3 Reasons Christian Guys Need to Ask a Girl OUT!

In Advice and Encouragement, Dating, For the Guys, Relationships, Single by Debra Fileta114 Comments

Ever notice that the male-to-female ratio in Christian circles seems a little heavy on the estrogen side?

I went to a college where the running joke was that for every male there were about six eligible bachelorettes to choose from. Talk about some serious pressure – for both sides! Consider the odds, and it makes complete sense that I had no ring by spring. Those other girls must of snatched up the Bachelors while I was busy studying away in the library. But the truth is, the statistics have always seemed rather slanted, at least from my female-point-of-view.

I’ve been hanging out with a lot of singles lately…and even years removed from my time as a single woman, this “problem” seems to be lingering. I receive loads of questions and emails from concerned women, wondering whether or not they’ll ever get asked out on a date. Beautiful, godly, eligible women – still waiting for a request from that Christian guy who just wants to get to know them a little better.

I could be totally off here, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Christian guys need a little pep talk about what it means to make a first move! Don’t get me wrong – I’m not one to bat an eye when it comes to a woman making a first move, in fact I fully support it when the timing is right! But as much of a take-charge kinda gal that I am, there is just something seriously romantic about getting asked out on a date in a straight-forward, clear, simple kind of way.  (More on the art of asking someone out in the next post!!)

Christian men need to go ahead and ask a girl out. And here are just a few reasons why:

1. Because you have what it takes. I once did a poll asking men what kept them from asking a woman out. Almost all of their answers had little to do with the woman, and so much more to do with insecurities, fears, and past hurts. But as I look into the eyes of these men that I meet, and I see what God is doing in their life, I am encouraged. Whoever you are and wherever you come from know this: godly women are not looking for a man who has it all together, they are looking for a man who knows he needs God for all things. You have what it takes, because of the great God who is at work in your life. Believe that, and then live that way.

2. Because women are waiting. Like I said before, the majority of women I interact with are okay with are longing for a man to make the first move. There’s something inside of a woman that really responds to that approach. They want to know that they are wanted, and are attracted to a man who exudes the confidence it takes to approach them. I know so many happily married couples in which the woman in the relationship says she would not have had interest, if it hadn’t been for the man making the initial move. Sometimes women have blinders on, and we need a little help getting pointed in the right direction. Afterall, you know how we can be with directions. 😉

3. Because if you don’t, they will. The thing that breaks my heart most is when I see Christian women settling for men who are NOT believers, because they were the only ones “doing the pursuing”. I have heard from so many women who have admitted to going on dates with guys they never wanted to marry, because they were drawn to their initiative.  Now, while I believe those women should take full responsibility for their choices and behaviors, I do think that trend is telling. It speaks to the reality that there are many godly women who are just as anxiously wanting to say “yes” to a date, as there are godly guys wondering if they should ask her out.

So guys, whatever might be holding you back, I challenge you to do your part in preparing your heart for love…and then pretty please, go ahead and ask a girl out!

Ladies, can I get an amen? Share this article if you agree, and then leave your thoughts!

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter

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114 Comments on "3 Reasons Christian Guys Need to Ask a Girl OUT!"

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Mike
Guest

It has been my experience that females in Christian circles have one foot in the Kingdom of God and one foot in the kingdom of this world – and with the second foot go about dating. So, I don’t ask women out because they aren’t really attracted to godliness in a man.

Kristen
Guest
Mike, even as a female, I agree with you. So many Christian women don’t think about how their actions could cause a truly godly guy to not be interested in them. Yes, everyone’s standards are going to differ, but there are some things that should be red flags when a guy is considering asking a girl out. The way a girl dresses and who her friends are two things that I have heard some of my friends who are guys say they observe in a girl’s life that turns them away. Honestly, I feel bad for the guys when it… Read more »
Nick
Guest

I don’t know you but I would ask you out based on your comment alone. Your friends were right. Especially the dressing & flirting part.

B
Guest

I think it goes both ways a women should know her worth and identity in christ and so does a man and mosesty is not only for women its for men aswell to many times its a little one directional which can be misunderstood as sexism if we as the body of christ are not careful with that it means men can’t have thier chest out like those low V necks I have seen some christian guys wear that turns me off! I want a guy to be modest just as guys want sisters in christ to be modest.

