3 Ways To Show Her You’re Interested

In Advice and Encouragement, For the Guys by Debra Fileta25 Comments

Q: How do I convey that I’m interested in a woman? What are signs or signals that would help to get us on the same page?

A: Of the hundreds of questions that came in for this #RelationshipQASeries, this was one of the most common themes.

How can you show someone you’re interested in them without being over-the-top? How do you act interested without looking like you’re completely desperate? 

So, I went to my readers to pick their brain about the things that convey interest to them. And a few general themes of how to convey interest came up at the top of the list. In the next two blog posts, I’m going to break it down for both men and women, because the answers were a little different for each gender.

Men let’s start with you: if you want her to know you’re interested, here’s what the ladies said needs to happen:


It’s that simple. So many women pointed out that if you want them to know you’re interested, GO TALK TO THEM!! It doesn’t matter what you talk about, just that you go and talk. Talk about the weather. Talk about your weekend. Talk about the sermon. Talk about current events. Talk about your job or hobbies. Talk about WHAT-EVER….just go and talk to her. Take that first step. Never underestimate the power of conversation. Not only is it the key to starting a relationship – it’s also the key to maintaining it.


Most women reported that an important part of showing interest is asking questions and showing that you’re trying to get to know them. I second this notion, because asking good questions and paying attention to the answer  is the best indicator that you’re interested. Everyone wants to be known, and showing someone that you want to know them is a huge sign of respect and affection, one that carries over long into marriage.


Okay dudes, listen up here. This one was straight across the board that in order to show interest, you’ve GOT to be consistent. None of this text her one day, and then drop-off-the-face-of-the-earth for an entire week. This hard-to-get stuff is old news….because ain’t nobody got time for that. Women are looking for someone who is going to follow through not be flakey. And not only that, but consistency is a huge component to building trust in a relationship. If you’re interested, be consistent. Show up. Reach out. Be present. And then put effort into staying present.

Ladies, comment below, what are some other ways you want him to show you he’s interested?

Catch up on the whole #RelationshipQASeries!

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. Her newest book, Choosing Marriage, is set to be released in the Summer of 2018! You may also recognize her voice from her 200+ articles at Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, and all over the web! She’s the creator of this True Love Dates Blog, reaching millions of people with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter or book a session with her today!

I know, I know. Christians aren’t talking a whole lot about dating. But it’s about time we start. Pick up a copy of my book TLD and join this important conversation. Your love life will thank you for it.

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25 Comments on "3 Ways To Show Her You’re Interested"

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Miss Lee Banguilan

It’s common sense really 😊. Nothing says it more than when a guy singles you out for a conversation and try to get to know you and it is not just a one time effort but a consistent one. It tells a woman you’re special and he’s definitely into you. And if a woman is interested too, she will indulge you and welcome your advances. It’s quite easy to progress into a relationship when there is good communication and rapport beforehand.


I’ve had that happen with a couple of Christian guys, they sought me out for conversation, asked a lot of interested questions, were supporting and encouraging, prayed for me etc. But in the end they said they were never interested. So I am baffled when it comes to Christian guys.


One thing NOT to do: change who you are in order to be liked. If you’re going to fake an interest, or become a fan of everything I like or do just to get my attention, you will get none.


Yes. Yes. Yes. YES to all of these!


Remember my name!!


I’m sure that listening is inherintely a part of “talk to us” and “get to know me”, but I’ve had men come up to me who do all the talking for about half an hour, and then proceed to ask me out. It’s a pretty major turn off. Talking needs to be give and take, especially at the beginning when it’s mainly kept at surface level subjects.

K marie

Yes 100% talking but also ask her to do things go places. Take initiative and show some commitment in wanting to get to know me. Quality time I feel is a lot of woman’s love language. Don’t text me ur life.. choose to have face to face relational time.


I loved all the three points. It’s the best and so appropriate. I am so sick and tired of the skewed signals guys send me.
I am a person who needs more clarity so conveying the clear message of you – are – more – than – a – friend, would help me out and if I don’t respond please back off.

Yes! I agree with all of these things, it’s how I was raised and I think definitely they portray to me that a guy is interested. However, I am a Tennessee girl who’s lived in Asia for the past year and have gotten pretty close to one of my guy friends here. He does all these things, so naturally, I assumed he was interested. He’s literally the SWEETEST person on the planet. However, when we talked about it and I asked what showing interest looks like in his culture, I found out that all of these acts of “showing interest”… Read more »

That’s so true Hannah. I was in the Arab culture for nine months and in their culture, us guys on the team had to be really careful how we communicated to young Arab women. In their culture you don’t talk to the opposite gender except greeting them, unless you are somehow related. But, then in the Arab Kurdish culture, it was a lot more free and one could talk to anyone without it being a big deal.

hahah This is true and funny in that I am from a different culture and the things you just said apply to my culture as well. Guys can get affectionate without being interested at all. They can take you out on a date, buy you gifts, hug you tightly, shower you with compliments…with no romantic interest at all. And us girls think nothing about it either. Now, here in America, if you do that to a woman, she is already planning a wedding.lol When I first came to America, I had a close friend from my country , we would… Read more »

Be brave. Ask the woman on a date. Sometimes the tips you shared can be done but it still feels no different than friends spending time together so it feels ambiguous.


Exactly, Specially that last one to be consistent. I want a true godly man, who will stick with me through and through. Amen.

Honestly, this is really sad. Is it really impossible for a guy and girl to be friends? If a guy did this to me, I would assume he considered me….a friend. He saw me as a human. The fact that a guy would only talk to you, because he is interested in you is really sad. To show you are interested, you should ask them on a date. A date is a get to know you thing. You could end up just being friends afterward. If this is the criteria, treating a woman like a human being is the equivalent… Read more »
Michael H.

Pretty much my thoughts. These are signs he likes you as a person, but not necessarily that he likes you romantically.


If a woman tells you she’s not interested in something (i.e., running), don’t tell her all the reasons YOU think she should be.


And I would respond, ladies, talk back. If I start to feel like I’m the one who asked the last five questions, I’m assuming you’re not interested. I don’t want it to feel like an interrogation. I didn’t “fall off the earth”. You just gave signals you didn’t actually want to talk, though in your head you might think you did. Even if you think of yourself as shy. You have to talk back if you want the talking to continue.


Amen brother.


My problem is that I’m the kind of girl who seems to only get interested in guys that I’m friends with first. So what usually happens is when I first meet a guy and he puts out signals, I’m not interested. Once he and I become friends and I become interested, he’s usually mentally categorized me as just a friend. It’s frustrating.


As a man, I often suspect that I’m in that situation. It’s frustrating to try to figure out if a woman might have changed her mind or still just sees me as a friend. What might be different in my situation is that usually I haven’t just “put out signals” but have actually asked women out and been turned down. So if you actually know that a guy was interested in you (because he told you so and/or asked you out), maybe you could help him out by letting him know you’ve changed your mind.


By the way, when I said “let him know,” I meant “tell him” — with words. Just wanted to clarify that. Lol

You’re not alone in that. I don’t think I’ve ever been particularly interested in any girls I haven’t gotten to know enough to be friends. Also, as Kevin said, he might have assumed you’re not interested and moved on, or a lot of us just aren’t good at picking up signals. Telling him runs some risk of awkward and heartbreak, yes, but make sure you weigh that against the possibility that he would be interested and doesn’t think you are. I can’t speak for all guys, but there aren’t many single girls in my life that I wouldn’t seriously consider… Read more »