.

    1. Author

      Portia, I would say that a movie filled with meaningless violence/rape/abuse is also just as harmful. Especially when it’s not reflecting history, it’s just for pure entertainment. I try to filter out the things I read and watch, and Shades of Grey is just one example where that applies- not because of the story-line, but because of the use of explicit sexual descriptions for entertainment purposes. It’s just as harmful as viewing porn. This article is just a challenge to be cautious of the type of things we allow into our hearts and minds- because they have an impact on us whether we want them to or not.

  35. Thank you for this article.

    Expressing truth like this is often difficult and frustrating because of two great lies people have come to believe: that we must experience or sample something to be able to identify its character, and that Christians are commanded not to judge.

    Do you need to eat moldy cheese to know it tastes bad? Must we jump in a puddle to confirm there’s mud in the bottom? To say one cannot form conclusions about something just because they haven’t immersed themselves in it to the full extent is silly. We do that every day as humans.

    The idea that Christians are not supposed to judge people is just wrong. This idea is an example of when scripture is piecemealed and taken out of context. We are most certainly called to judge right from wrong. The bible also teaches discernment at great length. Sure, people are entitled to express their opinions. But just because you have the right to express it, does not mean it comes from biblical roots.

    1. Author

      Absolutely agree. Thanks for sharing this and for your encouragement, Lauren!

  36. i am happy to know that i am not alone in the fact that i hate seeing my husband watch porn… so i would very much hate it if we watched this movie together.. it looks horrible!!! and what a horrible thing for a virgin to start out with… bondage sex.
    sex and love is not supposed to be like that!

  37. You clearly didn’t read the books – it starts out toxic, but they grow together through hurts, pains, tragedy… they become a solid, Christian couple with a loving family – married, babies, everything. Skip the “bad” parts – it really isn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be. I’m very Catholic – still contemplating sisterhood – you only take away what you want.

    1. Author

      Cher, I’m not saying the story-line is not redeeming. It may be. That doesn’t make the pornographic descriptions in the book healthy. We shouldn’t need to read page upon page of explicit SEXUAL INTERACTION for entertainment in order to find a redeeming story at the end. There are better ways to be entertained. You have every right to disagree, but this book has been proven to paint a negative picture of relationships that has had a huge impact on young women and their perception/tolerance of violence in relationships. That’s a really scary thing.

    2. Cher darling I am very sorry,but I am going to break your fantasy and wake you up to reality.I also didn’t read the book but I heard what it is about and about certain scenes that really disturbed me.Now I will break it to you as nicely as I can:This is freaking fiction!You won’t find something like that in real life(Thank God for that).Normal and mentally healthy women won’t stay with a guy if they abuses them just because they had a “rough start in life”.And the ending whith marriage and children is really cliché…especially for such a book.Open your eyes girl!

  38. I think what is so telling is that it isn’t only Christians who are against this movie. I have read secular articles, including articles on humor websites that are not known for being appropriate, that show why all people should boycott 50 Shades. I also think the terrible press tour and the fact that the main actors don’t even like the movie says something huge.

  39. Countless amounts of money, time and PSA’s are out about Stopping the Abuse, End Domestic Violence.
    It will never end when we live in a society that celebrates books or movies such as these.

    Just my two cents.

    1. Author

      I had to do my research so I could have an informed opinion. The funny thing is, if I would read the book in it’s entirety, I’m sure there would be complaints that I was being hypocritical for reading a book that I believe is poisonous, and corrupting.

      But I’d rather much rather be on this side of the spectrum…

  40. Debra, ! I totally agree with you: its content is really disturbing and twisted!! Thanks for voicing your opinion!

  41. Hy Debra,as a teen and a female at the same time,I would like to say that I strongly agree with you.First of all,many teenage girls are infatuated with this book and movie and I find that shocking.This book is clearly about abuse and possibly rape because,Ana is a naive virgin girl and Christian is domineering,deranged,cunning and manipulative man.He begins to take an interest in her and becomes obsessed,not with her,but the ideea of corupting her.At one point in the story they agree there should be a safe word for stopping,Ana uses it but he does not stop,that could be called rape.That’s not all,if you read fiction written by young girls you will find stories where rape is being romantisized,the plot being a clasic in fiction:handsome man,the bad boy type,rich rapes and abuses the girl who is naive,defendless and usually a virgin,the main reason being that he had a rough past or other stupid excuses.Now let me ask you something fifty shades of gray fans,would you be so intrigued by the book/movie if Christian Gray was an ugly,poor and old man instead of an handsome,rich young man?No you would be disgusted by it and say that he’s a stalker…but if it’s a handsome,rich young guy it is not the same and you would becomei his pet if necesarly,you would let him beat you just for the expensive gifts,helicopter rides and the “pride” of being with a hot guy.If you think like that let me ask you another question:Are you that cheap?As for you Debra I have a question too,you said you were a phychologist.Then answer me this:why are so many young girl obsessed with the ideea of a handsome rich man abusing them or even raping them…is it a sexual desire of being raped…but not being the one that seems to want to,being the victim,the innocent one and him the bad guy who becomes her prince charming at the end,ans she remains pristine and innocent and is seen as the one without any fault…as the victim who is repayed for her kindness of understanding such a beast.Is it like that or is there something else.Plese tell me cuz’ I’m really confused.:(

