15 Really Annoying Things Christian Singles Hear

In Advice and Encouragement, Single by Debra Fileta107 Comments

I threw out a question on social media asking what the most annoying phrases single Christians often hear from other people. The responses ranged from ridiculous to hilarious.

And with the Holidays right around the corner, I wanted to resurrect this post from a few months ago, because God knows you’re going to need it. Getting together with friends and family, coworkers and acquaintances, it’s pretty much inevitable that someone, somewhere, is going to say something about your relationship status.

Check out some of the top comments submitted, as well as the entertaining thought processes that went with them in italics. Take a minute to add yours to the running list of comments below.

And then brace yourselves, because awkward relationship conversations are right around the corner….

  1. “I can’t wait to see the person God has for you!”  Yeah me too, that’s the point, keep bringing it up, please.

  2. “God is just waiting to give you someone really special.” – As if all those who’ve already married aren’t.

  3. “God isn’t saying no, He’s saying not right now.” Yes. I see that. Thanks so much.

  4. “Jesus is enough.”  Well, now I feel terrible AND single. Appreciate it!

  5. “You just need to focus more on God.” And you need to focus more on not saying ridiculous things.

  6. “Have you prayed about it?” Only every moment of every day of my life. How about you?

  7. “Have you tried online dating?”  Is that code for: ‘You’re desperate’? Plus, my 30-day trial ran out. 

  8. “Singleness is a gift!” In that case I’d like to speak with customer service because I’m in need of a return.

  9. “I have a friend who’s single, too.” And I care because…? Unless they’re cute and you’re going to hook me up!

  10. “You’re just too picky.” Oh, is hoping for someone of the opposite sex with all their teeth in place asking for too much?

  11. “You’ll get a ring by spring!” Apparently my love life has frozen over, because I’ve been stuck in Polar Vortex.

  12. “God will bring him/her at the right time.” As opposed to the wrong time? Or ANY time?

  13. “What have you done to put yourself out there?” Oh, nothing. Just online dating, blind dates, singles groups, bible studies, and a small casually placed ad in the paper. 

  14. “Why are you still single?” Why are you still talking to me? 

  15. “Your future spouse isn’t just going to show up at your door!” or better yet “Stop looking and he/she will show up!” Wait…so I should wait, or he’s going to show up at my door? Which is it, people? Either way…not helping. 

Have you heard any of these lately? And what do you wish you could have said, but didn’t?

Debra Fileta is a Professional Counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life, where she writes candidly about dating, relationships, and how to find true love. You may also recognize her voice from her 100+ articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com! She’s also the creator of this True Love Dates Blog!  Connect with her on Facebook or Twitter

If you liked this article, check out: What Not To Say To Singles!

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107 Comments on "15 Really Annoying Things Christian Singles Hear"

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HARRIET OWALLA
Guest

I really love this article..lol

Aimee
Guest
I heard four of these from my dearly loved (married young) younger sister last weekend. I didn’t have anything witty to say back though; I just wanted to punch her in the face (lovingly of course hehe). I know she was just trying to be supportive, but I wish she’d just listen instead of trying to advise me in a situation that she has no experience with and can’t even remotely relate to. In fact, why does all the advice come from that type? Thanks for letting me vent! And thanks for writing this blog! It’s easily the most balanced… Read more »
Kertesha
Guest

I wish I could say: “I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for pity. I’m asking for compassion. I’m asking for understanding. This is a place of frustration… a place of questioning, wondering, hoping, and a whole lot of waiting – but more than anything, sometimes a place of loneliness. Don’t try to push me out of this, like my feelings as a single woman aren’t valid.”

Amber
Guest

I love this!!! I have heard ALL OF THESE!!! I’ve even been told that God won’t bring my special someone along until I am so content in God that I don’t want marriage anymore. HOW RIDICULOUS IS THAT?!?!?! Thank you for writing what all of us are thinking. Those quips made me laugh and made reading those ridiculous things a pleasure for once!

Rachel
Guest
Actually, I read this in a book of Myles Munroe, he wrote that as long as you long for marriage then you’re not ready for it. You have to become so focused on God and the Kingdom that you stop thinking and longing for it. And when you are at that stage then the Lord will suddenly give you your spouse. He used the story of Adam and Eve, Adam was not aware that he needed a wife, he was busy doing the work the Lord gave him and the Lord surprised him with his wife. Although the book had… Read more »
alli
Guest

Yes i used to stress more about marriage and now tho it does stress me at times its less about being chosen ( why did God chose him or her instead of me) and more about purpose. What purpose does God have for me and when i know that i can serve better a husband or mate if God so chooses.

Debbie Lewis
Guest

Good question, Rachel. I myself often wonder “how in the world” I can reach the point of being content being single and “stop waiting” for God to bring me that special someone. How does one ever even reach that point? I’ve wanted and waited for someone all my life and I’m still waiting, even though I’ve never given up on God or His plans for me!

A-Rob
Guest

Another annoying thing Christian singles hear, “Hello! I’m single!”

Paige
Guest

Honestly, my favorite is always “Why are you single?”…How do you answer that question? I don’t think there’s even an appropriate answer for it. I had a complete stranger/client at my work one time tell me “Maybe if you did something different with your hair you would have a boyfriend” and I just simply smiled and walked into the hallway and laughed at that audacity.

linzey
Guest

@paige, i ask them to ask God and let me know once He answers, cos clearly He hasn’t answered me and might just give them the answer 😛

sunny
Guest

that’s what I say! 🙂

Jessica
Guest

lol! I get that a lot..”why are you still single? you’re such a great girl!” It’s like asking, “what’s wrong with you that you’re still single?” Ugh.. But i WILL make it through this holiday season 😀
Love your blog! Come to NYC 🙂

Sydnie
Guest

I like to say, “I don’t know. Apparently I repulse people.”

Bruce
Guest

because all the good women who I’m attracted to are already taken and I’m left to be a bottom feeder. After that, then the phrase, “You’re too picky”. Well, forgive me if I don’t want to second guess myself down the line if I settle for someone just to say I have someone.

JannaG
Guest

Yes, you are wise not to settle for someone of less than stellar character. I was married to a serial cheater for 5 years. It was like the loneliness of being single combined with the loneliness of having a significant other that thought insulting me was cool. Being single again has actually been less lonely than that marriage.

Rose
Guest

I had an older gentleman ask me that once. I answered honestly. I told him that I was single because I was not happy with any of the men in my life and therefore chose to serve God rather than force a relationship with someone I didn’t feel I could commit to for the rest of my life. That I saw no point in dating a man that I could not see myself married to till death parts us. He couldn’t argue with that. Lol

Tom
Guest

I had a girl ask me this question right after she rejected me. Seriously.

Monica
Guest

HILARIOUS!!!!
Thankful for your blog!!!

Lauren
Guest
Oh this is so perfect, and I’ve been hearing these things a lot lately! One of my least favorites is, “Make Jesus your boyfriend!” Because if you actually stop and think about it, there are so many things wrong with that statement haha. It’s okay for us to have the desires in our heart if being married is our vocation, just so we remember to take them to God and not let them become an idol. Thanks so much for your amazing blog. 🙂 I love reading it, and the articles always strike a chord with me. You just seem… Read more »
Alecia
Guest

These are PRICELESS…the replies are spot on…I feel like if the people are stupid enough to say it then they SHOULD hear the response! LOL

Carol
Guest

How about this one: my mum (meaning well of course) after I poured out my heart to her on how hard I find it to still be single: “Yes, my friend’s sister also never got married and this has always remained such a difficult thing for her.” Such an encouragement, especially when you consider that this lady is in her late fifties!
Loving your blog. Find it very very encouraging and am very grateful that you are making an effort to come against all the crazy stuff we’re told as Christians about male/female relationships.

linzey
Guest

Hilarious!!!! Love the comebacks… most annoying one is the picky one… everybody thats married got what they wanted/chose … so why should we not have the same opportunity … granted some can be materialisticly picky… but some of us are just waiting for God …

Lindsey
Guest

I hate hearing, “You need to go to a bigger church.” I like my little church, and I’m not going to church so I can pick up men. I’m going to church so I can grow in Christ. If I like where I’m at, then why should I change for a guy I’ve never met?

Becca
Guest

I’m hearing the same thing! From my parents especially, who are completely convinced that my small church with limited dating prospects is completely ruining my chance at finding a husband. You’re not alone!!

J
Guest

I’m part of a big congregation (1000+), it doesn’t help. I just get invited to more weddings. :\

Alvin
Guest

ha ha good one ha ha

godsbabygirl
Guest

Yes, everyone else’s wedding but our own, eh? 😉

Joel
Guest

Sometimes to get something you’ve never had you got to do something you’ve never done. Just a thought

Andy
Guest

Yep, I’ve heard most of these too. My favorite is when I get told that I need to stop thinking about marriage and focus on God and He’ll bring my spouse to me. Umm…hello? I’m a man. I’m the one who does the asking. I kinda have to be the one putting myself out there.

Becca
Guest

My favorite is: “God just wants to work on your character before he brings you a husband”. As if all of my friends who are already married are somehow morally superior, and more deserving of husbands. I’m rather tired of people assuming that something is wrong with me, just because I haven’t found the right guy yet.

Alvin
Guest

I’ve heard that one a lot. But its not logical, how ‘perfect’ are you supposed to be before you get hitched. Makes it sound like ‘perfection’ is the approval license for marriage.

Alyssa
Guest

I’ve gotten that one way too many times. Hilariously, most of the people I know who’ve gotten married in the last year… are *not* objectively good people. Like, I get that I’m flawed but I am still adapting to life in the normal world, but still.

Vicki
Guest

Full of salient points. Don’t stop beiivelng or writing!

J
Guest

My (much younger) sister asked Santa to bring me boyfriend for Christmas. Several years in a row. No men with ribbons and bows under our tree yet…

Daphne
Guest
I get annoyed when after, ‘Hello,’ the next question out of an acquaintance’s mouth is, “Are you dating someone?” & if you say no, they look at you like someone died, and that it’s the most pathetic “poor you” thing ever. Sometimes the tactful person even days, “poor you” out loud. Some of us actually enjoy being single & independent, not forever but for now & find it rude that there’s an assumption that a woman has less value unless she’s valued, affirmed, & coupled up with a man. It may be different for me though because I have a… Read more »
Debbie Lewis
Guest

or some people ask if I have a boyfriend and I say no, I immediately wonder if they think I’m some kind of “freak”

JannaG
Guest

For once I would like to respond, “Yes, I have a boyfriend that runs on AAA batteries. Best boyfriend I ever had!” I bet the look on their face would be priceless. 🙂

Maria1
Guest

Haha I actually just came across this blog I must say I’m certainly enjoying how real and open you are. I’m 25 and single and I have heard almost all these phrases at some point in my life. Just a few minutes ago my dad was praying(out loud) that the Lord would help me to wait on him for a husband lol He even suggested that maybe I should pray for a sign lol I know he means well but it can become tiresome listening to the same thing over and over.

Art
Guest

I love this! This article puts in words how I’ve felt for a long time. Recently, I’ve had someone tell me that I’m too picky, and that’s why I’m single. Help me out, please!

Angela
Guest

I’m almost 40, and never married. I expected to be married before I was 30. And I’ve heard every last one of these insensitive phrases – all from MARRIED people!!!!!! If singleness is so great, then why don’t they get a divorce??? It’s frustrating, like being married somehow makes you “superior” to single people (this dynamic is more common with women than men). But I’ve learned to shrug it off and keep going.

godsbabygirl
Guest
Hi, Angela, I’m 51 and have never been married nor even had a significant relationship. The only “relationship” I did have was just for a rebound thing, where the guy’s ex-girlfriend called me and threatened my life if I didn’t leave him alone! So, after that, I sent him away; he wasn’t worth my being dead!! Those were just words but nevertheless they sure sounded scarey at the time, and one never knows what some people might do. I’m with you on the married people saying insensitive things about us single people….as if they would know what’s it like being… Read more »
Joel
Guest
I’ve heard all those mostly from family and married people. On the other hand though I’ve had people pray over me about getting married when I didn’t even ask or tell them I wanted to get married. They just asked if I was single. Its true love in people that want others to be happy. Being single and not liking isn’t something I let consume me. I am constantly trying to grow and mature in my faith, relationship with God, my job etc but there are those times like when I win two free tickets to an event where it… Read more »
alli
Guest

I think the idea that something is wrong with you which may be true. But you know, the have you put yourself out there is mine. Or that maybe your not holy enough, pure enough, or maybe your not wife material. That gets me.

NYNB
Guest

I just love this article!! favourites are 8, 10 and 11.

Deb
Guest
What gets me with the whole “there must be something wrong with you” mentality is that there’s something wrong with EVERYONE. Married or single. Not that we shouldn’t constantly seek to grow and mature and work thru our stuff to become better versions of ourselves, but if having nothing wrong with you at all was a condition for getting married, everyone would always stay single. My other “favorite” is “Don’t the guys around you want to get married?” Um……why don’t you ask THEM? I just speak for me, lol. Or, the major fun one when you’ve gone to a church… Read more »
Bruce
Guest

The one I hate is maybe God wants me to ve single. I cant look into the future but people tell me that I am a great guy and saying something like this can cause a Christain to lose hope in their search finding someone to share their life with.

Lindsay
Guest

Despite all the crazy things I’ve heard over the years, the worst is silence.

Rachel
Guest

The worst one I often get is “maybe God’s calling you to be a nun.” I find this really insulting and it hurts. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a nun, its a beautiful thing. But I feel as though God is calling me to be married. Just because I have never had the opportunity to be someone’s girlfriend doesn’t mean I don’t have the desire to be. I always get rejected by those that I fall in love with.

godsbabygirl
Guest
Awww, Rachel, I feel for you because I, too, have been rejected by the guys I’ve “fallen in love” with. Either rejected or they didn’t know I was alive or I wasn’t their type, whatever that was. I really liked and thought I was in love with a male Christian friend of mine and for four years I “waited and hoped” that he’d change his mind or his feelings for me would change. I even prayed to God about us becoming more than just friends. Lots of people would see us together and assume that we were an Item or… Read more »
Tom
Guest
What gets me the most is “you’ve got to get out there”. The other night, I was talking to a woman I know (she’s married). I mentioned to her that I felt like the people at my condo complex are not friendly. At first she agreed with me and then she just told me to “just get myself involved in meeting others; such as gathering places”, etc. We started off talking about the condo complex and then she just changes the subject by giving me unsolicited advice that I didn’t appreciate. For some reason, she loves to do that. I… Read more »
Asoro Uvieoghene
Guest

Mr.Tom, I really can’t feel your pain the way you do. But please don’t be annoyed at what i am about to write. There are women out there who have never been married and in their years. So i don’t want you to give up, it’s not too late. You can still find love and please don’t quit praying no matter how angry you get at the situation. And remember that love,giving and selflessness( unselfishness) go hand in hand. I am praying for you, that your desire will come true.AMEN!

Loving the Journey
Guest
Lol …I had someone ask me …I thought you got married …or was that your ex who got married? Well to be honest I was married most of my adult life. I won’t say how old I am 😉 It seems (or my perception is) that the culture I live in associates being a couple with happiness. Not so ..I’m a happy single woman creating this heartfelt Godly life (I love it truly)! Adjusting to “single” has been a really rough road but its worth the travel! Thanks so much for this lighthearted chuckle with reading your article 😀
Loving the Journey
Guest

After writing the above …I read what the gentleman above me wrote. It makes me feel callous for writing what I wrote.
I’m very blessed to have experienced marriage and have three fabulous sons …two beautiful granddaughters. I have no advice to give because I’m far from perfect …that’s why I need God in my life. He is my reason for being … <3

godsbabygirl
Guest

and I’ve heard the saying, “it’s better to have loved and lost than to not to have it at all.” I would say 95% of people have at least had a very special relationship/marriage and have lost it to find themselves single again, but at least they have had the wonderful experience. I pray for all of us who so much want that experience to find out what it’s all about before Jesus comes back. And then again, once Jesus does come back to bring us all Home, none of this will really matter one iota!!!! 😀

Candi
Guest

Not every marriage is a “wonderful experience.” Mine was a psychological hell. I am recently divorced after 25 emotionally abusive years and am much happier without him. Though I thank God every day for deliverance and for my three amazing kids, I still long to experience sharing life with someone who actually cares.

gene
Guest

I’ve read something similar from another article or heard from a single friend. The married guy asked: “What’s wrong with you? Why are you not married?” And the reply was: “What’s wrong with you? Why did you get married?” 🙂

But for me, there is a perfect season for everything. I try to enjoy being single. Because once you get married, it’s really going to bring a lot of changes in your life that you’d wish you have done those things while you were still single. Your priorities change.