Bass Hanna
Guest

This was a great article Deb. Thank you 🙂

Leah
Guest

Then you’re in the wrong circles.

Also, from my experience (not saying this is true for you, but I’ve seen it), I meet a lot of Christian guys who are cocky and arrogant and then want to complain that Christian girls aren’t attracted to their godliness. Well . . . no, jerk isn’t my type.

M.E.
Guest

Remember too guys, God is working stuff out in her too. May that girl who was “too focused” on the things of this world so few years ago has now been “broken” by The Lord. It’s hard to live in this culture and to not be swayed by it. Her parents or her church may not be giving her the proper advice/guidance. Thank Heavens for FORGIVENESS.

Jimmy
Guest

I’m using this to ask out a girl at my church

Anne
Guest

Good for you! Hope it goes/went well.

David
Guest

Jimmy, me too! Good luck, brother!

Laura
Guest

Ohhh there are plenty who surely are!!! Thats all i want in a man. To love the Lord with all of HIS heart!!

jayla
Guest
Mike and Joe, I totally agree with Debra. Most of the women I know, me included, would love to have a Godly and God-fearing, and most importantly God following man in our lives. I know personally, I would love to have a man that was willing to Wait until After Marriage for sex. That in and of itself so often seems impossible to find. And the really good Christian men I speak to are a bit passive aggressive. Waiting to literally hear from God, (as in hear his voice with their ears) who his wife his, or feeling like God… Read more »
Summer
Guest

Totally enjoyed reading this article. Absolutely loved it!

Patie
Guest
I totally agree with this article. As a single young lady in the church, I have noticed that Christian guys are generally timid and the eligible ones, few in number anyway. So this is the dilemma for a single Christian lady : do I wait forever for that nice chatty guy from church who may never propose (remember a lady has to be pursued) or go on a date with that guy I bump into weekly at the bookshop and who declares his interest in me but always promises to come to my church next Sunday? Lets just say it’s… Read more »
B
Guest
Christian dating is the bane of my life lol, just joking!! but yes it’s tough do cute single christian men even exist? lol. I agree its not about surface things but charecter the lord doesnt look at appearance but the heart and he’s pretty smart so I’d be a fool not to follow suit 🙂 However it is still important to be attracted to someone that is needed its non-negotiable attraction is important in a relationship and marriage (a teaching at church! :-P) it is scary and to be honest I’m attracted to MAN one who know how to be… Read more »
Aimee
Guest

Mike, I’d say that there are equally as many men out there that fit that stereotype! And it hurts to think that you have most likely grouped me and my incredibly Godly and incredibly single girlfriends in with those women…I for one am tired of men that see the church as a place to “get with” naive or insecure women. But I certainly don’t judge all men by the few!

Sean
Guest

Aimee But thats unfortunallety the way it is. Most women fit they way mike described. Women are def insecure and never understand men and they will stay single unless women seriously grow up! In my expierence. They get easily jealous for nothing. As for you good for you. Problem is there is rare women like you

Rommy
Guest
I just turned 25 and I’m from Paraguay. I swear that sometimes I think all Godly men around me are eunuchs! Churches are filled with single guys and single girls… and guys do nothing about it! What’s up with that?! I lived in the US for awhile, and it’s amazing that while I lived there, I remember a guy at the mall stopped me and asked if I had a boyfriend, because he thought I was ‘so beautiful’. At the time I did have one though, but I just want to point out that no one would EVER do that… Read more »
Cesar
Guest

Rommy not all Christian men are lik that. Believe me if we would go the same church I’d ask you out. I’d capitalize on that opportunity quickly. You have all the desire I have. The reason I haven’t found a Christian woman it’s because at my church there aren’t any. They are either still in high school or marry. I do wish there were at least a few single Christian women here.