  42. I can understand why so many are against it, especially if they haven’t read it.
    My issue is – if you haven’t read it, you wouldn’t know the background to it.

    Christian Grey was molested as a child, and it led him into a life of sub/dom relationships.
    It’s the only way he knew to connect sexually.
    Ana changed that, as she knew that love did not involve any of that.

    In the end, this really is a love story. Loving someone even with their scary flaws and troubled past.
    They grow as people, and Christian learns what true love looks like.

    If this series makes people stray to that lifestyle, don’t blame the book.
    I can promise you, I’m not begging to be restrained and whipped just because I enjoyed the books.

    1. Author

      I didn’t read it- but I knew these facts from reading the summaries and the research about the book. That’s why I made the point that it’s rooted in his dysfunction. And at the end of the day, any Professional Counselor will tell you that relationships don’t “heal past abuse”. That’s something that each person has to take responsibility for in their own life. Abuse is an atrocious wound that needs real therapy and support to work through. I felt that the book made light of such an important issue that many people are dealing with, making it sound like finding the “right relationship” will help all of the past wounds dissolve. That’s just not a true message.

  43. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – I would gladly give all the remaining years of my life to have one left that I could spend with a wife. I would focus everything I have – everything I am into that one year, and into that one woman’s heart. I am willing to risk much to become something greater than what I can attain alone. Keep your shades of gray…………I want the Light!!!

  44. Debra,
    You have a powerful gift of communication and you are using it to glorify God. I pray that you will continue encouraging others because this world will need more strong wise women of God like you.

    blessing

  45. My question is besides the moral issue,why are so many women going too see this movie anyway, considering that most critics think it’s just a plain carbage movie with horrible acting . Even the previews are stupid, plus you can see much better sex scene on cable TV shows today. I get the initial
    interest because of the book, but most of the people that seen the first weekend say it wasn’t that good.

  46. I haven’t read the book or seen the movie, nor do I intend to. I have heard these negative things & more & also believe it to be wrong! I don’t understand how people can actually believe that these things are ok! God bless you for sharing this.
    Your Sister in Christ,
    Sarah

  47. I saw it …I cried. Its of great sadness that the characters could not truly connect on an emotional and loving level. I identified …so thankful I’m not there anymore.

  48. Thank you so much for being a voice and advocate for healthy relationships and love. Thank you for exposing 50 Shades of Grey for what it is. I have also been disturbed and stunned by the popularity of this movie/book. Too many view pornography and stories like this as harmless. You have shed light beautifully. I have studied, taught, and spoken on the dangers of pornography and how it destroys lives, ministries, and families. We have a friend who’s in prison because he was driven by his porn addition to act out in real life what he’d seen. I’m haunted by the horrors of human trafficking and have learned how pornography drives that industry. I grieve for the empty gratification the world embraces when so much greater love and fullness of life are available. Loved this post.

  49. Thank you for stating the truth about 50 Shades of Grey biblically and unequivocally! Really appreciate your speaking boldly about this.

  50. I do agree with this statement – “But being a Christian comes with a responsibility and a challenge to choose what’s best for our lives -”
    Something that unfortunately many people can’t seem to comprehend, or don’t want to believe and apply to their lives because it keeps them from doing the ungodly things they want to do.
    However one question I have for you is this – There is scripture in the bible that says “everything in the marriage/marital bed is sacred.”
    What do you think of BDSM within a marriage? What sexual boundaries, if any, (besides the obvious of not bringing other people into the bedroom) do you think their should be amongst Christian married couples? Do you believe other people, or the pastor of your church has a right to judge and criticize what you do with your spouse in the bedroom?
    Just curious.