Hany Tawfik
Guest

I’ve heard them 100000 times, In each wedding I attend, In each gathering with my married friends, In each family gathering, etc..
I get sick of it, even from those who got married at late 30s, once they feel they made it, they think that they’ve moved to the right side while other singles still suffering and dying over there.
and at the moment I find myself speechless, what should I say to someone that I love while I hate what he says

Erich
Guest

The one I hear a lot is “God is all you need”. While there is an element of truth to that, it was His idea to institute relationships and marriage.

Kimberly
Guest
The one I hate is “I can’t believe you’ve never been married!” with a concerned face and/or shock. When it comes from a guy you are getting to know, it comes with concern, as if something is wrong with you because you haven’t been married before or by a certain age. Hello! I want to be married and have wanted that for the last 20 years! Duh! 🙂 Sometimes from certain people it comes across as a compliment in that they think you are a great person, attractive, have a lot going for you, so why hasn’t someone snapped you… Read more »
Kara
Guest
This is a great laugh! I have all heard them all, especially “Why are you still single?” which is usually tagged with “What is wrong with men for not choosing you!” The recent one had me rolling my eyes. An former co-worker recently contacted me and one of the first things he wanted to know is was I dating anyone yet. (emphasize the “yet”) My answer was “no,” and his response was, “I bet you have them lined up out the door.” My response again was “no.” His response was, “What? You work at a university, all those male students.”… Read more »
godsbabygirl
Guest

Kara, next time tell whoever asks you such stupid questions as that is “I had to barricade my door for fear of all them single men breaking it down.” 😉

Elle
Guest

I absolutely love this so much, I agree 100% people are annoying especially about this, I’m sure they themselves would have hated to hear these comments.

I always shut everyone by saying the following: “I don’t think I want to get married, I want to be like Paul” and when they question that I send them straight to 1Cor 7:1-17 after that not only do they never bug me again, but they also fear me a bit which is always fun.

Sara
Guest

So true. I think I’ve heard each and every one of theselines- maybe all in one day. lol

Dee
Guest

I believe you DO need to put God first….that is what scripture says. I believe you should pray for what you need/want and if it’s right and is part of God’s plan for your life it will come to pass, if it’s not His plan it will not happen. I do believe that if marriage is NOT His plan, he will give you peace. Sometimes you just need to lay your desire(s) on the alter (let go) and let God lead you where He wants you.

PS…posted this reply in the wrong article.

Leti
Guest

I hear all but three or four of these quite regularly. . . . It’s rather sad when I look through all of them . . . yet funny! :/

Michael
Guest

Heard them all and even said them all.
My favorite is: “Oh, you’ll make someone such a great husband”-says the cute girl I’ve been talking to for the last 3 months and promptly shoots me down for her ex.

Or, ” You’ll be a great father and husband someday”-says the female Children’s Pastor who seemingly knows every single and looking woman at the church that fits my age range, but nothing happens.

T
Guest

I get frustrated when people conflate marriage and parenthood and act like marriage is soooo hard and has sooooo many responsibilities compared to being single when the people at hand are double income no kids and are actually living a pretty awesome life.