Justin
Guest
Cesar I feel for you, I felt the same way my church is my home, but my church is a little small. You need to understand that church isn’t the four walls you worship in its everywhere believers gather. I would encourage you to find or start a small group and team up with believers from other churches you will be amazed at who God brings into your life through small groups. You don’t need to leave your “church” you just need to find another angle. I recently joined a small group that is specifically for singles (not exclusive just… Read more »
Mitch
Guest
American girls don’t like it when strange men walk up to them and tell them they are beautiful unless the guy is really hot. Otherwise, they will accuse him of objectifying them and creating an unsafe space. His actions would be seen as misogynistic and consistent with the patriarchal rape culture we live in. On the other hand, a beautiful, sweet traditional Latina from Paraguay who loves God is exactly the kind of woman these church dudes need to go after. None of the feminist baggage that American women are notorious for. Make it clear to the married ladies at… Read more »
Lauren
Guest

AMEN! #whatisthedeal

Mike, I’ve found similar issues with guys, especially in online dating. If a guy does not express that God is the most important thing in his life anywhere in his profile, he’s not the guy I’m looking for. And for some reason, it’s always those guys that contact me. Go figure.

Emilee
Guest

I feel your pain Lauren! I’m from a small town and had to just give up on online dating because I couldn’t find one genuine Christian guy to date in my area. I haven’t met any potential suitors in the past year other than a guy my friends set me up on a blind date with, and we decided just to be friends. Being single is rough!

Nate
Guest

Kick in the pants!

At this point though, I have very little interest in dating. I have entirely too much on my plate to start dating again. Plus, I can’t be distracted from the work God has for me right now.

But to all my boys who aren’t running a multiple-campus children’s ministry. . . where you at? I’ve got some lovely volunteers on my teams who would definitely go out with a godly man! And they happen to be great with kids. I would know; I see them teaching hundreds of kids every weekend. 🙂

Bright
Guest

Nate how do we get in touch with you?

Freddie
Guest

Uh, seems to be time for a reality check here. Obviously all women want to be asked out. But that doesn’t mean that they will say yes when they’re asked – that’s something completely different. If you’re an introverted geek like me, you might get a first date out of pity, but hardly more. And obviously, women are not looking for men that have it all – a goodlooking worship leader will be quite enough.

Mike
Guest

That’s right! Like I said, it has been my experience that Christian women want a man who is dedicated to the Lord, but otherwise – they are no different from any other woman. They want a man who is tall (especially white women), has a good head of hair and is at least reasonably good-looking, is outgoing, blah, blah, blah. A man can be godly, but if he’s introverted and short – they will not take an interest.

Mandy
Guest

Mike, I can see where experience may lead you to believe it , but you just need to follow The Lords direction to a girl who isn’t into looks only. I for one am marrying my best friend who is extremely introverted and my height. Same thing is said of men, who want fit , blonde beauties who resemble super models. Our human nature will always draw us to a certain attraction, but the most attractive feature a godly woman looks for is the love of Christ that a man has

Emilee
Guest

I’m with Mandy. I am a very short girl so I don’t some super tall guy to date, they make me feel too small. And I love nerds/geeks Freddie! Intelligence and passion for a subject can be very attractive. Don’t be afraid to ask someone out. If it doesn’t work out, you can learn what you do or don’t want in the next person you ask out, and you learn more about yourself in the process of dating.

Sean
Guest

Emilee and dont also not be afraid asking them out. Stop thinking its should be the guy. Girls can too. Girls are not specialer than a guy just a different gender

M.E.
Guest

Dear Mike,

The most appealing guy I ever knew (fireworks galore) was not much taller than my 5’2.” He was smart, challenged me, and made me laugh. However, he was a “player,” and so I kept him at arm’s length, not wanting to be one of his “string” of women. Time has proven to me that I was correct in keeping my distance.

Good Luck!

Justin
Guest
Mike see it as a blessing that it is so easy to tell those “girls” who still need a lot of maturity. It is okay to have preferences, but to base decisions solely on looks or other superficial things is immature. Imagine the heartache if those girls just decided to toy with you instead of being straightforward. God has a plan for each one of us (no I don’t believe in soulmates I believe any two Christians who love God first and try to follow God can have a happy marriage) just have to keep praying and pursuing God. If… Read more »
Kyle
Guest

You just described some of my many problems with asking a girl out!

Monica
Guest
Amen Debra!! Yes!!!! I really enjoyed this read. About the comments above, as a single girl, I don’t like to look around at church what guys are single or not. I’ve learned through out the years that when we as girls give so much of our heart, and undivided attention to the Word of God. Everything just makes sense. God is so good in helping through the waiting. I’ve had a similar experience like Mike, I haven’t found a Christian man who is truly serving God with his life. At ALL, my mom has raised me as a single parent.… Read more »
P Edward Murray
Guest

Look ladies,

Maybe it’s time to stop this baloney!