  51. It appears that there are frequently two ends of the spectrum at play in this comment list, trying to communicate. I encourage y’all to keep it up, on the road to understanding the other point of view. Both points of view have made great points. There are some who have given balanced commentary on it too, tho. I’ll give mine… and I’m speaking from the standpoint of someone who’s never read the books nor known the story-line in my life, just going by the comments on here:

    I won’t be condemning of those who wanna know the story, and are curious to read the books — or see the movie after it’s come out, for that matter — on DVR or Netflix, anyway. In light of the “weak” Christians and “strong” Christians in Romans 14, I am quite sure it largely depends on the mindset of ppl wanting to know the story-line. The fact about how much more commonplace today is sex happening willy-nilly, there’s a fine line between this justification to be a realist about it, who’s also interested in the plot, and it as an excuse to feed our minds on poison. I certainly would not make a habit to read it or watch it, nor get enjoyment out of the sexually illicit parts. I have seen a movie or two of morally questionable plot until the end, when characters have grown out of their unGodly ways. Counselors in general need sufficient “neutral gear” and “immunity” to some reprehensible details when they listen to and counsel someone — but that’s a gift God gifts some, but not others. Others are gifted in other ways.

    For the above reason, I think it should only be for the aforementioned “strong” Christians who will only discuss it from knowing that Grey’s foundation of abuse and dysfunction is NOT God’s foundation, and that going into such a relationship in hopes of causing his/her betterment is a BAD idea. In defense of those who are fully against 50 Shades of Grey, in all fairness, they’re right that adolescents and other “weak” Christians should not be exposed to that story, and even “strong” Christians exposed to the story VERY sparingly. Plus, thru Netflix or whatever means whereby no falsehood industry can profit off us. I wouldn’t go see it myself in the theatre. I’d only Netflix watch it with strong Christians on Solid Rock foundation — whom I trust would not be “hotly” entertained by BDSM scenes, nor take it for a “how-to” spice it up /”how to” cause someone’s betterment.

    I take ppl’s word for it that the story-line has a great ending, a guy who has this virgin to thank for his betterment. Albeit a redemptive story, impressionable teen girls are prone to assume that’s a proverb for everyone, and thus set themselves up for sore disappointment. Good comment Steph, but what I’m saying needs to be taken into account. You made a great comment too, Kaylie, and I understand your hope that viewers know all the while it just fits as realism, the corrupted sex use not entertaining and not a good “Relationship 101” — but not that many think like us “strong” Christians. It’s a “meat sacrificed to idols” issue (1 Cor 8). While I don’t know the intent behind 50 Shades of Grey, too many impressionable viewers WILL interpret it as “gospel” and/or “hot” entertainment; for them it’s a stumbling block. Even we “strong” Christians must keep watch on ourselves, for we too can be tempted sooner or later (Gal 6:1). I’ll give equal doubt-benefit to y’all, Steph and Kaylie, and to you and the others, Debra; I trust you’re all being faithful with what God has given you. Above all, it needs be remembered that it is from God, not ourselves, that we derive our spiritual strength and durability.

  52. I did read the book, and while I personally was not comfortable with all that happened, there were parts that were surprising. The girl while young and naive did have her limits, she did not give into every request (she ignored or said no) this handsome powerful man tossed at her. He was a deeply wounded man, who had found a way to be touched/loved in a way most people are not comfortable with. It was only through the girls boundaries and expanding them through building trust that he in turn was also able to open himself up to more healthy love. True it is not the book to cite as an example of what “real” love/relationship/sex is but there are aspects of the book that we can pull that says real love is build on trust and that is something that takes time and vulnerability and opening up to achieve. For me the strength of this part of the book will be missed by many since it is so overpowered by strong language and sexual details

  53. In reading all of this, I can’t help but to be reminded of 2 Timothy:

    “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

    2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

    3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,

    4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

    5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

    6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,

    7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.

    8 Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.”

  54. I grew up in an abusive home. I worked with my Heavely Father for years from the age of 19 to heal from that. At 30 I was raped after graduating college through my Heavely Father I’ve healed from that. As I read books and walk through life I’m concerned at how woman and men both find it ok or good to have an abusive person in their life. Those books are trash and try to glorify a very abusive relationship and try to fill us with lies that it’s great and romantic (the father of lies) tried to pull off being an angel of light. Debra I so pray over you and your ministry it’s wonderful and such a good voice that more and more men and woman need to hear!!!

    1. Author

      Thank you Lori!!! I need your prayers! And thank you so much for sharing your story of hope and healing. God is so faithful and your story brings so much hope to others!! Thank you dear!

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