Tom
Guest
I posted on Dec. the 11th. I want to add: (this is something my sister says to me a lot) “it can happen when it does not look good”. When she calls me, she would ask, “any new women in sight?” I would reply saying, “no, it does not look good.” That’s when she says about it will happen when it does not look good. I have heard that for at least 25 years. Also, “you’ve got to have faith” or “you are wavering and that shows that you don’t have enough faith”. The other day, I was talking to… Read more »
Episteme
Guest
The problem with all these statements is that the people making them are, at heart, seeking to get rid out the community’s responsibility for keeping others (including adult singles) within the community, by pushing all responsibility onto the single or onto God – that He has all power does not mean that He will use all power; one needs to differentiate Act and Potency and recall the systems created within the Church (both directly at the Ascension and before and indirectly in the centuries following as the community came together as a family of faith) to build the Kingdom beyond… Read more »
Asoro Uvieoghene
Guest
Dear Episteme, it’s late in the night over here,so i will say good evening. Hope you had a nice day? I saw your comment and i would say i can relate to it. Although i am a 26 year old christian female, who believes in chastity until marriage, i was amazed to see your comment and from a guy. I have had some relationships with the opposite sex that ended due to the fact that i could not give sex, and i am so glad to hear a male say this. Anyway the pressure of not been married from family… Read more »
Matt
Guest

I’m liking the snarky remarks coming after those dreaded quotes 😀

Rachel
Guest
Here’s my frustration being single and active in my church…. Every other person seems to think they have the right to say whether I am or am not ready to date. As if they know what’s best for me because they know me so well. And when there’s only one other single man in the church that’s not a teenager, If i even look at the man, it’s – oh are you & he dating?! Interested ? ….. How can one find out if they’re even a good match when the church family is saying so many things 1) you… Read more »
Britney
Guest

It’s SO TRUE! Especially this “right timing” stuff. I think it annoys me because not only does it imply some far-off, vague time in the future, but it also is like saying, “you’re attempts at dating are futile, because it’s not ‘the right time,'” I don’t understand why every married person thinks that just because they are married, they are somehow relationship experts.

Britney
Guest
I agree 100% with Joel. The reason we hate hearing these things is that they offer no help. It almost seems like a nice way of saying, “I don’t want to hear about it.” I showed my married best friend this site, hoping she would understand, and she said, “This website is making fun of God.” Really? I don’t know where in the BibleJesus says ANY of this stuff, verbatim, especially since dating is unique mostly to western culture. I finally explained to her that no, it is Christian singles sharing our frustrations at things we have heard a million… Read more »
Sam
Guest
Absolutely! This is what I try to tell people (who often won’t listen). God IS in control and He DOES have a plan, but with everything else in life, we have to actually put some effort into it. If I feel God has called me to be a doctor and serve the poor in [insert place here], I don’t just sit around waiting for someone to mail me a medical diploma. There are things I must do and then God opens the right doors. Somehow, we have magical thinking about marriage. If I act like I don’t want it or… Read more »
Britney
Guest
I hate the phrase, “God has the right one for you.” Really. So, in other words, I get to write off the past years as time wasted with the wrong one. Why do I have to endure that kind of emotional torture? I prayed God would bring someone in my life. He did. I loved him. I made ONE mistake, we argue, he dumps me. So, I didn’t hear from God? This guy was just in the way TO the right one?! That is incredibly confusing. Was I supposed to “learn” something? What, that rejection hurts? That dating is very… Read more »
Greg
Guest

My blood starts boiling when I hear well-known Christian leaders hand out similar Christianese on singleness when they themselves were married in their early 20s and have ZERO clue what it’s like being single for decades on end (yes, Mr. John Piper, I’m talking about you)…born 1946; married 1968.

Kindall Nelson
Guest

You left one out… the one I hate more than anything! “Right now you are married to Jesus.” or “Jesus is your husband now!” (I recently told someone that He hasn’t saved me from any spiders or taken out the trash in the last 12 years… so we might need counseling.) 😉

I write a lot about being single and am in the process of helping to launch a local single’s ministry. A friend of mine heard you speak today and I thought I’d check out your site.

Have a blessed day!

Pip
Guest
Oh no there is worse! A very close male (married with children) friend of mine said to me one day when I was talking about a guy I just started dating “Well your clock is ticking.” … are you kidding me! I nearly died and was so shocked that someone could be so mindless as to think 1. I didn’t realise this and 2. Like there was anything I could do to stop it! And I agree with other comments – I think the frustrating thing is advice from people who have never ever been through heartbreak and say things… Read more »
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