IF you would like to ask a guy out…

Just go ahead and ask him out for pete sakes…
I for one am darn tired of wasting my time and getting hurt,
maybe it’s time for you to handle some of that pressure?

Rommy
Guest

I’m a girl and I’m also tired of getting hurt. Ha. It’s not just girls who do the hurting.

Sean
Guest

rommy you are talking bs here. Did y know in general guys asking girl 95% all the time? And most of the time girl hurting guys mostly esp nice guys not bad guys. Maybe you are not pretty or something is wrong with you.

Oscar López
Guest

You sound Godly n patient keep waiting on God, hes going to send you one of his true children of God

Sean
Guest

Hey Debra, thanks for the article. Its rare for males these days to get any kind of encouragement. I’m tired of the typical male bashing articles that I usually see Christians write. Unfortunately, I’ve had the same experiences as Mike, but I won’t generalize. Have a nice day.

A-Rob
Guest
In my experience it’s been pretty negative. I took the initiative for many women and I’m getting the same message from every single one that I’m not good enough for any woman. I’ve even been called fat a couple of times from women and the lame excuse “it’s not me!” Another person said, “you’re going to make a perfect boyfriend for somebody one day but it’s not me.” “So when you say ‘perfect boyfriend’ and not for you, are you contradicting yourself?” That’s what I thought about saying when this girl told me that. I really wish women will change… Read more »
Lanre
Guest

Thoroughly enjoyed this article, it reinforces a recurring theme I have been hearing a lot recently. I find this ( and your other posts) very encouraging. The challenge I have had is fear – fear of rejection and any potential awkwardness but excuses aside, I am going to make some major moves soon maybe I’ll be back with a ‘testimony’ 🙂

Chris
Guest

Now that I’m at a point in my life where I’m ready to start seeking a relationship, the ratio seems to be the complete opposite where I am. I know tons of single guys, but every girl I meet, and am attracted to, is already in a relationship. Sure, there might be plenty of single women that I haven’t met, but for a shy guy like myself it’s nearly impossible to strike up conversation with a total stranger.

Eric
Guest
Deb, Enjoy all your posts. I’ve seen instances where guys running after Christ, gainfully employed, healthy and fit, though not supermodels, get turned down for dates. I’ve experienced this. It makes guys think twice and makes us wonder if expectations for guys is achievable. (Look like the guy from Mad Men, rescue puppies, feed the homeless, lead bible studies, and make homemade lattes to bring to her on our way to work). Obviously, I’m being a little over the top, though it’s to provide perspective. In addition, it seems a guy has to have a laid out plan and answer… Read more »
Julie
Guest

amen!

B
Guest

Eric that is so true!

Where are guys like you? 🙂

Daniel B.
Guest
Eric, I totally agree! My experience doing online dating on a secular vs. a Christian site was exactly the same. I have a professional job, a variety of interest, and want to take one date at a time and get to know someone. you can tell by the questions on a first date the females are purely fact finding, sometimes it doesn’t seem like they want to talk or get to know me but are looking for facts and if they like the way I looked, then they My want a second date. thus far, Ive only had one second… Read more »
Sean
Guest

More women running christ after men my ass. They are still the same. Just because they running after christ doesnt mean they have become better. Theh must change for the better deep inside themselfs. It that dont work its they problem.

Emmanuel
Guest

This is awesome!! God bless you

Jeremy Walker
Guest
I think this article is so good and reveals so much truth! But I’ll admit that as I’ve read some of the comments I’ve just felt compelled to speak to my fellow man, and hopefully offer some encouragement. Here’s the thing guys, not every woman we ask out is going to say, “yes” to us…and yes it’s true, there could be a situation where we find out a woman we’re interested in is more superficial than we anticipated. But these possible outcomes should not freeze us in place, because honestly being told “sorry, I’m not interested” isn’t the end of… Read more »
Norah from Europe
Guest

Jeremy, you’re awesome. Keep up the good attitude!!

Kristal
Guest

thank you! Rejection sucks, but God never gives us more than we can bare!

Sean
Guest

Jermey Walker. How about girls asking guys out. Its a shame cos then guys wont have much of a issue. Girls not asking out shows they are selfish and deserve nobody! I say this because they got so used to this and ending hurting a guy who done all the hard work. Now its girls time and if they dont its they loss. Maybe consider a lesbians?

