Ever notice that the male-to-female ratio in Christian circles seems a little heavy on the estrogen side?
I went to a college where the running joke was that for every male there were about six eligible bachelorettes to choose from. Talk about some serious pressure – for both sides! Consider the odds, and it makes complete sense that I had no ring by spring. Those other girls must of snatched up the Bachelors while I was busy studying away in the library. But the truth is, the statistics have always seemed rather slanted, at least from my female-point-of-view.
I’ve been hanging out with a lot of singles lately…and even years removed from my time as a single woman, this “problem” seems to be lingering. I receive loads of questions and emails from concerned women, wondering whether or not they’ll ever get asked out on a date. Beautiful, godly, eligible women – still waiting for a request from that Christian guy who just wants to get to know them a little better.
I could be totally off here, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Christian guys need a little pep talk about what it means to make a first move! Don’t get me wrong – I’m not one to bat an eye when it comes to a woman making a first move, in fact I fully support it when the timing is right! But as much of a take-charge kinda gal that I am, there is just something seriously romantic about getting asked out on a date in a straight-forward, clear, simple kind of way. (More on the art of asking someone out in the next post!!)
Christian men need to go ahead and ask a girl out. And here are just a few reasons why:
1. Because you have what it takes. I once did a poll asking men what kept them from asking a woman out. Almost all of their answers had little to do with the woman, and so much more to do with insecurities, fears, and past hurts. But as I look into the eyes of these men that I meet, and I see what God is doing in their life, I am encouraged. Whoever you are and wherever you come from know this: godly women are not looking for a man who has it all together, they are looking for a man who knows he needs God for all things. You have what it takes, because of the great God who is at work in your life. Believe that, and then live that way.
2. Because women are waiting. Like I said before, the majority of women I interact with are okay with are longing for a man to make the first move. There’s something inside of a woman that really responds to that approach. They want to know that they are wanted, and are attracted to a man who exudes the confidence it takes to approach them. I know so many happily married couples in which the woman in the relationship says she would not have had interest, if it hadn’t been for the man making the initial move. Sometimes women have blinders on, and we need a little help getting pointed in the right direction. Afterall, you know how we can be with directions. 😉
3. Because if you don’t, they will. The thing that breaks my heart most is when I see Christian women settling for men who are NOT believers, because they were the only ones “doing the pursuing”. I have heard from so many women who have admitted to going on dates with guys they never wanted to marry, because they were drawn to their initiative. Now, while I believe those women should take full responsibility for their choices and behaviors, I do think that trend is telling. It speaks to the reality that there are many godly women who are just as anxiously wanting to say “yes” to a date, as there are godly guys wondering if they should ask her out.
So guys, whatever might be holding you back, I challenge you to do your part in preparing your heart for love…and then pretty please, go ahead and ask a girl out!
Ladies, can I get an amen? Share this article if you agree, and then leave your thoughts!
Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog! Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter!