3 Ways To Show Him You’re Interested

In Dating, For the Ladies by Debra Fileta12 Comments

Q: As a girl who grew up being taught to never pursue a guy, how do I made my interest known without coming across as desperate or a flirt?

A: This question is a reflection of one of the major things that bothers me about how we talk about relationships within the church at large.

Like this woman said, many women are taught “never to pursue a guy”. This mentality leaves them feeling helpless, at the mercy of whoever decides to show interest in them. Personally, I think this whole way of thinking is not only rooted in misinterpretation of Scripture, but it’s especially dangerous because it sets up a woman for an unequal role later on in a marriage, but that’s a huge conversation we’ll have to save for another day.

But to answer this question, I’m going to start with the basics, because even with the freedom to initiate a relationship, some women still want to take baby steps in that direction.

So, when I asked the guys out there tell us the ways a woman can show them she’s interested, here’s what they said:

Talk to me.

You may remember from the last post, but this was the exact same thing that women reported as an indicator that a man is interested in her. It makes sense that the need to converse is one of the top ways you can show someone you’re interested, because human beings are wired for communication and connection. The guys basically said that the best way you can show them you’re interested in them is to start a conversation, or keep one going when they approach you. Offering your thoughts and feedback, asking questions, and interacting with them is one of the best ways you can make your interest known.

Compliment me.

I thought it was interesting to note that one thing the guys expressed was the desire for compliments and encouragement. When a woman gives him positive feedback, it helps him know she’s interested. Makes sense, right? And not only that, I think the desire for encouragement carries over well into marriage. We all want to be noticed, and one of the best ways to show you’re noticing someone is by offering your compliments.

Make it clear to me.

Over the years of blogging about relationships, I think I was most surprised by the amount of men who said they truly have no clue a woman is interested unless she makes it extremely obvious. One guy went as far as to say you need to hit him with a relational 2×4 for him to understand that you’re interested.

Another thing that came up regarding making it clear was the topic of body language. According to the guys, a smile, consistent eye contact, and a friendly touch can go a long way to express you’re interested.

I’m all for a woman taking responsibility for her love-life. Healthy relationships are all about give-and-take, so make it a point to give a little, and then see what happens. If it’s the right thing, you’ll find a pattern of getting as you’re giving. And that’s always a great way to start a relationship.

Guys, comment below, what are some other ways you want her to show you she’s interested?

Catch up on the whole #RelationshipQASeries!

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. Her newest book, Choosing Marriage, is set to be released in the Summer of 2018! You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and all over the web! She’s the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, reaching millions of people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!

I know, I know. Christians aren’t talking a whole lot about dating. But it’s about time we start. Pick up a copy of my book TLD and join this important conversation. Your love life will thank you for it.

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12 Comments on "3 Ways To Show Him You’re Interested"

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Christopher Hanson
I agree, these are all spot-on ways for a lady to show she is interested in me. I would add two sub-points which are more specific to Debra’s first point, “talk to me”. First, I deeply appreciate when a girl isn’t using her phone when she and I are having a conversation. My first thought when I see a girl using her phone is that the person on the other end is her boyfriend. Though I myself don’t mind talking with her and letting her tell me if she is in a relationship, many men are more skittish when we… Read more »
Ashley Barkley

Thanks Christopher, I appreciate your comment. It does take bravery, to go up and talk to a guy. I will say though, that I always find it attractive when guys help girls, like you did, helping to set up. I think that says a lot when a guy is willing to pitch in and help. I’m sure it meant a lot to the girl you fancied, which might be why she went up and talked to you. Anyways thanks for sharing, hope you got a chance to date her!


That’s really helpful for me as a woman, if I see someone I take a liking to I never say anything assuming that I don’t stand a chance. Thank you for the male’s point of view on this subject, maybe now I can apply it 😊


My fiancé called me one day out of the blue to ask me my opinion if guys are afraid to date women with special needs children (her son is autistic). She made it a very generic question, saying she was just looking for my opinion on the topic, but I got the hint that she was interested. I asked her out a few weeks later and we are getting married next year.


Personally it would be nice if women I liked were interested but it doesn’t happen. I’m not sure what to do anymore

Jacob Diehl

These are great points. On the flip side, I’ve had plenty of experiences where a girl will show signs such as these and then turns out to not be interested at all. I appreciate when it is clear that you are not interested just as much when you make it clear that you are!

Eva Koopman

The former would just be teasing, and that’s cruel. 😟


It happens, Eva. Three times recently, I’ve had a girl show these and enough other signs of interest that multiple people around us thought something was going on. I asked all three out. One, on what I thought was a first date, started talking about her boyfriend (current, not ex). One happily said yes, then the next day sent me a 9-paragraph message saying she’s never been interested. The third rejected then felt the need to cut me out of her life.

So obviously, my sense of what interest looks like is completely shot at this point.


Check the maturity level first, an emotionally mature and honest lady would not behave like those did. Trust me,some of us gave never done that! Someone who cares enough to be honest yet kind will let you know upfront.


“Without coming across as desperate or a flirt.” Don’t over think it! Seriously — be yourself, smile, and talk to me. I’d get the idea.☺


I SO needed this. Thanks.

Glenn Amaral
Hey Deb, I have to say and heavily agree with you when you say that…women need to stop waiting for men to pursue them and that it’s ok for a women to approach a man! I love that out of the box thinking! I’ve been saying that for years. Most girls, especially Christian girls, believe that they should sit back idle and let the men do all the pursuing. And they’ll even quote the bible…HE who FINDS a wife finds a good thing. To me this verse is a metaphor for both men and women to do both their parts… Read more »