Norah from Europe
Guest
Thanks so much Debra for writing again about such an important issue! So many of us single christians are struggling with this stuff these days. Thank you so much for your honesty and couragiousness – you always write about Real Things with love and understanding! This might be an awful thing to say, but reading these comments makes me feel relief – it seems like this is a universal issue amongst Christians all over the globe instead of cultural one. I’m from Scandinavia and until this day I thought single Christians had it easier somewhere else. Well, apparently I was… Read more »
Freddie
Guest
Jeremy, I think that women in general can be quite a bit superficial and picky, but it’s not so bad, it’s pretty much the same as guys really (I can most definitely be superficial myself). Of course there are truths in this article, but I find them superficial indeed. “Because you have what it takes” – what is it that we have, and what for? Again, there’s a huuuuuuge difference between asking a woman out (every man could do that), getting a date (not every man) or finding a wife (far from every man). I most certainly believe that platitudes… Read more »
Jeremy Walker
Guest
Freddie, I appreciate your comment, man. I think something that you’re doing that I’m trying not to do in my own life, is generalize women. From what you said above you feel like women in general can be quite a bit superficial and picky…and then you book ended that generalization by saying men pretty much do the same thing as well. Honestly, I think this is very much a cop-out answer. And I realize by saying that I’m probably not putting it as mildly as your response to me, but I struggled to really find any other way to state… Read more »
Sean
Guest

Jeremy its not difficult not to find out they are superficial and picky! I see it arround me and hear it alll the time. Divorce rate is rising. Why waste your time trying to prove by interacting every women? You may be lucky that every women you interacted are not superficial and picky. I would not interact them if i were you. I rather doing things i enjoy but if its something you love then go for it. Remember it will still not change our mind

Jeremy
Guest

Amen. It wasn’t helpful, but it was a sincere attempt. We all step in it from time to time.

Mike
Guest

Amen.

Kris in NoVA
Guest
From the perspective of a single adult and the mother of a teen daughter, I think the core issue is that Christians take asking out and first dates TOO SERIOUSLY. It often appears a guy won’t ask out a “real Christian girl” unless he can see them married in a fairly short time. Even in HS, the guys are very hesitant to date within their Youth Group. In many churches, once a couple goes on one date, if they are both over 22/ out of college, then it seems people start selecting the names of their children. I’m not advocating… Read more »
Daniel B.
Guest
YES, it is a balance because you want to ask out some you like but you dont want to go overboard, so you have to be careful HOW you ask someone out. not to mention some women like to be asked out on a date while others want to accept going out for coffee first. The thing is, as a guy, you never know what kind of women she is, so you are always taking a chance and hope if she would prefer the other way but liked you anyhow, shell accept but some ladies will flat out say no.… Read more »
Joe Man's View
Guest
As a single dude, I will at least speak for myself. It comes down to economics (e.g., ability to provide and provide security) or the lack there of these days. There is little to no chance that a man can feel confident in his ability to provide as our country moves further toward fiscal and moral bankruptcy. As an independent man, it does not make sense to open yourself up to that level of vulnerability. I am okay with struggling on my own. I am not okay, however, with putting a wife and family at risk. That will really sound… Read more »
Alina
Guest
I’m 24, dated a few times but it seems like men these days forgot how to ask a girl out simply… My older sisters who are married agree with me that in their generation, if a guy was interested in a girl, he would pray about it and without over complicating things, ask her out because he was interested in her. Now most of the guys I know are just full of fear and can’t handle the pressure. Sure it would be nice to get asked out normally face-to- face not over text…but again, social media and the way things… Read more »
Jeremy Walker
Guest
I totally agree with you, Alina! Guys over think and put WAY too much pressure on the simple act of asking a woman out. What’s crazy is that most guys in the world today think that social media and text messaging is the “normal” way to interact with a woman they’re interested in, simply because that’s what they do with everyone else. I have a strong feeling that if more guys actually sat across from a woman and talked to them face to face, then they would totally change their minds about the use of social media in the area… Read more »
Lee A. Winters III
Guest

I agree with you 100%. If you’re not looking to experience life with someone, interact with them, and get to know them face-to-face, why do you wish to date in the first place? A woman WILL take notice that you drove 40 minutes just to enjoy her company. And for the record, I’m a shy introvert telling you this.

Sean
Guest

Jeremy i disagree like i said how about girls asking them out esp nice guys. Problem solved. Cant believe girls are so selfish

Sean
Guest

alina the bigest problem you all girls have is super lazy not to ask guy rather out! Stop expecting guys should ask out. Did y know they rather want girls asking them out. All your friends who still expecting guys asking out deserve nobody. There is bunch of reasons why guys not asking out. Preventing to get hurt so how about you girls prove them wrong? You also forgeting nice guys are way to smart for y girls! Stop complaining and take action!!!

Freddie
Guest

Jeremy Walker,

Yeah, you’re right, I got a bit off-track concerning superficiality. Sometimes I get so frustrated because I’m shy and I don’t get many chances to interact with women, but of course I shouldn’t blame all women for this. Let’s just forget that for now.

I like your honesty and the straightforward style. I very much prefer that to trying to ignore obvious difficulties – “How to snag a date (for dummies): 4 easy steps” comes to mind. Debra has some wonderful things to say, but unfortunately her style doesn’t suit me…

Jeremy Walker
Guest
Freddie, Hey man, I appreciate what you said here and being understanding about my last comment. I honestly just want to be apart of helping guys build their confidence or in some cases get it back. I want to tell you that I totally understand being shy around women because I use to be the exact same way. In the past I would get around a woman and fumble over my words, turn different shades of red, and sometimes even my mind would go completely blank and I wouldn’t know what to say much less hold a conversation. It was… Read more »
Nice Guy
Guest
Wow! Nice to read all those comments. I am a single christian dude, and I usually try to go out of my confort zone, and put aside my insecurities so that I can get to know church ladies. I have asked out a couple of times. Sometimes, ladies shut me down right there and other times, even though the dates go well, I usually get a “you are nice, but let’s just be friends”. Which I am totally ok with, but it gets discouraging after a while. I have also experienced that even if you just try to be friends,… Read more »
Eih
Guest

Thanks for this article Debra. I’m heart broken with the fact that most of my female friends will rather have the guy who is not a believer because they PURSUE and initiate rather than Christian guys who waited forever. As much as I encourage a lot of young ladies to wait, wait and wait… I cant hold them back if the only one pursuing them wholeheartedly is from other’s flock. Sad reality. Time to move guys 🙂

Nicole
Guest
Thanks so much Deb for this absolutely timely and relevant article for today’s generation of young adults. I challenge and encourage the men out there who feel ambivalent and even insecure about asking out women on dates due to negative past experiences. For the men who are ready for marriage, continue to be bold, direct, and humble in your search and pursuit of godly women. I am speaking on behalf of thousands of women who are waiting patiently for a good man like yourself to say those magic words! All you need is one yes and the rest is history… Read more »
Nice Guy
Guest

“bold, direct, and humble” -> awesome, thanks!

Josh
Guest
Debra, I like asking girls out and usually go on 1 or 2 first dates a month (I’d try for more if I had the time). I have a pretty good idea of what I’m looking for, so I don’t see any problem in pulling the plug early (only 1 or 2 dates). I don’t want to waste my time or theirs on something that has no future. What’s the best way to let a girl know that I’m not interested in any more dates? Obviously I try to be kind and gentle. It seems like Christian girls often to… Read more »
Julie
Guest

I’m not Debra, but I am a single Christian girl, and I can tell you that I would prefer honesty and directness. It may hurt initially, but the knowing the truth is better than wondering or guessing; we (single) women do enough of that . . .

What kind of conversations do you have on your first and second dates? No sarcasm or criticism here; I’m just curious.

Daniel B.
Guest

I agree, as a guy this is what I do and what I respect in women who are not interested in me after a date. I respect them so much more, friendship or not. the silent treatment after a date seems immature and harsh in my opinion.

Yannick
Guest
As a single 23 year-old guy, I understand and sympathise with many of the ladies’ comments. I think one big problem is that there simply aren’t enough [godly] men in the church to match the demand, if you will. Which saddens me. The other for me is timing and preparedness; both men and women seem to overlook and/or understate the importance of both God’s timing for such a big deal as this, and the man needing to, well, be a man – that’s ready to commit and give himself to a serious relationship leading (hopefully) to marriage. Nicole above made… Read more »
pamela
Guest
Ladies should consider how hard it can be for guys to distinguish between their desires and God’s desire for them. “Do I want her because… she’s pretty?” “…I’m lonely?” “…she’s right for me?” “…I’m ready?” All this goes through our mind A LOT – ..you are so right!exactly the questions I ask myself when a guy shows interest in me.I come from Kenya and I can identify those struggle with christian guys here.coz while am interested in a relationship that leads to marriage most christian guys seem to not know what they want and I could easily discern that;the struggle… Read more »
lor
Guest
It really makes me sad and a little frustrated reading all the responses to this article. Our battle is not against flesh and blood… it is so easy to see the speck in the other’s eye.. the antidote to blame is responsibility. Satan is a liar and the father of lies and I honestly believe he is it work to keep God’s Kingdom from growing. What do others think? Is it something we should be corporately praying about? Asking God to change the atmosphere and attitudes and banish fears. Experiencing rejection is painful, it has driven me into God a… Read more »
David
Guest

Hi, Debra

Thank you for writing the 3 reasons, I feel like God is answering my prayers 🙂
There’s a girl where I go to church and I really like her have even prayed and ask God if it’s his will.
Since am becoming more confident as am someone very shy and I hate to be rejected .

I have a question does age matters ? 9yrs am older!

Daniel B.
Guest
Honestly, I think guys have to do a risk-assessment any time they think they might be interested or like a female. If it is someone you know, the risk them cutting off contact is high if they dont feel the same, so you need to know if you like them enough to ask them out and risk losing them. I found it was a lot easier to ask out females in online dating because I didn’t know them , so the risk was low and the rejection didn’t hurt as much. Though the quality is lacking there in my opinion.… Read more »
Richie
Guest

Hey Debra,
I like the article. I had a bad experience asking one of the Christian lady at my church out…. She turned me down, so that kinda of shut me down from asking other ladies out…
All we know that there’s a problem, and we need a solution.
Debra, please encourage everyone to comment on Facebook. We can see which other and maybe some Godly relationship can start through that channel.

Patrick
Guest
Possible reasons why men DO NOT date in the Protestant Church AND 3 ways church girls can make it possible for guys to ask them out. Things I learned from dating Catholics and Agnostics/Atheists. Please note, this is in Toronto so the case may be a little different elsewhere. I have been a semi-Protestant Christian for the past 2 and 1/2 years but I was raised Catholic then I turned agnostic for over 10 years. I am surprised that I constantly hear girls in the Protestant church complaining that guys are not asking them out. I personally am starting to… Read more »
lisa m
Guest

I have yet to see the single Christian men initiate…and it is very frustrating. We dont know if they’re not interested or too shy or ?

Sean
Guest

How about you initiate. They wont cos dont want to be hurt. You forget there is a big difference btwn christian guys and bad guys

Michael E
Guest
I am ready to meet a genuine girl. My church circle provides no potential girls who I would want to pursue. Its hard for me cause I’m always having to venture out and I feel that most of the girls I come in contact with put too much of a list of things they are looking for in a guy that aren’t relevant to Christian qualities. I’m honestly ready to interact with someone who is humble, kind, compassionate, loving, funny, and ,most of all, is so strong with their relationship with the Lord that they inspire me to draw closer… Read more »
John
Guest

In Brazil I can say to a women how she is so beautiful, then will smile. Here in America if I say that, I will be embarrassed because they will think I am a bad boy. The American culture is very different . Do you think American women is difficult to date?

Richie Choice
Guest

What can I say? I have asked two girls out on a date, but they ended say No… So, now I have stop asking them, but waiting for them to ask me out. So here is an open challenge to any Christian girl who is ready to date a Christian man to ask me out or for my info.

Israel M.D
Guest
Godness Gracious God!!!!,These comments are so diverse and I think it buttresses the fact that for Human relationships ,we are wonderful-in the sense that we are all complicated and awe-inspiring,so trying to figure out all men,or all women is pointless,and fearfully made-in the sense that every relationship is to be approached carefully not casually. Above all,one thing is sure even in Christian dating-‘as many as are led by the HolySpirit,they are the Sons of God’- A godly guy or woman,is a Spirit-led guy or woman. I think we must all begin to rely on the Holy Spirit to lead us… Read more »
Heath
Guest
Thank you for the article that has generated so much discussion. I’m a single guy that has no intention of “asking out” any of the ladies that are in my church. I have commuinity groups, lunches, dinners, and other activities that help us get to know each other. So many in our immediate community have been hurt by bad “dating” relationships ( myself included). Why would I want to add to that. When Jesus came, He did things in a complete opposite way of what was expected and the world was doing. Why, as Christians would we use a mold… Read more »
Jeremy
Guest

I don’t ask anyone out because I don’t see myself as being good enough. Hurt enough in my past and done enough damage that if someone were to be romantically entangled with me it would bring them down as well. And as far as I can see, I don’t see these issues working themselves out.

Johan
Guest
Hi. Well you can go on and on and on about love. BUT! in the end it takes 2 to tango AND God’s will to make it happen. ASK God for love and he will Give you Love. Asking God is something everyone forgets. So go back to the 1st step’s of love and all you questions will be a waste. Stop, look, understand, and then faith and love will give you what you need. Who are we to question the doing, the way, and the will of God. I’m single I’m not looking for love but I am waiting… Read more »
Jason
Guest
Lots of comments here……and the usual banter of “……in my church there are “x” number of Godly, awesome women and the men are just lazy and won’t man up” type of thing. Let’s get real real. Most people go to smaller churches in the USA. It’s REALLY hard as a man to ask a woman out: -she says “no” and “she just wants to be friends” and that right there puts her circle of friends “off limits” for a bit. No man who IS Christian in Word and Action wants to be labeled “that guy” in church (“that guy” meaning… Read more »
Tom
Guest
I’ve read a lot and most of the literature out there is really hard on guys. I’m a Christian guy and I’ve had a ridiculously hard time with Christian girls. It has gone so far as asking a girl out 3 times and then she asks for my help to get with my non Christian roommate. I’m not perfect or on any most eligible bachelor’s list but I don’t have this problem with non Christian girls. I’ve only had one girlfriend in the past, and I was the one who lead her through the sinners prayer before she was corrupted… Read more »
Dean Buchholz
Guest
I am a single day, 45, raised 3 kids by myself for the last 6 years. I can tell you a few things I have learned. First, I have asked women out in the church (my age and with kids, sometimes not with kids) and I have found it difficult as they tend to see not just my commitment to God and godliness, they see a total package with me and the gang that she has to deal with. Most are frank. Second, I have learned that dating sites for me are not what I feel are God’s best. I… Read more »
Dean Buchholz
Guest
I am a single dad, 45, raised 3 kids by myself for the last 6 years. I can tell you a few things I have learned. First, I have asked women out in the church (my age and with kids, sometimes not with kids) and I have found it difficult as they tend to see not just my commitment to God and godliness, they see a total package with me and the gang that she has to deal with. Most are frank. Second, I have learned that dating sites for me are not what I feel are God’s best. I… Read more »
Erik
Guest
I live in Romania, here the born again Christians are rare, or at least in the city i live in. Since i accepted Jesus, some 13 years ago, in the church i attended i saw only one girl my age. At the time i wasn’t interested, i was a kid, now by the age of 26 i’m kind of desperate. There was just so many opportunities to get together with someone who is not a believer. I remember once asking out a girl and breaking up with her after the first date. We already were kind of friends, I liked… Read more »
Deanna
Guest

Wow, well said Tom. Unfortunately, I have seen a lot of the same behavior with Christian professing men. Ultimately, by our fruit we are known.

N
Guest

I am a 30 year old single mom, I spend most of my time serving in church. I like what you said Debbie about women going out

N
Guest
Thank you Debra for this article. I am a 30 year old single mom. I’m serving in church and I love God with all my heart. I have been waitin for a godly man all my life, now there is this one guy in church that I would like to get to know better . I feel like I would be going against the principles of Christian dating if I start persueing him. I don’t know what to do, the situation has been so destructive, I am afraid of rejection and Im also scared of what people would say if… Read more »
RyuKing18
Guest
I’ve been having a really hard time with this stuff. I beat myself down all the time that she likes someone else rather than me. I’ve been trying to get away from that stereotype that Mike said almost all the way on the top of the comment section. This will probably the 2nd hardest thing to do in my life (I mean accepting Jesus as Savior and Lord and trying to pursue him has got to be the hardest thing in life). I wish I had the guts to ask that girl out. To add I’m a freshman in highschool… Read more »
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